Have you thought about implementing a daily practice to address each problem/NTL (negative thought loop)? I think it helps shrink your perspective to the present moment, and the emotional regulation system calibrates itself accordingly. Top athletes, businesspeople, artists, etc, seem to harp on this a lot. Minimizing your thoughts to your circle of control, you know?
This is just my own experience, but consistently doing something each day to address those NTLs seems to be directly proportional to the "I can do anything!" belief levels. Including the intimidating "I could sell a few more years for extra security, but I choose to compensate for that with skill" ERE.
Hmmm. Maybe you're right. I'm not sure it's so much a "negative thought loop" as it is the perspective of getting older. I saw a friend's kid yesterday and was thinking how BIG she's gotten--well, yeah, it's been 6 years and she's gone from a toddler to (very tall) young lady of 8! Life goes by pretty fast, and I know when I was younger, I didn't appreciate that as much as I do now. And I think, too, I have the perspective of watching my mom's swift decline and her physical as well as monetary limitations. Nothing she could have done about the physical, but money can be sandpaper to smooth out the rough spots that sometimes happen beyond your control. Sure, it's great to work to be self-sufficient, but if you live long enough, it's a good bet that at some point you won't be able to compensate with a new skill.
I guess, too, I'm seeing a lot of friends and acquaintances succumb to issues of aging, in some cases, poor lifestyle choices (yes, we have control over those) and some just SHITTY luck. A good friend's fiance died alone in his sleep in a hotel on a business trip a few weeks ago. Age 57 and no significant history of heart issues. My friend went from planning her wedding to planning his funeral. My BF's pal went to the doctor with a mysterious bruise on his arm--hairy cell leukemia. I know i sound like Debbie Downer here, but these anecdotes don't really make me feel negative or pessimistic--they just make me feel reflective that life speeds by, and that I need to think about how I want to spend the remaining years I will walk the earth.
"But at my back I always hear/Time's winged chariot hurrying near."
I dunno... right at the moment I'm just in the mood to find a cool bar someplace, maybe here, maybe New Orleans, maybe a beachy bar in Texas, with a good band and a good bartender and hang for a while.
Anyway... life ain't so bad right now. My boss has informed me that I am being promoted--mostly a change in job title to justify giving me some more money--but that's not bad. I'll find out more details next week. My company contributed a chunk of cash in the form of profit sharing to my 401K this week, and also contributed a big fat chunk of cash to my Cash Balance Pension Plan. Which has led me to play one of my favorite games: "If I quit right now...."
So, if I quit right now, my investments would give me about $1600 a month, plus another $350 a month pension money, plus $400 a month rental income. That ain't shabby--I'm not extreme enough to be a Jacob--and since I am old and gray, I've got plenty of quarters for my social security when I hit 67--if I quit right now and didn't take social security until 67, that would give me another $1800 a month. So I feel pretty good about that. If I quit right now, I also imagine my coworkers' disbelief.... that's kinda fun, too.
Knowing I could quit (right now...) if I wanted to makes it easier to stick it out, though. Which is good, because I need to, because of family obligations. And I'd like to have the rental paid off when I retire--still has a mortgage right now, though the rent is more than paying it. And bigger than money issues, one thing I really DON'T have in place, but need to get in place before I quit, is a better social network. That's something i don't have right now, which will be crucial when I do pull the plug. I'll probably become active with some volunteer causes and stuff, but I'd like to lay the foundation for that now. So that's something I have in the back of my mind.
And in my other quest to eat fewer meals out--I'm happy to report that this month (just a few days shy of the end of the month), I've only spent $117 on outside food. This is Y-U-U-G-E for me, since in February I spent over $400. So I'm giving myself a pat on the back. (It hasn't hurt that my "lunch buddy" and I work at home on opposite days, and we're both on diets as well... I've been cooking more, and even making my own coffee at home. I've been really bad about grabbing cups of coffee on the weekends from McD's. To be honest, I think the recent coverage of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch has done more to curb my behavior than determination.... it's ghastly to think about what we're doing to our planet and the animals and ourselves.
Finally, I've resumed sporadic sales on eBay, which is fun. It's something I used to do from time to time. I enjoy going to estate sales and every once in a while I'll find something I'm pretty sure I can resell. At a sale several weeks ago I bought a basket of new-in-package cross stitch and needlepoint kits for $20 for the entire basket. So far I've sold $78 worth (oddly, all to people with seemingly Russian names, sent to a PO box in Delaware--kinda curious....), and still more to sell. And I'm thinning out my bookcases, stuff like that. Decluttering, mostly.
Anyway.... long and rambly entry. If you've read this far--thanks!!