Too Old To Retire "Young"

[Ego]

Generally everyone here recommends keeping FU money a secret. I wonder if that policy should extend to family situations and living situations that make one unable to say FU to a terrible work situation.

Do you think your boss is tightening the screws because he believes you have no choice but to take it? Does he know about your new house/mortgage and the situation with your mother?

If so, it might be wise to start dropping hints about your FU money. Maybe he'll loosen up if he thinks you have options.

[7Wannabe5]

I hear you on being in an everything sucks phase. It seems like in your current sich, the easiest direction of change would be towards dumping the DBF (whom as you know I have never liked for you.) One good thing about dating older guys is that, at least in early stage of things, they tend towards being pretty good at creating a space in which you can relax and let go of control. And it is also true that fresh, hawt sex is a great distraction.

[1taskaday]

I feel your pain about being trapped in many unfavorable situations.

Make a plan of where you want to get to in a specific timeframe, put your head down and stick to it.

External events will continuously happen to test your resolve on getting where you want to go,but you only have a finite time left in this life.

When it's time...face the fear,take the leap... it will be fine.

[EdithKeeler]

Thanks, everyone, for putting up with my whining. I have the perspective of a long weekend and some sleep now, so feeling somewhat better. Nothing like a 3 AM panic attack.

Dreading, though, going back to work tomorrow.

I think I'm going to start putting out feelers for a new job. I do get contacted by head hunters from time to time, but anything that I would do for another company I'd have to do from home, and unlike most of the people here, that is NOT a positive for me, but very much a negative. I'm thinking about putting out feelers in other areas, just seeing what else I might be able to do. Even if if comes to naught, I'll feel like I've given it a try.

Of course, changing jobs has a number of negatives. I have a good bit of vacation time and (for the moment!) a good bit of a good reputation at my current company. So if I ever got sick or had to take an extended leave because of my mom, it wouldn't be too much of a problem. Of course I wouldn't have that at a new employer. And my pension is starting to ramp up--if I quit now, I'll still get a pension, but much smaller than if I stick it out 2 more years.

Bankai asks

If your work situation is as bad as you write, why don't you just do what your boss did and take a wee part-time job to cover expenses while your investments grow? If you're already FI, is having more really worth it? Consider your age as well - how long do you want to keep working?

The problem with the part time job is that I would get sucked into taking care of my mom, because I'll no longer have the extra money I currently have to buy some peace with that. My plan is to keep working for between 2-5 years where I'm at, depending on the situation with my mother. Oh yeah--and health insurance.

Sclass says "

Worst case is what?"

Exactly. Worst case is that I totally slack off and eventually get fired, but things move glacially at my company, so we're looking at probably 2 years unless I really fuck something up. So--yeah. I'd still get at least some pension if I got fired. And realistically, I know I'm not going to get fired. As much as I can wring my hands and worry about it, I think it's REALLY unlikely to happen.

Jacob notes:

There's a bit of a Gresham's law in effect. At one point, things get so bad/overworked that the best employees start leaving. Once they do, they create a channel/network out of the company and the whole work-horse structure collapses as they all leave in short order often to the same new company.

Yeah, and I think this might be happening right now at my company. It happened once before--tons of people left, then all the upper management changed; I made it through that. I may not stick it out again if we go thru it again, though. We do have some good things going on at my company; I just think they are grossly miscalculating on this one thing I'm tasked with managing. But it's someone's baby, and if it all falls apart, it's not because he miscalculated but because I (and a couple of my co-managers) didn't manage it properly.

Ego asks:

Do you think your boss is tightening the screws because he believes you have no choice but to take it? Does he know about your new house/mortgage and the situation with your mother?

If so, it might be wise to start dropping hints about your FU money. Maybe he'll loosen up if he thinks you have options.

Yeah, they know about the situation with my mom, and probably the new house, too... but they ALSO know about my income-producing rental house, and anyone with half a brain who pays attention knows I don't have any kids, drive a 10 year old car, and pack my lunch a lot. Do the math! (I'm not really secretive about my stuff. Probably should be but... I'm not). But I know that none of this is personal towards me, actually. There are 4 of us in the company who have this new deal, and it's really not working for any of us. It's an aspect of the job that's never really worked; they keep trying new things to make it work, and it doesn't. What will make it work is throwing about 3 more employees at it and doing some better training, but that's not my decision.

7Wb5 says:

One good thing about dating older guys

Well, I wouldn't want to go any older that the current dude; he's 14 years older than me. And space is the problem--he lives in another state, though is considering moving here, which I have mixed feelings about. Yeah, the last thing I need is something/someone else to worry over. A relationship just seems like a lot of work. I think that's why I keep this one going--it's very easy in many, many ways.

1task says:

Make a plan of where you want to get to in a specific timeframe, put your head down and stick to it.

You're right, of course, and I have a plan, it's just that frankly my mom's situation is a roadblock, and not something that I have any control over. She's back in the nursing home, so no more big bills for the moment, but the real issue is going to be when her Medicare runs out. She's been rejected for Medicaid; we'll just have to try again.

Anyway... it will be fine, eventually, and I appreciate having this forum to bounce things around in. You guys are great and I do appreciate your input on this stuff. Always food for thought and new things to consider.

I am going to quit putting in so many hours, for sure. I've given it a lot of thought, and I'm not really very effective after about 45 hours a week. No more Saturdays. If it goes to shit, it goes to shit. I fell into this trap before, where I was working all the hours and my employees were going home and enjoying their lives. The problem I have now, though, is that half of my employees are hourly. So they CAN go home and enjoy their lives. But I think they need to work a little more efficiently while they're at work, so we're going to work on that.

[jennypenny]

Is your company the type to lay people off or offer early retirement packages during downturns? If so, with a recession looming it might be worth holding on to see if you can snag a package.

But it's someone's baby, and if it all falls apart, it's not because he miscalculated but because I (and a couple of my co-managers) didn't manage it properly.

Then is the best approach to act (at work) like failure wouldn't be the end of the world? I mean start framing the problem at work so that others will think -- if it falls apart -- that 'these things happen' and have happened before and it's not simply a reflection of your group's management of it? I don't mean be negative or stir up discord, but the opposite really ... frame it almost as 'typical' and avoid looking like you have a negative outlook or place too much importance on its failure. IOW, smile your way through it (confident/patient smile, not girly smile).

[7Wannabe5]

A relationship just seems like a lot of work. I think that's why I keep this one going--it's very easy in many, many ways.

Who said anything about a "relationship?" I'm suggesting a pleasantly distracting romance. Of course, if I was one of your hourly employees being pushed towards greater efficiency, I would suggest it even harder.

[EdithKeeler]

So another month has gone by; I still kind of hate my new job.I actually sort of like it, too--DBF says I'm a masochist, and he might be right. A little. I like the "action" of it, that there's stuff going on, that I'm not just sitting in a cube looking at screens--except i actually do a ton of that. I'm frustrated because I think the workload model for half my team is just wrong. I've been tasked to head up a project to look at the workflow and staffing, etc. and I'm actually excited about that... but I have no idea where I'll work it in time-wise. I'm already working a LOT of hours.

I traveled A LOT in October. One week-long trip involved training a new employee--that literally quit after three days. It was so depressing. Monday I met with the part of my team that's been horribly understaffed for several months. We've had a series of lousy temps, no temps, and a surge of work, and I had a meeting on Monday morning: "Hey team, thanks so much for hanging in there! Here's New Person, we're so excited he's starting, the work load is going to get so much better..." Everyone was SO happy, and the new guy looked like he was going to be great. Recommended by another manager who'd worked with him before, he was so excited to get his foot in the door.... and apparently his old company made him an offer he couldn't refuse, so he brought his security badge in and dropped it off before working hours to avoid confronting me. He sent a long email about how great I was, how great the company is, blah blah blah. So that really sucked and took the wind out of all our sails. I have a new temp, and she's really good--I'd love to offer a full time job, but she's kind of over qualified for what she's doing right now, though my boss and I were talking about options to make it work. The pay scale just doesn't work.

Anyway.... I'm tired. Just bone-fucking-tired. The travel--three weeks out of four on the road is not for me, though I'm home for the rest of the year. I took a day off today on the spur of the moment, but I actually worked for part of it--I'd REALLY like to get something close to caught up before my week off at Thanksgiving. I hope things will calm down and this new temp will stick around, and let the other people get caught up.

I've been thinking a LOT more about retirement lately, for obvious reasons. But I also turned 55 a couple weeks ago (that was a depressing birthday: alone in a Mariott...Truthfully, though, I've had worse!). My old boss retired a few months ago (I took over his job), and I've seen him a few times since, and he's just so FREAKIN' HAPPY. I'm so jealous.

I'm officially planning my endgame.

Truthfully, I'm not really sure I want to completely retire. I've come to realize that work is a significant source of satisfaction for me as well as a social outlet. And I still don't want to be full-time retired given my situation with my mom, because I'll just be sucked into taking care of her all the time. I know that sounds selfish, but I'm not going to do it, and it would be terrible for both of us. It would be nice to have a LITTLE more time to spend with her, sometimes, but that "I gotta get to work/gotta get up and go to work" is a nice "out" for a lot of things. So I've started seriously thinking about "retirement jobs" (what's with the quotes? Whatever) that I can do when I cut ties with my company. I actually talked to a lawyer buddy of mine recently; his firm needs a billing clerk, and I was thinking "i could totally do that and it sounds so un-stressful." And he offers health insurance. Anyway. I'm keeping my eyes open in a more serious way than I have in the past and trying to do a little networking.

And I've been thinking about what to do money-wise. I have a good sum in my 401(k) account. Ideally, it could give me about 3-4 Jacobs of income every year, and I could actually probably make that work, but for my house that I recently bought. I did not put very much down on it, and I keep going back and forth regarding the merits of having a paid-off mortgage, versus enough assets to generate the mortgage payment every month. Pay down the mortgage or invest? Pay down the mortgage or invest? The spreadsheet, of course, screams "INVEST" but my conservative little soul says "PEACE OF MIND." I'm leaning toward doing a rapid pay down of the mortgage (except when I'm not....). I've ended up doing sort of a hybrid option, which is probably doubly stupid, but I'm throwing some extra money at the mortgage, and also throwing some in an investment account. I figure I can pay it down to the point that if I decide to sell my rental house, I can use the equity in the rental to pay off my current house. Except my other side says "Don't sell an income-producing asset, dumbass!" And of course, that side is right.

I do think the fact that I just don't really want to do this job much longer is interfering with the smart thing. The smart thing is invest the money and not pay extra on the mortgage (4.5%), and the smart thing is to keep the rental house and let it keep sending me a check every month, even after it's paid for. But the other part of me is whispering in my ear "Wouldn't it be SO NICE if you didn't have to go to work tomorrow? You could stay home with the dogs, make soup, watch movies and crochet (my favorite cold weather activities...) and maybe take a nap."

Oh, that sounds SO lovely right now.

[7Wannabe5]

I really want for you to run away to Italy and have a torrid affair with a moderately younger man.

[EdithKeeler]

So yeah, I met with a financial planner today. Initial meeting; won't be going back because CLEARLY I don't have enough money for him to bother with... but also, apparently, I'm doing everything right. We talked about my 401k balance, and he offered to manage it if I leave employment (thought, but didn't say: "no thanks, I think I'm good with Vanguard,"--he did ask what my return was for the last year, "What? About 17% or less?" I checked my app: "19%." "Oh, that's better than I would have expected." )He recommended an investment mix which was actually a little more conservative than what I'm doing--I have a higher percentage in equities. He started to pedantically explain that I might want to think about not using my HSA and how that works for retirement--I explained that I've only used my HSA once, otherwise I have $25K there, and advised of my investment mix. We talked about my pension--he said he'd be happy to sell me an annuity when I'm ready'--"Yeah, I just bet you would," I thought. We talked about long-term care coverage and I was surprised that he didn't recommend, though they have someone there that could sell me a policy (no thanks), and we talked about my rental property a little. He tried to explain the 4% rule to me, and I was like, "Oh, Bengen's Trinity Study?" He sort of shut up. Yeah, I probably was a little irritating to him.

All in all, it was useless, except for confirming that I'm actually doing OK with my plan, even by traditional non-ERE standards. So I'm feeling pretty good about that.

Why? Because I just really, really REALLY fucking hate this new job. It's actually an OK job--but there's just WAY too much of it. It's really TWO jobs. I was off for Thanksgiving week, plus 1 day (so really 3.5 work days off) and came back to pages and pages of work, and pages and pages of emails. It's just too much. I'm really good at what I do, but I can't do all of this.

And, frankly, I'm super frustrated. For the first time in many years, I have 3 essentially clerical/clerical+ employees, in addition to salaried people. Not secretaries or assistants or anything, but they are lower experience people who handle the small stuff. They have no real autonomous financial authority (meaning I have to approve everything they do!) and are hourly employees, subject to overtime, etc.(My other employees are salaried, and have a ton of autonomous authority). Personally, I think the job model is flawed; they supposedly are supposed to handle up to 80 files a month. Right now they are handling around 60, and still are having trouble doing the job. In my opinion, like I said, the job model is flawed--I don't think upper management has a good grasp of exactly all the things they have to do. I don't think they should be hourly employees, either, because although their financial authority is really low, they are in a position where they have to make other types of decisions. I do think there are some other things going on--I'm trying to address some training issues, I only have limited ability to address some of the technological issues, I don't have authority to add to staff without approval (which I'm clearly not going to get),

And the thing is, it's not working ANYWHERE in the company. It's not just my people, but the people in similar positions in our department in other offices. We're all frustrated, we voice our frustrations, we're told "we're going to look into this further," and I suppose things ARE happening--but very, very slowly--and we managers are getting killed with complaints, having to do tons of extra work, and working long hours.

And the expectations are all wrong. The expectation is that everyone sort of works on their own, with minimal manager interaction. But that's not REALLY the way it works. People are NOT as self-managing as management thinks they are, and this sort-of clerical group really isn't. There are TONS of things that come up daily that I have to be involved in, and it's just the nature of the business that weird things happen a lot that we may not have seen. We're dealing with people, and situations, and it's just not that...mechanical. I could tell stories for days about all the weird shit I've seen in insurance.

In addition to those frustrations, my local office is dying.... Yeah, I'm the extrovert who doesn't like working at home all that much... but for two days I went into the office, I was LITERALLY the only person there. I hate it. I've got to have those occasional quick conversations at the coffee maker and someone to eat lunch with.

I hate the idea of being "a quitter," and I know I make more money right now than I could anywhere else in town, and if I change jobs in my field, I'm going to be stuck working at home anyway, with probably similar issues.

I really don't want to completely retire.I had that time off for a week and a day and I LOVED it, but I know that long term, i need to have a little something to structure my life around. Plus.... I think I'd just like to do something else. I've been doing what I do for 32 years. I'm good at it, and sometimes it's interesting, but in my current role, all the interesting stuff is gone and only the CRAP is left. (Ok, not entirely true--a LOT of interesting stuff is gone, and there's a good bit of crap....). I could probably hang in where I'm at--unless I commit seppuku first--until a corporate job at my company came up (which I may or may not get), but that's got its pitfalls. I don't think I want to take step back into my old role, because, well, I've done that so many times, I just don't want to. Including one previous time at my current employer.

No, I'd really like to try something else. I'm just not sure what it would be. I've thought in the past about teaching, and i enjoyed reading about 7Wannabe5's teaching certification, but I'd have to start from scratch, and, well... I'm lazy. I did look into alternative certification here--you can teach temporarily if you pass some exams, but you still have to get a MATeaching, and that sounds like more time and more money than I want to spend to make 75% less in salary.... Though there is a shortage of teachers here right now.

I'd really like to do something like promote our city, work for one of the organizations that works to get companies to move here, promote tourism, etc. But no clue what I have to offer, and the one company that I got really stoked about only uses volunteers from business owners, etc. I've thought about working for a hospital; there was a job recently posted on a job board that was RIGHT in my wheelhouse, and I applied for it, with zero response, and I tried in-person follow up to no avail, either, with a person I know who works there. (Thanks for nothin', LinkedIN!).

Anyway... I'll figure it out.I'll either suck it up and stick it out until I can't, while I keep socking money away, or I'll get sick of it and quit (or get fired!) and figure out something else to do.

[Bankai]

What I can tell you, in my role as your future self, is that life is short and goes by pretty fucking fast. Staying in a job you hate is not worth the extra $200 a month or whatever it works out to be on your future SWR.

You can’t buy back the lost mental and physical health, lost friendships, etc., nor the regrets your future self might feel (“Damn, I should have just quit that job and worked at a Starbucks/wherever for a year. I can see now I would have been much happier.”) I know this, because looking back on what I thought were intractable problems (“no one will hire me! The only thing I can do is insurance work! There are no jobs in my city!”), I realize now that those were minor, inconvenient obstacles.

Stay or go. Your decision. It looks like, as I read your responses, you know what you need to do.

[ertyu]

Edited.

Your current situation sucks, but quitting will suck, too. Sounds like it's a matter of what you'll like less: your current situation at your current job, or being a full-time caretaker.

Seems clear to me current job wins. Sometimes the lesser evil is the best we've got.

Given how you've described your current work environment, it seems like you are in some position of responsibility. Are there tasks you could offload--excuse me, delegate--to people who hope to end up in your role once you're gone? Might even help them prepare for being in your shoes one day.

Another suggestion I have is, if you think you're unlikely to be fired before you need to leave anyway, start phoning it in. CYA while you're at it: clearly document in emails to superiors which tasks you think will suffer due to time constraints. Ask boss, in event of being short on time, would they prefer you to work on task A or task B? If there is a clear trail of evidence that you have brought up that the workload is an impossibility and your own boss failed to take adequate steps, then it's not on you.

Take the sick time/time off or whatever there you've got accumulated, and use it to regroup. If something happens to your mother later, you can take unpaid leave.

Being who I am, it is really incomprehensible to me that someone could do worse working from home than having to commute daily to an office, but I will take your word for it as you know yourself best. What will be the lesser evil: going to work every day for two more years at this pace, or taking a work-from-home job and actively working on the parts that are hard for you? Most people find work from home hard because they miss the social aspects or because they can't get themselves to sit down and work, and divide work from non-work. Could you go to a library to work? Hire a cheap office somewhere? Go to a co-working space at a cafe? Starbucks? You know the nature of your work so you know what is feasible, but a job from home you develop strategies to cope with might be the lesser evil.

Good luck

[Dream of Freedom]

It seems to me that your caretaker problem and your career problem are actually the same thing, the inability to draw boundaries. It is okay to say no sometimes. Who are you? Wonder woman?

If you simply stated what you will and won't do or what you can and cannot do and follow through by not doing it what would they do? Fire you? Treat you badly? You are already considering quiting and you don't sound well treated already. They will probably just hire some help. And if you are willing to help Mom only so much what would she do? Probably get someone else to help.

[EdithKeeler]

Checking in; thanks for the comments and yes, this is a pretty apt observation:

caretaker problem and your career problem are actually the same thing, the inability to draw boundaries. It is okay to say no sometimes. Who are you? Wonder woman?

I have a crazy coworker who is convinced the company will fall apart if she leaves and/or doesn't do certain things at work--I have to keep reminding myself to not go that far around the bend.

Life has gotten more complicated with respect to "mom" stuff. She was recently in the hospital again (third trip this year) for a week, with a bowel blockage. Fortunately it resolved without surgery, but she used this opportunity to get herself out the nursing home. She refused to go back, and even though the social worker at the hospital, her doctor, and the PT people at the nursing home all agree that she can't take care of herself at home, they let her go home anyway, because she's mentally competent to make her own decisions. However, after 2 and a half days at home, she realized that she was NOT ready to be at home, and after a marathon day yesterday of calls, bureaucratic red tape because Medicaid is now involved, she's returning to the nursing home this afternoon, "temporarily." Now I have to deal with the fact that we somehow need to figure out how to keep her house (because my brother still lives there, and she might eventually be able to go home (after some better planning for her needs), but Medicaid is taking all but $50 of her income. My brother probably can't make the house payment, and I am not going to. One day at a time...

I am going to have a lot more opportunities to practice having better boundaries.

[7Wannabe5]

Yeah, it's tough, but you don't actually have to figure it out. Foreclosure takes a long time and reality is that your mother will probably require full-time nursing home residence before it comes to that. Housing for your brother is likely a simpler problem once isolated.

[EdithKeeler]

Yeah, it's tough, but you don't actually have to figure it out. Foreclosure takes a long time and reality is that your mother will probably require full-time nursing home residence before it comes to that. Housing for your brother is likely a simpler problem once isolated.

Well, good point, but I'm not sure that foreclosure will take so long because they've been on the verge of foreclosure for a while. It's not ultimately my problem, I suppose. I just don't want to end up somehow with everyone moving in with me.

Deep breath, one day at a time, and all that.

I think it's mostly because I just feel like running away for a while, but I have become obsessed with property and acreage. Tons of good deals in Arkansas, and while there are definitely downsides to living in Arkansas, it's a beautiful state and there are bargains to be had. There's one property at the foot of the Ozarks with 120 acres and a horrible cabin (probably a tear-down) for like $160K. Amazing. Another fun one: a house and about 30 acres of land, near a small river, with some ramshackle camping cabins that need some fixing but have potential. Y'all are invited to an ERE Jamboree in Arkansas if I ever take the plunge!

It's not quite the end of the year, but I'm updating my financial spreadsheet today, and I have to say, it's been an AMAZING year, thanks in no small part to the incredible stock market. 2019 highlights:

• My total assets increased by over $200,000. A big part of that was the sale of my old house and purchase of my new house.
  My liabilities increased by $70,000, thanks to the new mortgage. But all in all, I don't think that's too bad.
  My total retirement savings increased by $105K, which is truly amazing to me, since that's more than my total salary this year. (I was born a relatively poor to middle class white-trash girl, as some of the entries in this journal probably show. It really wasn't clear to me until late in life that money really does make money and the idea that you could live on investments was only something the trust fund babies I went to college with could aspire to do. Now, soon, it will be me)
  Net worth increased by over $150K. Freakin' amazing.
  I finally opened a brokerage account and started doing a tiny bit of trading, just this month.

I know a lot of this is probably small potatoes to a lot of you. I'm still not doing super great on my spending and living on a lower percentage of my total income, and my spending is around 5-6 Jacobs right now. I'm actually OK with that; I know it will come down when I stop working, and if I buy that Unibomber shack in Arkansas, my spending will likely just be a Jacob or two. (Seriously: i can picture myself fishing for trout in that stream, maybe puttering around in a small garden, catching up on my reading. I thing that would be really nice for about 6 months, but then I'll be ready again for civilization).

Lately, anyway, I'm feeling OK about my job. It hasn't gotten easier, but I think that 1) I'm getting more used to it, 2) things are calming down a little bit, 3) my one really bad employee is either going to get better or get fired--we had the come to Jesus talk this week, and I think I'm more resolved, plus maybe she's going to try a little harder, and 4) my boss thinks I'm doing a terrific job, even though I feel like I'm not. I also put some feelers out for jobs just to kind of make sure I've got options, and I had some positive feedback, so that's good to know if it gets too painful. I like a lot of aspects of my job, but there are other aspects i don't, and I don't function well being overwhelmed. But it's also reassuring to look at my financial balances. I have a lot of options.

I'd still like to figure out some kind of side-hustle. I have the rental house, and that's great. but I'd like more. But it has to be very low-involvement, because I have no time. I've thought about buying the AR property as a rental for a while, but I'm not sure how viable that would be.

[7Wannabe5]

On the one hand, I am like "Yay! You go girl!" OTOH, I am like it doesn't even matter how much money we make or have, because if you are a woman (as conventionally defined/confined), you can never really be free.

[EdithKeeler]

Sunday morning, about 2 am, I was awakened by a wicked pain in my stomach, kind of under my right rib cage, but really all over. To be blunt, it felt like the WORST gas pain I’d even er had in my life, and I’m not kidding when I say I felt like something could explode in there.

After pacing and writhing, I finally drove myself to the ER. If you knew about my total fear of doctors, you’d know how bad the pain was for me to do that! Literally doubled over in pain, I checked myself in and thank god I was the only one there. Did I mention how painful it was? After some brief exams they gave me a big shot of dilaudid—beautiful wonderful dilaudid—and after some more tests (CT and ultrasound) and more dilaudid, told me I had a gallstone the size of a large marble and my gallbladder needed to come out. They admitted me about noon Sunday, and Monday afternoon removed my gallbladder. (Oh, and I got some more dilaudid!). Initially they’d thought it wasn’t infected, because my white count and all my labs looked good, but turns out it was really infected and probably had been for quite a while. So the surgery took a little longer than it should have, but at the end they were still able to do it laparoscopically.

It’s Wednesday night now, and amazingly I’ll be back at work tomorrow (well, from home). Modern medicine is pretty incredible, and thank god I have good insurance. I’m really interested in what that little vacation cost.

But I’ve really been reflecting on some lessons this medical adventure taught me.

I have not been taking good care of myself. Yes, I have stepped up my efforts to eat better... but that’s really about it. I have neglected exercise and a lot of other things. Like sleep. (The nurse commented to the new nurse at shift change that I was a very easy patient and that I seemed to be catching up on my sleep because every time she checked on me, I was out. She was correct).

I need to make sure I go to the doctor regularly. I haven’t been. I make time for work stuff, shit for my mom, and everything else, but I don’t go to the doctor.

I need to pay more attention to my body. I frankly hadn’t been feeling great for a while. I had this weird pain in my back (which I chalked to sitting too much at work), I’d been feeling really tired (which I chalked up to working too much and running around doing stuff for my mom), and my pee smelled weird (which I chalked up to eating more veggies and not drinking enough water). Turns out, of course, that these are all subtle signs of gall bladder problems. I need to quit ignoring weird things when they stick around for a while.

I need to get reasonable about work. I’ve fallen into that trap of working too many hours, working late, skipping lunch. It’s ok to do that occasionally, but not a regular thing, which it has become for me.

I need to plan my exit. If I wanted to, I could quit my job right now, pay off my house, and live on about $25k a year. It’s actually doable. But: I haven’t gotten my spending quite to that level, I do need to figure out details on health insurance, I need to address my car situation, and I need to figure out some details—and draw up some new boundaries—with my family situation.

Ideally, I’d like a PT job of some sort, but need to figure that out, too.

Finally, I need a better network for help, and I also need to be better at accepting help. I texted DBF, who lives out of state, about what was going on, and he said “I’m coming.” I told him no, that it wasn’t a big deal, etc., but really, it would have been good to have him here, and he was willing to come. I’ve never been good at accepting help, because you know, I’m a tough independent woman and all. But everyone needs help occasionally, and if you turn it down enough, it stops being offered.

Ok, so I know a gall bladder attack is not REALLY a near-death experience, but it really made me think about this stuff. And it keys into retirement as well as the idea of how I’m living my life right now. I’m not very satisfied with it, and in a lot of ways, I’ve not been calling my own shots, but have been letting outside forces determine a lot of my choices. It’s just hit me that I really have more choices than I think I do, and I need to start making them, with respect to health, money, work and family.

[rube]

Get well soon EK. Your post is a reminder for myself to take better care of my body. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your future decisions.

[Jason]

Man, you wake up late at night thinking you just need to find the right position to rip a huge fart and you end up having an organ removed. Well, at least its one you don't need.

[Peanut]

Gosh, glad you're ok EK! Sorry to hear about the surgery.
Definitely prioritize you. And definitely accept and ask for help. I always say it's a blessing to be able to help someone. Don't deprive others of blessings.