Too Old To Retire "Young"

[EdithKeeler]

Am writing today from a hotel room at the beach. I have a meeting for work nearby on Monday and decided to come down early and enjoy the beach. Of course, it's storming, and supposed to storm all day. Oh well--any day at the beach is a good day. I will go shortly in search of good seafood for lunch.

Before I left town I had to do the usual running around--dogs to kennel, pick up rental car, do some errands. It reminds me that I like traveling--but I hate traveling. If they would invent transporter beam technology, I'd be very happy--beam myself to the beach, beam myself home and sleep in my own bed, drink my own coffee. I used to want to travel all the time, but I didn't do nearly as much as I wanted to back then. Now, I'm not so sure I want to travel all that much. I think I'd much rather do the Winnebago thing and park it in the same area for a long period of time, then move along. But unlike some of the vagabonds I read about, I think I would still need a house as "home base." I'm much more of a homebody than I would have predicted when I was young--I love being at home, in my home town. Not to say I don't enjoy new experiences--I'm not the kind of person who goes to Paris and finds the closest McDonald's, but I just really enjoy home, wherever home might be at the time.

Anyway, first thing this morning, I checked my email and was informed that an out-of-state friend's husband died last night. It was not unexpected--he's had a (fortunately short) bout with cancer. Still, it's a shock. He's about 2 years older than I am. I know her pretty well, but only met him a couple of times. I have to wonder--when he realized the end was near, did he find himself satisfied with his life? Did he accomplish the things in life he wanted to? Was he happy overall?

If I asked myself those questions right now, I don't think my answers would be "yes," at least not as to everything. I need to work on making sure those answers are moving toward "yes." I don't think that they will if I continue on the current path I'm on, but I'm not entirely sure what path will lead me there, either.

I hope my friend's husband's answers were "yes."

[IlliniDave]

Tht's a really tough one. Sorry to hear of your friend having to go through the loss. It's definitely a balancing act. Would I rather expend my first X years at 100% efficiency regarding what sort of satisfaction I can get out of it and risk spending an extra Y years dependent on success in the workforce or worse, without ability to sustain myself sans charity of others. Or is 90% or 80% efficiency good enough for the first X years?

If I go in my early 50s (what I infer his age was) there will certainly be things left undone. But at the same time, I don't see myself much regretting the time past, although I may be cranky about getting my time cut short. I'll have to find comfort in having made what I felt were the best decisions given the knowledge I had at the time. Whatever regrets I have on my deathbed are likely already regrets now (or will already be regrets before that day). One of my little mottoes is to start each day where my feet hit the floor when I get out of bed and do the best I can starting from that place. There really is no other choice.

I do hope your friend's husband had a good life. And I hope too that your future will be such that when it's time to answer the questions you can shout, "Yes!'.

[Ego]

I have to wonder--when he realized the end was near, did he find himself satisfied with his life? Did he accomplish the things in life he wanted to? Was he happy overall?

If I asked myself those questions right now, I don't think my answers would be "yes," at least not as to everything. I need to work on making sure those answers are moving toward "yes." I don't think that they will if I continue on the current path I'm on, but I'm not entirely sure what path will lead me there, either.

I hope my friend's husband's answers were "yes."

I wonder if it is good to reach the point of a definitive "yes". It never occurred to me before living here with our seniors, but I've learned that it is possible to reach that point where a person accomplishes all the things they wish to accomplish in life yet they still go on and on and on long after the joy, the excitement, the fear, and the passion for living is gone. I would go happily with a few things left undone if only to avoid spending even a moment cursing a relentlessly beating heart pumping blood through a passionless body.

[jennypenny]

I wonder if it is good to reach the point of a definitive "yes". It never occurred to me before living here with our seniors, but I've learned that it is possible to reach that point where a person accomplishes all the things they wish to accomplish in life yet they still go on and on and on long after the joy, the excitement, the fear, and the passion for living is gone. I would go happily with a few things left undone if only to avoid spending even a moment cursing a relentlessly beating heart pumping blood through a passionless body.

That's good. You're right, it's ok to always be a little hungry. It makes for good cinema to see someone who is ready to accept death and goes peacefully, but I hope that's not me. I told someone recently that I hope I die standing up--it means I wasn't sitting on my ass waiting for it.

So EK, are you going to share your recipe for fried chicken?

[Chad]

I wonder if it is good to reach the point of a definitive "yes". It never occurred to me before living here with our seniors, but I've learned that it is possible to reach that point where a person accomplishes all the things they wish to accomplish in life yet they still go on and on and on long after the joy, the excitement, the fear, and the passion for living is gone. I would go happily with a few things left undone if only to avoid spending even a moment cursing a relentlessly beating heart pumping blood through a passionless body.

Maybe those that curse a relentlessly beating heart are people that have cursed it almost their entire lives?

[EdithKeeler]

I recently watched the series "Deadwood" (released on Amazon Prime--free). The show aired on HBO 10 years ago, but it's very watchable (if you're not offended by profanity--Wow!) and the first season is the best. Anyway, it's set in Deadwood, SD when the area was still a territory and the gold rush was starting.

It started me thinking about the pioneers and the people who came west to seek their fortune in one way or another, and in my mind that sort of melded with ERE, because I started thinking about how rough it was, often living in a tent, not a lot of luxuries. I was thinking that there are parallels to ERE--the willingness to undertake some relative hardships for a short period to have your fortune in the end, the willingness to work really hard for a short time to have a longer period of leisure, etc. (Of course, most of those gold seekers ended up broke, even when they hit the mother lode, because they drank it and whored it away... and there's a lesson there, too, for ERE).

Then I started thinking: is that the "frontier" today? By not buying in to consumerist society, by deciding to turn our backs on the world of work in corporate America, are we in effect striking out for the great unknown? If you think about it, we are, especially those of you who are much younger than I am. What will the future hold? Will our investments hold out? Will social security be there when we need it? What is the future of health care in America? How/where will I live? These are much greater uncertainties, much more uncharted territories, than the traditional 9-5 until you're 65 lifestyle. But I suppose like the pioneers we can arm ourselves with good tools and knowledge and skills and prepare as best we can.

And I'm older--I'm only headed as far as the Mississippi River, but some of you are heading all the way out to the Pacific Ocean.



Oh, and since we're talking about pioneers, that reminds me that jennypenny wanted the fried chicken recipe. Here it is:

Dredge your chicken parts (bone in, skin on) in flour and salt and pepper (I always use chicken thighs). Fry in oil (not too much--enough to coat the bottom of the pan, but just) over medium heat until nice and brown, then turn. ONLY TURN ONCE and resist the urge to turn up the heat. Fry until nice and brown, then add about half a cup of water to the pan and cover it and let it cook a while longer, maybe 10 minutes or so. I know it sounds weird, but it doesn't make the chicken mushy, and it does ensure that it cooks all the way through. Take the chicken out, add flour to the pan drippings, then water and a little bit of milk for your gravy. Make sure you stir up all the dark bits from the bottom. Serve with mashed potatoes. YUM.

[jennypenny]

Thanks! I can't have gluten, so I'll have to see which GF flour works best.

That sounds like how I make sausage. I brown 2" pieces on all sides in a pan with a little oil (usually with peppers and onions). Once it's browned, I add a bottle of beer and cover to cook it through. You can use what's left in the pan as 'sauce' or add some tomato paste to it to make a pasta sauce.


btw ... my trips to Memphis have started. Once DD is settled, we'll get together.

[EdithKeeler]

I think I've made the decision to take a "gap year." I have enough cash to do it and maybe a bit longer if I do something to supplement it during that year. Work has gotten pretty intolerable and my heart is just not in it anymore. I need to get a couple of things squared away, but I'm shooting for September, which will be my 10 year anniversary at my employer, or October when I'll celebrate my 50th birthday. It may postpone full retirement for a year or two, but I'm ok with that.

So I have now publically declared my intention. Hold me to it!!

[Ego]

That's fabulous! What do you plan to do with the time?

[EdithKeeler]

That's fabulous! What do you plan to do with the time?

Let's see... finish my 2 novels. Finish the anthology of short stories I've been wanting to finish. (Writing--I'm actually a pretty fast reader, haha!). Tackle the chores and projects I've been wanting to around my house, as well as some for my mother. REALLY address my fitness level. Figure out how to get a little business going that I've had in the back of my mind for a while. Get more involved in the community. Beyond that, no clue. Maybe take that metal art/welding class I've been wanting to do. Work on some spiritual stuff. Take a year to eat/pray/love. Why not?

I want to wait until at least September because that's when my rental house lease is up/renews. I don't want to find myself tenant-less for a couple of months and have to pay the mortgage myself. So I want to make sure that's shored up for another year.

I was having some email correspondence with my friend about this. In his typical way, he said "Just fucking quit. You'll finally be happier and I won't have to listen to you whine about it anymore." (And, I'm ashamed to admit, he's right about this. I DO whine about it). I said "I'm scared." "No shit," he said. "Do it anyway."

He's right. What's the worst thing that can happen? I have to get another job that I hate? OK, that brings me about even to where I am now. It pays less money. Well, OK, lots of people make WAY less money than I do, and somehow they survive.

I've built a very comfortable cage for myself, and for a long time I didn't realize that is, in fact, a cage. Now I know, and I see that someone's opened the door, but I'm afraid to leave. I'm like the guy in "Shawshank Redemption" who's "institutionalized," or unable to live outside of prison.

But I'm also afraid to stay, because I'm angry all the time, it's taking a toll on my health (oh my GOD how sick I am of sitting in a cubicle all day long), and I just hate it. I never work with anyone who's happy--almost every aspect of my work deals with angry, adversarial people or unhappy people who've just had something bad happen to them.

I have worked since I was 15 years old. I've been unemployed twice in my life, both times for less than a month, and both times I voluntarily quit jobs without having anything lined up. I found jobs. And when I up and quit, I had a lot less money and a lot fewer resources than I have now. But now the thought of doing it makes me so nervous! Yeah, I'm older, and yeah, the job market isn't great, especially where I live. But I'm educated, I have an IQ in the 98th percentile, AND I can walk and chew gum at the same time. It'll work out. I have to have more confidence in myself, and quit thinking that all the bad economic and jobs news applies to me personally, which I have a tendency to do, even though it's not logical.

[theanimal]

Good for you @EdithKeeler! Sounds like you could have a great year ahead of you if your rental house situation works out.

Its tough making decisions when the future is unknown. But just think how happy you'll be when you are doing whatever you want next year without your job hanging over your head.

[DutchGirl]

September is right around the corner, I promise. In fact, you'll probably have to give two weeks notice which could be somewhere in August? Good luck!

[IlliniDave]

Wow, that sounds great EdithKeeler! My thinking lately often seems to go in the direction of taking chances to actually do things I've long thought about. A lot of it is due to midlife crisis-itis. The question du jour I ask myself: if not now, when?

I like your cage analogy. Most of the time I don't feel quite so confined, but sometimes I do feel like a zoo animal pacing back and forth staring through bars. I guess knowing on a deep level that I could spring myself calms me some.

I don't have your courage to walk away from my job. Hats off to you.

[George the original one]

What holds most of us oldsters back from true ERE is "There are things I want" and the price of those wants is less free time.

[jacob]

Do you mean "there are things I want to buy" or just "there are things I want acquire by other means"? Because "true ERE" is recognizing that those two categories have a lot of overlap.

[EdithKeeler]

What holds most of us oldsters back from true ERE is "There are things I want" and the price of those wants is less free time.

I don't think that's it. Well, not in that I want stuff, or fabulous travel, etc.

The thing that I want is, truth be told, a life of relative comfort and minimal problems. So far, having easy access to money, in the form of a decent salary paid in bi-weekly intervals, has provided that. Credit is available, knowing that the checks will be coming and I can pay it off. You can buy your way out of a lot of trouble, whether it's a tooth that needs a root canal, needing a replacement air conditioner in the middle of August in the American South, fixing a bad transmission on the car or suddenly having to fly across country for your father's funeral. Realizing that the funds are finite, and there's not necessarily more coming in behind, especially when you don't have everything set up for a true early retirement, is pretty daunting.

I think what's going on when you're older is that you realize that you have less time to bounce back if things go bad. And the reality is, it's somewhat harder (depending on what you do for a living) to get another position if you decide you want to go back to work. And... I know when I was young, I thought I was invincible! I was confident about everything, and nothing bad was every going to happen to me. The years since have taught me that was not, in fact, the case. I just wish I used that brash confidence I had when I was 25 to do something really risky like starting a business on my own, etc. instead of dating guys that were bad for me and drinking a lot...

[EdithKeeler]

I don't have your courage to walk away from my job. Hats off to you.

Well, I haven't actually done it yet. Brave words from me, eh? I'll check back in closer to the date.

[jennypenny]

Thanks for the recipe!

[EdithKeeler]

Looks perfect, jennypenny!!!!

[EdithKeeler]

Of course last week I was loftily talking about taking a gap-year; right after that, life hit. Very large unexpected car repair, an unexpected ginormous vet bill for a sick dog-child, I have a big, dead tree limb hanging over the house that needs to be removed ASAP, and I just have been advised I've got some work travel coming up for which I'll need to board my dogs (it ain't cheap...).

I told a friend today that a truly good and helpful reality show might be "Extreme Career Makeover," where they take a person say in their late 40's/early 50's, who's burnt out in their career, and help them figure out how to leverage the skills in their specialized and dead-end job into something in another field. That's one reality show I might volunteer for!!