The Reluctant Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
1taskaday
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I have ended up working one day a week during pandemic...down from my usual two days...suits me fine.

Doing loads of cycling,golf and weight work outs with DH who is retired.
I just love my arms from the weights and might join a gym with DH when everything opens up again for a little more social interaction.

My DS passed his college first year exams...must have been an error somewhere...no way he deserved that ...

At this point I really didn't care either way...he's so immature...but anyway moving swiftly on.

Full retirement on my mind a lot as I love being off But will be down 600 every 2 weeks... don't think I could manage yet long-term with that loss.
DH tells me to just retire and we'll sell a house...but which house?...where do we want to live... nobody still knows the answer to this question.

I think if we didn't have so many choices we would be better able to decide... anyway around and around we go.

Not missing foreign travel yet as I love this country when we have long daylight hours. Also the fact that I'm really enjoying the outdoors so much helps.
I don't like when the weather is too hot as I can't work out.
I would say that I have dropped about 4/5 pounds during the lockdown as well as majorly leaning up with muscle... just shows that it can be done at any age as long as there's consistency over a long time period.

I also have honed the meditation skills because of consistently sitting 20 minutes both morning and evening.
Now when I miss a session I notice I'm a lot more frazzled... motivation to keep it up.

Care of elderly parents continues...I mainly do weekends as we have decided that it is too risky to allow aides back yet.
Who knows long-term what will happen with this...no extended family members know I just work 2 days a week...hence I can just get away with weekends at seaside house combining it with links golf.

So all in all doing well and appreciate that all the hard work and sacrifices that I made in the past has given me the fabulous lifestyle I have now.

1taskaday
Posts: 462
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

My DH had a family funeral this week.
They are a huge extended family and end up with a big party at any excuse.
I have always found this majorly claustrophobic and avoid these events totally.
Over the years my DH has accepted this and does his own thing with his own family.

I have been following all rules and precautions in relation to Covid as I care for my elderly parents at the weekends.

My DHs extended family shook hands hugged and gathered in a small house for many hours drinking alcohol and chatting over a two day period... meaning they ignored all the rules and did their own thing.

There would have been at least 10 elderly family adults around 90 years at these gatherings.

I stuck to my guns and socially distanced at the very back of the funeral service and exited before having any contact with anyone.

All I could think about was the funeral in Northern Spain that was at the beginning of the Spanish outbreak...

Really did my self responsibility and stance make any difference...if anyone had Covid at these gatherings,my DH may pass it on to me...c'est la vie...and so much for self responsibility...maybe that should be changed to family responsibility.

jacob
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by jacob »

Ugh! Reminds me of this one https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/30/us/c ... orgia.html

Good luck with it.

1taskaday
Posts: 462
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Yes all we can all do at this stage is wait and see...

If the virus is going to be with us longterm (like we're being told) and we have to learn to live with it,could this be a new bone of contention between couples???
Different in law's having different ideas as to what is necessary for protection, with grandkids caught in the middle.

Now that could be a real minefield.

1taskaday
Posts: 462
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Finally got my eyesight tested after bike accident. All well apart from large deterioration in left eye. Optician didn't know if it was accident or just with age??
So I'll take it and move on counting myself lucky. Got new stronger glasses which I will rarely wear except for driving and playing golf.
Also resumed implant appointments,at last.
Should have them in by December,all going well.
My facial scars are fading and are easily covered with make up.
So all in all I'll take that accident as a once in a lifetime event and move on happy to be fully intact and healthy...it could have been so much worse.

We have made progress finally in trying to decide where we want to live.
Neither of us want to live in remote areas and would prefer to be in the middle of a "buzzy, with it" small town that is not far from a larger cosmopolitan area.
We have our eye on a specific massively expensive area that we both like.
We have agreed to sell our full time dwelling next Spring and rent a small lock up and leave type dwelling in the expensive area,(as that is all we could afford in this location) before making the final commitment to buy.
This is monomental progress on my DHs part...no outside large area with workshop.
He has finally excepted that we can't have it all and must make compromises.
He can have his large outdoor area with workshop in our remote seaside dwelling...where we both have decided that we couldn't live except in the summer months.
Finally progress,a few months ago the thought of renting or buying a house without a large outdoor area would have been out of the question...there is hope...
We are still hoping that eventually we will winter abroad in our house over there,but with Covid we can't be certain when this will happen.

1taskaday
Posts: 462
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I left my "hellhole" workplace over 5 years ago to work where I an now and never regretted it.
In fact I have thrived ever sense.
A recent trigger at work brought back the way I felt constantly working there...not nice.

My job sharing partner is definitely an ENTJ and wants to "rule the world".
This really doesn't bother me a bit...in fact I enjoy the competence, planning and "get up and go attitude".
INTJs and ENTJs usually can work quite well together... basically just keep out of their way until they run into a barrier and then smooth it over for them letting them think they solved it themselves.
A lot of ego stroking and praise also goes down well as they require constant external validation...not required by INTJs.

But there can also be a ruthless narcissistic side to ENTJs when they don't get things exactly as they want that leaves me a bit shocked.
How can you want to "rule the world" if you only work part-time...makes no sense.
This does not click with an ENTJ as I think they think they can make the rules to suit themselves and because they are so "brilliant" this is allowed.
Anyway our line manager is a control freak (which can be manipulated advantageously as one never has to make any decisions or take any responsibilities... surely a great position for a job sharer But not for an ENTJ that strives for world domination).
OMG dealing with the fall out of the clashes...not fun.

Hence the trigger back to experiences I felt all the time at old work hell hole place.

I had honed my present work situation into a "dream" place to work...loads of pay for minimum hours.
I had set up the system that it worked without using any of my mental energy while keeping the "control freak" manager satisfied.

But add an ambitious ENTJ into the mix and holy crap...get me out of here.

I earn about 36,000 a year and require 34,000 to keep up my present "luxurious" lifestyle.
I had my job honed to suit me perfectly and then WHAM...a clash of the titans.
I really can't afford and don't want to fully retire yet...but the physical and mental cost of keeping these two people's egos stroked may be too much.

I will monitor and adapt my circumstances as required but what a pain in the ass when I had this one all sorted.

1taskaday
Posts: 462
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Update on my current work situation.

Thank God and fingers crossed my relationship with my line manager is as strong as it ever was.
I have worked very hard throughout my full time working years to make this relationship work... and it does.
We understand each other and my aim was always to work reduced hours eventually never posing a threat to anyone's kingdom.

As for my job share partner,she will have to "paddle her own canoe"now.
As the saying goes you make your bed and then you lie on it.

She has interviewed for another full time position in a different department but was unsuccessful.
She has kind of tied herself into job sharing when really work is her life and identity.

I think she was reacting to a different career disappointment, grabbed the jobshare opportunity but now is miserable.

She should have thought things through more...I had been planning job sharing since the day I gave it up 8 years ago.

The only reason I came back full-time was so I could clear my debts, reduce my daily expenses and then afford to live well on a much reduced salary ...when I eventually could afford to job share again.

Job sharing in a public service job is the ultimate.
You are entitled to all the government perks, ie great hours,Bank holidays and holidays with 2/3 of the pay.
I think I actually only work 89 days a year.

It is pretty much impossible to get in my career but I fought hard...and eventually succeeded.
Many others have failed to get it and given up.
I knew how good it was from doing it while my kids were young... it really is the best of every world.
And the most important thing is that once your contract is changed to the reduced hours nobody can change it back to full time again unless you apply for a full time position...which the thought of right now would make me want to retire.

Money is so overrated compared to free time.

mooretrees
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by mooretrees »

1taskaday wrote:
Tue Aug 25, 2020 2:12 am

Money is so overrated compared to free time.
Yes! I'm on the cusp of going part time and the thought of all that newly earned free time is so sweet. I hope your work situation gets better.

1taskaday
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Hi mooretrees,

For me part-time work has always been the ultimate.
The warnings that go with it (an example being my part -time work partner), work can not be your life/identity.
This is mainly because you're never really there much to get stuck in and drive through major projects/changes.
You are mainly "threading water" and just keeping up to date to keep the system going (ideal for a government job).
If you are ambitious don't do it.

It takes time to adjust and accept this...some people can't and return full-time.

Another warning is that if it suits you,you will be ruined towards full-time work ever again.

Best of luck with all your earned free time.

It's also a good idea to have a prior goal/principal to use it on.

You'd be surprised how caring/domestic duties could expand to fill all your "earned" free time... especially being female...even though I think you have this one covered...none of my extended family know that I have reduced my hours...and it will stay that way.

My goals are always in health and fitness.
I always say that with all the free time I have now if I can't manage at least 1 hour a day on excercise...my part time work has failed.

This usually gets me moving.

mooretrees
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by mooretrees »

1taskaday wrote:
Tue Aug 25, 2020 10:26 am
Hi mooretrees,



It's also a good idea to have a prior goal/principal to use it on.

You'd be surprised how caring/domestic duties could expand to fill all your "earned" free time... especially being female...even though I think you have this one covered...none of my extended family know that I have reduced my hours...and it will stay that way.

My goals are always in health and fitness.
I always say that with all the free time I have now if I can't manage at least 1 hour a day on excercise...my part time work has failed.

This usually gets me moving.
Great points, I've been assuming I'd exercise more but perhaps I need to make a more concrete 'goal.' And yes, the house will be cleaner if I'm home more, and I'll have to watch out that it doesn't take up too much time. Part of the reason to downsize so much is to stop this useless cleaning. I don't really have any other goals decided upon yet, maybe start actually studying economics?

1taskaday
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Work is a bit sh** at the moment... taking up much too much of my headspace...but not much physical space as I am never there.

Hopefully it will settle down again soon.

I feel a bit guilty that I'm having such an enjoyable life...kind of stupid really when I planned it for years and used self discipline to arrive here... typical female thinking I suppose.

I am really "as free as a bird"with very little responsibilities for anything.

I have deliberately set things up this way and constantly soothe a lot of egos to make sure all the "pawns" on the chessboard carry out their functions without bothering me "much"...so that I can have an amazing life...

Surely the chicken will come home to roost eventually and I'll be caught out...

But until then I am going to continue to enjoy it all and only intervene to soothe and encourage maintenance of the intricate web I have weaved.

I am now heading off a lot of the mornings of my days off...cycling to neighbouring towns/villages where I lunch sitting outside... " it's kind of" like travel in that I can end up anywhere and nobody knows me...I love to people watch.
It seems to satisfy my need for travel adventure to some extent and I just adore cycling.

I have also kept up my weights...only 2 times a week and increased the amounts I am able to lift now.
This is very satisfying as I can see and feel the muscles... especially in my arms.

All in all life is good.

wolf
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by wolf »

Don't take work that serious. It will change for sure.
The rest of your post sounds really great. You can enjoy the fruits of your self-discipline and long-term planning now. Well done! I just read your first post of your journal. Would you have done something differently 6 years ago, if you knew what you know now? Of course it is easy to say afterwards, but are there any lessons learned?
Keep the good progress going. Cycling...good idea. I could explore neighboring villages/towns as well.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I have no regrets about moving to the job that I now work in. It has served me well.
I detested everything about the last place I worked.
I know things will settle back to normal again and I am so lucky to only work 2 days a week.

The luxury I have is that if I retired now I would be fine financially... maybe not able to live quite as luxuriously as I do now...but I would manage.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Wolf, the more I think of it...you are right!

Why am I taking work so serious??
Kind of dumb of me really.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Work has settled back to normal ...for now.
I must admit I am keeping a closer eye on things and working from home "a tiny bit". (a thing I vowed would never happen) just to keep things ticking over and not give my line manager any excuse to think job sharing in my current post doesn't work.
I think it's worth it...I have a fantastic number and appreciate it so much.

I am battling with my siblings into allowing part-time carer's back to help out with my elderly parents...due to the risk with Covid they were cancelled.
I am feeling like the "bad selfish daughter" as I want the carers back to lighten everyone's load.
I am pinned down every weekend as the carer because everyone thinks I work full-time... imagine what I'd have to do if they knew I only worked 2 days a week??
I feel so guilty and selfish because I want my freedom and just don't get the same energy/good feeling as they do from caring.
I can't help the way I am... raising my kids was never satisfying for me...I did it very responsibly as it was my duty...but never got the "high/satisfaction" that a lot of females get from "motherhood".

I just feel I've done my "prison"time raising my kids and don't want to do it again with my elderly parents...shame,shame and more shame...brings back the scene in Game of Thrones where the queen does the walk of shame being pelted with rubbish.
Oh to be a male and not have the expectation of being a willing carer and not have the guilt about hating doing it.

Cycling is going amazing...can do 30 miles now in wind and rain,not a bother.

ertyu
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by ertyu »

I think relying on paid carers is very reasonable. In the end, does it matter whether it's you or your siblings or the carers who help your parents? Like it or not, someone will have to enter your parents' residence, and like it or not, your parents would be exposed anyway. If you can afford it, paying others to help with elderly care is very responsible. You're even helping "the economy" :lol:

I honestly think that no one enjoys caretaking and that people are just pretending out of social obligation -- but that also might mean that I share your personality type and am projecting :lol:

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Caring for an old person who sleeps a lot isn’t too bad of a gig, especially if you can order in any treats you like on his credit card.

However, I much prefer caring for babies, because they are cuter, and it is funny to see somebody who used to scream whenever he scraped his little knees grown up into an investment banker. There’s no long term benefit attached to caring for old people except for ensuring the continuation of a society in which somebody might care for you if you don’t have the good luck to just plop over into a soft bank of snow on your way to your backyard sauna on your 85th birthday.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

So my battle to do every second weekend parent caring paid off and that is exactly what I'm doing now... which is fine...I just find it boring...get nothing out of it...much like when I was raising my kids...but it is fine.

I have done a 360 on Covid 19, think it's all a bit of a farce but as I work in Healthcare...I am keeping mum.

All I can say is that "fear" is a very powerful control measure and 99.9% of the world's population couldn't be arsed researching/investigating anything for themselves.

I really would appreciate no comments on any of this as I am entitled to my personal opinion and am not going to debate anything with anyone.

The current is very strong in one direction and that is the way this ship is sailing and so be it...

Moving on to more mundane realities:

Financially my objective is to be able to cover all of my expenses while working a 2 day week.
This is going fine but the cost of my teeth implants will make me dip into my savings by 5,000. This is annoying but there is no way around this as I want to stay working this little.
Other than this expense I am holding my own, half subsidising one kid in college and not really budgeting that hard.

Work has gone back to being a "non event" and settled back to normal. This may change again in the future but I feel confident that I will be able to manage any bumps by working at home a bit when required. My partner wants to come back full-time so that may change things...but all in all I have a dream number and am going to hold on to it for now.

My travel is at zero and it's actually fine so far.
Real winter hasn't kicked in yet so maybe that will change.
I cycle every day that I'm off and absolutely love it...no matter what the weather is...I wonder how long before I get an injury from all the repetition on specific joints...the joys of aging.

I thoroughly detest the weights workout that I have been doing since mid January...but they work.
It is absolute hell to make myself do them twice a week...I must join a gym.
For me if I want to maintain muscle and health as I age so I just have no choice... it's just a matter of trying to make it more palatable.

I was just realising lately that I have no goals or future plans...and it's ok.
I wish I could stay in my 50s forever...as a female, it's definitely the best decade I've entered yet.
As long as I can maintain this health and fitness level...life is good.

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I think the 50s being great has less to do with age than phase of life. Since I finished having kids at a relatively early age compared to my peers, I went through that phase in my 40s. For better or worse, I eventually became bored with spending the time I finally! had available to devote to just taking care of myself for that purpose. Best way I can describe it was it felt like I was too often playing at Barbies, and I wanted to pull out some other toys from the box.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Possibly you are correct and I will have to wait and see...
But as I've just taken my Barbie's out of the box in my fifties I am more acutely aware my time to play with them is very limited.

Maximum I give myself is 18 more years of fitness and health (if I even have that)...a world where for example I can't cycle at least 30 miles a day/do a 4 hour strenuous trek just because I feel like it,doesn't interest me.

Maybe as we age the challenge of being able to tie our own shoe laces/remember to turn off a running tap will be sufficient...who knows until we get there...I think I'm hanging out with aged people too much!

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