The Reluctant Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
7Wannabe5
Posts: 5548
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Interesting perspective. It seems like “charming” would be the opposite of “socially inept”, but also not entirely synonymous with “sweet, nice, pleasing.” As in, “ She charmed her way into a free meal at that expensive Thai place” or “She charmed her way out of obligation to accompany her boyfriend to hernia surgery.”

OTOH, there is definitely a glass ceiling limit to what you can get in this life with charm alone. For instance, it is difficult to obtain “a room of ones own” with charm. Nobody ever said “It is so charming how she prefers to be alone in her workshop doing experiments with graphite and glue rather than spending time in my company.”

1taskaday
Posts: 414
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

How about "She must be socially inept" because she prefers to lie in the sun all day rather than entertain her family or in laws in her "holiday home".

7Wannabe5
Posts: 5548
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

That sounds more like “inert” than “inept.” :lol:
You might try focusing your hostess skills on encouraging others to drink so much they don’t notice what you are doing. When guests arrive, don’t even inquire about their preferences, simply assume they are like characters in a Fitzgerald novel who are accustomed to being handed a drink immediately. You could even keep a small floating bar by you in the pool.

This idea occurred to me because pot was just made legal in Michigan and almost everybody of all ages except me was stoned at several gatherings I attended. So nobody noticed or cared if I just sat there and read a book on my phone.

1taskaday
Posts: 414
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

That all sounds "terribly romantic" and even dreamy ...

But as I observed at quite a young age the advantages to a female of never learning any "hostess" skills I think I'll just lie in the sun...

1taskaday
Posts: 414
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Where I'm at right now...

When winter came my DH and I took trips to holiday home destination...but as my DH hated this area we rented in a "golfer's paradise bubble destination" with a wealthy ex pat community.

The first week we stayed there it was all "shiny and new" and I thought maybe he was right and we should have a place in a "bubble" and enjoy all the luxurious amenities.

The next time we rented there was deserted as most of the wealthy ex pat's had gone home for Christmas...it was deserted.
So there we were in "paradise" enjoying all amenities basically on our own.
There was no "life" or energy to the place...it was full of millionaire mansions all locked up and empty.
Beautiful wide roads with cycling paths...but nobody on them.
Huge gyms,pools,spas all deserted with only a few cafés and empty bars open...it gave me the creeps.
It might have been paradise, but it was so lifeless that it was just a sad place.

This was a huge eye opener to my DH as he even reluctantly admitted that there was something missing...even though we were in a golfers paradise.

So long story short he bought back his half of our holiday home (as why should he be able to come and go as he pleases without owning half of it).

So "we"have decided not to rent it out anymore and use it ourselves (Big sigh and relief from me).
I made him get a fold up bike and he is finally beginning to see the benefits of the property being "within" a normal local environment.
It has a soul and energy as opposed to living in an artificial "paradise bubble" environment.
It is noisy and messy and alive with all different generations living around us.
He has started painting and decorating it and as always, as long as he is "doing"instead of "being",he is happy (the complete opposite to me...I could "be" all day as long as the sun is shining down on me).

He still says he will never live out there full time but if we wintered there then that would be enough for me.
Phew...11 years after buying the place and me fighting tooth and nail to keep it (as I love it there) he has finally come round.

I just have to keep him doing work and maintenance on it and then he will be content to be there.

This is a bit annoying as I don't really like spending money on upgrading houses but it's the price I am prepared to pay to keep him busy and content while staying there.

As I've also got my 50,000 euro back from him buying back his half of the property...I'm willing to humour his tastes for an aesthetically pleasing looking environment.
We also found a local community gym...that refuses to let us pay for using it for short periods...which he loves.
Again it is full of life and energy with all different age groups... different from the muted half empty designer gym in "paradise".

So this is all great as we've booked to go out to "our" holiday home a week in February and March and 2 weeks in April.
We are also doing 10 days of Northern Camino in May.

By then winter and the darkness will be gone and I'll be happy to stay at home until September again.

I really feel so much more alive and energetic in a bright sunny climate, it's amazing the difference it makes to my mental and physical well being.

I'm still job sharing and this pays me about 45,000 gross annually...not a sum to be sniffed at as I would only get about 15,000 annually in my pension if I retired now.

We are still undecided about where we are going to live and need to sell a property.
We are going to live in the coastal one over the summer and see what it's like. If we decided we could live here then we could sell where we live now and I could retire.

To be honest I'm not in any rush as working 2 days a week is not a great burden unless it starts interfering with my travel plans or long stays next winter in the foreign holiday home.

So some progress made buts lots more decisions to be made to make us more streamlined and have less baggage.

1taskaday
Posts: 414
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Finally got my act together to combat aging and pains due to muscle atrophy.

Since my knees gave me trouble from running my confidence in my physicality has been low...kind of the first time I acknowledged to myself I am getting old and just like every other mere mortal my body is weakening.

My DH has been doing 3 sessions of weights weekly for the last 7 months and has been on my case to start.

He used to have a different joint pain weekly before this... numerous scans never finding anything...I dreaded having to listen to him moaning when he got older...now not a moan,pain or ache...

He has completely changed his physique...and energy levels.

I had right lower back/hip pain after Christmas...for no other reason than sagging muscles putting strain on joints ...this finally jolted me into reality...it really is a case of "use it or lose it" when older.

What's the point in ER if your not physically able to do all the things that you want to?

So committed to doing 3 sessions of weights per week until 10th April...back/hip pain has magically disappeared after only 2 weeks...

Nothing I didn't know...but like everything it's the starting that's the difficult bit...when into it it's just routine.

Earlybath
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:43 am

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by Earlybath »

IIRC were you not hitting the kettlebells at some point ? Did you stop or find them ineffective ?

1taskaday
Posts: 414
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I used to do an excellent half hour routine with them... excellent because no matter how long I was doing it I was always sore the next day.

When my knees acted up I stopped.

Seemingly that's the norm... injuries in middle age causes a cessation of excercise which in turn causes atrophy of muscles...and down that slippery slope.

The routine I do now has reps of a16kg kettle bell swing ...amazing!

1taskaday
Posts: 414
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Today I did 15 pushups without stopping...amazing as my most was 6 before I started the weights.

I am only doing them 4 weeks *3 a week.
I already feel like I have an outer growth of muscle on my arms.

Excited to see results after 12 weeks...

7Wannabe5
Posts: 5548
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I need to start a new program to combat likely stress from new job. My plan is to go directly from work to either swimming pool or something like hot yoga.

1taskaday
Posts: 414
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Again will be interested to see if you follow through on this.
It is a great idea to go straight from work.

The 2 days I work I just slump on the sofa in front of the TV in the evenings... shattered.

I think I've gone soft and now even resent the 2 days "in prison" with no autonomy over my time.

Best of luck

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