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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2019 6:44 am
by 1taskaday
Where do I start...

Things have changed drastically for me.

First the last trip away on my own did not go well for me.I backed the uninsured rental car into a pillar at our foreign property the night I arrived.

WTF! how could I do that!

Unbelievable,definitely the law of attraction at work...the thing I always worry the most about while away.

Took a whole week to get a local to respray it to perfection.I did not know whether he'd get it done on time until last morning.It only cost me 90 Euro as opposed to God only knows what the car rental company would have charged me.

So I was the week stuck without the car and the weather sucked as well.

All in all I was glad to get home...felt bored and lonely there.

I think I have changed or the decompression from full-time work has occurred and now there is no novelty in relaxing all day on my own.I just don't need it any more as I can do that at home when only working 2 days a week.

So we have finally come to the mutual decision to sell our property abroad.My DH detests it there and I don't want to be there anymore on my own.

Do we need to own a property in the sun or could we just spend a lot of our winter taking trips there?
The last thing I want is to become stuck in a rut indoors in the dark long miserable winters.

The jury is still out on this decision But the money I get from the sale of this property will cement my ability to keep working 2 days a week...which is my top priority.

We are also thinking of selling the house we live in now and moving to our coastal property.This is much smaller but in a remote area.

But this throws up it's own conundrum...I have definitely changed and want to live with a bit of "life" around that I'm not working/socializing every day.

Do we need more "Buzz" as we age...should we live in a small town that has life and activities that are easily accessible?

Only time will tell...and anyway as kids are still living at home there is no urgency in deciding this for another year or two.

I can't get over the changes that are happening to me since finishing with full-time work.

Just having time to enjoy every day (that I'm not working) is incredible.

I don't feel the need to "escape" my life anymore...I actually love it just being doesn't really matter what location I'm in.

Who would have known...

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 6:06 am
by Earlybath
1taskaday wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:25 pm
My DS crashed out of college only after 1 semester...never went to any lecture, partied all the time and failed all first term exams.
Missed this bit of the update, but...
DS probably isn't feeling the love but it's good that this happened so quickly. Nephew did this all 1st year at one place before getting kicked out, then did the same thing somewhere else. Arriving home with just the (stinky) clothes on his back with a blizzard of CCJs, Payday Debt collection notices etc. and no chance of any more student loans. From straight A's to financial train wreck, hasn't really got on his feet since. Your DS can take his time getting his shizzle together and try again, having realised there are more effective ways to party without penalty. I've discouraged DD from applying to university this year for that reason.
1taskaday wrote:
Thu Apr 04, 2019 6:44 am
So we have finally come to the mutual decision to sell our property abroad.
Final Final? Sounds like a sound decision, but such a quick Damascene moment, based on a small accident ?

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2019 3:33 pm
by 1taskaday
Hi Earlybath,

Yes I think it's been a severe learning curve for our DS,the best of his life so far.
He is going back in September to a more "controlled" college that grades attendance.
We will be driving him every morning and collecting every looking forward to it ...NOT...the joys of parenthood.

We will know by his results at Christmas if he really wants to do it or not.

What is wrong with young people to day...if I ever failed an exam I would have died of shame...but now a days ...not a bother.

As for the decision to sell our property abroad...I am just so tired of all the maintenance issues...there is always something that needs fixing when I go there.
I get weary of it all especially when nobody else wants to go there...the language barrier is another pain in the ass.

I just want an easy life right now with minimum hassles.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Wed Apr 10, 2019 4:57 am
by Earlybath
1taskaday wrote:
Mon Apr 08, 2019 3:33 pm
We will be driving him every morning and collecting every looking forward to it ...NOT...the joys of parenthood.
Yep, had to do the taxi drive of shame for 6 months with DD last year, as she kept getting 'distracted' on the way to college. However, the biggest change in her outlook came from pulling some weekend shifts at McD's... I owe the clown one.

I really don't recognise the current college experience compared to mine in the 80's. I think I'd rather run away to the circus.

Completely understand the property abroad issues, I hadn't really got a feel for their impact on you from your recent journal entries.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 1:51 pm
by 1taskaday
Settling into a practically "no work" life very nicely.

If I ever stop appreciating all the time off I have now I will be very disappointed with myself.

I hope I will continue to sing its praises until the day I die...there truly is nothing better in life than ownership of one's own is priceless.

I haven't dealt with the financial penalty of job sharing up until now so I intend to dwell on it in this entry.
I am down on average 425 net cash per week and 540 if counting what I used to get including pension contributions.
I have kept a log of everything that I spend for over 2 years so I will just break even needing 1200 every 2 weeks (which is exactly what I earn).

At the moment I still save 165 per 2 weeks in a college fund for kids...we will see how long I can continue far after 12 weeks of job sharing this is manageable.

What annoys me is house maintenance issues that pop up unexpectedly and I have to continuously remind..."convince strongly" my DH that I am not willing or more truthfully cannot afford to pump more money into any of our properties.

His pension is the same as my job sharing wages but he works a side gig as well.

If we can manage to sell our foreign property we hope minimum to get 50,000 each out of it...may be slow to sell...have no idea until we try.It will sell at a loss compared to what we bought it for...but I have enjoyed it for 10 years especially when kids were has always been my escape bolt.

This will money will be a huge buffer for me and allow me to financially relax more...I still intend to job share until I hit 57 to maximize my pension.

It will also be one less pain in the ass "maintenance wise" to worry about.

Although we rent it for summer months and it pays for itself...just about...I am done with property maintenance issues and just want a quiet life.

So all in all I suppose I had planned for wages reduction but need to reign in DH now and again as he earns more and hence can spend more due to his side income.

I do not want to work one more minute than I have to and would prefer no work at all if I could afford it.

Saying that workwise it seems to be working I never meet my job sharing partner,(she is much more enthusiastic than me...possibly not a good thing when working in paperwork,where the task can be over complicated and endless if one allows it to become so).

She is an ENTJ and wants to link up with all prominent departments and be to the forefront of every new initiative...I never even give anyone my office phone number and seldom my name in case they start bothering me.

Definitely 2 different styles but working fine as we are in different days and I warned her from the beginning whatever she starts or gets involved with(draws on herself) it's her baby and she finishes it.

I like ENTJ personalities...I admire their energy,ambition and directness in life.

I just have no plan to move up any ladder(in fact I would prefer to completely step off ) but definitely do not block any enthusiastic person...just make no extra work for me.
Sounds harsh on my part but I have a neat system set up that allows efficiency but admittedly not much's a government job ...the harder you work the more that will be expected of you with no reward or backup if needed.

My knees continue to be the source of my greatest disappointment...finally gave in and went to GP...due for MRI and dextascan soon at my request.

Found good physiotherapist site on YouTube since points to tight calf muscles being my issue.

Following its advice with hand held massager on both calf muscles...seems to be working but too early to say yet.

So on way with DH for a break and get the ball rolling on sale of "said" property...I wish it was just sold and I had the cash... but keep hearing "it's the journey not the destination" ringing in my ears.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 3:32 pm
by Lemur
1taskaday wrote:
Tue Apr 23, 2019 1:51 pm's a government job ...the harder you work the more that will be expected of you with no reward or backup if needed.
I know this all too well. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake jumping from my lower paying gov't contractor job. I basically had my work automated and just sorta browsed the internet all day.

By sort of, I mean the entire day lol.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2019 5:59 am
by 1taskaday
I feel under pressure to post as it has been so long since my last update.

What can I say...I love my life...I love all my free time.
It is amazing and if I ever take it for granted,Shame on me!

I am reading a morning habit book recommended on Monevator's Kindle deals.
How other people spend their time has always fascinated me.
Most of these people are highly successful...the average time they get up at is 06:30.

I have spent 10 years trying to get free of my enforced work schedule...the last thing I need now is a morning/daily structure.

I often sleep in till 10 or 11am and love this luxury...I earned it.

The MRI results came back on my knees,torn cartilage in one and both are showing signs of wear and inflammation.

I can get key hole surgery on the damaged cartilage...or keep exercising now that acute stage has passed. Cycling is supposed to be brilliant for my particular that's what I'm doing...lots of it.
This is the advice I got from a knee consultant who looked at my scans.

I will try and heal it through exercise for another few months and if it doesn't repair I will go for the surgery...last resort.

Financially I am doing great.
Now and again I get offered extra on call shifts,maybe 1 a month.
This takes the pressure off and allows me to cover my half of unexpected household repairs and teenager costs.

I am overall extremely happy.
Naturally life has it's ups and downs but I just love being free setting my own timetable.

I think the fact that my DH is off as well has made it more enjoyable.
I have somebody to "play" with whether that's cycling,trekking,walking,golfing or going for numerous cups of coffee wasting the whole day doing nothing "useful".

These are the "good days" when we are both healthy and fit,they won't last forever...nothing does...that's why I'm so grateful and appreciate them so much.

I know at the end of my life,I will smile and think...yes,I did it all my way...I grabbed freedom at the youngest age I could and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2019 8:44 am
by EdithKeeler
I am overall extremely happy.
Naturally life has it's ups and downs but I just love being free setting my own timetable.
Awesome to hear! Congratulations!

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:42 pm
by 1taskaday
So I bought a house.

I feel kind of sick at the thought of what I have done but feel 100% sure that it is the right decision.
As outline previously in this journal my DH and I own a house in warm foreign country.
I love the area and house,he hates it.
So I got sick of going there on my own maintaining and cleaning it for summer rental period.
It just about pays for itself as there is no mortgage.
We decided we were selling it this autumn after summer bookings.
We decided if we walked away with 50,000 each we would be happy,even though we payed a lot more for it.

When I was over cleaning it recently on my own,getting it ready for summer rental period...I realised why I love it over there.

It is so peaceful,safe and cheap...and the weather is fabulous all year round.
I also think it is an area with huge long-term potential and why give away an asset so cheap.

So long story short I bought out my DH's half share for 50,000.
I am now back in debt 25,000 to him and earning job-sharer wages.
This 25,000 will be paid out of my pension lump sum with agreed interest.

He is thrilled and I am delighted...having bought into the quality of life that I always wanted as I aged...namely an active outdoor lifestyle due to favourable weather.

I still feel kind of sick at what I've decided to do ...a one day decision...but I know 100% it is the right one for me.

Maybe I needed a project,as before I resented doing all the work while gaining no personal I can do what I like with it...and nobody can moan,as it's all mine.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:02 pm
by mooretrees

Wanted to offer a book suggestion that helped me significantly with knee pain due to overtraining for a 50 k race. I've since recommended it to many people for shoulder pain, hip pain, hand pain and so on with many folks saying it helped them significantly reduce pain and prevent surgery. Pain-Free by Pete Egoscue. Written back in the 90's, he is a FIRM believer in healing the body with movement, simple exercises that put the muscles back into the 'correct' places. I can usually find it used online for less than $5 USD. I really, really recommend it especially to prevent surgery.

Good luck with the knee pain! And the 'new' house.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:44 am
by 1taskaday
Just reserved 3 different books he wrote at library.
Very excited to begin reading them...this could be just what I need at this stage of recovery.

Thanks for the recommendation.

Next morning,yes I am sure I have made the correct decision regarding the only concern is kids college which I will now have to pay as I earn as I have used up my 25,000 I had saved up for that.

If things get tight there's always full-time work (which would be miserable) or an eighteen month work contract in Middle East...hopefully it won't come to that...

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:23 pm
by 1taskaday
Great news,my DS has worked hard all Summer and can afford to pay for his own student accommodation next year at college.

This is unbelievably great news.
We were not going to pay it as he used it up dropping out last year.
We have been stuck all Summer ferrying him and my DD back and forth to their summer jobs...a huge drain on energy.
We thought we would be doing the same for him while he attended college starting next September.

But now there is hope,with him gone and her sitting her driving test soon this will enable me to travel as much as I wish guilt free that my DH isn't stuck ferrying them.

Sometimes when you least expect it life cuts you a break and I intend to make full use of it.

Hopefully he will make a proper go of it second time round...all in his own hands.

Have a week planned for September to stay in MY house looking forward to it. My DH has a conference the same week on his hobby/passion in a different country but I'd rather spend the week relaxing at my holiday home.

Each to their own I la's been a long time coming.

Financially things are ticking along ok and working the 2 day week means that I've had most of the summer off(to be my kids taxi driver).

It really feels that I never work now and when I do it's fine as I will be gone again for another 5 days.

I have used very little holiday leave,as why waste it when I can't go anywhere because of pick ups.

So roll on September when I can start my travelling.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 4:21 pm
by 1taskaday
Time for an update.

I have finally shook off my kids/young adults.

He is starting college (second time round)in accommodation-his own earnings.

She passed her driving test and drives herself to school and everywhere else she needs to go.

What a push all Summer to get here.

But it was worth it all.

I have started my travelling adventures and am like a drunk tasting alcohol for the first time in years.

I have a new lease of life and energy that is surprising even me.

Now I plan things and follow through on everything planned.

Most unlike me...where is all this energy coming from??

I reckon I have 20 good years of travel left (at most)and want to do it all before I go.

Budget has been blown...time of reckoning for this may come in the future...who cares...I've earned this...

A fold up bike in the car I use (whether rented or my own) is my new technique for exploring.

Doing a week of the Camino soon...may see Ego and Mrs Ego...I have the advantage in that I know what they look like...that would be such a laugh.

I am having so much fun.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2019 5:44 pm
by 1taskaday
Posting from Camino...
Have found my perfect traveling conditions.

Long treks out in nature with loads of people from all over the world, on my own, continuously wearing earphones so that I don't have to converse with anyone.

Not very "Camino bonding like" but I absolutely love it. I just have no need to share any issues and have zero interest in hearing about other people's.
I just want to enjoy my trip and keep my energy for trekking.

Gave the hostels a go for one night but they are just not my style. So I stay in en suite cheap private rooms.

Feel really safe as a solo female traveller which is the reason I picked the a confidence booster for my future solo travels.

Haven't really got in to the spiritual or gourmet food side of things but loving the scenary and weather (despite a few hours of rain).

I had been a bit concerned about the mileage day after day but it's not a problem with an average of 15 miles a day.

My knees are doing great and I love the minimalist approach of taking all my stuff in my backpack every day.

I really am thriving in the moving to a new place every day. It just suits me to move on with no ties.

I think I could do this full-time and love it.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2019 11:35 pm
by wolf
That sounds great 1taskaday! Doing the Camino is also one of my adventures of the list of things I want to do in live. I can totally relate to you. One of my favourite activities back home is to go for long walks alone for about 3 hours through the woods, where I don't meet anybody. Not that I don't want to meet anybody, but being alone and walking outdoors is just so relaxing. I love it, too. It's one of those activities I developed a habit for.
So, I wish you a good trek and would love to hear more of it. Take care!

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2019 3:47 am
by 1taskaday
Hi Wolf, I found all my information on the Camino on Stingynomads website.
I think it is excellent and accurate.
They do a lot of videos which beats reading about something hands down.

I am spending 3 nights in Santiago de Compostela now as my 5 days Camino walking is over.

The total cost of my 9 day trip all in euro:
Flights 95.92
Buses 34.76
Food 130.50 (all supermarkets and coffees at cafés for 1/1.20 euro)

Accommodation 295 (only one hostel night at 12 euro,the rest private room en suite,and 3 nights in Santiago cost 144 euro as staying 2 mins walk from cathedral
in lovely 2 star hotel).

Equipment 138 which I will use again (includes ruck sack, trekking shoes,rain gear etc )

Total cost (minus equipment, including flights, accommodation,etc) 564 euro for 9 days.

If I stayed in hostels which most pilgrims do,my accommodation bill would have just been 96 euro.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2019 2:30 am
by 1taskaday
Off work again for another 5 weeks.

Love it.

I spent 17 days of September travelling solo,went on 4 mini breaks with DH in October and now looking forward to 11 days traveling with DH in November.

Very active in between trips never refusing any outdoor trekking or golf outings.

My drug is activity outdoors even if only's where I feel the most alive and mentally at peace.I love nature,it makes me feel both connected and at peace.

Because I was trapped all Summer taxi ing kids to work and felt I was not achieving any of my planned goals I started an adventure scrapbook.
In this I stuck pictures and wrote about any new thing I did or new places I visited.
It's amazing how this little thing has made me more up for trying new things.
I plan to keep one for every year.

My DH has nearly totally packed in his side income job and is reducing it to a hobby again.
Funny how this worked out...I was doing my own thing either way...I think either he got fed up working at it (after being at it for 2 years fulltime after retirement from his career) or he saw my lifestyle and decided why not have as much fun as me...

Either way doing most things together is definitely better for our relationship.
It takes more give and take from both of us but after 24 years together I think we're used of that.

One of our trips planned for November is a meditation retreat which I'm really excited about...we have been practicing mindfulness meditation for a few years on and off so it will be interesting to see how this goes.

The weather has turned to Winter...dark early and cold.
My first winter being mostly will be interesting to see how my policy of staying outdoors as much as possible combats my usual dislike of it...or will I need to escape out of it to the Sun as much as I will be interesting to see...

Financially I just use up what I earn working part time and it covers it for now...of course the big house maintenance stuff still happens which screws it all up every so often...but that is because we have no idea yet which house to sell or where we want to live or be based.

There's a lot of kicking the can down the road about any major permanent decisions (while paying huge house maintenance bills) ... but here we are...

It suits us both at the moment not to have to decide or commit to anything.

If I was to describe one major difference between working full-time or part time it would have to be energy levels.
I have more energy which leads me to being more creative/adventurous which in turn leads to more energy...a great cycle to be caught in.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Fri Nov 15, 2019 3:44 pm
by 1taskaday
The travel in November went very well.
DH and I went on a sun holiday week which was filled with activity... mostly golf...but also gym, Pilates and yoga. We also ate very healthily and cooked all our own food. We were very lucky with the weather as the nights were still quite warm.

The meditation 4 day event was an experience that I will not be repeating...too many people with too many problems that they had to share.
If I ever do another which is will have to be a completely silent one.

I have often gone away solo for a week not speaking to anyone for the whole week so why would I need to pay for this privilege?

It was icky-touchy feely stuff that suffocated me...I was so relieved to leave when it much small talk to draining.

My DH really enjoyed it as he likes meeting people and exchanging stories...I just can't see anything to be gained by this...I bet the same people attend these retreats with the same problems continuously...never changing just stuck.

I know "No judging" but seriously...all the psycho babble,yes maybe dithering over nonsense made me want to shout "Just decide it's either this or that and stop stepping around it for hours".

After coming home with constant reminders that I should be starting a meditation practice l found my defence man for meditation, Ringu Tulku Rinpoche.A top Buddhist Lama that gives talks with Dala Lama.

He gave a talk recorded on YouTube in 2016 "Meditation in everyday life" Bodhicharya Kent.1 hour 40 mins long.

OMG what a talk,it has saved me from hours of torture...I love his lazy philosophy and attitude ... people should work short hours for much money...also that he always takes shortcuts in everything... especially meditation.
All nagging problems sorted ...

The food at the meditation centre was also vegetarian...full of carbs...noodles, potatoes,kus kus and I would say flour mixed through all their sauces.
As I am paleo this was a disaster for me...I was starving and craving carbs by the time I left.
I had to go straight to a restaurant on the way home (totally not like me)and get a meal with meat to feel normal again.
Also sitting on a chair for hours or a cushion on the floor has my back excercise at all also sucked as inside all day.

So while I will definitely continue with trying to live a mindful life and short meditations when I can...I am definitely not going to turn into a Buddhist vegetarian or have anything ever to do with listening to people's issues...thank God my forray into management at work (short lived as it was) has definitely cured me of that thought forever.

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2020 5:27 am
by 1taskaday
So my DH and DS think I am socially DD knows I'm a cunning empowered female... she's the exact same as me.

We both understand the rules of life "as females" and manipulate them to plot the most advantageous route we want to take for ourselves.

We don't need to be "the sweet nice,pleasing" females... in fact we think males act a lot smarter most of the time with regard to taking on sh**/responsibilities.

We try to copy smart behaviour but get called "socially inept".
I suppose in this world only males get to play by male rules...

Anyway I have started a WhatsApp group for the 4 of us called "For the socially inept"...if the hat fits...right...

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2020 10:43 am
by 7Wannabe5
Interesting perspective. It seems like “charming” would be the opposite of “socially inept”, but also not entirely synonymous with “sweet, nice, pleasing.” As in, “ She charmed her way into a free meal at that expensive Thai place” or “She charmed her way out of obligation to accompany her boyfriend to hernia surgery.”

OTOH, there is definitely a glass ceiling limit to what you can get in this life with charm alone. For instance, it is difficult to obtain “a room of ones own” with charm. Nobody ever said “It is so charming how she prefers to be alone in her workshop doing experiments with graphite and glue rather than spending time in my company.”