The Reluctant Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
1taskaday
Posts: 348
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Mon Jun 29, 2015 4:31 pm

Hi Oucha,

I suppose the answer to your question about why I just don't leave my job right now is complex.
I suppose the main reason is fear of not having enough or of being poor and desperate(at an age where the chance of re-employment will be nil).

We have two teens who cost more and more as they get older-we want to give them the best chances that we can,education-wise etc

We also still have a lot of mortgage debt hanging over us for properties that crashed and did not recover.(approx 240,000).
We can come out well from under all this if we just hang on another 3 years of working.
We both will get government pensions then, of about 3,000 a month combined.

Do I wish I could just pack a rucksack and head off to morrow and be free of it all,DEFINITELY but "we made our bed and now we have to lie in it".

If I had known about ERE when I was in my 20's,I'd like to think I would have done things differently(financially speaking) but who knows?

I hope I don't moan as much in my journal now that I have a nicer job,it really is fine-just preventing me from living the way I would like to.

I realise how lucky I am in so many ways and that the three years will pass and I will be in a much more financially secure place to retire then.

Never worry about being intrusive on this forum as direct honest questions are always welcome.

I think the great thing on this forum is the anonymity and learning from each other.

Oucha
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2015 9:42 am

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by Oucha » Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:51 am

Thank you!

You are right - 3 years is worth to wait for a combined pension of 3000 eur.

"If I had known about ERE when I was in my 20's,I'd like to think I would have done things differently(financially speaking)"

Me too, still better later than never... :)

Just to give you some kind of support. For me I can imagine living from 1000eur/moth (many hungarians live from half of that sum) and I will retire as soon as I have a 10 year fund accumulated. So, cca 300 000 eur net worth is heaven that I am doing plans towards right now :)

Oucha
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2015 9:42 am

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by Oucha » Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:58 am

Thank you!

You are right - 3 years is worth to wait for a combined pension of 3000 eur.

"If I had known about ERE when I was in my 20's,I'd like to think I would have done things differently(financially speaking)"

Me too, still better later than never... ;)

Just to give you some kind of support. I can imagine living from 1000 eur/month (many hungarians with children live from half of that sum, although I do not say thats the road to follow) and plan to retire (doing just part time "work") as soon as I have a 10 year fund accumulated.
So, cca 300 000 eur net worth is heaven on earth that I am doing plans towards right now :)

1taskaday
Posts: 348
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Sat Jul 04, 2015 6:16 am

The “barefoot” experiment is still ongoing.

The Teva sandals I got are exactly what I wanted-they are amazingly comfortable-even wearing them all night on my feet at work. I also do really fast-walking treks with them and they work brilliantly.
I haven’t tried to run in them yet-as I don’t really run but run/walk sometimes.
It will be interesting to see how long they last with this kind of wear and tear.
Naturally I go bare foot at home all the time.
My feet feel great, slight “restless leg syndrome” at night after a tough trek in them but nothing too much.
They really are flat as a pancake with NO support-amazing all the BS that’s out there about the damage we can do without “proper” supportive/expensive footwear...another “consumerist” myth.

If this continues there will be nothing left to believe without first testing it out for myself ...a pity I didn’t have this degree of skepticism in my youth...could have saved a fortune and been physically and mentally a lot better off.

The New Balance Minimus runners haven’t been tried out yet-probably in the winter when it is too cold to use the Teva sandals.

On the financial front we had our first retirement planning meeting (my DH and I), all more or less on target, (I was short 600 reaching 9,400 in savings instead of 10,000).
It is killing me not to put the (near) 10,000 towards my mortgage as it would save me 50 a month in interest payments BUT I need at least 1 year living expenses,(approx.18,000) if I need to give up work for a year to take care of an elderly parent.
They are both in their 80’s and healthy but who knows?

The other big discovery this summer is Pilates/yoga-amazing for torso strength. Who would have known? I always thought this was for older “calmer” people and would not satisfy my need to sweat and work during exercise. How wrong I was I am absolutely addicted and do it regularly to my DVD at home.

Basically I LOVE being off work with no time restrictions/deadlines, there are so many interesting things to explore and experiment with.

1taskaday
Posts: 348
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Mon Jul 20, 2015 2:18 pm

Have neglected to post for a while as I have been off on summer vacation and enjoying every minute of my freedom.

As usual we do a "staycation" at home as we are such a "weird" family that this seems to suit all of our temperaments the best.
I love it as I get to sleep in every morning,wake,read my kindle in bed,sleep some more and get up late.
What a waster I am...I think I have caught a sleeping sickness as it seems like the more sleep I get the more I crave...but I feel totally relaxed and calm.

The summer rentals seem to be going smooth this year as well.I think my new strategy of only accepting customers that have to take a flight and rent a car is bringing in like-minded people to my self.
All Germans so far with with no complaints about anything and bringing RAIN GEAR with them.(The summer so far has been pretty wet, ideal to lounge around with the excuse that it's too wet to plan major day trips)
I think somewhere in my genetics my ancestors must have been Germans as I think so much like them-organization and frugality.
I am also getting obsessed with learning small plumbing techniques,such as fixing leaky taps-it kills me to have to call a plumber for such small jobs.

The barefoot stuff has worked well in the sense that I am either barefoot or wearing Teva sandals.Feet feel great all the time.
Will definitely be too cold in the Winter for them so will need to come up with a different strategy.
I think the biggest learning for me as a female is that I don't have to squash my feet into heels and uncomfortable shoes to keep up with fashion.
My feet are a critical part of my future health and need to be cared for and invested in now, so that they will not prevent me from enjoying a long healthy active retired life.

I also have been thinking a lot about the life that I want to lead while retired.
I love having free time so much.
I think that spending every Spring and Autumn where we live now,summer in one of our houses by the sea and winter abroad will be the best way to go.
I love change and will enjoy the best that each season has to offer in each of these locations this way.

I have informed DH of this plan and as I know he will want to just stay put working ALL THE TIME on his hobby/side income where we live now,I told him he can visit me at these locations as it suits him.
He gets bored so easily that any excuse (like a little rain) and he wants to go back home with all of us with him.
So the best strategy to combat this will be for me to "nest in" for the whole season in each location and let him come and go as he pleases.
I only need to do this the first year(without budging) and from then on he will understand my/the plan.

The thought of this way of life brings me so much joy that I often ask myself "Could it really be possible to live such a utopian lifestyle?"
And then I say,why not reach for the absolute dream-lifestyle and even if it comes up short it will still be fantastic.

Really I need to just work one and half more years full-time to embed in my pension.
The temptation to job share again is huge but I must work full-time until the end of December 2016 and then can reduce my hours if I can't stick full time until the end of 2018.

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Jul 20, 2015 3:02 pm

I think your plan for having various residences and having your husband come and go as he pleases sounds good on paper, but will likely result in something like a torrid affair with some hawt young Italian man. I don't know how tall you are, so I can't predict whether or not your new practice of going barefoot will make this less likely.

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Mon Jul 20, 2015 5:05 pm

Absolute waste of energy.

After all I am an INTJ,what would be the point of saving up all the necessary resources for early retirement and risking losing half of them for momentary pleasure?

Would never stack up for an INTJ...

I think if I can get him into enjoying a sort-of nomadic lifestyle(with a lot of activities that he likes) then he'll just fall into line...famous last words of many a hopeful female trying to change their man...either way I'm sticking to my plan.

As for the "barefoot" experiment,seemingly the feet get wider with gaps between the toes which allows the feet to grip the ground better-the photos of feet that never wore shoes are quite "unattractive" but seemingly very strong and healthy.

What to choose...dilemmas,dilemmas for an ERE female...

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Jul 20, 2015 7:15 pm

Okay, gotcha, putting aside moral issues in the realm of contract-maintenance, the moment's pleasure would not be worth it, but would you risk losing half if he said you couldn't keep chickens in the backyard? That's where the rubber really hits the road with us ENTP gals. What's the point of having free time if you can't do what (not who!) you want with it?

The shoe thing is a dilemma. Troll feet if you don't wear them vs. scary gnarled-up witch feet if you do wear them. Of course, if you had a young Italian lover who was willing to massage them with lightly-scented oil for you on a nightly basis...

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Tue Jul 21, 2015 4:56 am

7Wannabe5,maybe I'm being simplistic or naive but as far as I'm concerned once the kids are raised and independent our "entrapment period" is over-we are free to enjoy our FI as we please.

There is no necessity to be "stuck together" all of the time,there is no "allowing" of anything ...
(naturally as long as "Queensberry" rules apply).

How many stories have you heard of married/partnered men sailing the world or climbing mountains etc while the "good wife" stays at home? Most people say"Wow what an accomplishment? isn't he amazingly brave",I usually say poor her stuck at home...

I always believe "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" and when my time comes I'll be grabbing that freedom with both hands.

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Jul 21, 2015 6:34 am

Well, I wish for you all the adventures your heart desires! I was just speaking with likely somewhat cynical perspective on the different difficulties of being less encumbered in relationship. No kids, no jobs, no shortage of funds, what will be your new limiting factors? In my experience, differences in health/fitness, personal level of comfort with doing new things, and shared preferences come more into play. Let's say you are happily engaged in Activity A in Location X and your husband is happily engaged in Activity B in Location Y, and now somebody has to get on a train so you can see each other. All I am making is the, perhaps obvious, observation that there is a limit to the number of times you can choose to not take that train.

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:15 pm

7Wannabe5 get out of my journal! (Only joking).

I am supposed to be the "realist" not you.

You are bursting my future "visionary bubbles"and raining all over my parade with your "helpful" warnings.

Enough! this is the only place I get to dream dreams without a chorus of contradictions from the audience.Most people here live lives that they have dreamt up,planned for and executed(escaping the predictable drudgery of the ones most people lead and accept).

Of course it will all work out,and if it doesn't...so what,at least I'll have gone for it.

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Jul 21, 2015 7:10 pm

'pologize. You go gurl and I will follow your example.

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Sat Aug 08, 2015 2:38 pm

How much rain can there be up there...lousy wet cold summer weather-wise But probably the best one I've had in years.
Teens are older now and not so NEEDY which means more free time for me.

Is it the way I would like to be spending my summer holidays,not quite but a lot better than when they were younger...
Getting there,getting there...to the point that they will have their own lives and I can spend my time anyway that I like.

I would love to take off on full day cycles or mountain treks etc but the time is not right just yet.

Anyway that day is nearly now in sight...

We did a few mountain/hill treks (as a family) which I really loved.I would love to take on the really challenging ones and see how fit I really am.But as I am the only one interested in this,I will wait until I am retired and can join a mountaineering club.

I did them in the Teva sandals and they were perfect as it was so dry.In winter I would definitely need the proper boots.

My feet are doing perfectly after a summer in the flat sandals/no shoes.All pain/injury has cured itself.
I also ran/walked in the New Balance Minimus and they felt great.I would still prefer the Teva sandals but the cold in winter/autumn would be too much to bear...or would it?

I could turn into those "Jesus-freaks" wearing barefoot sandals all year round,ha,ha...sounds like a challenge I might enjoy.

The savings plan is going on target,I have 12,000 together now.When I have 20,000 I will start paying down the mortgage again.

The surfing this year was a non-event-mainly due to poor weather and lack of any interest from the teens,so that will be another hobby for retirement.

I took a lot of time off work this summer,using my precious annual leave.
I wish I could be off always and retire now but I must have patience and suck it up for now.
At least I'm not going back to a hell hole just "jail" in the 9 to 5 sense.

I am looking at flights to take another trip soon but they are much too expensive in September,so I will probably wait until October.
Anyway after being off so much of the summer I don't feel the need to escape yet...the darkness of winter moving in will soon change that.
Also the fact that I have wasted/taken so much annual leave this summer will restrict me more.

Only one more full-time year,2016 is required for my pension,so I will stay the course...

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Sat Sep 05, 2015 1:44 am

A quick update on where I'm at.

Saving goal 12,650 trying to hit 20,000 by Dec 31st-seems on target.

The end of holiday rental season.Went well enough except last group who refused to leave on their correct departure date and said they would "wreck the place"if anyone tried to get them out-I kid you not...they caused damage and I am still awaiting agents report on this.
I need to get over and clean/sort place out.The joys of renting out property.

Started running again (only for 20mins) and love it.Used to run a lot when younger.I am going to keep it at 20 mins because of possible negative effects on joints etc .
Doing my yogalattes a lot as well and am now addicted-feel like I could "float" after doing them.

Work is going great.
I can completely switch off when I leave...first time ever in any job I can do this.
People I work with are great and fun as well.

I just intend to keep a low profile,keep on saving and have my escape plan if I get switched back to old job place.
Was there lately doing some overtime..oh my god,the stress levels...so glad I moved.It has been life changing for me.

Funny now that my job is OK there seems to be no "urgency" about FI.
But I must protect against complacency... as if I'm moved back to old place I really don't think I could bear it.

I'm just sticking to my plan and when I hit my target I will be able to decide for "myself" what's the best for me.

1taskaday
Posts: 348
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Fri Sep 18, 2015 8:43 am

Just read a great article by Ermine at Simple Living in Suffolk which contrasts FIliving’s article regarding taking a sabbatical or year out of work while on the accumulation phase towards FI. Interesting to read all points of view.

My job is really fine now and contrasts so much with the hell hole that I worked in for 23 years (not always full-time) that I’ve been toying with the idea of going part-time and not retiring until much later.

More free-time is what I really crave; the new job and people are actually fine.

It is really tempting to cut my work days down and give up all over-time and just stay there longer....

Soon I will be reaching the stage where I could retire in exactly 36 months with a reduced pension of 1000 per month (BUT I need to work 1 more year full-time to achieve this) or I could do a job-share indefinitely at 2,000 per month and keep building up the pension.

I suppose there are no guarantees that I will be left stay where I am forever BUT the longer that I am there the more secure I am as I am gaining knowledge and specializing into it.

FEAR is always lurking in the background, what if things change and I get a new line-manager? What if I end up back at the old place?...then I would be so annoyed that I didn’t cement the escape plan while the going is good.

I also fear getting “soft/weak” at this cushy new job and not being able to hack it if I get thrown back to the old one...

Life is so easy now compared to before BUT have I made myself less able to deal with adversity.
My whole work days now center around eating healthy and getting as much exercise as I can. The job allows all this.

I have even organised group exercise classes at the work place.a few others are as hardcore as I am about them and it is such fun.

On the financials I am sticking to my saving plan, but it’s just going on in the background without any thought or effort really.

Free-time is really the thing I want the most...

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Thu Sep 24, 2015 9:43 am

Sticking to my budget and saving schedule even though it is quite tight.(Teen expenses are increasing exponentially!!!).

My aim is 20,000 by Dec 31st 2015,so now I save my money first and just make due scraping here and there to pay my bills.
One way or the other I want to start attacking what's left on my part of the mortgage next January.That needs to disappear quickly.

My DH has taken his foot of the pedal a bit,so I just say great if he doesn't stick to our retirement plan neither will I and I can just bung the 20 grand towards my mortgage immediately.
This freaks him out and he tells me "chill out"and that he will reach his part of the plan by Dec 31st.
Either way I can't lose and there is absolutely no agro about it at all which is so important.

Soon I will be able to retire in exactly 36 months.
My job is really great BUT I still hate being stuck inside there 5 days a week.
To be honest even if I wasn't working I would still be stuck driving kids to school,collecting them and taking them to their social lives.
So I might as well be working and earning as I still would not be able to travel.

From listening to other female early-ish retirees they say once the kids are gone-ish(they say they are never really gone-FRIGHTING!!),then the elderly parents step in,needing care till end of life.

Well whatever,we can only take it as it comes.
To-day I was on a day off and went back to listening to Eckhart Tolle on youtube-shame on me for always living in the future.
I know I do this all the time and its a crock but SO difficult not to plan-maybe it's an INTJ handicap.

Anyway,life is relatively good.
I know I should visit our house abroad and clean it up etc,but the flights are really expensive and I want to hit my 20,000 goal.
Such a joke really,like most other people that own property abroad-no time to visit them or for only 2 weeks a year.
I suppose at least we rent in out to holiday-makers and it pays it's expenses BUT really what were we thinking!!!

Maybe when the dark cold winter kicks in I'll go over there gladly.
Going away for a week soon through work,to an intensive training course.
Really looking forward to this,I actually love airports and people watching at them.
One of my favorite things to do is to watch the departure boards listing all the places people are flying to.

Doing pilates/yoga for at least an hour every day now,and don't have a pain or ache anywhere.
Really amazing stuff,my body feels so tight and strong.Would have started these years ago if I had known how beneficial they were,especially for the mind.

That's all for now,just keeping on keeping on...

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Thu Oct 22, 2015 8:37 am

Enough procrastination,this journal needs an update.

Another annual leave day to-day and every hour is so precious-I keep clock watching as I see my freedom slip away,hour by hour.
Definitely not the best way to enjoy a day off work,BUT it goes by so quickly...

Work is fine,so easy.
My savings are at 15,870 and should be at 19,630 by Dec 31st if I keep a tight budget.
I keep carrying a balance of 140 forward each month on my VISA as I want to hit the saving target every 2 weeks,so this may come in to play
towards the end of the year and derail the expected amount saved by Dec 31st a little.

I would love more time off RIGHT NOW but have to keep the longer goal in sight.
Just one more year of overtime and full-time work and then I get to choose how many days I will work.
Just 2 years and 11 months and I can retire with a pension!!!

Whether I will or not is a different story but at least I will have the choice...

Back running again at lunchtime and love it,I used to run a lot when I was younger.I keep the runs to 25 mins and only do it max 3 times a week.
I know it is so bad for my joints etc that I keep it to a minimum.
Still doing the Yogalates and LOVING them.

I will be off work for the next 2 weeks barr some night overtime.The 2nd week I am going on a work lecture week abroad.
Flights,airport transfers,hotel and food are all covered-can't wait.

I should really treat myself to another week in January and clean/maintain our holiday rental abroad as I haven't been over there since May.

One of my parents was sick recently and it was pretty intense.
He is fine again and I keep encouraging him to stay fit and keep driving,travelling etc as the longer they stay well the easier it will be for me.

Can't wait to be able to attack my part of the mortgage next year and get rid of it.This year was so boring just saving an emergency fund of 20,000 but necessary.

1taskaday
Posts: 348
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Tue Nov 03, 2015 11:19 am

This is the life...
I am on the 4th floor of a great hotel with a great view and a warm breeze blowing through my large bright window.
I am on my work training week and enjoying every minute of it.
I am on a course with 50 other Europeans telling me stuff about their native countries.
It is fascinating and great fun.
There is an abundance of great food with my bedroom cleaned for me every day.
What an easy life-no cooking or cleaning.

I also grab any breaks to exercise and get outside in the sunshine so I feel great.

The best thing is that it's all paid for...

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Fri Nov 06, 2015 3:37 pm

I am at the end of an intense week in a popular European city.

Intense because the career training was 9 to 5:30 every day with all meals as a group of 50 people (including dinner up to 11pm most nights).

This is draining for an introvert.

As the week progressed I felt more and more lost...all course participants seemed hungry for the information that we were receiving.

I had no interest in it as I know I will never be using it.

This week has made me rethink my plan for ER at 50.Why do I want it as most people I mentioned my plans to seemed stunned that I would even contemplate a life without work.What would be my purpose?

So I thought about this and have realized that my purpose in my life is to feel good.
As a high achiever all my life ...it has actually simplified itself down to this.

After this week I have realized a few home truths about myself.

I have zero interest in what I eat (as long as it's food as opposed to processed crap).I could eat salad sandwiches with some protein stuck in for the rest of my life and be completely contented.This week eating 3 meals per day with many courses in the hotel restaurant has completely turned me off "fancy" food for life even though everyone said the food was great.At least now I know I never want to go on a cruise or all inclusive holiday.Yuck,sitting around all day waiting for your meals is definitely my idea of hell.

I have also realized that I have zero interest in being a "tourist" and seeing or doing touristy stuff.My idea of traveling will be to go to where natives live and intermingle with them living their daily routines.This is the thing that I enjoy the most while travelling.

I hate travelling in groups and sticking to other peoples schedules-I prefer to float around doing my own thing at my own pace.Group travel will definitely not be for me.

I want ER so much because I want to be able to set my own daily schedule and avoid things and people that I find uninteresting.

Feeling good will be my purpose and I intend to spend decadent amounts of time exercising,preparing healthy simple food and eating it leisurely.

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:23 am

Now that 2016 is approaching it is time to focus on 2017...

I used to work half time-5 days out of every 10 workdays,no overtime and no week-end work.
I had a great life and I loved it.
I used to spend hours marking all the free days on the yearly calendar.I used to work barely 100 days per year because of public holidays and vacation time.

I used to spend the little money I earned on flights to our foreign house and car rental.I would travel every month with the kids for long weekends and school vacation time.They were young then with no independent ties and would just go where they were taken.
It was great,I loved it-it was like living in a parallel universe where their was only enjoyment and little stress.Nobody really knew I did this as I wanted to slip below the radar of jealousy and animosity.

Then I kind of woke up and realized we were 435,000 in mortgage debt which was not decreasing as we had "interest only"mortgages.

That was a shock to the system...

I was living extremely frugally to be able to afford all my travelling on such low wages BUT we were up to our necks in mortgage debt.

By this time I had lost my career ambitions and really only wanted to follow a life of pleasure and simplicity But couldn't as we had so much debt that had to be cleared.

Oh yea,also at around this time the bottom had fallen out of the property market in the places we owned homes,so any quick solutions (like selling) were unavailable.

So there was really nothing to do except give up my adored carefree lifestyle of fun and freedom,bite the bullet and head back to work full time as well as signing up for any overtime or week-end work I could get....

The end of my freedom for the last 4 years.

My greatest worry during all this time was that I would forget the feeling of freedom and carefree living and become institutionalized like all the other full time workers....

And to an extent this has happened...inevitable really over time.

So now our mortgage debt is down to 200,000 with low mortgage payments plus holiday rental income (Grrrrrrr!!!!) so it is nearly time to turn my thoughts back again to fun and freedom.

I need to work one more year of full time work and overtime to embed my pension and then I can reduce my work time down.

Naturally it would be better and more secure to work full time plus overtime until I retire (in 2 yrs and 10 months) but this is where "institutional-ism" creeps in...the need to feel super secure...But I will not give into this fear...we will have enough to cover us and educate our 2 kids and I am cutting back to a 0.6 or 6 days every 2 weeks with no week-end work or overtime in 2017.

I will do this despite my need to feel more secure.

I have looked at the figures and we can manage to keep paying our mortgages down with this reduced salary,albeit at a slower rate.

I want that feeling of freedom back the soonest I can....

I am writing all this out as I have started the process of reducing my hours in 2017 even though the institutionalized side of me is screaming "No wait,it is too soon...you will regret this in years to come....you have it so good and easy in this new job...why do you always just stop short and put yourself under pressure...what about the kids future...just suck it up for the next 3 yrs"

I have started the paperwork process and there will be no turning back...this has made me realize what the "institutionalized "part of me will be screaming before I start my paperwork to retire forever in less than three years...

One step at time...

1taskaday
Posts: 348
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Sat Nov 21, 2015 9:23 am

A thing that I have been thinking of lately is how to protect "your time".

To me free time to do as I choose is more valuable than money.

I started thinking of this because recently my DH observed that he thinks that I will turn into a hermit when I retire and my answer to him was "It's my time,I've earned it".
So maybe instead of disagreeing over finances in our retirement,we'll be disagreeing over "time"...

To me right now the most wonderful feeling I get is when I wake up and I have absolutely zero commitments for that day.The day just stretches out before me long and luxuriously .
I debate whether to do yoga,walk the dogs in the woods or eat a leisurely breakfast first...that's it,I have no wish to do anything else...

Possibly after a number of days like this I would want more...to include travel or do an interesting course...But I have zero desire for human interaction and actually discourage it.

So maybe the ability to keep my days free and prevent others from stealing my "time" will become an issue in retirement.I have toyed with the notion of pretending to be still part-time working as a protection mechanism but maybe this is a bit extreme and I should just be very assertive about my wishes.

From observing other retired/part-time females especially if they are mothers/wives this seems very difficult to do.Their days seem to fill quickly with the wants of everyone around them.This would make me very unhappy.

After my recent week away I found it tough to settle back as winter and darkness seemed to have arrived in my absence...But after a few days I settled back in to the usual work routine.I have a training week ahead and then a week off from work.By then it will nearly be Xmas break time.Again I would love to fly out and avoid it all But the kids do not want to do this so I will postpone my trip until January.

I am running out of annual leave days this year as I have been taking a day off every week...no long holidays next summer ...a pretty dismal thought.

One of my new year's resolution at the start of the year was to become a better surfer...what a joke,as I don't think I surfed once this year.The years are definitely getting easier as the kids are growing up and into their own stuff more But my time is still definitely not my own.

I often wonder will it really ever be...

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GandK
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by GandK » Sat Nov 21, 2015 10:56 am

1taskaday wrote:From observing other retired/part-time females especially if they are mothers/wives this seems very difficult to do.Their days seem to fill quickly with the wants of everyone around them.This would make me very unhappy.
Yes. This is my experience in a nutshell. My husband is still in the workforce, so we - as a unit - have X tasks to accomplish, and I basically pick up as many of them as I can while he's at work so that when he comes home we are both as free as possible. This seems to maximize family happiness.

The key for personal happiness for each of us seems to be making sure that each spouse has roughly the same amount of self-directed time, however they choose to spend it. We try not to get too judgy about who does what with that time. He would prefer it if I socialized way more; I would prefer it if he socialized way less. But I want his happiness more than I want him to seek it in the most comfortable way for me. I think he feels the same. So we basically let this go, with only the occasional self-pitying remark. However, regarding your comment about arguments: whenever our "me time" gets too lopsided in one direction or another - if one of us is getting significantly more than the other - arguments inevitably ensue. It starts with who ought to be doing more chores and it goes from there. This is a rare fight for us these days, though, because we focus on having that balance.

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Sun Nov 22, 2015 9:41 am

From observing other retired/part-time females especially if they are mothers/wives this seems very difficult to do.Their days seem to fill quickly with the wants of everyone around them.This would make me very unhappy.
Absolutely true. I think a single childless female with rental housing and no pets, even if she had a very demanding full-time job, would have far more time to herself than a completely retired and/or financially supported married mother who owns a home and pets. And it's not just free time, there is also freedom to make your own decisions without need to consult with others or concern yourself with their care. At this juncture, because my kids are 24 and 27 and financially independent of me, and I have no husband, BF or pets, I never have to think about what is for dinner or keep anybody informed of my whereabouts (beyond common courtesy level with my housemate sister) or anything. It's fantastic. I do have some property and two lovers, but I can hire a 12 year old to care for the property if/when necessary, and I purposefully chose to maximize the fun/pleasure and minimize any responsibility in my sexual relationships. They provide me with food, entertainment, sex and occasional practical assistance or gifts, and I do NOT supply them with empathetic listening, vacuuming or any other tedious suck of my time/energy. The reason this works is that one of them already has a wife (open marriage, I wouldn't have sex with a chicken-shit cheater) and the other is looking for a wife/mother-of-his-future-children, so I am totally off the hook for most drudgery , extended family/friend social commitments/problems or debates about the proper way to load the dishwasher. The flexible, part-time, self-employed, temporary sort of work I do need to do to support my frugal financial needs seems like nothing compared to female-head-of-household responsibilities I have undertaken in the past.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday » Sun Nov 22, 2015 12:33 pm

7Wannabe,your life sounds blissful except the energy needed to meet/dress up for your different dates.To you an extrovert this is probably enjoyable,to me as an INTJ this would be very energy sapping and not enjoyable.

Of all the married female mothers/wives that I observe in real life I probably have the most freedom from anyone's expectations.As an INTJ female I have zero interest in entertaining,socializing or being friends with anyone in the "normal" female friendly ways.I have deliberately put myself outside any familial expectations or social commitments.I am sure all extended family think I'm quite "weird",I say bring it on and stay out of my life so.

This took supreme effort at the beginning of my marriage but now is totally accepted.

As for domestic duties,as I don't entertain (and have brought up my kids with no expectations and drama or outside interference barr their own peers),I have a very efficient quick system in place.

I get all groceries and other required items through the internet-home delivered.I generally cook the same basic quick food everyday,if people want anything else they cook it themselves.I have zero interest in food.We never sit and eat together,people just eat when they are hungry.This appalls most people's idea of the "Waltons" sitting around the table blissfully sharing their news of the day while MaMa sweats in the background But I'aint no MaMa...

Suffice it to say I have nailed down all of my time between paid work and pleasurable personal pursuits (with minimal domestic duties while listening to my favourite podcasts or a TED talk on earphones-so converted to pleasure).

This was the reason that I voiced concern about "earning my time",I run a very efficient simple clutter-free life,all deliberately created over the years by me.

The last thing I want in retirement is anybody or anything impinging on my "earned free time.

GandK,I never argue about anything much anymore,as Oldpro said in one of the threads,we either accept our situation or change it for ourselves.I just change things to suit me and I'm really good at saying NO,a word a lot of women have trouble with.

7Wannabe5
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Nov 23, 2015 6:19 am

It sounds like you are already very good at exerting your boundaries, so I wouldn't think you would have any difficulties expanding and maintaining them once you are retired. Also, if you ever end up single again in the age of internet dating, you should be aware that it is perfectly possible to just order up young men to be delivered to your doorstep like groceries, and then, I suppose, you could just say "No" and close the door again, if not up to your standards. ; )

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