The Reluctant Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
1taskaday
Posts: 463
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I decided to take all the advice and cancel the order to disconnect the internet, take a chill pill and set priorities as Jennypenny suggested.

This yo-yoing on every decision that I make continues...

I am kind of the same about my retirement plan-always moving the retirement date due to anxiety about the kids college/future etc.

A major funny thing has happened at work...

My PET HATE in life are drama queens/? Kings? I have always been able to smell them at least 50 miles away and head for the hills as quick as I can.

My secret weapon in life has always been “Hiding and Avoiding”.
A very successful strategy to maintain your life energy.

I also hate constant bitching, moaning and complaining-I know, one would never guess from reading this long moan of a journal but anyway...

When I was asked/ordered to manage people at work, I tried to refuse, but in the end took the job on, with my usual optimism and energy, that I could improve moral and start teamwork in the department. I think this was around last January to be precise.
A move totally against my instinct.

What a crock that turned out to be...

Well yesterday it all came crashing down as I let loose on one of my "Ball and Chain" who ended up in floods of tears and disintegrating at my "harsh" (really very honest) words in my (distant) superior’s office.

Drama, drama and more drama...tears, tears and more tears.

It has been building for months and I have been severely stressed and out of balance managing staff-a job I detest.

Well to make a long story short and successful- I saw a "gap" and ran straight for it.

I resigned my "management" position citing myself as totally stressed and unsuitable for this position. My supervisor who is totally "clueless" and just wanted it all to go away, actually LET ME and now I am back doing my old job, same pay, same everything BUT without having to listen to everyone's life story and pretend that I am interested...

I can now go back to being a skilled “Hider and Avoider”, a skill that I excel at.

The moral of this story is that there is often opportunity in every apparent "crisis”, if you can just keep calm enough to manipulate it in your favour.

I gave my "Ball and Chain" two big hugs and we all made up. She still can't understand what happened...I thanked my supervisor for his astute management skills Ha,Ha,Ha and am looking forward to a majorly hassle free (except minor irritation from the Ball and Chain, now and again)work life.

I now manage nobody except myself-which I also excel at.

I still can't believe that I am FREE to just work, as opposed to manage (many Balls and Chains).
I feel like the cat that got the cream-nobody in my department knows what happened as it all changed so fast. Do they really care anyway...except to know who the next poor sucker will be so that they can latch on to and DRAIN...

There is a God and I, by circumstances beyond my control (sent by my angels, to rescue me from a breakdown or a life sentence for murder) have been set free from the work/management hell that I was in and couldn't see any way out of.

Naturally it will take a few weeks to release the anxiety and stress that I've carried for months but I can nearly take a deep breath again, without chest tightness already.

To any “Ball and Chain” out there, remember that you too have a purpose in the workforce,(even though I doubted it ,only a week ago) and be proud of the part you play in a strategist’s game of chess.

1taskaday
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Location: England

Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

This morning when I woke up and my brain clicked in, I REALISED THAT I AM FREE!!!!!

I just can't stop smiling.

I know that I will rot in hell for my callous manipulation of "weaker?/incapable-only at work" people, BUT I have been drowning at work for months and nobody gave a s*** about me. I was definitely heading for some sort of mental breakdown and nobody even cared.

Their only concern really, was that I stayed managing because

1. They would not have to do it.

2. I was giving them all everything that they wanted, every day to keep them OFF MY BACK.

3. None of their enemies was managing them (There's a lot of power struggles and bitching,a thing I "Hide and Avoid" from constantly).

4. I think they all found it kind of amusing to watch a usually competent slightly arrogant (ok I'll admit it) human being disintegrate before their eyes. It is sad to think people could enjoy this sort of stuff.

4. I was managing the worst "Ball and Chain" in the place and keeping this away from them.

Toska, you have given me even more ideas, why didn't I think of any of this before??

Sometimes we are just so stuck and can't figure a way out- even though it may be right under our noses all the time...every minute of every hour of our work day!

I have learned so much from all of this.... I will have to write another post another day, listing it all-I will wait until my freedom has finished seeping through every individual cell of my body...

Just remember hang in there and when you see a “gap” just run for it...

spoonman
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by spoonman »

Congrats on finding a gap and going for it. I can only imagine how stressful it must've been to deal with a person that's essentially dead wood. There's dead wood (or Ball and Chains, as you call it) in every company.

I had the unfortunate luck to deal with a Ball and Chain that had been in the company for years and couldn't be fired. I eventually got her of my back and learned that I was actually one salary grade higher than her, even though she had been in the company for over three decades. Yup, she was stuck in her pay grade because she was a royal pain in the ass that nobody wanted to deal with.

If you ever have the time, look up the term "floaking". It's something invented by Weird Fantasy/Scifi writer China Mieville in his novel Embassytown. I think it's similar to your concept of Hide and Avoid. Here's a few words about it:

"As an immerser I progressed to the ranks I aspired to—those that granted me a certain cachet and income while keeping me from fundamental responsibilities. This is what I excelled at: the life-technique of aggregated skill, luck, laziness and chutzpah that we call floaking.

Immersers, I think, created the term. Everyone has some floaker in them. There’s a devil on your shoulder. Not everyone crewing aspires to master the technique—there are those who want to captain or explore—but for most, floaking is indispensable. Some people think it mere indolence but it’s a more active and nuanced technique than that. Floakers aren’t afraid of effort: many crew work very hard to get shipboard in the first place. I did."

mxlr650
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by mxlr650 »

jennypenny wrote:My kids have daily chores to do first, and the reading requirement I described. After that, they are free play video games. When they are playing, I don't complain about it. I take the opposite tact. I make popcorn, watch what they're playing, and welcome friends that want to play with them. They played all night with friends last night, so I put food in a crock pot so they could eat hot food whenever they finally took a break. I even got a used dorm-sized fridge for the basement so they could keep drinks down there. The fact that I support the gaming under certain conditions seems to ease the battles over how long they can play.
I applaud your parenting style, and I hope there are more parents like you so kids grow up being less fucked up! I have a single parent friend who has 3 kids -- she is hands-on when it comes to certain things, and she is very hands-off with the rest - she says that it is better when kids to do things in her presence instead of doing things behind her back.

OTOH, my distant cousin just couldn't stand his parents – they were not physically abusing him, but it was just all this nagging and micromanaging related to his academics. He got fed-up, and at the age of 17, took off, never to be seen again (dead or alive), and this was 20 years ago. Almost all problems in the world could be pointed towards way too many babies and bad parenting .

Anyways, this week's print edition of The Economist had an article titled "The pointlessness of pushy parenting" which I could not find online, but here is something similar http://theday.co.uk/health/successful-p ... s-new-book

mxlr650
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by mxlr650 »

jacob wrote:In terms of studying I have seen examples of people studying so hard that by the time they hit college they were completely burned out. Couple that with their first taste of freedom and the result was a three year long party. There are certain parts of my mandatory education and pursuit of grades I still irrationally resent to this day. For example, I can not for the life of me be bothered to try to understand a poem. I just skip right over them whenever I see them.
I have no desire ever to spend time to "understand" poetry let alone write one. Dirac's quote on poetry is spot on: "In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite"

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Jacob once wrote a post about trying to be the best you can be at any project/endeavour that you take on...all we can all do is try to be the best that we can...I love the Buddhist philosophy and try to live it... do no harm...

Anyway moving on...

I now feel like a new woman, like someone has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders.
In work I do the best that I can do and could not care less what everyone else does or does not do. I feel so liberated.

I now see the burden has moved on to other shoulders and feel a little guilty at their stress.
Is this the way workplaces must be...so harsh and cruel...everyone just looking out for themselves and not caring about others?

Most people don't even seem to notice when others are under work stress, why can I see it so clearly? Wouldn't it be better for me if I could not notice it either?

I was reading a blog called earlyretirementthemiddleway and in it she described the amount of energy that it takes to maintain a 2D personality while at work.

I also find this very difficult but I must cut myself off from all negativity and controversy to protect my own energy. I must learn to keep my opinions to myself and just play the game until I can finally break free. I think like her I just pick up other people's energy very easily and unfortunately in my workplace it happens to be predominantly negative.

Anyway enough about work...I am maintaining the financial plan quite easily now and am looking forward to December 2015 when I will be "one" mortgage free.

I have also booked and paid for a winter holiday in the sun, as I know when the time comes I will be dying for heat and brightness.

I do not like winter and find that the darkness depletes my energy levels. One of the ways that I try to combat this (besides taking sun holidays) is to stay outdoors as much as possible. This acclimatises me to the cold and helps me maximise my natural light exposure.

My whole plan to swim and surf a lot this summer died a death, as work seemed to take over everything.

Is it ever possible to commit to a time consuming hobby while raising a family, working full-time and extra overtime as well?

I really don't think so ...

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GandK
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by GandK »

Wow. I really relate to your last post.

Do you ever feel like a sell-out or a phony for "playing the game"? I sure did.

Winter wears me down, too. I enjoy cold weather but the lack of sunlight gets to me. I don't feel bad per se but things seem to take more energy to accomplish.

I find that I hit bottom between mid January and mid February each year, after the holiday bustle is concluded and I've settled back into my routine. Not normally a beach person but I always want to take off to the Caribbean then. Good for you for scheduling a getaway to help manage your energy like that!

On the hobby issue: when I was in the work force I used to use my lunch hour to write novels. 4 days a week I'd squirrel myself away in a conference room and type away. The fifth day I'd eat out with my coworkers so I could stay in the professional loop.

Any chance of you using that time to your advantage?

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I haven’t posted for a while as I’ve been off work and busy, busy busy with stuff I love doing.

I spent my whole vacation time decluttering (basically throwing stuff out).What a rush!!!

Freedom definitely comes from owning less stuff and knowing that there are a lot of empty presses in my home.

I invested in a new vacuum cleaner as well, (good timing for Simple living in Suffolk’s article on the Dyson rip-off.Ha, Ha, I am a huge fan of his blog but each to their own).
I found this a vital tool on my journey to declutter and clean a too-large home. It just sucks up everything in front of it and empties with a press of a button-very light weight too for high dusting etc.Invalueable for people short of time that need to get a job done.

The best thing about it is that my DH loves it, (very man friendly with a button to press instead of having to use a cloth with a bit of elbow grease) so I can see this particular investment paying off for years to come...

I know when I am retired I’ll have time to revert back to using a sweeping broom and feathered dust quill again...can’t wait??

Autumn seems to be closing in fast, which is so disappointing. I got so little time at the beach this year that I can’t believe that the summer is over already.Ah, well that’s life as a work-slave-suck it up and move on...

I know that as soon as the darkness and cold start becoming the norm that my longing for sun and heat will start again. I am looking forward to my midterm sun vacation and would love to be able to book one at Christmas as well-but I know that I haven’t a hope in hell of getting the time off work-the joys of working life and being tied to school holidays. Only another 5 years...

The financial plan is still on target but we will see if I can sustain it. It would be great if I can as it will move so many things into place for retirement at age 50-if I last until then...

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

My new 8 week exercise regime kicks in to-day.I have roped my DH in as well, which increases
the momentum and chances of success ten fold.

It’s actually a winter acclimatization plan as well, as I thick one of the best strategies to combat winter cold and darkness is to get out in it as much as possible.
Then you begin to love the cold, wind and rain instead of complaining about it.

Each new season in nature has its own beautiful aspects; it’s just a matter of appreciating them.

I am also going to go strict paleo with no/very reduced carb in take for a while. This will mean a lot more cooking and rushing when I’m back at work. But it’s doable and much better than sliding into a middle age blob-my worst nightmare. The paleo lifestyle really suits me and I seem to have loads of extra energy if I stick to it.

I will also lift heavy weights twice a week for the 8 weeks-critical to keep up my muscle mass as I age.

There is really no point being retired if I am not fit and healthy- the 10/15 years of bonus freedom I will have earned need to be enjoyed to their maximum.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I haven’t wrote in this journal for ages as there is NO FREE TIME EVER!!

Every time I sit down to write I am interrupted-I think this is the toughest thing about being a full-time working mother.Even now as I write this I have someone hanging around needing something...

Limited free time really sucks...

But anyway, getting really fit and loving it.Feel great, fitness is really the cure for most ills.

Work is so fine now, the change has been miraculous.
I will shortly be changing departments which should make it easier still. Looking forward to the change and a new challenge.
Leaving my "irritants" behind is an added bonus.

All the back to school "pizzazz" has finally settled down, I think I hate the fuss of it more than Christmas-although it's a close competition.

Financially I think I will have to slow down on my mortgage overpayments as I am not doing as much overtime (but loving life more, as a result),so that may delay my mortgage pay-off date by a few months.

How do I feel about this?

A little disappointed but I have to think of a family's quality of life as opposed to going "extreme" to reach my own goal.

It's called compromise...and I suppose that is the path I choose when I decided to have kids whether I knew it or not at the time.

I think it is a lot easier reach FI with no kids but I know I will still get there...eventually...

fuyu
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by fuyu »

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s really enjoyable to read, especially the rants about work =).

If it helps, my mom successfully trained us (my brother and me) out of asking her for help by the time we were in middle school by pretending she didn't know how to do something or offering to help and then keep delaying it until it was easier/faster for us to do it ourselves.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Work life is fine now, I’ve just switched off my brain and carry on “on autopilot”-this is the way I like things.
I am supposed to be moving to a new department soon but whatever...here or there is fine...my brain will remain firmly switched off so I can use it for my real life-outside of work.

Time is still an issue-or lack of it really is the problem.
I often get the thought-who's life am I living? As it definitely isn't the one I want...
But I also realise there's no "quick escape" of this treadmill, just hang in there and suck it up...

I often look at young "free" girls in their late teens and early twenties and think, do they even realise;they will probably never be this free again in all their lives.
The funny thing is-they probably don't even realise it. They are probably full of their own angst-feeling directionless and searching for their path in life.

I try to take a day off work every week for "alone time”, but it always seems to get filled with orthodontic appointments or other boring but necessary events.

Such is life, but at least the fitness plan is still alive and kicking and the winter blues haven't raised their head yet.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I love my new job!

I can't believe I am actually saying those words!

I even said them to my kids when I picked them up from school this evening-what an amazing turn-around for me.

I actually come home from work with energy and a calm mind-it doesn't feel like I've worked a full day at all.

I don't need to take an annual leave day a week so that I can physically and mentally cope.
In fact, why would I bother wasting an annual leave day (unless I had something planned to do), as it is so easy to be at work now.

I feel so lucky and that I've landed on my feet.

The people are lovely and work as a real team-no complaining, whining or bitching.
It is so weird-there are actually workplaces like this-who would have known?

Why would anyone retire if they worked at a job this easy?

Life is good and I am going to enjoy every last bit of it while it lasts -hopefully until I decide to move on...

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

I have just been going over my financial figures and trying to set a goal for December 31st of this year.

My half of the mortgage stands at 42,700-I would love to be able to reduce this to 30,000 by December 31st of this year.

I can't remember what I wrote my financial target goal in this journal earlier this year,I must read it back and check,yawn,yawn...(Ha,ha,just shows how often my plans change)-what's the point of keeping this journal if I never read it back??

I just hate looking back (even at photographs)-it just bores me. I always prefer to be planning and looking forward...

Anyway, I have an option to take 2 weeks annual leave from work or cash in the days before the end of the year. I think to try and reach this target of getting my mortgage to 30,000 I will cash in the days.

I think the fact that my new job is so easy has made me think "make hay while the sun shines”, take the money and pay the debt down.

In my last job I needed a day off a week just to keep mentally sane...

So full steam ahead, no self indulengences allowed, get the mortgage down to 30,000 by year end and then try to clear it totally by Dec 31st 2015.

I was contemplating recently about the risks to my health and well being that I have taking to speed up the date to my retirement-I hope that any damage that has been caused by "chronic work stress" is reversible and will not reach out its cold tentacles to burst my bubble when I finally reach my retirement...

As the saying goes "you throw the dice and take your chances"...

slsdly
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by slsdly »

I've had jobs like that and was also blessed to start a new one like it recently as well :). I find things don't last in tech though; whether the company goes under or there is a senior management change, the situation can go south quickly. I don't mean to be cynical. My train of thought is to enjoy the rides while they last and you can find them, and one day when it ends I hope to say "Oh wait, I don't have to work because I am a dragon sleeping on a bed of gold, silly me" :).

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

My new job is easy.
I don't get any "Sunday evening blues" any more.
I don't have to manage any employees-couldn't care less really if they come in or not.
Saying all that they are all really nice, mainly because there is no stress and loads of time to chat.

Most people hate the area I now work in as they find it "boring"-bring it on I say, it’s the same pay cheque at the end of the week minus the stress.

I am also getting really fit now, all the time preparing and maintaining my health-doing as much as I can, to be in the best condition when I finally can leave work.

I will never take my eye of the GOAL-retirement/full freedom to spend my time anyway that I desire.

A lot of people doubt that I will leave work when the time comes(even my DH), at this stage, I just smile and don't waste my energy arguing.

They have no idea of the burning need inside of me to be free...

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jennypenny
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by jennypenny »

What are your DH's plans? Is he planning on retiring early? (sorry if you said and I missed it)

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

Hi Jennypenny, He probably hates work equal/more than me and plans to cut out (on a full pension) very shortly.
He is an INTJ as well, and fills all his spare time mastering his craft/passion-a skill not many people can do and thus a small side income in his retirement.

My work is still great. I often have to pinch myself as it is so easygoing and relaxed.
I also have to laugh at myself to think that I ended up doing a paperwork job-me of all people.

It is often mentally cripplingly boring (between the chats), BUT needs very little effort or energy.
I can hack boring as it was the stressful environment in my last position that was mentally and physically killing me.

All that I want is to leave "paid work" forever so the requirement for engagement or challenge is not necessary.

It is still really funny that I have ended up doing what I now do....

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

This is going to turn into a “Why I love work journal?” and become really boring unless I change my tune.

I just feel so lucky to have been put into the position that I now do.

I am starting to get interested in it now as there is such a low workload and loads of time to do it properly.

The only black cloud on the horizon is that I could be moved back to my old position again depending on “other” circumstances beyond my control. The place that I left is a major S***hole and I hope that I never have to go back to it again.

Just in case that I will,I am putting in a big effort to keep my skills and speed for my old position up to date. I never want to lose my "work-confidence" again (as I did while I job-shared).

My attitude right now is to hope for the best and enjoy the break while it lasts. Each month that passes puts me nearer to my ER anyway so I really have nothing to lose.

I feel so balanced and calm all the time now and hence, I have lots more energy to put in to my personal life. It would be a dream comes true if I can spend my last working years where I am now.

I have also kept up my outdoor exercise everyday and don’t even notice the winter creeping in.

I can also take any holidays that I want off, so this may come in very handy for extended trips during school holidays.

All good with the important thing being (for ER) is that it pays the exact same amount as my old position.

1taskaday
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Re: The Reluctant Journal

Post by 1taskaday »

The race is on,(all in my head),to get my mortgage down to 30,000 by New Year!

From my many calculations I should make it to 33,000 by Jan 1st and then 30,000 by Jan 31st.

It really makes no difference,what's a month? ..... it really is just to keep my mind focused.

Back from our Winter sun break, which was really very hot-uncomfortably so. Funny as I age I seem to dislike intense heat more and more. It was great to get away and I enjoyed the sleep-ins with no alarm clocks the best.

As Bridget Jones would say; "Note to self: NO MORE HOLIDAYS WITH TEENS".

They have the boredom threshold of ants and have grown beyond non-activity, non-internet holidays. It certainly kept us on the move trying to entertain them.

Anyway we all got home with no murders committed- a lot of near misses though.

Work is still a dream-I often say to my new work peers, “Do you realise how lucky you are to have a job like this? or "What a job!"

They just look at me blankly, having no "hell hole" as a reference point.

They are a lovely bunch of people to work with. The whole energy of the place is kind and friendly, a complete contrast to my former place.

I often think; does it really matter the type of work we do? isn’t it really all about the people we work with and the work load we are expected to clear. The older I get the more I think this is true.

I still do as much overtime in my last job as I get as this will speed up my mortgage payment. I can’t wait until I can pack in this as it is such a waste of life.

The only problem from "going away" is that it always ignites my travel lust...which unfortunately I have to quench through reading... as the time has not yet come for me to be free...

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