I have been enjoying Black Swan a lot. It makes my brain twist. I'm looking forward to Antifragile almost impatiently.
I've been a big whiny baby . . . constantly talking about all the things I discussed in my above post. Most people probably fantasize about punching me in the face and telling me to shut up. I don't know how to solve my problem but I've decided to focus my mind on a few things (May - August) . . .
-my goals for this summer (short-term focused, staying busy)
-i have 3 trips now through August (one paid for by work again)
-Austin next week (anyone in Austin?)
-Dublin in 2 weeks (anyone in Dublin?)
-Colorado/New Mexico in July for Family Reunion
-being more actively positive in thoughts/action/interactions
-read a ton
-i WILL write music again
-be grateful i have not only a job (and so many people can't find one right now) but one that pays a ton and is filling up my war chest crazy fast.
anyone have any other ideas to keep my mind off lamenting?
Zarathustra's Journal
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Thanks for the suggestion, spoonman. I've put it in my goodreads.
I'm in Dublin, staying with a friend and working on one of my goals as well as enjoying the city a bit. The weather has been pretty nice, surprisingly. I did run into an expensive snafu at Heathrow though. My flight was cancelled by British Airways and they SAY they will reimburse the hotel/food/cancelled tickets but we'll see . . . there were so many cancelled flights that the only remaining hotels nearby were expensive, and they cite "reasonable" as the costs they will reimburse. I am trying not to think about that while on vacation though.
I finished Black Swan and am now on to Antifragile, which I find to be even more enjoyable. I am also reading Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet" which is beautifully written but rather negative from the perspective of nothingness-fascination.
Now, onto more interesting topics . . . As you may've noticed, flying to Dublin for just one week is not frugal or very ERE-minded. It's true that I was not planning on any expensive flights or international trips this year; I was saving those for after ERE where I could amortize the flight expense. Then the free India trip happened and because of that trip . . . I fell in love . . . with someone living in Dublin who also won the trip to India.
Romantic and wonderful and just like a movie but practically speaking, it was a humanitarian trip in a foreign country. Vacation love. The question of if what we found would be the same in real life was one that needed to be answered.
It isn't the same. It's better.
Shit.
Now what? I try to find a job in Dublin that pays less, lengthening time to ERE. Dublin cannot support a van-living life: savings rate will go down. The relationship could not pan out.
On the other hand, working in another country, particularly a european one, is a life dream. Finding the love of my life is also a life dream, of course
. . . I can't say yet that he is that, but what we do have, for however long it lasts, is not "rare", but "NEVER HAPPENED" to zarathustra, that is how good it is match-wise.
I won't go into the very long and complicated issue that is my absolute terror at the idea of long term commitment and lack of freedom that comes from attaching yourself to another living being (human or not), etc . . . I will save that one for another post.
My current plan is to stay the course on my summer/fall of focus on my goals and current job and THEN see where I am at. We plan to most likely see eachother again in September, but you never know if we'll even make it that far. So sad to find love finally after almost 4 years without it and know it will likely die due to lack of nurturing and in-person growth
I was lamenting on this early in the week, but then read Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet", particularly the portion on Love, Freedom, and the Marriage one. These helped me gain perspective. Most experiences of love are just experiences that inform the next ones. Enjoy it.
It's life . . . and mine is full of color. I am lucky, but for the most part I make it that way due to my own choices and being willing to take risks. Writing that just told me that yes, I would risk it and move to Dublin. The relationship would likely not pan out but what other adventures would find me?
Plenty.
Or I could be completely insane, who knows.
I'm in Dublin, staying with a friend and working on one of my goals as well as enjoying the city a bit. The weather has been pretty nice, surprisingly. I did run into an expensive snafu at Heathrow though. My flight was cancelled by British Airways and they SAY they will reimburse the hotel/food/cancelled tickets but we'll see . . . there were so many cancelled flights that the only remaining hotels nearby were expensive, and they cite "reasonable" as the costs they will reimburse. I am trying not to think about that while on vacation though.
I finished Black Swan and am now on to Antifragile, which I find to be even more enjoyable. I am also reading Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet" which is beautifully written but rather negative from the perspective of nothingness-fascination.
Now, onto more interesting topics . . . As you may've noticed, flying to Dublin for just one week is not frugal or very ERE-minded. It's true that I was not planning on any expensive flights or international trips this year; I was saving those for after ERE where I could amortize the flight expense. Then the free India trip happened and because of that trip . . . I fell in love . . . with someone living in Dublin who also won the trip to India.
Romantic and wonderful and just like a movie but practically speaking, it was a humanitarian trip in a foreign country. Vacation love. The question of if what we found would be the same in real life was one that needed to be answered.
It isn't the same. It's better.
Shit.
Now what? I try to find a job in Dublin that pays less, lengthening time to ERE. Dublin cannot support a van-living life: savings rate will go down. The relationship could not pan out.
On the other hand, working in another country, particularly a european one, is a life dream. Finding the love of my life is also a life dream, of course
. . . I can't say yet that he is that, but what we do have, for however long it lasts, is not "rare", but "NEVER HAPPENED" to zarathustra, that is how good it is match-wise. I won't go into the very long and complicated issue that is my absolute terror at the idea of long term commitment and lack of freedom that comes from attaching yourself to another living being (human or not), etc . . . I will save that one for another post.
My current plan is to stay the course on my summer/fall of focus on my goals and current job and THEN see where I am at. We plan to most likely see eachother again in September, but you never know if we'll even make it that far. So sad to find love finally after almost 4 years without it and know it will likely die due to lack of nurturing and in-person growth
I was lamenting on this early in the week, but then read Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet", particularly the portion on Love, Freedom, and the Marriage one. These helped me gain perspective. Most experiences of love are just experiences that inform the next ones. Enjoy it.
It's life . . . and mine is full of color. I am lucky, but for the most part I make it that way due to my own choices and being willing to take risks. Writing that just told me that yes, I would risk it and move to Dublin. The relationship would likely not pan out but what other adventures would find me?
Plenty.
Or I could be completely insane, who knows.
Romantic and wonderful and just like a movie but practically speaking, it was a humanitarian trip in a foreign country. Vacation love.
...
Now what? I try to find a job in Dublin that pays less, lengthening time to ERE. Dublin cannot support a van-living life: savings rate will go down. The relationship could not pan out.
I found myself in a similar situation three years ago. Vacation love turned into real love, and we've been doing the long-distance thing since. No, not very ERE (-:
The concerns from the early days (might not pan out, etc.) are still there, but you know what? They don't really matter. Not everything I set out to do pans out, but I don't regret undertaking every endeavor that doesn't doesn't reach some ultimate goal.
If you've been gifted with the personality to even consider the possibility, you should seriously consider pursuing it. If both of you want to make it to September (not really far away...), then you will.
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Thanks Chris. How have you guys been doing the long distance thing for 3 years? Yeah September is not far at all. After this time together, there is far less insecurity about the things that connect us - those are entirely foundational to our characters. Those don't fade. But it's still hard. *sigh*
I've begun looking for jobs in my company for transfer to Dublin as well as outside but I am not in a hurry. I am looking for the right thing and like I said before, I have some goals I am trying to complete this summer.
I finished Antifragile. I've used a lot from his book to think through decisions, like the decision to move to Dublin. I feel it working its way through my brain still.
I am now reading "Mastery" which I won from Robert Greene through Goodreads. He signed it "I hope this inspires you to follow your own weird path in life!"
How appropriate. Thanks, Robert Greene.
I haven't been over the moon about it and I'm over half way done, but I will say that so far it has inspired me to think very carefully about my past and the things that really sparked something in me, like writing music. I am thinking a lot about that. More to come on that topic.
I am about to turn 31. This is the first birthday I don't care at all about celebrating or anything. Year 30 - 31 was the best year of my life. I don't know how the most lonely year of my life could also be the best one, but maybe that's how it is . . . the great things just seem greater in the context of the not-so-great.
Year 30-31:
-Increased Net Worth 150%, I am about 43% to FI
-Quit Smoking
-Moved into a Van / Simplified & Downsized
-Completed NaNoWriMo
-Got a "promotion" at work
-Became an EMR
-Won a trip to India
-Habitat for Humanity in India
-Traveled in Kerala, India
-Met someone very special
-Traveled to Ireland
That was a pretty spectacular year . . .
I've begun looking for jobs in my company for transfer to Dublin as well as outside but I am not in a hurry. I am looking for the right thing and like I said before, I have some goals I am trying to complete this summer.
I finished Antifragile. I've used a lot from his book to think through decisions, like the decision to move to Dublin. I feel it working its way through my brain still.
I am now reading "Mastery" which I won from Robert Greene through Goodreads. He signed it "I hope this inspires you to follow your own weird path in life!"
How appropriate. Thanks, Robert Greene.
I haven't been over the moon about it and I'm over half way done, but I will say that so far it has inspired me to think very carefully about my past and the things that really sparked something in me, like writing music. I am thinking a lot about that. More to come on that topic.
I am about to turn 31. This is the first birthday I don't care at all about celebrating or anything. Year 30 - 31 was the best year of my life. I don't know how the most lonely year of my life could also be the best one, but maybe that's how it is . . . the great things just seem greater in the context of the not-so-great.
Year 30-31:
-Increased Net Worth 150%, I am about 43% to FI
-Quit Smoking
-Moved into a Van / Simplified & Downsized
-Completed NaNoWriMo
-Got a "promotion" at work
-Became an EMR
-Won a trip to India
-Habitat for Humanity in India
-Traveled in Kerala, India
-Met someone very special
-Traveled to Ireland
That was a pretty spectacular year . . .
How have you guys been doing the long distance thing for 3 years? Yeah September is not far at all. After this time together, there is far less insecurity about the things that connect us - those are entirely foundational to our characters. Those don't fade. But it's still hard. *sigh*
Yes, it will be three years this summer.
Your sigh is warranted and understood. Yet don't forget how good you have it though: consider that some people in your position wouldn't be able to handle such an arrangement. And aside from personal fortitude, also figure that we're living in a time where such a thing is possible: skype, quick jet travel, and telecommuting. The whole relationship would be nigh impossible to pull off a few generations ago.
Yes, it will be three years this summer.
Your sigh is warranted and understood. Yet don't forget how good you have it though: consider that some people in your position wouldn't be able to handle such an arrangement. And aside from personal fortitude, also figure that we're living in a time where such a thing is possible: skype, quick jet travel, and telecommuting. The whole relationship would be nigh impossible to pull off a few generations ago.
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
Due to various recent dramatics at work, I have decided that instead of fighting inaccuracy and injustice and fighting for my desire to be authentic, it is far wiser and more logical for me to treat it like a game or battlefield. I know many people figure this out early on, but I really suck at inauthenticity even when it's logical.
I now walk into work and envision myself wearing armor; watching my back at all times. It's easier on me psychologically to see myself as a soldier trying to protect myself and survive rather than thinking of it as feeling I have to be an inauthentic version of myself in order to be acceptable. So far so good (hard, but good).
I've been working on finishing my thesis for my philosophy degree (Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex & Hegel's The Phenomenology of Spirit - focus on Master/Slave Dialectic in Beauvoir's analysis of woman's subjection through the male-female dynamic). It's almost done. It has been surprisingly seamless going back into this type of work and writing (its been 9 years since I first started it, 7 years since I last worked on Philosophy). In fact, even after a very long and stressful day at work, I can go almost directly into focusing on reading, writing, and analyzing which is also incredibly surprising. Perhaps I shouldn't have given up on academia. Maybe this was my "calling" as far as one of those things I can literally lose myself in and never get tired of; the thing that Robert Greene would say is something I could Master. I felt the same way when writing music back when I did that regularly. Now I don't do either regularly. This is the one thing I got out of "Mastery" that was beneficial for me - I realized that these two things are my natural strengths and passions and foundational to who I am and I need to re-implement them in my life. Gratefully, both are things that don't require me to involve a job or anyone else to do. I could go hide out in a cabin in the woods for the rest of my life and fulfill this passion.
With the recent dramatics at work among some other troubles, I am fully focused on my goals - I use them as a steadying mechanism; a reliable friend. Working towards goals makes me feel productive, focused, purposeful, and remind me of what truly matters to me. When I forgo outings with friends, a lazy day at the beach, a convenient dinner out, etc for working on goals I squash depression or negativity because I know I'm working towards the solution; towards an even better life.
I've renewed a focus on health: cheaper and better eating and more activity
Next week I begin regular guitar practice to get my skills back.
I've renewed a focus on cutting expenses
Other updates . . . Since the last update I did the following:
-Album I've been loving lately: "Deep Sea Diver: History Speaks". Holy shit I've listened to this album on repeat for at least a month now. An old friend of mine says the singer reminds her a lot of me.
-Family reunion in Colorado/NM (drove the van!)
-Finished "Mastery" (2 stars)
-Read "Foundation" by Isaac Asimov (3 stars)
-Read Milan Kundera's "Slowness" (4 stars) - Gotta love the term "existential mathematics"
-Read $100 Startup (sister in law brought it for me to read at the reunion) (2 stars)
-Read Bluebeard (Vonnegut) (3 or 4 stars)
-Started Salt (hate it so far - halfway done) & Gone With the Wind (love it so far)
-Tried to ignore the gold drop
-Bought tickets to meet the guy in Morocco for an 11 day vacay in Sept (wallet says "ouch" . . . love finds a way to hurt you somehow)
I am still hovering around 42.5% to FI . . . I really want to get to 50% by end of the year. I am going to be trying to sell a bunch of books and a scooter to reverse some of the costs of expensive love that have come about this year.
I'll report back on all this, especially the attempts at battlefield mentality. I am terrible at being inauthentic for long.
I wasn't built for this world.
I now walk into work and envision myself wearing armor; watching my back at all times. It's easier on me psychologically to see myself as a soldier trying to protect myself and survive rather than thinking of it as feeling I have to be an inauthentic version of myself in order to be acceptable. So far so good (hard, but good).
I've been working on finishing my thesis for my philosophy degree (Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex & Hegel's The Phenomenology of Spirit - focus on Master/Slave Dialectic in Beauvoir's analysis of woman's subjection through the male-female dynamic). It's almost done. It has been surprisingly seamless going back into this type of work and writing (its been 9 years since I first started it, 7 years since I last worked on Philosophy). In fact, even after a very long and stressful day at work, I can go almost directly into focusing on reading, writing, and analyzing which is also incredibly surprising. Perhaps I shouldn't have given up on academia. Maybe this was my "calling" as far as one of those things I can literally lose myself in and never get tired of; the thing that Robert Greene would say is something I could Master. I felt the same way when writing music back when I did that regularly. Now I don't do either regularly. This is the one thing I got out of "Mastery" that was beneficial for me - I realized that these two things are my natural strengths and passions and foundational to who I am and I need to re-implement them in my life. Gratefully, both are things that don't require me to involve a job or anyone else to do. I could go hide out in a cabin in the woods for the rest of my life and fulfill this passion.
With the recent dramatics at work among some other troubles, I am fully focused on my goals - I use them as a steadying mechanism; a reliable friend. Working towards goals makes me feel productive, focused, purposeful, and remind me of what truly matters to me. When I forgo outings with friends, a lazy day at the beach, a convenient dinner out, etc for working on goals I squash depression or negativity because I know I'm working towards the solution; towards an even better life.
I've renewed a focus on health: cheaper and better eating and more activity
Next week I begin regular guitar practice to get my skills back.
I've renewed a focus on cutting expenses
Other updates . . . Since the last update I did the following:
-Album I've been loving lately: "Deep Sea Diver: History Speaks". Holy shit I've listened to this album on repeat for at least a month now. An old friend of mine says the singer reminds her a lot of me.
-Family reunion in Colorado/NM (drove the van!)
-Finished "Mastery" (2 stars)
-Read "Foundation" by Isaac Asimov (3 stars)
-Read Milan Kundera's "Slowness" (4 stars) - Gotta love the term "existential mathematics"
-Read $100 Startup (sister in law brought it for me to read at the reunion) (2 stars)
-Read Bluebeard (Vonnegut) (3 or 4 stars)
-Started Salt (hate it so far - halfway done) & Gone With the Wind (love it so far)
-Tried to ignore the gold drop
-Bought tickets to meet the guy in Morocco for an 11 day vacay in Sept (wallet says "ouch" . . . love finds a way to hurt you somehow)
I am still hovering around 42.5% to FI . . . I really want to get to 50% by end of the year. I am going to be trying to sell a bunch of books and a scooter to reverse some of the costs of expensive love that have come about this year.
I'll report back on all this, especially the attempts at battlefield mentality. I am terrible at being inauthentic for long.
I wasn't built for this world.
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
I couldn't hold the inauthenticity but I did cut out the right people and stopped respecting or caring about the leaders involved in the whole debacle. And I got a promotion . . . that had almost no positive feelings attached to it because of who it came from and the whiplash the news gave me. It sucks to really love and care about the people you work with and the job that you want to do but have your soul crushed by or get near panic attacks from the leadership of your team. I really can't stay much longer, can I? The near panic attacks kinda seal the deal, you know?
Morocco was terrible. Hard. My long distance relationship is falling apart since then. That sucks too.
In all of this I am somehow keeping it together and even thriving. My determination to not let any of this derail or ruin me is keeping me sane. That and working out like a fiend. I'm getting hot!
Lifting weights is so much fun! I had no idea.
I have reached the 50% to FI mark . . . oh well. I'm not in a hurry really anymore. I am more interested in finding a happier use of my time that still pays me.
Oh yeah and I finished my thesis and graduated . . . slayed that monster under my bed. That is the biggest win of the year as far as I am concerned.
I will likely do NaNoWriMo again this year. I have no idea what I will write about or even if I will do fiction. I just like the challenge of writing 50k words in 30 days. It's going to be a crazy month.
Morocco was terrible. Hard. My long distance relationship is falling apart since then. That sucks too.
In all of this I am somehow keeping it together and even thriving. My determination to not let any of this derail or ruin me is keeping me sane. That and working out like a fiend. I'm getting hot!
Lifting weights is so much fun! I had no idea.
I have reached the 50% to FI mark . . . oh well. I'm not in a hurry really anymore. I am more interested in finding a happier use of my time that still pays me.
Oh yeah and I finished my thesis and graduated . . . slayed that monster under my bed. That is the biggest win of the year as far as I am concerned.
I will likely do NaNoWriMo again this year. I have no idea what I will write about or even if I will do fiction. I just like the challenge of writing 50k words in 30 days. It's going to be a crazy month.
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
Congratulations on the thesis, graduation, promotion, exercising, and getting hot!
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
Thanks, C! I've had a great year for sure!
The moment I am in now is just that - a sliver of time that plays a key role in the balance. The good times are good because of moments like this. However, I won't be swallowed up in it this time.
I'm spending some starwood amex points on a hotel this weekend. I am so deliciously boring.
Provisions:
- alaskan survival documentaries
- a big bottle of cheap wine
- lots of baths
- yogurt and fruit
- popcorn (extra butter!)
- guitar
- roasted chicken and colby jack cheese
- Nietzsche's "The Birth of Tragedy"
- David Foster Wallace's "The Broom of the System" (Indeed, a strange but often incredibly well-written novel)
I think I have to get an oil change for the van, though. That's not sexy at all.
The big thing about this weekend is that I will likely spend more time thinking . . . staring at the ceiling or into nothingness the way I do so often, trying to figure out my next move. It's just a question of when, but I'm almost 100% going to take a year off within the next 6 months. It all depends on how long I determine I want to stay in my job. Silicon Valley will still be here for me in a year with its high salaries and ridiculous perks to keep me in free food and showers as long as my sweet van-living ass needs.
I could do anything, but right now I want to travel the states in my van visiting friends and family and lots of nature. I'm a gemini so I'm sure it could change at any minute.
I just know it's time for me to give myself some time. I'd like to reconnect with myself in that way you can only achieve when naked of obligation. I will find a new kind of loneliness. That hurts a little, but hey - I've been more lonely in the last two years than I've ever been, and it hasn't been a waste. Why not try another brand of it?
The moment I am in now is just that - a sliver of time that plays a key role in the balance. The good times are good because of moments like this. However, I won't be swallowed up in it this time.
I'm spending some starwood amex points on a hotel this weekend. I am so deliciously boring.
Provisions:
- alaskan survival documentaries
- a big bottle of cheap wine
- lots of baths
- yogurt and fruit
- popcorn (extra butter!)
- guitar
- roasted chicken and colby jack cheese
- Nietzsche's "The Birth of Tragedy"
- David Foster Wallace's "The Broom of the System" (Indeed, a strange but often incredibly well-written novel)
I think I have to get an oil change for the van, though. That's not sexy at all.
The big thing about this weekend is that I will likely spend more time thinking . . . staring at the ceiling or into nothingness the way I do so often, trying to figure out my next move. It's just a question of when, but I'm almost 100% going to take a year off within the next 6 months. It all depends on how long I determine I want to stay in my job. Silicon Valley will still be here for me in a year with its high salaries and ridiculous perks to keep me in free food and showers as long as my sweet van-living ass needs.
I could do anything, but right now I want to travel the states in my van visiting friends and family and lots of nature. I'm a gemini so I'm sure it could change at any minute.
I just know it's time for me to give myself some time. I'd like to reconnect with myself in that way you can only achieve when naked of obligation. I will find a new kind of loneliness. That hurts a little, but hey - I've been more lonely in the last two years than I've ever been, and it hasn't been a waste. Why not try another brand of it?
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
so . . . something pretty scary occurred last night. just know right now that i'm totally fine!!
i was parked on my usual street. i had woken up a little hot, so i had taken off my sweatshirt and cooled off a bit and was falling back asleep when i heard a strange sound - probably steps on the sidewalk next to me but what really woke me up was a soft triple knock on the body of the van
a few seconds later, another triple knock
i was puzzled. maybe it was someone i knew that knew i was there and they were visiting me or something?
so i waited to hear them say something like "[name]? you there?"
but nothing
then i heard some kind of instrument go into my passenger side keyhole, and start sawing away . . .
they were picking the lock
i was sitting up in bed, holding my phone to my chest, and realized i didn't know where the pepper spray or knife was
then i remembered something my friend chris had said - that thieves are typically total cowards and hate confrontation. they don't want to run into people. the thief had "knocked" i was pretty sure, like maybe he knew it was possible someone was in there and wanted to check
so i hit the side of the van hard, making a loud bang
he kept sawing
so i did it again
and the sawing stopped
they pulled the stuff out of the lock
hit the side of the van in reply
and then i heard quick steps going away.
then the sound of a car unlocking with the "beep", then a car door open. no engine sound, no door close sound. but i wasn't totally sure i knew what was happening.
i sat there for a minute or so thinking about what to do next.
listening for more sounds
but nothing
i decided that i needed to get the hell out of there
but i was afraid he would still be out there and see me and see i was a woman and who knows
but then i realized that just because the guy left doesn't mean he isn't going to change his mind or come back with a weapon or something
so i decided it was better to be brave and just start my car and drive away as fast as i could
so i got into the front, and was putting on my shoes and glasses and then i saw a black figure in my side mirror walking across the street holding something coming towards me.
so i turned on my lights, turned the key, and started to back up. to my surprise, a white car popped out from behind me. the car had been parked behind me the whole time
it stopped, which was confusing. it was waiting for me or who knows what.
where was the guy?
it seemed to take forever for me to back up enough to be able to get out and by that time the white car collected the guy and sped off.
all the time no engine sounds at all
their lights off
then i started pulling into the road and saw another black figure running down the sidewalk across the street.
he was wearing a big black sheet, looking like a ghost, holding stolen goods as he ran
so i drove as fast as i could to get out of there and drove straight to my grandparents and laid in the back of my van in their driveway for two hours to calm down.
the end.
------------------------------------
there are a lot of things to say about what happened, but i'm going to stew over it a bit and come back with next thoughts . . . i'm glad to be safe, that's for sure. today i ate candy unashamedly.
i was parked on my usual street. i had woken up a little hot, so i had taken off my sweatshirt and cooled off a bit and was falling back asleep when i heard a strange sound - probably steps on the sidewalk next to me but what really woke me up was a soft triple knock on the body of the van
a few seconds later, another triple knock
i was puzzled. maybe it was someone i knew that knew i was there and they were visiting me or something?
so i waited to hear them say something like "[name]? you there?"
but nothing
then i heard some kind of instrument go into my passenger side keyhole, and start sawing away . . .
they were picking the lock
i was sitting up in bed, holding my phone to my chest, and realized i didn't know where the pepper spray or knife was
then i remembered something my friend chris had said - that thieves are typically total cowards and hate confrontation. they don't want to run into people. the thief had "knocked" i was pretty sure, like maybe he knew it was possible someone was in there and wanted to check
so i hit the side of the van hard, making a loud bang
he kept sawing
so i did it again
and the sawing stopped
they pulled the stuff out of the lock
hit the side of the van in reply
and then i heard quick steps going away.
then the sound of a car unlocking with the "beep", then a car door open. no engine sound, no door close sound. but i wasn't totally sure i knew what was happening.
i sat there for a minute or so thinking about what to do next.
listening for more sounds
but nothing
i decided that i needed to get the hell out of there
but i was afraid he would still be out there and see me and see i was a woman and who knows
but then i realized that just because the guy left doesn't mean he isn't going to change his mind or come back with a weapon or something
so i decided it was better to be brave and just start my car and drive away as fast as i could
so i got into the front, and was putting on my shoes and glasses and then i saw a black figure in my side mirror walking across the street holding something coming towards me.
so i turned on my lights, turned the key, and started to back up. to my surprise, a white car popped out from behind me. the car had been parked behind me the whole time
it stopped, which was confusing. it was waiting for me or who knows what.
where was the guy?
it seemed to take forever for me to back up enough to be able to get out and by that time the white car collected the guy and sped off.
all the time no engine sounds at all
their lights off
then i started pulling into the road and saw another black figure running down the sidewalk across the street.
he was wearing a big black sheet, looking like a ghost, holding stolen goods as he ran
so i drove as fast as i could to get out of there and drove straight to my grandparents and laid in the back of my van in their driveway for two hours to calm down.
the end.
------------------------------------
there are a lot of things to say about what happened, but i'm going to stew over it a bit and come back with next thoughts . . . i'm glad to be safe, that's for sure. today i ate candy unashamedly.
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
That is really scary! Glad you're safe. Please park someplace different tonight!
-
jennypenny
- Posts: 6853
- Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:20 pm
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
I'm so sorry! You handled it well.
Can you report it, or aren't you allowed to park where you're parking?
Can you report it, or aren't you allowed to park where you're parking?
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
Thanks jennypenny I do feel proud of how I handled the situation.
It is technically illegal to live in a vehicle where I live. It's not typically enforced, but I'd prefer to stay off the police radar as long as possible. I didn't really see much upside on reporting it since I didn't have enough detailed memory to help with prosecution of anyone.
It is technically illegal to live in a vehicle where I live. It's not typically enforced, but I'd prefer to stay off the police radar as long as possible. I didn't really see much upside on reporting it since I didn't have enough detailed memory to help with prosecution of anyone.
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
Sounds like you handled it well.
One option to consider is to honk the horn (if you have it, activating the "panic" would work best as you don't have to go up and honk it yourself). This might make them flee
One option to consider is to honk the horn (if you have it, activating the "panic" would work best as you don't have to go up and honk it yourself). This might make them flee
-
zarathustra
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:15 pm
- Location: VEGAS, BABY
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
Yes I didn't bother with any alarm system when I got the van because typically those don't deter thieves and people just ignore them if they are going off. Maybe that was naive? I am going to do some research but if anyone has suggestions for something that I could activate from the back of my van and being in my van moving a bit wouldn't set it off, let me know!
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
Yikes, that's pretty scary! Was there anything obvious they could steal?
I always worried about police/security showing up when I was sleeping in Walmart parking lots, etc. Also, I discovered early in my trip that one lock didn't work while sleeping in a rest area, when someone mistook my van for their own and opened the door. Scared us both!
What are you planning on doing? Anything, or do you think this is a one-off event?
I always worried about police/security showing up when I was sleeping in Walmart parking lots, etc. Also, I discovered early in my trip that one lock didn't work while sleeping in a rest area, when someone mistook my van for their own and opened the door. Scared us both!
What are you planning on doing? Anything, or do you think this is a one-off event?
Re: Zarathustra's Journal
zarathustra,
You did a great job getting yourself out of that mess! I am a large adult male that has handled myself successfully during physical altercation with others through the years and I often have a weapon within reach. The situation you spoke of would scare the shit out of me and I would hope I handled it as well as you did. I also hope that event does not negatively affect your future plans.
You did a great job getting yourself out of that mess! I am a large adult male that has handled myself successfully during physical altercation with others through the years and I often have a weapon within reach. The situation you spoke of would scare the shit out of me and I would hope I handled it as well as you did. I also hope that event does not negatively affect your future plans.