Zarathustra's Journal

[GandK]

Eek! I hope you have some alternative parking spots available? I don't think I'd ever be able to sleep in that spot again.

[zarathustra]

It's been almost a week now since it happened and I haven't slept in my van. Of course, I will never park there again. Every time I think through it or tell the story, my heart starts racing and breathing gets shallow and quickened and I tense up completely. I totally re-live it. It was intense.

I've thought a lot about it and I have identified several mistakes I made and rules that I was too relaxed on that may've contributed to the incident. Maybe I'll share those sometime.

I am now house-sitting for a friend until thanksgiving, going to Ireland, and then house-sitting for my grandparents until Christmas. I have some time to do an honest re-evaluation of the van living. I doubt I will stop living in the van, but there is no harm in honesty with one self. Only good can come from that.

Tonight I emptied the whole thing out and it felt good. I have some ideas for re-arranging things. Window tint is first, then probably an alarm system.

I went ahead and wrote my experience as a chapter in my NaNoWriMo novel I was working on. Since I've never been too great at fiction, my novel is about a woman in silicon valley who chooses to live in a van (shocking!). Needless to say, I've got plenty to say on the matter so my word count is at over 20k words already.

It's been a great creative exercise, similar to last year, and good cheap entertainment. What has been revealing to me, however, is that working and living in this part of myself has put me in a much calmer mood . . . And I feel more in line with myself . . . and . . . my libido has skyrocketed. ha!

Isn't it interesting?

Not so surprising, of course. Authenticity and engaging in self-directed creative work is refreshing and . . . kind of how we should live as much as possible, yes? Well, maybe not everyone but this is my reason for ERE behavior.

I am still strongly considering leaving my job and taking some time off to pursue this part of myself and other goals. I have strayed from the hardcore straight-trajectory mindset of ERE in the sense that I don't want to wait to do some of these things. I don't want to wait to put my full force of self into some of these goals. I do worry about losing parts of myself I don't want to lose if I "sacrifice" and sell my time and creative energies and mind for my ERE war chest.

I understand it is "risky" to take time off but I have pretty high confidence in my ability to adapt and thrive; something ERE has encouraged in me. The risk of not pursuing what feels right is far more dangerous for me I think.

So here's the deal: I've made it to over 50% of the way to FI. Outside of this, I have some cash savings. I have a low end, middle, and high end savings goal for my "time off" savings. This creates 3 points at which I can quit my job depending on the level of anxiety/stress/soul-crushing-crazytown-situation.

The first point will probably be hit in one week. The latest is May 1st unless something major changes.

I have thought a LOT about making the most of this time. I want to take the time off with specific goals in mind. I've become a goal-crushing machine in the last 2 years, so I have full faith in my abilities on that front. I just want to select the right goals.

I will likely want to make sure these goals fall into the these buckets:

physical
creative
exploratory
intellectual

Outside of this there are some people I really want to spend quality time with.

In the meantime, I am trying to keep it together, per usual these days. Carry on!

[bigchrisb]

Scary!

I had something similar happen when I was sleeping in the back of my truck on a six month roadtrip with all my dive gear. I found that opening the side window and pointing out a loaded speargun to be pretty effective in resolving my situation. But was much more careful about where I chose to pull up for the night after that. Glad that you are OK!

[zarathustra]

Seriously, thank you all for being so kind and caring! I just hope this doesn't dissuade others from considering the choice to live in a van because it truly is a RARE type of situation and as I said, I know I made some mistakes that made this far more likely to occur because I got lazy and complacent.

It wasn't exactly a black swan, but something like that.

It is probably quite safe now, statistically speaking, for me to continue living in a van with no problems whatsoever now that I have had one problem along these lines.

[missherra]

Hi Zarathustra,

Read your journal last night and must say I admire your courage. I'm 30, f, Silicon Valley, tech (though not an engineer) too and would love to be able to live in a van and save all of my money. I was so scared reading what happened recently while you were sleeping. Really hope you post on what you think you could have done better as far as complacency and safety. Please keep posting!

P.s. I'm new to this forum (just joined yesterday actually) but I've quickly became a fan!

[zarathustra]

Hi missherra! thank you for your kind words. i look forward to getting to know you!

there were several things i did wrong that night.

(1) i didn't choose the safest spot i saw on that road, because this one was easier to pull into. that safer spot was:
-under a light (always park in as much light as possible)
-at the end of the road where there was a security guard walking around (the end of the road is near a busier road with a train, so noise as well as more random people walking around. i also didn't like the idea of a security guard getting bored one night and calling the cops on my van, but that kind of risk is far better than the risk i ran by choosing the spot i did that night)

(2) i left a bag on my front seat. it was a grocery bag, so i didn't think it was a big deal

(3) i didn't know the name of the street i was on just in case i had to call the cops

(4) i didn't make sure to know where my pepper spray or knife was before i went to bed

i have been housesitting for a friend, but i admit i've had a few nightmares this past week and all the sounds in the night scare me. i feel only slightly more safe in a house. it's getting better, but i'm obviously still a little shaken. it will take time.

[Dream of Freedom]

"I'm 30, f, Silicon Valley, tech (though not an engineer) too" missherra

"I've been more lonely in the last two years than I've ever been"
zarathustra

You live in the same place and are the same age. Seriously, PM each other.

[zarathustra]

@ dream of freedom it's a good point!

well my update . . . i'm in dublin again, about to return to the states tomorrow (cyber monday). i successfully avoided the pitfalls and excess of thanksgiving, black friday, and cyber monday. this trip was about figuring out if the long distance relationship was worth continuing to fight for. it's not a black and white decision, though i was hoping it would be. however, i will likely pass on the furtherance of this relationship.

before i left i put in my notice at work. my last day will be dec 20th. it took a lot for me to finally make this decision and i admit i am slightly ashamed i didn't make it a few months earlier when i was certain it was no longer a healthy or positive situation. i was afraid to pull the trigger. even with all the savings i had, i was not able to walk the talk of utilizing the freedom i had provided myself in the form of skills and particularly savings. i had not yet built the backbone i suppose. the backbone is there now, and in the moment of writing my resignation as well as sending it, i felt a rush of power and self-respect which, though emotion-based, confirmed the quality of my choice.

i am taking some risks. i am going to pay some prices. but i drew a line. i said "no more, i deserve better". there is great value in this.

now i will take some time, as planned. what i will do, i still am not sure, but i have my lists of ideas and i have my main goals already determined. suggestions welcome!

cheers to freedom, authenticity, choice, and self-respect.

and beauty.

[m741]

Wow, congratulations! Putting in your resignation is a big step and I'm sure you'll be happier.

It's funny, but for me, although it felt like a huge move, it ended up being so anticlimactic. Just a few meetings and then I had to wait out my remaining weeks.

[spoonman]

I'm happy to hear that you pulled the trigger and that you felt a rush of power and self-respect. I love to daydream about how I will feel when I finally hand over my resignation and also when finally walk away from it all.

I wish you the best!

[George the original one]

Most excellent! Sorry the relationship is more tangled than you'd wish, but I trust the correct outcome will result.

[mxlr650]

This is really late reply, hopefully it still useful

I assume you live in cargo van not passenger van. Cargo van is top target to thieves for one main reason: expensive tools - contractor/plumber/mechanics tools can easily sell for thousands.

Here are few ways to avoid:

Make sure there are no external paintings or stickers of ANY sort that give any clue on the intended use of the van.

OEM locks for side and rear doors are pretty useless, you are better off buying a hidden shackle hasp and padlock: Master Lock 770 and 6270KA. 6270 is hardened, and also available as keyed alike so you have single key for both rear and side doors.

http://www.amazon.com/Master-Lock-770-S ... _hi_text_y

http://www.amazon.com/Master-Lock-6270K ... d_sim_hi_1

If you do not like drilling holes on the sidewall, you can try

http://www.slicklocks.com/

IMO Masterlocks are lot more sturdy than Slicklocks.

Another useful thing to do it to remove outside rear and side door open handles, so the doors can be only opened from the inside.

I have heard Walmart encourages RV and others to camp in their parking lot - so that could be another option.

Lastly, this is USA - not Hongkong, New Zealand or a Scandinavian country - I would buy a handgun if I decide to live in a van in USA - nothing like an emotional and safe distance that Glock or SIG would enable.

[riparian]

Congratulations on finally quitting! I bet that, like others have, you'll end up making some money while not working.

I had a similar experience while van dwelling and found a semi auto with a loud chambering noise or a good yell to be equally effective. If you stash one pepper spray by the bed and another by the drivers seat you'll always be ready.

It sounds like you're experiencing really normal PTSD. If it hasn't faded in a few months there are things you can do - let me know if you want info.

Your philosophy sounds interesting. I love Bordeaux, and I'm putting him in a big paper I'm writing this semester.

[Barlotti]

Wow Zarathustra, I'm totally captivated and impressed by your fearlessness. Best wishes on your journey.

[zarathustra]

Well . . . I am back! It's good to be back.

I spent a year traveling and living in SE Asia. My total expenses for travel from March - December was $13,679.14. For part of that time I lived in Bali (for 5-6 months) and averaged $700-900 dollars a month living in my own place near the beach and paying for health insurance and a Crossfit membership, so . . . it can be done. I have a travel blog that has more detailed posts about the money as well as the trip if you are interested. Just PM me.

In March I interviewed and got a remote PM job which requires really good internet and a North American timezone situation, and so now I've moved to Portland, Oregon. I will probably stay here for at least a year. I'm going to try to stay put for a while; learn to stay. I lucked into a great living situation for about $400/month in a great area. And that is BEFORE all of the great tax benefits of working from home!

Right now I am hoping to work for 1.5 - 2 more years to reach my minimum savings goal and then go from there. This may be my last "real"/"career" job.

I was close to getting a van and living in it again, just traveling around the States but to be honest I am worn out of traveling around and impermanence.

[C40]

Hey Zarathustra - welcome back!

One of the things on my list of options after quitting is to go live in SE Asia, or somewhere just like Bali and to be a beach bum for a while. So I'd love to read your blog. PM Sent. (edit - I think I sent it. Sometimes my PMs just go to the outbox and I wonder if they are getting sent.. Whether you get PM from me or not - please send me the link)

Portland should be fun. I think you're getting there at right about the perfect timing - where you will enjoy the entire summer (~dry season there)

[rube]

I wondered where you were, good to read an update from you!

[zarathustra]

Yeah C40 if you want to know more about the beach bum scene in SE Asia, here's some info on Bali: What I liked about it is that most everyone is incredibly relaxed and enjoying the moment, which helped me do so as well. What I didn't like about it was that most of those people also drank and/or partied a lot, and so I was once again in a "culture" where I could find little meaningful connection. Over these past few years I've gotten better and better at being alone and being happy about it, but that lack of community is what made it easier for me to just pack up and leave after I got that job and realized it wasn't going to work that well if I tried to work from there.

Bali was great in the sense that I was able to really focus on my top goals, which was exactly why I chose to settle there for a while. I wanted to be close to ocean, close to a gym that had bumper plates, to be able to cook for myself, to spent very little, and be able to eat good food (was getting sick and fat on all the carbs). Bali was a perfect fit for what I wanted!

I rode a bicycle around for transportation which both locals and expats alike thought was just ridiculous since it was "so cheap" to just rent a motorbike. I cooked pretty much all of my meals, so I ate incredibly well. I was dedicated to my workout routine at the crossfit gym (I just did open gym in the afternoons) where I did Jim Wendler's powerlifting program 5/3/1 (squats, overhead press, deadlift, and bench). I read and studied a lot, worked on my book (passion project), and published a little erotica to see what that was like. I slept 8-9 hours a night. It was sunny and warm and I saw the ocean regularly. I was happy pretty much every day.

So this was a good test for me. It was a good break from my career and the working world as well. I needed some space to heal and get some perspective from the damaging and stressful situation at my last job. Now I have the energy and interest to continue in my field for another few years.

During this time away I learned that I can absolutely do "retirement"/"no real job" very well and happily. I can be productive and worry very little about money. FYI, when I quit my job I was at about 60% of my desired ERE savings goal (The bare minimum one). I know a lot of people are tempted to do something like take a break from career/accumulation-phase for a while, and after doing so, I would say it can be incredibly beneficial!!

I admit that it was difficult to get used to spending money while not "making money" from a job, but that nagging feeling would be alleviated when I logged in to check my financial situation every month.

I've had a lot of fun telling people: **I QUIT MY JOB TO TRAVEL SE ASIA FOR OVER A YEAR AND MY NET WORTH WENT UP THE ENTIRE TIME.**

This shocks people and they just don't understand how that is possible. Of course, people on this forum understand how that is possible, but I think that this simple statement has helped my family and friends finally start to understand that my crazy plans for retirement and financial independence aren't just "theories" but can WORK.

[C40]

Thanks for the Bali information! That's helpful. What is real estate/housing like there? Can you rent a small (studio) apartment cheaply?

[Kriegsspiel]

This is all great stuff! I was just cruising around Bali (Kutu) yesterday in google street view. Which part were you in?

I am also a bumper plates and carbless fan like you.