bigato's journal

Where are you and where are you going?
bigato
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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: bigato's journal

Post by bigato »

Also, the questioning yourself all the time will create yet another layer of blind spots and adaptations where you silence your feelings and internalize the responsibility where you really shouldn’t, not that way. After years this layer of adaptation becomes part of your identity and you are not aware of how damage it does to you.
But you in particular are ahead the rest of us in that you have a walking copy near you in real life, a mirror where you can see yourself reflected. which is something that most of won’t have because statistics.

bigato
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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: bigato's journal

Post by bigato »

bigato wrote:
Wed Dec 11, 2019 4:33 pm
given savings rate and investments returns, by January or so, I’ll be in the same financial position I’d be had I left with the exit package from last August.
I just crossed that line today, about one month earlier.

bigato
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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: bigato's journal

Post by bigato »

I’ve been postponing buying a couple of small chairs for some time now, and today I went board gaming in friend’s house and voila, her roommate was commenting that he needed to donate a couple of chairs and a round table, all of them foldable. So one of the guys that was in the meeting gave me a lift and brought me home with the chairs/table. So timely!

classical_Liberal
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

Free stuff! The rich get richer...

horsewoman
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by horsewoman »

Timeliness is a curious thing, isn't it? When one is in the consumer mindset it is the instant availability, paired with overnight delivery.
In our mindset it is being patient enough to wait until the stuff comes around.

Riggerjack
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Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:09 am

Re: bigato's journal

Post by Riggerjack »

For those that are curious, as of this week I’m officially diagnosed as being in the autism spectrum, in what previously was called asperger syndrome but now is called high functioning autism.
Yeah. Me too. I just wanted to stop by and say thanks. Your journal helped me see the benefit of seeking some help.

My thoughts were very similar to those of scott 2. I suspected I would be diagnosed with Asperger's, but couldn't see how a label would be helpful.

Much to my surprise, it's been very helpful. So thanks, again.

mathiverse
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by mathiverse »

@Riggerjack - In what ways did you find it helpful?

bigato
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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: bigato's journal

Post by bigato »

I’m very happy to know that, RJ!

Riggerjack
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Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:09 am

Re: bigato's journal

Post by Riggerjack »

@ mathverse

I don't know how relevant my experience is to anyone else. I was diagnosed with Asperger's and PTSD. How much of each is still in question.

I have always thought differently than anyone I have ever met or read about. It's easy to think this is because other people are just not very smart, when school and tests are just pathetically easy. But of course this is harder to believe, after schooling is over, and the tests are far less aligned with my strengths.

But I also became more aware over the years that other people didn't grow up in a Chuck Palaniuk novel. Over in ffj's journal, he has some neighbors he wants to move away from. I was in several households like that as a kid. I enlisted shortly after school. Being in the army, during wartime, was by far the most stable and peaceful time in my life, to that point.

So then it is easy to think that the difference is background.

But still there are many aspects of dealing with people that are stressful and difficult. So my solution has been to increase distance. And keep increasing distance...

Understanding that some of the difference is perceptual has been very helpful.

Everyone has problems trying to figure out other people. I feel like we have all been working on our own jigsaw puzzle, from mixed sets, with missing pieces, and no real idea of what the picture is. But I have been doing my puzzle, with the pieces facedown.

By accepting that there are aspects of this puzzle that are simply invisible to me, I have been able to relax about trying to fit the next individual piece, and step back, looking at how all of the assembled bits could fit together.

It has opened up new, useful, ways of thinking about the puzzle. Not so much in a tips and tricks kind of way, more in a general, systemic way. Though I'm middle aged, and that may be a factor. The tips and tricks would probably have been very helpful when I was younger.

The real help has been in pointing out my blind spots, as bigato said. I don't think I could have found them on my own. Mentally, I was just skipping past them, without noticing. It's hard to correct patterns one doesn't notice.

I hope that helps.

bigato
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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: bigato's journal

Post by bigato »

I resumed my jiu jitsu training in a gym about 100 meters from home. This was the third week of training twice a week, and I think I may be able to increase the frequency to 3 times a week now. It feels great to be training again. Thankfully, once I move back to the countryside, I'll be able to keep training because I helped start a culture around it in that city about a decade ago when I taught jiu jitsu there.

I met a young guy who is earning a living making websites, just starting his business and career. The interesting thing is that his business model is mainly focused in customizing wordpress and using software that was already built - which is actually a great fit for a lot of the clients and is exactly what I don't have interest in doing. So we talked about an eventual partnership where he outsources to me the needs of the clients that won't be fulfilled by his model, and also takes responsibility for dealing with clients, negotiating, business stuff, etc. Basically all the burden of the boring stuff is on him, I get to solve interesting problems and get paid. One week later and we met again because he already has a candidate for me. This partnership may work or it may not, but if it does, it could be a nice way to transition into not being employed. And the guy is a nice filter for the type of stuff I have no interest in doing.

There's a big job promotion round going on in the job right now and I've been told indirectly that my chances are slim given I have no degree. Which made me very sad not because of the promotion nor the money, but because it kind of reflects the world I live in, where much of the time, formal requirements are deemed more valuable than actual skills. That's even when my level could qualify me to guide and teach most of people who will be actually promoted. But it is what it is, and it's too bad for the company that they don't have their priorities straight. It will show in the results in the coming years, and in a vindictive way I hope the fintechs will take over sooner and companies like mine just go bankrupt. That is actually one thing that could motivate me to get a job after quitting this one: helping startups and fintechs thrive and destroy the old models faster, by being smarter and more efficient. This thing with the promotions also made me loose my motivation to get a remote working position within this same company as a way to keep working longer here. Although the pay is good, it's more likely that this is a hindrance to my progress as a person and even as a professional in my field. So, the freelance opportunity described in the previous paragraph was quite serendipitous (it came something like a week before the news about the unlikelihood of me being promoted).

George the original one
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by George the original one »

@bigato - one of your strengths that has repeatedly shown through in all these years is how good you are at talking to people to create a business arrangement.

bigato
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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: bigato's journal

Post by bigato »

Has it, George? Nice to hear that. Thank you! :)

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