C40's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
Augustus
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by Augustus » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:58 pm

When I say comfort, I mean things that you are comfortable with. There are lots of times that you write that you are looking for the "right" kind of people, or place, or things. You also write that various women are "annoying." You wake up when you want to, naturally, i.e. comfortably. When you feel uncomfortable, you leave that place/person/thing.

That is not to say that you should put up with bull shit. Just that I notice that everything you do is a variation on the same thing. You are doing the echo chamber thing, isolating yourself from ideologies, people, places and things that are uncomfortable for you.

It follows that that behavior naturally ends in stagnation and ennui.

Buying a house is probably more of the same.

Recently, when I've felt the urge to insulate myself and ignore things that make me uncomfortable, I've been responding to it by telling myself that that means I HAVE to do those things, because it is limiting my growth not to.

I don't have any specific suggestions for you, and I am not recommending procreation. But it sounds like you need to experience uncomfortable things that will make you grow if you really want to feel fulfilled. You should seek out some discomfort, opposing views, people you don't like, etc. The closest thing I can think of to parenting, if you like animals, would be to nurse dying and injured animals at a wildlife refuge. The sense of fragility, joy of success, awareness of the senselessness and loss in life, the unfairness, etc is hard to come by, at least in America when you have money. But ultimately makes for a more poignant experience that is worth living.

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Allagash
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by Allagash » Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:22 pm

Augustus...very interesting points. These are some of the first times in human history large numbers of people are not having kids at all, especially in wealthy developed nations. Kind of worries me.

I'm in my later 40's and didn't have kids. Many of my friends didn't either. I was always afraid kids would "tie me down", "hold me back" and didn't want to "settle down". If I had to do it again I might take a shot by my early 30's at the whole kids, family, holidays, home, community, soccer practice thing. It can kind of get hollow just always doing stuff for ME, ME, ME.

I think a home on a piece of land, small farm, small business, a wife, kids, part of a community, evening dinners together, holidays together....has been the foundation of human happiness for thousands of years.

Also, smart people that are good with their money in developed nations aren't having enough kids. Low birth rates. But folks in many developing nations with NO money (or developed nations with NO money and little education) are pumping them out like rabbits.

And I tend to agree with what you say Augustus...that kids force a person to not think only about themselves and care for another...maybe in a way nothing else can. I've seen this with my bro's and sisters that have had kids.

But you also have to be the type that can stick around with a women and raise those kids though thick and thin. And you have to commit to it and see it through. Not easy.

slowtraveler
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:21 am

Only in the ERE forums is somebody living in a van on under 10k/yr seen as seeking comfort.

@Brute
Seriously?

@C40
Have you checked out vasalgel or RISUG? Coming soon, hopefully.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reversibl ... r_guidance

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BRUTE
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by BRUTE » Sun Jul 08, 2018 2:09 am

but.. stds...

slowtraveler
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:25 am

Std testing is more than 99% effective in many cases. Condoms are just under 95% effective in the best cases. They don't protect against many stds including but not limited to hsv 1, hsv 2, molluscum contagiosum, hpv, lice, and syphilis. I've known people who've gotten HIV*, Chlamydia, and pregnant (different individuals for each situation) while using condoms.

Oraquick can also be taken with you anywhere if you can't wait a week but it only covers HIV.

*Condom broke in HIV case.

Jason
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by Jason » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:38 am

These last few pages was like the male, ERE version of a "Sex and The City Episode."

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7Wannabe5
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:13 am

@Augustus:

I half agree with you. Yesterday I was chatting with another woman in her 50s who has adult children in their late 20s/early 30s. She is divorced and in great shape. When you are knee-deep in the years of raising kids it does give you a sense of purpose, but then you may find yourself, 10 years post-empty-nest and still looking at, hopefully, another 25 years of reasonable vigor. So, you still have to concern yourself with finding new purpose, finding new mates, finding new challenges, finding new places in the world, etc.

Besides being in better shape (sigh), my peer with whom I was chatting differed from me in that she was dating with the serious purpose of "finding somebody who will marry and take care of me, because I already spent too many years taking care of everybody else" , whereas I date with the purpose of enjoying as many benefits of masculine companionship I can procure without committing to any contract that keeps me from being free to do whatever I want to do. IOW, even though I spent a solid 20 years of my adult life married and raising children, and even though I do consider the "raising the kids" part to have been a wonderful experience towards personal growth (both my long-term marriage and my subsequent years of therapy and divorce were also growth experiences, although not so wonderful), my lifestyle choices now rather resemble those of C40.

That said, I do agree that taking on the responsibility, or expanding the boundaries of your system to include, the care of something valuable and vulnerable, will almost unavoidably result in a sense of purpose.

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BRUTE
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by BRUTE » Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:22 pm

Jason wrote:
Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:38 am
These last few pages was like the male, ERE version of a "Sex and The City Episode."
for extra frugality, Jason can clean out used condoms with equal parts baking soda and organic white vinegar, and then re-use them later.

Jason
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by Jason » Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:37 pm

Well I'm sure this will only precipitate a used condom cleaning methodology discussion, so before I commit to your preference, I'll see what else crosses the plate.

That being said, I think I have a better understanding as to why brute is concerned with STD's.

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BRUTE
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by BRUTE » Sun Jul 08, 2018 2:08 pm

it's a fine line

Augustus
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by Augustus » Sun Jul 08, 2018 4:49 pm

@7w5 yeah, I brought up the kid thing to give perspective mostly. C40 seems, and I may be misinterpreting, bored. I certainly no longer have any sense of boredom in my life, agonizing yearning for free time yes, but time spent wondering what to do? I wish... I also noticed, as you did, that there are profound changes that occur inside of you after taking care of the vulnerable and defenseless. I feel more alive because of them.

If you don't want kids though, don't have them, can't stress that enough. Allagash hit it on the head, if you aren't in it for the looong term, you'll just make everyone miserable including yourself.

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bryan
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by bryan » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:32 pm

@C40, thanks for the info. I think the "lifestyle modelling" and folk's generally-trending-positively perception of it points to a continued acceleration in new van-dwellers. Just the other day I was online in a game and one guy started talking about how he is trying to get his own place but it's tough and someone else (not me!) suggested a van/car/RV. The guy's only question about the idea was how to get a good enough internet connection to be able to play videogames :D
sky wrote:
Fri Jul 06, 2018 7:23 pm
I get the feeling that vandwellers are getting treated more like homeless people. I see a lot more "No Overnight Parking" signs going up.
It'll get worse as more people begin to do it. We'll see how it shakes out. I'm not a huge fan of Berkeley's plan of providing a van/RV-dwelling _zone_ w/ amenities (maybe not so bad if it's just for newly house-less). I would prefer instead just the services of said zone being available like (in the fashion of) libraries or maybe changes in local laws, enforcement regarding street parking or parking lots.

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C40
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by C40 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:41 pm

Augustus wrote:
Sun Jul 08, 2018 4:49 pm
C40 seems, and I may be misinterpreting, bored.
I'd say I'm about 7/10 on the boredom/excitement scale (with 0 dead of boredom and 10 crazy excited). Last year I was at 8. So, I am less excited or more bored than before - but I'm not bored.

suomalainen
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by suomalainen » Mon Jul 09, 2018 11:12 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:13 am
my peer with whom I was chatting differed from me in that she was dating with the serious purpose of "finding somebody who will marry and take care of me, because I already spent too many years taking care of everybody else"
Your friend is delusional if she thinks a man isn't going to want HER to take care of HIM (at least so says my late 50s female friend/colleague who recently remarried and regales me with tales of her marriage).

And @C40 - keep it up! Don't listen to these child-positive people! Else how can I continue to live through your adventures!?

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Kriegsspiel
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by Kriegsspiel » Mon Jul 09, 2018 3:19 pm

If she's still attractive and pleasant I don't think she'd be out of line...

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C40
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by C40 » Mon Jul 09, 2018 3:50 pm

well, first off, it depends on what she means by "take care of".

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7Wannabe5
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Jul 09, 2018 4:33 pm

I think she did mean financially "take care of" in part, because she told me about her last date with a "dude" who just stared blankly into space when the waitress asked if dinner was one bill or two. She's very attractive, but she is one of those very nice bossy people who usually don't realize that they are even being bossy because they are so nice about it. If she could learn to be less bossy then she would probably have better luck attracting extremely aggressive control freaks who insist on paying for your coffee even though you already paid for it yourself, like the guys I date.

thrifty++
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by thrifty++ » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:08 am

slowtraveler wrote:
Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:25 am
Std testing is more than 99% effective in many cases. Condoms are just under 95% effective in the best cases. They don't protect against many stds including but not limited to hsv 1, hsv 2, molluscum contagiosum, hpv, lice, and syphilis. I've known people who've gotten HIV*, Chlamydia, and pregnant (different individuals for each situation) while using condoms.

Oraquick can also be taken with you anywhere if you can't wait a week but it only covers HIV.

*Condom broke in HIV case.
You can also take whats called "prep"now which prevents you getting HIV. I think HIV is going to die out into extinction in western countries at some point because of prep, so much caution towards using condoms and because as long as people know that have HIV they can take medicine to make themselves very unlikely to pass on any infection. But then there are other STDs to think about if your not using condoms. I think hepatitis is meant to be particularly nasty.

thrifty++
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by thrifty++ » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:17 am

slowtraveler wrote:
Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:21 am
Only in the ERE forums is somebody living in a van on under 10k/yr seen as seeking comfort.
Haha I was thinking exactly the same thing.

Augustus
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Re: C40's Journal

Post by Augustus » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:04 pm

Haha, but I mean it is comfortable... Here's how you know, which would you rather do, vandwelling or go work a 9-5, 5 days a week, day after day, month after month. Assuming there were no other issues like family/etc, which is more comfortable to you?

Easy answer for me, if I hadn't gotten myself a ball and chain I'd be selling all my shit tomorrow and doing the same thing. No brainer. C40 is living the dream. The dream is comfortable.

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