grundomatic's journal

Where are you and where are you going?
Post Reply
User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

This journal will probably be messy, like my desks and my workspaces. I don't exactly know how to approach this, but I think I am going to jump right in with what's on my mind right now. I started writing up an intro, but felt it would probably be boring for the reader. No guarantee what follows isn't also boring. Maybe I'll fill in backstory later. Or weave it in throughout.

Current thing on my mind:
I've seen the advice "live like you are already retired" floating around the FIRE world. In the Wheaton level discussions it was brought up that one needs excess capital to "level up". I guess the part I can't figure out is "where do I get the energy to do these things while holding down my salaryman job?"

For instance, this morning I worked in the yard for 3-4 hours. I (re)dug some basins on the side of my house that will help protect my house in the event of massive rainfall. The basins will also accumulate water to feed 2 shade trees I planted over there last year. It got me outside while the weather is still nice, I moved my body, and I met a neighbor out for a walk. It wasn't "fun", but it was "satisfying" and accomplished several positive goals. It also rendered me useless for the next 5 hours. I had the energy/desire to shower and slice some cucumbers for veggie sandwiches, but that was about it. Plenty of other things I could do, but I was just spent. After sitting on the couch for a large fraction of the day, I mustered the energy to come over to the desk to type this out. Though I am feeling better as I sit here, so I'll cook an easy dinner.

Same thing happens after work. On some days I can muster the will to do maybe an hour's worth of ERE-compatible activities after getting home, but that happens maybe 1-2 times per week. I teach first grade, so I asked my colleagues--everyone from the youngest teacher to the grizzled veteran goes home wrecked, so it's not just me getting older or being a noob at work. So again, where am I supposed to find the energy?

Reading this back I wondered whether to post it in another section of the forum, because it seems like I am looking for an answer. I won't turn away input, but I'm going to keep it here to capture my thoughts along my ERE journey. This is where I am today.

ertyu
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by ertyu »

grundomatic wrote:
Sat May 01, 2021 7:21 pm

I teach first grade
I read through this post, got to here, and went, Ah. :lol:

I would say, prioritize building your capacity for activity. Build stamina, so to say, both physical and psychological. This might look like yoga or meditation -- or a nap -- after work instead of zoning out in front of the TV, an activity which doesn't burden you but also doesn't recharge you. It might look like weaning yourself off of easy fixes which provide an immediate energy boost but make you crash later and fuck your body up in the long run - like sugar, alcohol, junk food.(*) Pot also goes here. Not because I am being moralistic about it but because it might relax but it doesn't help to improve your stamina and energy levels - it's in the same category as TV.

(*) I am working on this now, for the same reason -- not to feel like a wet rag all the time. It's going badly, and it's harder than it looks, so stay strong :muscle:

It might look like taking up an exercise program. I was struggling internally with this one because I was somehow left with the impression that to exercise properly one must wear oneself out or torture oneself. I am trying to find ways that don't suck - I am fat and unfit and forcing myself through a session of jogging honestly sounds like it would be the worst, so I don't automatically want to do it at the end of a work day. I have had the idea that I need to reframe exercise in terms of achievement and accomplishment and away from any preconceived "shoulds." Doing any at all is an accomplishment. Stopping when it starts to suck is an accomplishment. Yes, doing, say, 3 squats a day doesn't realistically achieve anything, but some day I would be doing 4 before the suck starts. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I'm not sharing with the idea that you should be squatting or telling yourself the same things, but rather with the idea that, if you find yourself hating and resisting an activity that you know increases your stamina and capacity to live the life you want to live, to think outside the box and to relentlessly reframe things in terms of achievement and accomplishment.

Hey! It now strikes me you are a teacher! It is literally in your job description to take humans through a journey where they increase their competence at something which they suck at, and which they might resist because they suck at it. Maybe you could help! Do you have any advice for me on how I should approach exercise so that I "learn" it? Apply your teacher knowledge to the problem of, how do I get from a state of incompetent-dislike, to more competent and disliking it less?

I guess the tl;dr: here is, the core of my advice is to consciously choose free time activities that relax and recreate but also build you up instead of activities that just help you zone out without also building you up in some way. So not just activities that place no demands, but activities that both relax and replenish and recharge in a sustainable way.

Good luck!

Edited to add: I am a professional gastarbeiter, and living all over the place as I do, I often encounter members of the small army of english teachers and other international school teachers out there. Maybe the cleverest case of teacher recreation I've met was this Italian dude who literally broke his sleep in halves. He would come back from work at 6, hit the bed, and put in a good 2-4 hours of sleep until 9 or 10PM. Then he would get up, and have 5-6 rested hours until 3:30AM or so, at which point he'd go to bed for another 2-4 hours. He would get the standard 6-8 hours of sleep, just broken in 2 chunks. This worked beautifully for him because what he liked to do between 10 and 2am, was hang out at clubs and bars and drink with other expats. (I suppose it also worked because he didn't have children or a partner on a different schedule, so it's not something I'm sharing to tell you this is what you should do but more to give an example of some of the creative ways i've seen people have a full life while teaching. Your definition of a full life might be different from this dude's - he essentially planned it so that he's awake for prime drinking time :lol: - but you get my idea).

Western Red Cedar
Posts: 1200
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 2:15 pm

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by Western Red Cedar »

Welcome to the forum!
grundomatic wrote:
Sat May 01, 2021 7:21 pm

Current thing on my mind:
I've seen the advice "live like you are already retired" floating around the FIRE world. In the Wheaton level discussions it was brought up that one needs excess capital to "level up". I guess the part I can't figure out is "where do I get the energy to do these things while holding down my salaryman job?"
I can certainly relate to this challenge. I'm regularly drained after long days at work and don't have a lot of energy to work on projects in the evenings. My advice would be have a clear vision for your web of goals and the skills you want to work on. Take small steps towards some of those when you do have some energy (weekends, summers, or other breaks from school). Momentum begins to build.

I also think it really helps to focus on skills that you particularly enjoy while you are holding down a full-time job.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

A nap after work? Now that I can get behind! Some days not even my favorite activities recharge me. I was recently invited to a standing game night with friends on Friday night. For a game-loving extrovert (ENFP for the Meyers-Briggs crowd) like myself, it's typically pure bliss. Like all worries melt away, I look at the time and can't believe I'm not tired 2 hours past my bedtime, and I go home and still can't go to sleep I'm so wired. This past Friday it was not the same. Maybe half as enjoyable, or less. Then again instead of relaxing when I got home I worked in the yard right up until it was time to clean up and leave.

Aha! Remembering I had done that and you mentioning building capacity reminded me of this blog entry:http://earlyretirementextreme.com/produ ... -eggs.html

Pretty sure what I am doing is falling into the trap of trying to maximize extraction. I am back to doing a few super-quick workouts throughout the week and incorporating manual labor in my activities to expand physical capacity, but it never even occurred to me to try and expand my psychological stamina. I consider myself pretty resilient in the mental and emotional realm, and I think before the pandemic "maintenance" came pretty naturally--socializing energizes me and I had plenty of social outlets. The stress at work this year, however, has been a mind f***, and my regular social outlets were shut down.

A vision is coalescing in my mind--spend the summer on some much-needed maintenance and expansion, because the full time salaryman job really only cares to extract my energy. I'll have to figure out what that looks like specifically, but there is no reason my life energy resources can't managed on a yearly basis with different seasons. In the meantime I'll try taking naps.

@ertyu, thank you for your response. Outside perspective and formulating a response has been very helpful. Now let's talk about you!

How to "learn" exercise and dislike it less? Most people tend to like what they know, so let's assume once you learn more and do it more you will like it more. No promises. So how to learn it? In first grade math this is what we do: we start with our daily routine--counting, talking about the date and calendar, and other things we add to it as we learn more. Then the students practice their facts. One side of the worksheet is for in class, then they complete the other side at home, unless of course they are fast enough to get both sides done in the allotted time. Then I do a lesson. Most of the time it is ridiculously easy, building on something we have already learned. Then I guide them through the front side of a problem-solving worksheet, (re)explaining how to do the problems. Most of the problems are review, with just 1/6 being the new concept we learned that day. They do the back side at home, which is just like the front side we did together. It basically comes down to routine and repetition.

How to translate that to learning to exercise? Build your routine, add to it, then replace things with harder things as they become too easy. Start easy, with something you know, like walking. Day 1, walk around the block. Day 2, walk around 2 blocks. Then add something else you know of, or learn something that interests you in some way (arm workouts for dart players, core strengthening for singers, whatever), and incorporate it. So day 3 might be walk around two blocks, doing a bodyweight squat at each corner. Day 4, walking around 3 blocks doing a bodyweight squat at each corner. Day 5 you could add an incline push up at a park bench or low wall. Eventually the workout will take too long at the given effort or not give you the results you are looking for, which is when you increase the effort. A set of 3 squats at each corner. Walking with a backpack full of water. Walking faster. I recommend the book "Atomic Habits" for better explanation of building a habit and sticking with it, but above is the general approach I would take. In first grade we begin with things like "draw a triangle to the right of the circle", and "4+4=8, that's great!", and end the year being able to add and subtract double digit numbers with regrouping, and multiply by 10. It doesn't matter where you start, if you stick with it, results will come.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

@Western Red Cedar--thanks for the reply and thanks for the welcome.

I do not have a clear vision for my web of goals at all. I have many things I like to do, but most of them revolve around "fun" more than any particular skill. Then I get sidetracked by things I feel like I "should" be doing, treating ERE principles like some sort of dogma. Door handle broke on the car? Well, I gotta fix that myself or I'm a failure. Then for added stress I pile on these (mostly made up) time constraints--feeling like I should be doing all these things, simultaneously and instantaneously. I think I do this because I have come to realize that my job is still very central to my lifestyle--need to fix that now!

My concern with focusing only on the "skills" I like to use while still working is that it feels like a short distance to backslide from that to the work-play-back-to-work model of consumerism that I'm trying to escape. Or is it okay to just play tennis, board games, and card games (and to hell with DIY) as long as I'm not spending much? Maybe I need a web of goals that suits me better than the web of goals I am trying to copy from others.

Western Red Cedar
Posts: 1200
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 2:15 pm

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by Western Red Cedar »

I think gaining clarity on your web of goals represents a worthwhile investment of your time. You should definitely make sure it suits you and is based around your vision for a better life.

Health is a natural cornerstone goal for many and one that Jacob discusses in the book. Playing tennis seems like a great means of staying active while potentially building social capital with friends or family. That could hit on a couple different goals in my own web (relationships and health) and shouldn't lead you feeling guilty. I wouldn't give up on challenging yourself in other areas such as some DIY projects, but try to take a balanced approach considering you have a draining full-time job.

When I mentioned skills you enjoy, I was thinking more along the lines of cooking, gardening, woodworking, sewing etc. Things that are therapeutic, will help reduce your expenses, or that you could potentially monetize in the future (though some on here have monetized tennis, poker, and boardgames).

I had a long list of goals to work on this year, but put language acquisition and guitar on hold for a bit because my job has been particularly demanding. I know I can come back to those later, when I have more capacity to take them on and make progress. Over the last year I've expanded on my interest in cooking by getting more into fermentation, pickling, and baking w/ sourdough. This led me to start a small herb garden even though the light in my apartment isn't optimal. Focusing on the skills that felt easy like cooking and fermentation gave me some momentum and confidence to continue trying new things.

CDR
Posts: 57
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 9:45 pm
Location: Canada

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by CDR »

A reminder to celebrate the things you've accomplished. You spent 3-4 hours outside getting stuff done, and it seems that you're kicking yourself for all the things you didn't do after that hard work!

I only mention this because personally, I find it hard to celebrate what I've accomplished. I have to remind myself it's important to be fair and ensure I've got a balanced picture! Any progress is better than no progress. Whether I cross off one item on the list today or five, it's not only that I've completed that one thing, but I'm building my 'get stuff done' muscle.

I read elsewhere on the internet this idea: Have a goal to create/improve a system or process every week. The general idea is that the system or improvement reduced the overall amount of time (or thought) spent on the topic at hand. I've been doing this lately in my own life. Not sure if this could apply for you? Example: I volunteered to file income taxes. My first step was to standardize the placement of each slip. Employment slips had one spot on the desk, retirement income had another space, that way it could become a habit to look in one particular place for a certain piece of information. I similarly filled in all the info into the accounting program in the same order, every time. It seems mind numbing, but once I had it standardized, it flowed.

I've found once something is a habit, it no longer drains energy. But, if I don't do it the same way every time, I am not going to be able to develop it into a habit. I think standardization allows for the 'habitization' of tasks. I imagine the teaching part of being a teacher is not open to 'habitization', but maybe there are other tasks within the job that are suitable?

Edit: The point being that turning some work tasks in habits or 'routines' or 'rituals' reduces the overall amount of energy work takes away, leaving you feeling better when you get home!

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9344
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I don’t know how much freedom with curriculum you have, but one of the things I enjoy about substitute teaching at youngest grade levels is how “generalist” (although absolutely extremely exhausting, thus why I prefer part-time only) the day can sometimes be. So, maybe you might have some ability to integrate your own interests into school day? For instance, easy mix would be getting your walking step goal met during course of day and also choosing to frequently squat in good form. Dance, yoga, jump rope, piano/guitar, gardening, and baking can also be integrated into early education setting. OTOH, some overlapping side-gigs might be selling curriculum aids you create on Teacher to Teacher sites, creating educational musical videos, or writing children’s books.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

@CDR

I recently purchased "Atomic Habits" after borrowing it from the library, as I knew that I would want to reread it to internalize the lessons. "Getting stuff done" does NOT come naturally to me, so just like you suggested, I wanted to build some habits to make them "grund-o-matic". Pandemic teaching has been very different than my previous routine, which no doubt has contributed to the stress I am feeling.

@7Wannabe5

I live the specialist life in the primary education world. We use a two teacher model, and I teach Math/Science to 4 different classes a day. It's like a mini high school. I used to be the teacher that brought their class to all the different subjects, which was more fun, but also more work--all "extra" teacher activities get dumped on that teacher. Now the repetition is grinding on me. Trade-offs.

We use a canned curriculum, but I'm free to take liberties within the system. I bring my guitar in for some country tunes before our 4-day weekend when the Rodeo comes to town. Always a giant hit. Incorporating more things like that might help take the edge off.

Something like writing a children's book is close enough to use my knowledge, without being more of the same. I completely burned myself out tutoring over the past year--way too much of the same thing. It just felt like the 48th, 49th, and 50th hours of work.

---End direct responses---

Let's take a look at after work activities this past week:

Monday: My tennis match got cut way short, so upon arriving home I did my short weight routine to make up for the missed exercise. Ate leftovers after cleaning up, then did the tiniest thing I could on a painting project. Took the kindle to read in bed, fell asleep early. I'm calling this a win.

Tuesday: Stupid (virtual) work event lasted until 6:30 in the evening. I botched a couple things. Afterwards, I suggest watching a show so work talk at home ends. I'm still resentful the next morning about the long hours and the stress, and cry about it. I'll call this a fail.

Wednesday: After work I go to a coworkers house for dinner and games. I bring beer. A couple beers and a couple hours--I had a blast. This is where I struggle. How do straight recreation/leisure things like this fit into an ERE lifestyle? Is fun a legit "goal"?

Thursday: Free tutoring day--I'm done at 5pm after about 10 hours of work. Low on leftovers, DW asks me via text if she should pick up dinner after her appointment. In a moment of weakness, I say "sure, dealer's choice." I instantly regret it, as I realize I have time and ingredients to make dinner, but there are no take-backsies once I have okayed delicious take-out. Another fail. I guess it did give me time to put my thoughts down here, so that's a positive side effect.

ertyu
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by ertyu »

Imo fun is a legit goal. The point of ERE isn't that some goals are legit and some aren't, the point is to look at whether 1. you're meeting those goals in ways that doesn't shoot you in the foot when it comes to other goals, and 2. you're meeting those goals in a way that aligns with larger values you have - freedom from 9-5, reducing personal resource use, resilience, etc., whatever those are for you. It's allowed, living an enjoyable life you like :lol:

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

Weekend Update:

It is Monday morning and I was quick enough with my prep work to be able to record my thoughts here. I am actually feeling refreshed after the weekend, so I must have done something right.

Both Friday and Saturday night were games with friends. Friday was okay--being worn down from the week takes away some of how enjoyable it could be, but I think it was still a net benefit. Saturday I managed to dodge the negative side effect of drinking too much beer--I only had one. I did spend money to have sandwiches delivered to us, but I am viewing that as using $ to not deplete my social capital or abuse their hospitality. More forethought next time and I could buy fancy ingredients from the store for us to make our own sandwiches for half the price, or bring a casserole for even less.

Early Sunday morning I played a full match of tennis with DW while it was still nice outside. The tennis ball saver I bought did NOT keep the tennis balls from losing pressure, so that was disappointing. DW cooked lunch on Sunday and I cooked dinner, and visual inspection says we actually cooked enough to last us the rest of the week, so hopefully that means no "emergency" take-out.

The rest of the weekend I spent napping, watching a few shows with DW, and playing video games. Before I would read this as an ERE fail, but I am heading into the workweek recharged, so...I don't know what to think. I also read "Your Money or Your Life" in it's entirety. I figured since that is the recommended reading for WL 6 and that's where I am trying to go, it only makes sense. I haven't done all the steps, though I did do step 2, which is calculate my hourly rate. I'd do step 1, which is figure out how much I have made over my lifetime, but last time I tried to access my SS records I couldn't pass my identity challenge because I didn't remember my college phone number. I've previously resisted hashing out exact financials, though I did calculate last year's spending and our net worth earlier this year. I'll probably do the exercises even though I feel like I already get the point. Laying out the numbers in a graph may help DW, who is a visual person. I'm not going to ask her to do anything, but seeing my numbers will probably be good enough since our income is almost exactly the same.

As an aside, DW said something this weekend that, along with our analysis of a recent vacation we took, leads me to believe she's at about WL4 in her thinking. We were talking about some high-earning ~WL2 acquaintances, and she quipped that "they are what is wrong with the world".

Anyhow, I have spent too long writing here and must now hurry to shower and get ready for the day.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

I forgot to mention that I turned on the AC Saturday. It was 86 in the house when I got home. Usually we tough it out for as long as possible, but I decided better sleep would be worth it. If nights didn't sound like a racetrack in my neighborhood, I would have opened the windows. So now I am running the AC to 76 at night, then opening the house wide open early in the morning to cool it down it even more. Yesterday we cooled it down enough to not run the AC at all, the temp in the house maxed out at about 81. It's currently 84 in my house and 93 outside. Tomorrow's high will be 99, so will be looking to see how cool the house can stay with it that hot outside.

My latest iteration on surviving the workweek is going to bed very early with a book. I like it so far. I hadn't been reading for the past couple years--other things had taken priority, and also I was tired of reading about things but not doing them. I am now realizing the value of the correct book if it does nothing but counteract all the "mainstream" messages I take in from the rest of the world.

Your Money or Your Life, step 7 has helped me reframe work, as well. While I think the point of the chapter was to try divorce your job and your life's work to increase the amount you make, for me I took something else away. I decided to think of the stuff I don't like at work (meetings, long days, administrative BS) as the things that pay me, and everything else as stuff I would want to do in some form anyhow (perform, help people, hang out with kids). Also having calculated my hourly rate, I looked at job listings in my old field (fast casual restaurant management) for a step above where I left. Yearly pay would go up, but hourly pay wouldn't be much more. I am guessing it is the same if I were to go the admin route in education--get a raise but give up all the time off. I'll pass.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

The current tactic of going to bed early with a book and not worrying about anything but the basics is helping me survive. The past week I just felt "tired" rather than "totally exhausted". I did my short weight workout 3 times during the week. This week's meals are cooked and the salads are chopped.

A couple people dropped some great insights in the Systems Level 6 towards 7 thread:
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=11933&start=200

That, combined with Western Red Cedar's comments here in my journal, it has become very clear that what I lack is a vision or purpose for my life. That will be my focus once the school year is over. Viewing ERE as a tool to get what I want from life rather than a value system in and of itself clears some things up for me. I do not anticipate this being easy--figuring out what I want to do with my life. I've struggled with it for two decades, but at least now I have some life experience under my belt and I "know of" being able to build your own life rather than just selecting from the society-provided options.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

I am really struggling to organize my thoughts. I'll try chronological order.

I survived another workweek. The plan remains the same, prepare for the week on the weekend (cook and do laundry), then don't worry about "getting things done" beyond what I have to for the salaryman job. Doing this doesn't seem like I am doing ERE correctly, but I feel less unhappy. I guess I did a couple workouts throughout the week, so that's something good. I do think and read, and dug up this gem with a prescription for what I am allegedly seeking to do:
jacob wrote:
Sun Sep 29, 2019 10:52 am
Hebb's theory says that "neurons that fire together, wire together". This is also how habits form. I think for those, who feel stuck at Wheaton5, having/developing an awareness of the branching aspects of the node that would otherwise just be optimized (with money) is the first step. Always be thinking, "what else does this [node] bring me/result in" or in the language of the ERE book: "Which side-effects does this action/choice have?"

Once all that is wired together, it becomes unconscious competence. Then instead of thinking about nodes, one starts thinking about the flows in the branches (W6) rather than the branching points (W5).
That led me to think about yesterday's (Saturday's) activities. DW and I drove 30 minutes to a tiny work party (everyone fit around a kitchen table), where I proceeded to eat way too much and maybe drink too much, too. There was also some work gossip and venting I probably could have done without. Having said those things, I had a good time. We then headed to my standing game night and continued with more of the same. Again, it doesn't feel like an ERE "win", but it still felt "good". I really do need to nail down my values and desired goals so that I can better evaluate activities like this. Driving all around town and overindulging are for sure not my desired outcomes, then again when I talked with DW about it today she pointed out that I often overindulge at such events, so maybe it is a desired outcome. There were (other?) desired outcomes, including building friendships and seeing DW have a good time. It's going to take a while to break out of my current heterotelic ways.

This leads into this morning's (Sunday's) activities. Realizing I had overindulged, breakfast was water, water, then finally 1/4 a cup of almonds when I just had to have a little something. I figured while I can't undo the past, no need to "double down" on bad behaviors and I could at least bring down the average daily caloric intake for the weekend. Then sitting at the table talking, I realized I was uncomfortable from sitting all day on Saturday. I needed to move. I contemplated going for a hike, but settled on walking in the neighborhood instead because that would eliminate a drive, again attempting to make up for yesterday's behavior. I barely got started when I saw my next-door neighbor out in front of a house down the street. I stopped and ended up meeting 2 different neighbors. One gave me a weed eater that someone gave to him to scrap, but when he plugged it in, it worked! The other neighbor got a weed eater, too. He has lived in the neighborhood 45 years, is retired, and fixes/scraps things to stay busy. Talking to him reminded me of some of the people on this forum. I was mad jealous of his DIY skills. I took my weed-eater home, then upon heading out saw another neighbor. I stopped to talk to her for a while. While we were talking, another neighbor that neither of us knew stopped his truck in the street and asked if she would like him to trim the (tiny, thorny) tree by her mailbox. She told him she planned to do it today. It felt very good to connect with so many people.

When I finally got around to walking, I was reflecting on everything and thought that being some sort of "connector" probably suits my temperament and natural abilities better than trying to be "Mr. Fixit", which does not play to my strengths. I then realized this should be obvious to me. Now, writing it, out I am realizing that I obviously need to keep working at this ERE thing, because I need to be designing my own web-of-goals and not looking for an archetype to emulate. Also, it seems the true Renaissance Man is both Connector and Mr. Fixit. This is not easy.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

The school year is over and I'm back from a weekend getaway. This morning I sat down to write out a list of things to do this summer, and remembering that "you can never do just one thing", on the other side of the paper I wrote "Build Capital", and listed the types of capital I could think of: Social, Financial, Knowledge/skills, Health, Ecological. I would think about each thing as they related to the outcomes I desire--building the various types of capital.

Earlier this morning DW shows me this event she wants to attend--a donut and beer pairing happening on Friday. We also had tentative plans to spend Friday night with some work friends. I message the friends to tell them about the event, but I decide to try to and steer it another way, "We could do this, but did we want to be healthier than beer and donuts?" The answer was a resounding "no". So the first thing I plan after resolving myself to thinking about side-effects will build social capital but deplete my finances and health, as well as resulting in ecological degradation with everyone driving from all over town for the event. I guess at least I am aware of and thinking about the consequences? Probably not good enough. Next time I need to pick an activity with fewer negative side effects that interests me just as much. Of course, if I rely on solely on interest I will never paint the house or fix the car.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

I've been on summer vacation for 2 weeks now, and I feel like a different person.

I have been working out--short, moderate intensity weight workouts every other day. Good chance I am undertraining, but I am a little nervous about overdoing it ever since injuring my shoulder a few years ago.

I have also been working a little bit on a painting project--I paint models for a tabletop wargame, then trade those painted models for a larger volume of unpainted models. Just in the first half of 2021 I have accumulated enough unpainted models to field a "full" army, which could easily take until the end of the year to complete. I started with essentially nothing.

I also restarted my eBay selling hobby, sourcing materials from colleagues. Fully aware of their buying and donating habits, I offered to sell anything of value for them. I got a bite from one friend whose father had downsized, and instantly had more than I could handle. They offered to split the $ with me, which is what I was thinking anyhow. I have over $100 in the "eBay bank account" already, most of it from a single large sale.

DW and I have also been tutoring a couple of hours per day. The pay rate is great--nearly double our FT hourly rate. It occurred to me that since we live on one salary anyhow, that the 2 of us working 10 hours a week at double our pay rate means we could cover our expenses with a year-round gig like this, except any income taxes and health insurance, which is covered 100% by our current employer. I pointed this out to DW, who said I should approach them about it if I decide I don't want to work after this coming school year.

Wait, what was that last part!?! Yeah, I don't know how I haven't mentioned it here yet. A couple months ago we had a discussion, and DW told me she would be comfortable with me not working once the house is paid off. At the time we thought it would take 2 more years, but then about a month ago over breakfast we were discussing it, so I literally did napkin math and figured we could come pretty close in just one year. I was both encouraged and disappointed, because the deficit to be covered would require the kind of hustle that nearly ended me this past school year. She looked at me and said it was close enough for her. So now I'm potentially looking at being done with FT work in a year. She plans on continuing to work.

Even more recently, though, she mentioned feeling "stuck" in her current way of thinking, so I suggested we could both just take a single year off for a sabbatical, and do something adventurous that might help her break free. She wasn't opposed, then even talked about returning to work afterwards, but in a less stressful role. I think a couple good weeks of rest, combined with the worst school year ever still being a very recent memory, really has the wheels turning in our household about how to make some changes in our lives.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

The time off work continues to do wonders for my mental health. I've tried out yoga as suggested to me here, and I really like it so far. Could be just the thing I need to help deal with stress during the school year.

Yesterday's weekly game night with friends brought up some discussion of fitness and healthy eating, so I am excited to potentially expand those friendships to different realms or at the very least double up on some goals on Friday night--"let's have fun AND eat salad!"

My daily 2 hour tutoring gig isn't much fun, but the hourly rate is tough to pass up, given the goal of paying off the house within the next 13 months.

Recent discussions around here have me really thinking about how I should handle "retirement". On one hand, DW has basically given me a pass to quit in a year and do mostly whatever I want. We both feel like this would improve our current lifestyle (I get to work on "skills" and do things on my own schedule, she doesn't have to do "chores" after work), but her income would still very much be required. On the other hand, if I stay just a few more years we could put some serious cash in the bank and buy her freedom, too.

That leads me to the next thing on my mind--I really need to sort out my investment strategy. Up to now, it has pretty much been "take care of the obvious stuff and do what doesn't cause a fight". First all the debt outside mortgages was taken care of. Easy. Then maximized 401k match at work (put in index fund). Then when it was decided that we would live on one salary, the money started piling up. I went to business school, so I have a very basic understanding of finance/investing/economics. Convinced the stock market was overvalued, we paid off the 6.75% mortgage on the out-of-state house my wife owned that didn't get sold when she moved. She wanted to sell it because repairs had cost her quite a bit at a time when money was tight for her, I wanted to keep it to avoid paying commission and closing costs--plus our money has to go somewhere. I think I got my way because keeping it was easier than selling it. That got paid off last year, so the next thing is to pay off the 2.675% mortgage (refinanced when rates went down) on the house we live in. Now I'm realizing that I need to sort out what to do with our money after that. My gut tells me to let the cash pile up and wait for the everything bubble to pop--but I guess I still need to know what I want to do then.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

Just completed teaching the second full week of school. Summer left me fairly well-rested, and WOW is it a good thing. Some of these first graders haven't interacted with the world in a year and a half, and it shows. Some can't follow one-step instructions in a quiet classroom with me directly in front of them. Then we shuffle them all around the school all day...chaos. However, it is a chaos I am happy to return to, at least in comparison to online teaching. No matter how much they test my patience, I just think "better than being in front of a computer being totally ineffective at my job", and feel immediately better. It doesn't, however, change how exhausting the job is.

Learning a bit of yoga over the summer was a great tool, and I've used it effectively after work (not every day) to relax/decompress. It's even given me a better mindset hours or days later. I've also been painting my miniatures before work every day--I'm on a 38 day painting streak. It feels great to do something for myself every day, first thing--I don't feel like I live to work, no matter what else happens that day. We've managed to cook enough on the weekends to get through the week.

Couple things have gone by the wayside--extra rainy weather has turned the usually bare dirt yard into a weed bed, and prioritizing rest--aka not totally wrecking myself, means I am not looking to do yardwork in the hot afternoon/early evening after a full day of work. I have also let physical fitness slip. While yoga has kept some strength work in the routine, it's not the same as my "MIIT" weight workouts. I have previously done workouts first thing, but replaced that with painting, because working out pretty much destroys my ability to paint well--jelly arms aren't steady enough to paint within the lines. It's a weird spot to be in, because I feel my overall energy levels are higher without my old workout, but I feel that I am living on "fitness savings" in a way--that if I don't build in more exercise, my baseline energy will drop as my overall fitness does.

Socially I gave up my weekly outings due to pandemic developments and being crammed into the classroom with many unvaccinated kids that aren't required to wear masks, but I'm over it. I'm going to go play D&D today with a mask on, and I'm just going to do the things I want with my mask on. It isn't adding much risk to myself at all, and wearing my mask should protect everyone else from the stuff I'm exposed to everyday. It may be hard for the introverts to understand, but I just can't lock myself up again like I did the first year of the pandemic. I'm actively looking to put together a small group to meet weekly to replace one I have given up.

Financially I've loosened up in favor of personal ease and household harmony. I'll run EOY reports next year at tax time and have a discussion then.

Reflecting on all this, I think I've merely shuffled things around in my web-of-goals. I don't know that I'll ever have the energy to do all the things I want to do while working full time. For now, I've seemed to settle where I am. While not "challenging", I do feel less "dissatisfaction".

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

On Halloween I had a nice, quiet day to myself that I spent reading and rereading new and old forum discussions, and also had time to sit and think about the things that I read. It seems like my mind was working in the background, because a couple days later I realized that part of my problem is that I am stuck Computing, or maybe Compiling, eh, sometimes even Copying the lifestyle designs of others:
  • DW and I have 'stashed' very low six figures in a Vanguard index fund, paid off a high-interest loan on a rental home, and nearly paid off our primary residence--by mainstream FIRE standards, we are winning. Still don't have the lifestyle I want.
  • I painted (miniatures) 58 days in a row followed by another 13 day streak--following the recommendation of creative-type Jerry Seinfeld via Elizabeth Gilbert (I think). It did not magically make me feel better about my day job taking most of my energy, in fact, it made it so painting took all the remainder of my energy and every other "module" of my life went to the wayside.
  • Now it seems like DW and I are stuck in a similar spot with a walking challenge at work. We both value time outdoors and physical activity, and we felt like a previous similar challenge improved our lives, so we thought it would be great to do again, but now it is wake, work, walk, eat, sleep.
It is clear that simply removing bad things from my life and replacing them with good things is reaching the point of diminishing returns. Of course, I knew that. It's why I'm here on the ERE forums. Now that I am writing this out and re-reading what's above in my journal (from me and others), I feel like I'm going around in circles.

Regardless, I'll share my thoughts since I'm here. Based on input gathered all around the forum, my plan will be to focus on existing "modules" (both active and inactive), evaluating them based on outcomes beyond just money, work on improving my favorites, and trying not to worry whether this looks anything like what others are doing. As an extrovert, pretty sure this means "just add people". The frugal cooking module can be improved by cooking with DW, learning from other good cooks IRL, or sharing what I know with a friend that used to be just a "gaming" friend. After I list the last few things I agreed to, the eBay module will be reduced to dispersing my own personal stuff only, because sitting in a room alone photographing someone else's old stuff isn't much fun.

The work module might be fixing itself. I struggle super hard with SSDD, and on one recent morning I cried the entire 12 minute commute basically because that's what my work is...or was. The very next day the founder of our school was in my classroom, and after a 20 minute observation offered me a paid position to review new curriculum that is being written, that I'm going to have to use next year anyhow. It felt great to be recognized (can't shake Achiever mode), and it also gives me a chance to use my experience and knowledge without it being "more of the same". Having some input will be great, and I'm hoping the change in curriculum will shake up my routine just enough to keep me interested for a couple more years--I'd like just a little more (financial) momentum before I move on to whatever is next. I just have to figure out what is next.

User avatar
grundomatic
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:04 am

Re: grundomatic's journal

Post by grundomatic »

Today, on the last day of my winter break, I felt "recovered" from work. I come here to write some thoughts (having had time and "room" to think them)...and there they are, staring at me in my last post. Oh, and there's where it says that I felt like I was going in circles then . Ugh.

I totaled up my EOY NW today--impressive progress there this year thanks to everything being overvalued. Twelve month spending that I calculated end of November...not so great. I'm going to track spending and income on a monthly basis this year. Now that actual progress is being made towards FI, this seems like an important exercise. I don't know why I wasn't doing this before.

I continue to struggle with whether I want to keep working my current job. DW says she supports me either way. I don't know if I can add enough value to our lives ERE-wise to justify not working, but I don't know how to develop my ERE skills when I have no energy after working all day. Thanks for stopping by my journal to hear this broken record.

Post Reply