Fly baby, fly!

[WingsOnFire]

Where am I now? I don't know where to start.
I'm a mom to a pre-teen girl, entrepreneur, visual artist and textile designer. I have been chronically ill for a long time, thus not employable and can not work 40-hour weeks. Besides, I find the thought of a 9-5 job extremely suffocating, like probably many people here do.
I've not been great with money, yet I have managed to get about 350K worth of assets to my name. I just bought an old, small house on a half and acre of land in a residential area (so nearly everything is walking or biking distance away). I do not have any debt except for 72K mortgage (14 years with 1,4% interest rate cap so pretty good deal IMHO and perhaps worth keeping).

I realized that paying 165K for a house (and a bit more for renovations) is not according to ERE principles.
If I were by myself, I could have moved to a cheaper area, but I want to stay close to family because of my daughter. 165K is cheap here. We live in a different city now and here you can not even buy a tiny studio under 20 m2 for that! In our future home town prices are cheaper, but I could not get much cheaper than this for two people and two cats. Besides, we really want to have our own garden.

I'm selling another property and I will calculate my NW then again. My expenses are around 1200 /month and 430 for the mortgage should I keep it - but about 1600-1700 e total then. Not including renovations which will have a designated a budget.
I currently pay 1100 e /month rent for a one-bedroom apartment because it's crazy expensive here. So we can almost live off that amount in the future!!

I'm currently separated from my husband due to his cheating, lying and criminal stuff. Yup. Me finally leaving him after nearly having a complete breakdown, seems to have made him re-evaluate his life and choices and accept that he is dealing with a personality disorder. He has never been violent, thankfully. I decided to give him one more chance but we are not just moving back together. I don't know what exactly will happen. If he wants to, maybe we could build another small house on the lot (which still has like 330 m2 of building permit left) and he could have that as his home base and office. He is working from home now anyway and paying a whopping 1900 e/month rent plus electricity...

My income is variable, and I'd rather get less money than be super exhausted and stressed about work all the time. I do not get any disability even though I am not capable of working full time anyway. The COVID-19 situation has not made things easier for my business for sure.
My husband makes a lot of money and he does pay a generous child support which covers our daughter's expensive hobby and her other costs.

Our daughter is mildly neuro-atypical and I've been at home with her a lot, which I could do as I had no regular job. I started my company after my husband left me for someone else about 5 years ago.
My money has come from a small inheritance after my mom died at the age of 59, profit from my business, and investments, and my husband. When we separated we split our assets approximately 50-50.

When I left him I was scared about having to deal with my finances alone as I'd pretty much always had him to fall back on. But I did it and I'm proud of it. I won't take him back for money, no way.

Anyway. The little house will be empty for us mid-October. We will probably live here until next spring though and meanwhile I'll do renovations on the house. My daughter's school will change after next year anyway, so I figure that's a good time to move. She says she doesn't mind moving earlier. But she has been ill since February and I don't even know if she can attend school when it starts in about a month!! She has a cardiologist at the end of the month. I hope it goes well - she suffers from anxiety attacks and last time they could not do the ultrasound they wanted to do..
She can't wait for the house to be officially ours. I can't either. I plan to plant a flower field there. There are already berry bushes etc. in the garden but I don't know exactly what is there. I like gooseberries and raspberries a lot. And "wild" strawberries. We can perhaps get a green house. I will make an outdoor area for the cats with a net around it.

Here are my approximate monthly expenses now and after we move:

Home: 1106 rent / 200 e utilities, tax
Food for 2: 300 e
Cats: 60 e
Phone and internet: 35 e
Daughter's hobbies: 370 e
Car insurance /repairs: 200 e
Gas: 120 e / 60 e?

Total: 2091 e / 1125 e

1225* 12 is 14700 e for a year. To generate that per the % rule I'd need about 380K invested. If I can start with 7% interest on capital and a monthly 500 e contribution I'd have 350K after six years. If I can save up 1000 e /month which is entirely possible, I'd only need 4 years.
Since my husband has to pay child support for 6 1/2 years, until our daughter is 18, I should be able to manage to save some - but of course the profit can not be known. (And here the government pays parents a set amount for each child, and the more children you have the more they pay you per one child and your income does not affect this whatsoever. As a single mother of one child I get 158 e every month until my daughter turns 17. If we weren't separated it would 95 e /month)
Right now my assets are all over the place and not much of it is generating income. Like the large 8,7 ha woodland we own together with my husband. But it has appreciated some in value some and we do plan to sell it.
Right now I also make money from my business so it's not essential that all my assets are income-generating. I have time to sell them and change my allocation.

Now, calculated another way where I take out daughter's hobbies and half of the food budget (which my husband pays for anyway), I get 700 e /month of expenses for just myself in the new little house. Which is only 8500 per year. And I already have that with 4% out of 225K!!! So in a way, I'm FI.
I would be paying monthly 430 e mortgage on top of this with 1,4% interest cap but I can easily get this much extra revenue from my business without much work at all at this point, and as I'm essentially paying it to myself except a tiny amount of interest, I just figure it into savings, not expenses. Or is that cheating?

Anyway, talking my way through this gives me a sense of security. I need to just re-allocate my assets as I get around to selling them. I don't want to put everything in the stock market but I think building another small house on my lot and renting it out is a good idea, at some point. Maybe when my daughter moves out. Or maybe she will live in the same lot in her own small house. Who knows. At least there are plenty of possibilities with this property, also to make income, not just live and grow food and keep cats..

Of course, this is just a bare-bones budget. I knit and sew and like to buy second hand so we don't need to spend a lot on clothing etc. I'm particular about the way things look (and my daughter is particular about the way things feel!) and I'd rather wait to buy a more expensive quality item to keep for life, than a cheaper option I don't like as much or that is of a poor quality.
Many times I've bought something nice second hand and I have actually made a profit when I've sold the item. So I hardly ever buy anything new and if so, I try to wait for a sale. But I hate selling, I find it a hassle when downsizing I've donated a lot of nice things. So it's better if I try to be super mindful about what I bring in my home.

Renovating the house will obviously take some money, but I'm not in a hurry to rip out and replace everything. It looks like a grandma's cabin. I want to do the floors first, take out the plastic and sand the old floor boards. Everything else can wait and I'll do it as budget allows. We don't really need new furniture as we have everything we need and the house is so small. We can work on the garden slowly, but it's nice as it is.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering what my daughter's expensive hobby is, it's horses We have a horse, but we only pay a bit less than half of her expenses (320 e/month)since she has a renter too, and my sister and her girls also ride her. The little house is much closer to the stable, though still not walking distance away.
I say that the horse is my daughter's therapist as well, as are the cats, so then it starts to seem not so expensive

[AnalyticalEngine]

Welcome to the forum! Your journal sounds like it will be interesting, and I'm curious to see where your journey takes you.

Old, small home with half an acre within walking distance of things sounds like the dream honestly. That's the type of house I want to buy someday too. $165k for it sounds like a steal. Real estate across the entire nation has ballooned like crazy since ~2010, so $165k is highly competitive based on what I've seen from other markets. Unfortunately, saving for houses is relatively more expensive now than it used to be due to inflated housing prices. So I think you are doing quite well for yourself in this department!

[Frita]

Welcome, WOF! I had a chuckle about the idea of having your husband build his own small house on the property. When traveling in West Cork, Ireland, we stayed at an AirBnB with a gal who had such a setup. She said it was common in that area.

With your artistic eye, you should be able to make the cabin quite lovely. It will be exciting to peel back the grandma layers to make it your own. You’d mentioned there was another piece of the property with a barn so it sounds zoned for farm animals. Will you eventually house your daughter’s horse on-site or does the stable also have an arena you need?

Congratulations on starting your new and improved life!

Edited for auto-correct error

[WingsOnFire]

@AnalyticalEngine Thanks - I'm curious too ;D The price really is reasonable for the area! It's one kilometer from the sea too, which I love.

@Frita Thanks, things have turned around from me begging him to stay five years ago, to me walking away with my head held high and him throwing a tantrum because that's not what he had planned and wanted at a time. He is only now coming to face the consequences of his actions and not liking it. But maybe this be a catalyst for change.
The stable has an arena and everything is super easy there, I did start dreaming of having the horsie come spend summer vacation pasture time with us at the lil' house during summers!! It's not illegal, I checked

@bigato XD We definitely need to have some rules and boundaries set going forward. It has been a mess but I'm still hopeful..

[horsewoman]

Welcome to the forums! We seem to have some things in common (neuro-diverse young teenage girl, horses and cats, plus the artistic vibes).
A horse is expensive, but like you said, they are wonderful therapists indeed! Looking forward to read along with your journal!

[WingsOnFire]

Thanks!! Good to see like minded people around Where do you live? I'm from Finland, actually, I realized I haven't filled out my info..

[WingsOnFire]

I started to reply to the question "what is your MAIN motivation for ERE?" but I started to ramble so I thought maybe I should post my reply here in my journal instead. So here goes.

MAIN motivation - that's a good question! Because I have several. I'm not sure I can tell which one is the biggest reason. I have a genetic syndrome which means I've always been easily fatigued. The short periods I worked, it seemed to suck all of my energy. At the University I tried to do a part-time gig as a waitress in a café and I did, for 6 months, but it ended because then I was not able to study. And then I got depressed, and then I developed a chronic, pretty debilitating illness (with more to follow, due to the underlying syndrome). The longest time I've ever worked full-time was 4 months. I stopped that to take time to study to get in to the Uni.
I never graduated from there, but after some volunteer work abroad (It was exhausting! I slept every day at lunch time!) I started art school which I finished. I was super motivated and loved it. It let me concentrate on one piece of work at a time. At the Uni I had a hard time with the courses which relevance I could not see, I had a hard time working for some possible future job I which I had no clue what it could actually be, and I was super stressed about exams even when the subject matter was interesting to me.

I have this problem that I love to learn things that interest me. For example, I like knitting. But it was not enough to just knit, I wanted to spinn my own yarn. And it was not enough to spin it from ready carded wool batts, I wanted to card my own fibers. And dye the fibers myself too. So I ended up washing dirty wool in my kitchen sink and dyeing it in a big old enamel kettle on the stove. Then I had so much that I started a shop and sold them, as well as my knits. But after a short while, after realizing it had become work, I lost interest. Next I got into making old fashioned toys with moving joints. Soon I was drafting my own patterns for the toys and had a shop to sell them, but you already know what happened then. Yup, lost interest. (A couple of the patterns are still for sale.) This always happens. I have had my business now for a few years, I built it from scratch with no outside money, but I'm currently tired with it so I'm making changes so that I can run it with less pressing work that I always need to immediately attend to. I have some retailers so the plan is to just do design work and handle orders from retailers to the factory. I still paint too, but it's sporadic and not goal oriented. I am not planning to exhibit, though I'm not totally opposed to it either.
I generally do not accept commissioned work for art or sewing, because I freeze up and get totally blocked and start to avoid all work.
It took me a year to paint a piece of work someone had asked me to do. When it was done I wasn't sure they were still in need of it, but she did want it. I paint abstract or semi abstract pieces and if I'm in the flow I can paint a small piece very quickly and a large one in a day. A small work sells upwards from 500 e, most mid size works are 1600-1800 e and largest ones up to 3200 e. (I had painted an over 5 m high piece once, that doesn't count. Those types of things don't really sell and I have no room to store such pieces, so I try to keep in the smaller form now )
There is a commission of 35-50% though if I don't sell directly to a customer. Tax is only 10 % in art. Then of course the materials cost money. Then there is my minimalist mindset and the fact that storage for the pieces costs money. I've destroyed a lot of works because I was tired of moving them around and some mental freak-out. I cringe at the thought now. And when someone asked for a specific large piece that I'd destroyed. Ouch.

Add to this the fact that my daughter has some neuro-atypical stuff and was always super clingy and we agreed with husband that I should take care of her at home. So I've done that and been there even when she started school. And we had a lot of trouble then, she would follow me to the bathroom and not go to the bathroom alone when she had to go. She always wanted to be in the same room with me. Things got worse at that time because my husband left (but regretted and I took him back). I have worked on getting her more independent very slowly and it has worked. Now she sometimes asks me if I have somewhere to go, because she'd like to be alone to do her own thing

But during taking care of her, we also lived in a moldy apartment and got sick, and I've never recovered fully as I already had chronic illness before that. So, I'm not able to work (but I'm not receiving any benefits) except a little on my own schedule.

So I guess I have two main motivations - I find regular jobs soul sucking and boring, and I'm not well enough to do them anyway. (Which reminds me of another topic - how "stay healthy" or "get healthy" are touted as something you always have control over. Right now my daughter battles with prolonged illness. At least she has a mother who understands. There are way too many people who pretty much only understand cancer as debilitating illness.

My goal is, in addition to owning my own house, to have enough passive income from investments to cover all my basic needs. As I will probably always do SOME work as an artist, designer etc. I can use that extra income to save up for non-necessities. At regular retirement age the retirement benefits kick in anyway which will then be a nice bonus.

[WingsOnFire]

Just read the ERE book for the first time. It was awesome, I'm inspired! Now re-reading YMOYL, or reading the new edition. It's a keeper. I read the original book a long time ago, and was at first excited but then I quickly thought that okay, this info just doesn't work anymore, as the interest rates were getting to be really low and I had no idea how to invest in anything else and thought it was beyond regular people. So I gave up and went to my old ways, sadly!

I talked a little bit about money with my teenager niece. She had some smart thoughts (she's super smart anyways!). I want to give my nieces and nephew a head start and they are not getting it at home. Their parents are regular salary people, and in debt. But I have to be smart about it so that I don't offend them and seem like I'm judging their lifestyle. They just never got the memo, eh. Maybe they'll be inspired to read a certain book or two...

So I'm trying to realign my thoughts from "I'm such a loser" to "I'm a renaissance person" haha, yes I am:D
I identify with wanting to learn things and making things myself from the start. I get bored when I have learned a new skill and done it for a bit, and want to move on. The fact that I've had my business running for this many years is no small accomplishment to me. But I'm getting super tired of some aspects of it and so I'm changing them.
The thought of nine to five 'til you're sixty-five (or like sixty-eight by now..) always filled me with desperation and depression. But when you have no role models of another way, it's hard to imagine another way.
I have great appreciation for the people working mundane, hard jobs day in, day out, like cleaners, cashiers, bus drivers, waiters and so on. I always try to be nice to them and smile, say thanks, leave a tip.

I'm also tinkering with my FI calculations. Should I calculate just my own costs, as my husband is paying for our daughter's expenses?
If I calculate just my own necessities, I'm FI right now. I assume we will keep helping out DD after she turns 18. Education is free here and she is welcome to live at home as long as she wants, and also she is clearly a renaissance person, but is stunningly talented in arts and writing and photography and making films, all things creative. So I'm teaching her frugality and she has naturally very few wants, and I have opened an account for buying her stocks, and she wants me to invest the money that she saves from getting gifts from her grandad because she doesn't use it for anything. Because she rarely wants anything I'll give her as gifts the things she wants - and I've still had trouble many times trying to figure out what to get her! We spend Christmases with my sister's family and her cousins have always gotten much more than her, but she doesn't care one bit, But obviously we still want to give her a few gifts that she will be happy to get.
Anyway, the point being that I'm not going to pressure her into a traditional education and a traditional job. She even says she might not be interested in art school, because she doesn't like it when she has to do certain assignments and can't do things like she wants to do them. She went to children's art school like two times. Or was it one time.. But she draws every single day at home and is so good at 11 years old that nobody can tell it's not made by an adult. And she has her own neat style too, it's not just copying what someone else does. I think she has much more natural talent than I do (and I was able to make a career out of it)
I also know that her dad will always be willing to support her and take care of her needs if she is not able to.

I'm still undecided about paying off the mortgage or keeping it. We'll see how much the apartment sells for. If I get a really good price on it, I may just pay off the cheap mortgage, just for the joy of being debt free. Even though financially it may be smarter to keep it as I don't see how we are NOT going to get much higher inflation in the coming years.

I'm getting an expert in traditional building to check the house and see if there are things that should be done immediately. And I'll have a better idea of the amount of money I need for renovations. I think it will be better to just move in and then slowly see what I want to do with it. Except for the floors, the plastic mats need to go from top of the original wood floor, obviously!
But other than that, I'm trying to challenge myself to think that things don't need to be immediately changed just because they are a bit ugly.
But the extent and timeline of renovating is affected by the selling price of the apartment.
I should be able to list it next week! After selling that I have an even better grasp of my assets. I'll talk more about about the apartment later.
Off to my dad's and his wife's house now! (My mom's passed away 12 years ago )

[WingsOnFire]

So I told my husband I bought a house. Man, that sounds strange Congratulations, he said.
Next week I'm going to see the little house with a carpenter /renovation guy.
The sales ad for the apartment is going up tomorrow. There is a recycling-freebie box next to our trash cans and today I took a hexagon shaped wooden thingy to go under pots and pans, or like a small cutting board. It will be used when I "stage" the apartment a little for the photos tomorrow so it won't be completely empty. There was also a kids' denim apron which I also took and will wash it and it'll be good for DD. If not, I'll pass it on. I really don't want to collect stuff we don't actually use, free or not.
I actually have stuff I should donate. The place where struggling families can go and pick up stuff for free is good, and they will be accepting donations again in August, so I'll take a bunch of stuff there. A couple of brand name t-shirts for example, that DD got from her nephew and niece, but which she doesn't like because they are too thick and the neck band is too thick too She is very particular about the way things feel. The only pants she wears are ones I make. Which sometimes means she is running out as they get worn out and she grows, and then I give myself a kick and sew a pile at once when I get going. I make t-shirts too, but she also likes some softer ones I've bought or that were hand-me-downs from her nieces.
I should actually make her some pants soon, and pajamas too.
She is known in her class for wearing clothes I have made. When she was wearing a Vans hoodie she got from her nephew, it was instantly noticed that she was wearing "regular" clothes haha. I love that she couldn't care less.

So, fun day tomorrow! Wish me luck selling the apartment fast and for a good price

[horsewoman]

Thanks!! Good to see like minded people around :D Where do you live? I'm from Finland, actually, I realized I haven't filled out my info..

On a horse farm in southern Germany :)

[WingsOnFire]

Cool! What kind of horses do you have?

[Vaikeasti]

Good luck on selling the apartment!

I'm really exited about old house renovations too but I'm such a coward with all the possible (health) problems an old house can give.
And to think you've already been exposed to mold and you're still so fearless. Such an inspiration!

[horsewoman]

A merry mixed band, from a tiny Shetland pony up to a Thoroughbred former race horse, with a Haflinger and a Appaloosa in between. 2 are seniors enjoying their retirement and 2 are younger ones still in active service
Which breed is your horse?

[WingsOnFire]

@horsewoman: Ours is a Gypsy Cob. Who does dressage really well, and loves to jump too. She hasn't been jumping much before coming to us, but has good technique! My sister's family has a KWPN mare as well.

@vaikeasti: After I got sick I was super scared of ending up with a moldy house. My symptoms were all over the place, I seemed to react to everything. Since I've gotten better with time and meds, I know recognize bad air quality and if it's some of the worst stuff I throw up. Symptoms start within minutes. I spent 45 mins plu maybe 20 mins at the house and got no symptoms, neither did DD who is also really sensitive. I also didn't see anything suspicious like old water marks or some such. So I'm confident it's a healthy house. The good thing is that the wet areas (bathroom and sauna) are built in a new wing, and not in the basement. Well the house doesn't even have a basement, only a root cellar under the kitchen.

I guess my life has been pretty hard, and I'm sort of over being afraid. What's the worst that can happen? It can't really be much worse than what I've already been though.

[WingsOnFire]

I had to take my daughter to the doctor today so the styling and photographing of the apartment was moved to tomorrow. But I did take some things to the car already.

I ordered 128 euros worth of strawberries, raspberries and cloudberries from a farm. I'll freeze some but one thing I like to splurge on is fresh berries in the summer. Strawberries have been pretty expensive this summer.
I should soon also go picking wild raspberries as they grow in my neighborhood. I will definitely plant raspberry bushes in my garden. There already grows some berries like currants and wild strawberries. We should probably plant an apple tree as well as I don't think there is any. And they are so beautiful when they bloom in the spring. I will also ask if I can get some Jasmine from my sister's garden. It's the best perfume ever!

I started re-reading the ERE book. I think I'll go read now.

[WingsOnFire]

Got a parking ticket for 50 e today :/ But I'm selling leftover paints from the renovation for 40 e so that almost makes up for the loss
Got the photography done for the apartment, now waiting for some papers that I had forgot to order, which the potential buyers will want to see.
Hopefully I'll get them soon. I was planning on showing it already this weekend but perhaps it will have to wait until next week.
I should have taken care of all that earlier!
The apartment turned out super nice. It'll be even more fun to renovate the little house! I'll try not to get carried away and keep the costs reasonable.. The good thing is that it's so small that the renovation will cost much less than on a "normal size" house.

[WingsOnFire]

Showed the apartment for the first time. One couple came, they were very interested and took the papers.
On Thursday I'll visit the little house with the carpenter / renovation guy. I hope he won't find anything badly wrong with it!

Selling the apartment will be a load off my mind. I'll just pay off the mortgage (70 K) and be done with it, buying the little house with cash, and hopefully have some cash left for a bit of renovating after paying the taxes.. At least I'm saving the RE agent's fee by selling myself.

I'm selling a bunch of things, some largeish and expensive. One stupid purchase that I'm not going to get what I paid for. But often I've actually sold things I bought secondhand for more than what I paid. I guess sometimes you just have to pay for stupidity.

As I drove in my car (paid for ) today I thought about my triggers to spend and how I need to recognize them and deal with them.
Most of my stupid impulse purchases I make late in evening when I'm tired, and perhaps procrastinating going to bed. I've taken up reading interesting stuff on my phone until I fall asleep so I won't stay up on my computer.
I guess boredom, avoidance of reality or thinking about difficult stuff.
Sometimes being excited about something new and just not being able to take it slowly with the supplies, I tend to go overboard. Like thinking I'm going to make all my own underwear from now on, and buying a bunch of stuff to make them, but after making a few pieces getting over it and deciding that I can't make them better fitting or longer wearing than my favorite store bought models... Which reminds me that I should get rid of the box of underwear materials

Sometimes just being tired, hungry, or happy about accomplishing something will make me splurge on special food, like yesterday after doing work stuff, doing stable work and taking a brisk one hour horseback ride (the horse seemed to want to practice for a race and pretty much tore off my hands while we were galloping on the way home Bad girl. I need to not let her gallop on the way home for a few times so that she doesn't learn bad habits. I would like to attend a race with her sometime though..) and then after that going to the apartment to attach a few missing electrical sockets (of course forgetting to turn off the main electrical switch, oops! Luckily I didn't get electrocuted...) I got to my neighborhood and had to go buy eggs because I'd promised my daughter I'd make pancakes, and I saw their sushi boxes and bought one for myself. I really like sushi, but I only have it occasionally as I haven't learned to make it and DD doesn't like it.. But maybe I should learn to make it. The box cost 12 euros, so about the same as going to a restaurant for a sushi buffet. I don't really eat out or take-out often. Once a month at most, usually not even that I think. I need to make a separate category for that in my expense tracking, now I just put it under "food". I think about 20-30 euros per month for restaurant / café food (or equivalent, like the sushi box) is good. I don't think I spend any more than that since our monthly food costs (me and DD) have been about 320 euros. I could get it to lower, but I'm quite happy with about 160 e/ person / month. I don't drink alcohol but sometimes I buy juice and soda. DD likes to drink tap water mostly though, which is great


Sometimes I wish I didn't care at all how things look. I could get everything pretty much for free as people discard their ugly stuff. As it happens that I do care, about colors and lines and shapes and how everything interacts to form a whole that is visually pleasing to me. I try to get things second hand, which means I can usually sell them for the same amount of even a little profit, if I want to. I get to enjoy good quality and good design meanwhile.
I also happen to hate selling, so I usually end up giving away small stuff I / we don't need anymore. I TRY to remember what a hassle it is to sell something, when I'm considering buying something. Is it really a keeper? Is it really easy to sell again if needed and worth the effort? Will I just end up donating it because I don't want to deal with the selling?

The current owner of the little house is asking if I want to keep some of the stuff in the house, as they have started to slowly empty it. I will take a look on Thursday. I told her that we really have everything we need and as the house is not much bigger than our current one bedroom apartment, I can't take much, but perhaps one or two pieces would be nice to keep from the old owners. I remember seeing a sweet flowery arm chair in the kitchen, which might be a keeper. And I really liked some of the rag rugs that were everywhere! Might be super annoying with the cats though.

Sooo.... wish me luck with a fast and smooth sale of the apartment, and for a good price And that there are no bad surprises with the little house!

[WingsOnFire]

Well, my husband wants to buy the apartment from me. He will move into it when me and DD move in the little house. As we are trying to work things out and agreed not to get a divorce, we will sort of have a town center home and a small house with a garden. At least for a while.

I will need to decide how much I want to spend on renovating the little house. The renovation guy was at the little house with me and he will make a plan of what should be done first and what is optional. The bathroom and sauna at least can be left as they are for now as there is nothing wrong with them and it's a clearly defined block that can be done separately later.
We will move there in the beginning of June next year I guess.
I'm wondering whether we should move into the apartment first with DD. At least my company could rent it starting this fall, until my husband moves there, so it doesn't sit empty.
Ack, it's complicated! I feel exhausted just thinking about all the moving. First coming up moving the business. Sigh. I feel like I'm all over the place.

We haven't actually agreed on a price for the apartment, but it doesn't make sense for me to sell it for profit to my own husband, we'll just end up paying more taxes, both of us

I was contacted about the woodland as well. Which I want to sell.

[WingsOnFire]

Feeling a little un-ERE as I BOUGHT wild blueberries and raspberries someone else had picked.
And my daughter needs new clothes, I have the fabrics and the machinery and the skills, but I just CAN'T GET IT DONE.
I procrastinate like crazy.

My mind is frazzled and distraught with too many things. DD has been ill for a long time, so taking her to doctors etc. The selling and buying of the apartment /little house. Selling off my business inventory and moving the rest. Taking care of the horse and riding since my daughter isn't well enough to ride (but the horse has other riders so it's only once or twice a week for me). Trying to keep up with house work.
All of this on top of the PTSD or whatever from dealing with my husband's messed-uppedness

I'm not sure DD can start school. I've been in contact with her teacher and the school nurse. At least I don't spend 9 hours a day or more away from home. She can be by herself for a few hours if I need to go to work or to the stable or something, but all day every day would be terrible. It used to be that she couldn't be at home by herself at all and she would pretty much follow me around the house, even to the bathroom.. so things have much improved since then.

It's just all a little too much at the moment. But I think once the move of my business is done at the end of the month things will be less stressful.
Maybe I will get my good housekeeping flow back? Or will I have to wait until we move to the little house? It's always hard to feel settled and peaceful if there are big changes on the horizon. But at least I should feel motivated to go through my stuff again, and get rid of any excess like accumulated papers and such. Also sell a few more things. The move to the little house should be easy then. My daughter has all kinds of stuff at our old place where my husband still lives and I'll need to help her with it. And there is still some of my stuff as well. Not much but some.
I dislike excess stuff so very much! There is often a conflict of interests in my mind. I want minimal stuff, serene, efficient, purposeful, simple. Yet I want to be prepared, and I want to make stuff, which makes it necessary to keep stuff around. Like tools and materials. So the best I can do is to pick and choose, keeping the best materials and most used tools, and try not to go overboard with stashing for future. I've been able to keep a relatively small fabric stash at home because I have kept the bulk of it in the business space, but in the future when we get rid of the separate place for the business, I'll have to keep what I want to keep at home.

Anyway, I have a "to do"-list that is partly a "get through"-list. After that is dealt with, I need to stop myself from creating more complications, or letting others create them for me.
Sometimes there is a deep sadness of having had my life trampled upon so harshly. Of having seen my sweet daughter suffer. But then I've come this far, and to the point where I care quite little about What Other People Think.

[WingsOnFire]

Had a moving sale yesterday. Gah, our inventory feels huge now that I'm trying to get rid of it! Lots of stuff that I should have tried to clear out more actively before. The most popular ones are all but gone though. Our retailer called and said they are nearly out of everything and she is making a new order, which was great news. That their business is doing well and they sell lots of our stuff too, and she had noticed no drop in sales from our moving sale. Probably because we don't have much of the most popular stuff left. And they have a much larger customer base than we do.

I sold the desk from our office (paid 40, sold for 60) and it's a relief that I don't have any excess furniture to deal with any more. Just some sturdy, large storage shelves that we can probably leave there if nobody buys them.. (I was thinking that one of them might work as a log storage, if I just cover it with something. But I'd have to ask the seller of the little house for permission to put in the garden a bit early..)

I'm about to leave and meet a friend for brunch at Ikea. I need to return a couple of things that were left over from the apartment renovation.
No need to buy anything

I did come across some disturbing info on my medical record. I recently had my second heart ultrasound. I thought it was all clear and no worsening in the minor valve leaks I had. But apparently I'm scheduled for more follow-ups, because I now had a small aortic aneurysm. Not in risk of immediate rupture due to the small size, but I read that even small ones can rupture, and sometimes they grow fast.
I'm not that old, I'm a woman, I'm not overweight, I don't smoke and I don't do super strenuous exercise. I know the aneurysm is due to my underlying genetic syndrome and I can't really do much about it.
It does mean that I probably can't use my ADHD medication at all. I already don't use it often as I get palpitations and anxiety and since last summer I've had a problem with blood pressure fluctuations which have cause me to faint, sometimes multiple times a day

Which brings in mind a trigger - I'm irritated when people say things like "stay healthy". It's important for ERE to "stay healthy". Obviously it's something that healthy people say because they think it's in their own hands. ( I have two in-laws who were so into health stuff that I'd never known anybody more so, and one of them is institutionalized with severe Alzheimer's and the other has Parkinson's and other problems, and they are in their early 70's. Clearly they tried their very best to stay healthy and it was of no help.)