AE's Journal Round 4

[daylen]

Our (my) failure is far more likely to occur due to overplanning for the future and it's possible constraints, while never learning to adapt the present under real, existing constraints.

I suppose I do not see any reason why these must be mutually exclusive given that constraints can be generalized across your life.

[jacob]

Methinks it's just a TeNi (general) vs NiTe (strategist) disagreement about how to see the battle. Chicken or egg essentially.

[classical_Liberal]

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[daylen]

Yeah, I get it. Just adding some counter weight to the discussion.

I think the good kind of adaptability may require intimacy with both the short and long time cycles (or any two desynchronized cycles). I do a bunch of philosophizing (Ti-Ne) on topics that are so out of tune with my everyday execution (Te-Ni) that I do not get much direct feedback at all, yet such an activity constructs a more inclusive context in which to interpret and modify these more rapid cycles. Otherwise such execution feels reactive as opposed to proactive (both of which can be "adaptable" in their own way).

For Te-Ni dominate types, this long term context is provided by the more passive functionality of Ni but can be combined with Te more actively to validate observations.

[7Wannabe5]

It might also be that as NeTi, I know my super-power is improvising on the fly, so over-planning actually somewhat hobbles me. Subtle but important difference between non-rational type simply not planning at all vs planning to come up with a plan.

[daylen]

Long story short, I think this trend away from long term planning is really a retreat of Te to shorter time cycles while Ni may be semi-consciously pushed out to longer time cycles (..because of more life experience and so forth).

[classical_Liberal]

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[daylen]

So, the way I look at it, learning to deal with real-time constraints in the present is the proactive way of solving for the unknowable future.

Right, for you these constraints (Te) are chosen by your priors of the future (Ni). Your incomplete Ni picture of the future can be proactively dealt with through these Te constraints in the present. Otherwise you would just be reacting to whatever constraints were being forced onto you in the present by some other agent.

For Ti-Ne it is quite different. Ti principles tell Ne what is possible in the present. I try to use Ti-Ne globally to construct a possibility space in which to proactively guide the pockets of Te-Ni consciousness which keep me from starving.

Right now you are in a Ti-Ne pocket I forced upon you.

[AnalyticalEngine]

On Work
I've come to an interesting position with work lately where I just literally do not care about anything that happens. This is in contrast to to before where I didn't care but then also felt a lot of anxiety about being laid off/getting bad feedback. Now the anxiety is gone, and the only thing I feel is complete apathy. On one hand, this makes focusing even harder because at least anxiety can be motivating. On the other hand, the prospect of quitting/getting laid off no longer fills me with extreme conflictedness.

I now have three different FAANG companies who have offered to interview me in the past month. It's also remote work for now. And yet I find it hard to motivate myself to prepare for these interviews. Programming interviews kinda suck because you have to memorize all this arcane computer science that's never used on the job. So it's developing this portfolio and prepping to interview for 8 hours straight with the knowledge that when you get the job, you're just going to be making buttons bigger and fixing things offshore broke.

A FAANG job would be better than my current job because my current job is extremely dated technology and boring software. But prepping for the interview and then spending months learning all the tedious internal libraries at New Job is just sucking any kind of job from the prospect of getting ready. My current job is Does Not Spark Joy, but neither does the prospect of switching. So I've kind of settled into this mediocre role where I'm working from home and doing basically part time work. I've become complacent here. At least, unlike before, I am now starting to make use of the downtime toward other goals of mine.

To be honest, the entire Salaryman hyper-specialization unending race to the bottom is starting to feel like a giant waste of time. Unfortunately it's hard to stay in software if you're not willing to reskill every year. But I just have no desire to waste time learning Library X when there's a million other things I could be doing.

On Hobbies
I've picked up a ton of hobbies I want to do and have discovered I have no time to do them all, even while just staying home most of the time. I want to get back into writing and drawing, as well as some more hands-on hobbies. In true ERE fashion, I found some spare craft material and practiced some sewing by quilting some scraps of fabric into a table cloth and knitting a pair of socks out of some yarn. I've done a lot better with cooking and I'm starting to realize what makes food good and what makes it bad. (Hint: oil-free recipes Do Not Spark Joy) I've repaired a few VHS tapes then sold them on ebay for a lot more than I bought them for. (Some rare tapes can sell for upward of $50+ if you know what to look for) I have a free VCR I got that's eating tapes that I want to fix.

I also want to get into ham radio. Radio has been a technology that I've wanted to learn more about forever. I have a book on the topic, and I'm studying for my license.

There are so many hobbies to do and so little time. It really makes my desire to sit in Sprint Review Retrospective meetings and discuss what the team can do when business refuses to hire the people we need go down to zero.

On Minimalism
Getting involved in retro-tech has made me realize the modern minimalism movement only exists because of the Internet. The corollary to this is that minimalism doesn't take into account the amount of electricity you're wasting by streaming your music collection instead of having it on CD. It's not that CDs consume no electricity, because obviously they need to be manufactured and the CD player uses some, but the Internet basically obfuscates an entire energy-intensive infrastructure that everyone who's into minimalism seems to be forgetting about.

Another thing minimalism obfuscates is the rare Earth metals required to build the server farms. Stuff like coltan is required for server farms, and it comes from horrible, human-rights-abuse parts of the world like the Congo. So we in the West can stream Netflix and be proud that we got rid of our DVD collection in the name of """minimalism""" while ignoring the real cost of Netflix in electricity/infrastructure/conflict metals. Additionally, Netflix has to hire a team of software developers and engineers to maintain their server farm, and the salary those people draw isn't statistically going to be used for "eco friendly" purposes.

If you compare this to the total footprint of older technology, like VHS, it's no longer clean that minimalism is equivalent to eco-friendliness. It's probably better for the Earth to go repurpose second-hand electronics, even if they're old and bulky.

Of course, I am running into the problem where things like VHS tapes or radio equipment does actually take up a decent amount of space. It's the same thing with a lot of my hobbies--sewing requires sewing machine and a large workspace, art requires the drafting table and papers/pens, etc. I suppose it's the same old opportunity cost problem. You can either have one hobby operating at a professional scale with a ton of the required equipment, or you can settle for the fact you're just quilting by hand and the limitations thereof.

[AnalyticalEngine]

@daylen - Thanks for your insight. The Myers Briggs discussion here has made me recall the Jungian theory behind that model. Like everyone else on this forum, my personality type is INTJ, and that gives you the whole NiTeFiSe functional stack. Going with this distributed theory of self, it would probably help to try and identify which of these functions is operating inside my head at a given time through meditation and reflection. If you get deeper into this stuff, you also end up with the subconscious/unconscious/superego functional stacks too. I'm not really an expert at the Jung stuff, so any book recommendations here would be helpful.

(I do know there is the usual criticism of Jung as not really being that scientific, which is fair, but also: all models are wrong, but some are useful.)

[daylen]

@AE I doubt many INTJ's would get much out of Jung's work(*) but there are many sources out there that condense, reformat, and expand onto his work. The model has diverged a bit since Jung and continues to branch off into different schools which all tend to agree on a common core. For an INTJ, the goal of researching personality is likely to develop a deeper [yet narrow to the core] intuition of persistent human behavioral patterns without adhering too closely to a single school. On the other hand, if you wish to discuss observations/correlations with others (especially on this forum) then developing a more particular understanding of the cognitive functions would be worthwhile.

(*) There is a lot of it and the thought process is somewhat alien to the typical INTJ.

Right off the bat, the "Please Understand Me" books are a good place to start. These books are quite grounded in examples but strictly stay at the temperament and type levels (4 temperaments of 4 types each).

Next, for an NTJ, I would probably recommend looking into the "Objective Personality" school/community. Specifically by wading through the many short videos they have on YouTube to gain an idea of the cognitive functions (8 functions which are ordered to construct the 16 types). They also have many of their own additions like animals and stuff, yet I would generally recommend not looking too deeply into that stuff unless it interest you. It may aid the development of a deep intuition at first but it will likely fade away over time unless you immerse yourself into that community(&).

(&) Though, this will inevitably be part of the learning process: diving into a series of detailed metaphors while your mind filters out the fluff and retains the essence.

For a deeper book to reference that is derived from the Jungian tradition and focuses on the function level, "Motes and Beams" is a good pick-up. Probably better suited to idealists (NF's) but covers solid ground in a decent amount of time. The author also has a high quality YT channel.

In addition to these sources there are numerous websites and YT channels that you can explore to deepen your intuition. If you give me additional constraints or topics you wish to explore, then I can probably give you specific sources. After a while, as an Ni user, these will all start to amalgamate in your own mind. After [or during] your development, feel free to ask questions here or participate in old topics if you wish to practice using the core model as a niche-language when describing or hypothesizing about human behavior.

[classical_Liberal]

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[AnalyticalEngine]

Hmm this is a good point. I've been thinking about that, and I do see how this can happen. Especially if you're INTJ, it's really easy to push out time horizons due to Ni and rationalize it with statistical models/4% rule with Te. All the while you are discounting how it makes you feel (Fi) and letting yourself/your environment fall into infrastructure decay due to weak Se. Indeed, I'm starting to see how discounting Fi/Se (and Fe/Si to some extend) has lead me to neglect parts of my life that need better developing.

Using Te to wrangle in the endlessly abstract, endless time horizon of Ni is a good point. As is realizing it's not really rational to ignore how thinks make me feel now in pursuit of something 10 years in the future that may or may not happen. Obviously one can live in the moment too much, but I don't think that's typically an INTJ problem lol.

Now if only there was a way to eliminate the endless pile up of tedious Se problems lol.

[AnalyticalEngine]

On Utopian Beliefs and Salvation
I'm sure there's more substantial scholarship on this topic, but I've come to the realization that utopian ideologies and beliefs are incredibly easy to fall for and present everywhere. What I mean by utopian ideology is anything that promises "salvation." It's the idea that "this sucks now, but someday we will have x, and x will solve all our problems. Therefore we must pursue x." Common examples of this are: the belief in the rapture, the belief in the singularity, the belief in primitivism, the belief in external technological progress, the belief in growth and development, the belief in communism, the belief in eternal paradise in the afterlife, the belief in FIRE, etc.

All of these things can be structured with "x is a global solution to all local problems." They're all the same belief in salvation.

I think this is one reason why collapse is so hard to come to terms with. It shatters the illusion in a global solution to all local problems. And perhaps this is Terror Management Theory, but I get the feeling it's incredibly psychologically difficult for humans to accept that salvation is just not coming, no matter how it looks.

The real kicker though is that things were always this way. Salvation was never coming.

I think, upon realizing this, it's extremely easy to fall into the opposite extreme of apocalyptic or nihilistic thinking, but this is also incorrect. Salvation is not coming, but life will (somehow) go on for some people, and so the "apocalypse" is not coming either. Alternatively, there is no salvation, there is no ending, there is only harm reduction, and there has only ever been harm reduction.

You start to realize how structural and tied together these issues are, and how there's basically no solution because all problems are the same problem. Craving the apocalypse is the same thing as craving salvation. I suppose it's similar to the three types of craving in Buddhism: craving for sensual pleasure, craving for existence, and craving for non-existence.

This is all very theoretical, but in practice, FIRE is as much a utopian belief as anything else. ERE can have the same problem is misinterpreted incorrectly. Ie, if it turns into "someday ERE" instead of systems for daily life. And I believe for me personally, the FIRE-salvation was keeping me stuck in my same headspace.

I'm not sure where this will lead me, but I'm starting to feel less and less anxiety about making some more significant changes in my life. Because honestly, FIRE will not save me, but I sure as hell can waste my time and energy pursuing a myth.

[classical_Liberal]

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[AnalyticalEngine]

@c_L - That's all good insight, and I do agree with you. I'm reminded of how older people typically score higher in happiness than younger people despite having more health problems. I think as you age, you realize just how precarious all those small luxuries and opportunities you took for granted really are. You realize how having clean water and a roof over your head puts you ahead of 90%+ of humans who ever lived. And while that can at first be depressing, to think that the best you can hope for out of life is clean water, it does also put things in perspective. It makes you aim for things that are more achievable and have more realistic expectations of what can and can't happen.

Tangentially related, but Nine Lies About Work has some interesting things to think about:

Nope. What matters is “love in work.” People who are doing what they love (that might be playing with your kids) have lives they love. It’s not about balance, it’s about doing what you love. If you want both happy and effective workers figure out what they love and get them to more of it.

Maybe the secret really is to just try to do more things you enjoy and fewer things you don't. One can try to engineer this both inside a job and by leaving said job if the balance is too out of wack.

(I'm also thinking "So Good They Can't Ignore You" is just anecdotal bad advice lol. The better at things I get, the less I want to do them.)

[AnalyticalEngine]

And one more quote from Straw Dogs:

Today the good life means making full use of science and technology -- without succumbing to the illusion that they can make us free, reasonable, or even sane. It means seeking peace -- without hoping for a world without war. It means cherishing freedom -- in the knowledge it is an interval between anarchy and tyranny.

The good life is not found in dreams of progress, but in coping with tragic contingencies. We have been reared on religions and philosophies that deny the experience of tragedy. Can we imagine a life that is not founded on the consolations of action? Or are we too lax and coarse even to dream of living without them?

[Mister Imperceptible]

What c_L speaks of is amor fati.

[AnalyticalEngine]

October Food Spending - Debreif
While October isn't over yet, I know I won't be buying groceries again for the rest of the month, so I can write about the challenge now.

I spent $163 on food this month, which is not bad considering there were a few times where I cooked for people other than myself. This is pretty decent for my first month of trying this, and I've discovered a few areas where there's room for improvement.

I feel like American has an extremely bizarre relationship with food. This is basically what Michael Pollen said in The Omnivore's Dilemma as well. In most historic cultures, people had to learn to cook all sorts of things based on what kind of ingredients they could get. This meant they had a robust food culture where simple spices and ingredients could be cooked in many different ways. Learning to cook is a challenge because American has a completely detached food culture. The Standard American Diet is called SAD for a reason!

Most American dishes are basically slap of meat + boiled side dish + 12 pounds of cheese. Using this many animal products and frozen vegetables to cook leads to a diet that has a high comorbidity of lifestyle disease (when Americans aren't simply just eating out!). So learning to cook in a truly efficient, systems-based way of using a few ingredients to make a wide range of healthy and actually tasty dishes requires charting somewhat unknown territory.

So my next level of cooking adventures needs to involve bringing ingredients together more. I also need to start optimizing for time/amount of dirty dishes as well. The huge downside of ancient food cultures is you spent all day picking corn and boiling it into hominy, and cooking has already started to consume way more of my time than I really want it to. I struggle with low energy levels, and I've come to accept that sometimes I need to work within my own limitations. So I'll have to find some dishes that are cheap + high in vegetables + high in good fat/protein + doesn't take 12 hours to make + doesn't lead to 10 million dishes.

I also know I can go lower in spending. The way I've been cooking has lead to some waste in leftovers/spoiled vegetables. So that's some waste in the system that I know I can recapture.

[7Wannabe5]

The lowest I ever managed was approximately $1/day for around a month in 2008. There is a trade off with time, but experience can compensate a good deal.

I am currently reading a great book of cooking essays, as opposed to recipes, entitled “An Everlasting Meal:Cooking with Economy and Grace” by Tamar Adler. I rate it WL8+. Chock full of insight I only gained after decades of cooking. The first essay is “How to Boil Water”, and it is highly relevant to my $1/day eating exercise, because scratch soup every day was one of my tactics. Also, as the author notes, although boiling food is out of style, it is great method for gaining access to every scrap of any food. It also shouldn’t require dirtying a lot of dishes.