Axel Heyst's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
RoamingFrancis
Posts: 207
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by RoamingFrancis »

Glad you haven't touched your stash. I'm curious to see what strategy you come up with to address your current situation.

I'm probably due for a long and detailed journal update myself. Until then, peace!

RoamingFrancis
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by RoamingFrancis »

Unfortunately most of our ideal goals are illegal in most areas
https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Want- ... 0963810952

Reminds me of this book (which I haven't read)

classical_Liberal
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

AxelHeyst wrote:
Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:12 pm
We just get dissatisfied with our circumstances, and try somewhere else.
Interesting, I always thought this feeling was a major part of what defines me as someone who does like to travel.

AxelHeyst
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Location: The Mountains, USA

Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by AxelHeyst »

Hmm. Touche, c_L. Maybe I do like "travel", which for me means "meander off to somewhere else every 3-9 months". Most people who enjoy travel do so from some sort of home base from which they can recharge. I haven't felt like I really had a home base that was "mine" since late 2015, and that was just a hellaciously expensive apartment in the SF Bay Area. It suspect it's the home-base-less-ness that is getting old - and this was compounded by the stress of jamming FT work in to a rootless lifestyle. To your point, I'm far from convinced that I'd enjoy being planted any more. The idea of being in one place for basically 12 months a year is somewhat terrifying.

--
Building Spare Capacity
https://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/?ck_su ... =389165773
^Scott Young just dropped this today. tl;dr = free up time and energy in your life, do more stuff you actually want to do. I'm starting to drop in to this lifestyle, having 4/5'd my work obligations, and am discovering it's not a linear change to my life. I feel like I'm moving in to a very qualitatively different sort of arrangement. What I'm viewing myself as capable of now is more than 4/5's greater than what I thought I was capable of before.

This has to do with the difference of what you can do with a full life-energy tank vs. a depleted life-energy tank.

I've started to build a morning routine:
Wake up, drink 16oz water with salt and lime, go for a short bike ride/walk/trail run, do bodyweight strength exercises, do yoga, cold shower, breakfast, sit down with coffee to draw for 60-120 minutes. I keep my phone and computer off until after this is all done.

As I'm out of shape, I'm approaching the exercise very gradually. My goals for health/fitness are ambitious, but I'm taking a "patient man on a long journey" approach. My focus right now is building showing-up habits and consistency, and not injuring myself. After this I'll move in to a phase of learning and building a more sophisticated program - my experience is bodybuilding and powerlifting, and I want to learn bodyweight/minimal equipment styles that I can execute no matter my shelter/location situation.

The titles I've scoped out for this are
Overcoming Gravity: A Systematic Approach to Gymnastics and Bodyweight Strength
Becoming a Supple Leopard 2nd Edition: The Ultimate Guide to Resolving Pain, Preventing Injury, and Optimizing Athletic Performance by Kelly Starret
If the reviews are close to correct, these are the "teach a man to fish" books that will allow me to create my own programs with a solid understanding of the principles, as opposed to just adopting (copying) other programs. Anyone have experience with these/this pursuit?

Big-Picture Thought of the Day:
Something I want out of ERE is to *speed up*, to be able to reclaim my ambition, my energy, to put the hammer down *in a sustainable fashion*. Burnout for me has looked like slowing down, apathy. I'm don't want to semiERE so I can slow down and chill -- I actually want to speed up, do more, unlock my energy and vitality, fulfill my potential. I've been stuck/stopped for years. I want to go.

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by 2Birds1Stone »

AxelHeyst wrote:
Tue Aug 04, 2020 2:00 pm
Becoming a Supple Leopard 2nd Edition: The Ultimate Guide to Resolving Pain, Preventing Injury, and Optimizing Athletic Performance by Kelly Starret
If the reviews are close to correct, these are the "teach a man to fish" books that will allow me to create my own programs with a solid understanding of the principles, as opposed to just adopting (copying) other programs. Anyone have experience with these/this pursuit?
I have a very similar background to you re: training (competed at a high level in drug free BB and dabbled in competitive RAW PL) and found quite a bit of value in this book, mostly from an injury prevention/increasing mobility standpoint, though it's been quite a number of years since I read it. When I was young and stubborn those were two areas I greatly ignored and ultimately got hurt. Now that I'm older and wiser (ha!), longevity and functional physical conditioning are more of what I'm after.

classical_Liberal
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

AxelHeyst wrote:
Tue Aug 04, 2020 2:00 pm
I actually want to speed up, do more, unlock my energy and vitality, fulfill my potential. I've been stuck/stopped for years. I want to go.
The freedom bells are ringing. I can't remember if it was in the ERE book or a blog post where @jacob uses the analogy of a dog who's stuck behind an invisible fence, even after the collar's been removed. I'm a year into semi-ERE and I still find myself struggling to remember... there is no fence.

jacob
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by jacob »


AxelHeyst
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by AxelHeyst »

That electric-fence metaphor has been haunting me this week, as I work further/deeper through the layers of unconscious behaviors and attitudes.

Last week was my fifth week of semiERE, but my first week not driving my brains out or otherwise being in dirtbag survival mode. I thought I could initiate my morning routine, take care of a backlog of logistical paperwork stuff, and relax.

Long story short, I managed to get my stress and overwhelm levels back up to "normal" by Thursday. :roll:

.My morning routine was overambitious. It involved three different kinds of exercise and then no less than ninety minutes focusing on my new ultralearning project (drawing), before moving on to any work obligations as well as life logistics.
.DW and I spent most of last week thinking the next best move for us was to build two (yes, two) tinyhouses. Before winter. So I also started designing those, and doing a bunch of research on zoning regulations and building permit issues.
.Some relationship stuff DW and I are working out.

By Friday, it was obvious that I was overdoing it. That surge of energy I felt the week prior was nothing more than a promise, a teaser. I am *not* recovered yet. My life-energy tanks are still lower than I realize. And I have the sneaking suspicion that I'm addicted to cortisol, which is apparently an actual thing I heard about in a podcast (for people who experience chronic stress due to their environment, if you remove the stressors (by, for example, taking them out of the work environment), they'll find ways to introduce/manufacture stress in their lives to reproduce that sweet sweet hit).

I'm back on "Plan Fuckitol". The only "rules"/limits I have at the moment are, no checking my phone first thing in the AM, and still no alcohol. Other than that, I'm only doing either
a) strictly have-to-do's, like my minimal work obligations and grocery shopping, and
b) precisely whatever I feel like doing, and nothing more.

A big thing I've realized is my sense of time. For over a decade, there was a fire burning or starting to burn somewhere. So 90 minutes was about the maximum I could spend focused on any one thing, because then I'd have to go running around with buckets of water and checking for new flare-ups, to keep things manageable. A good friend of my mine (who is dealing with her own de-stress journey at the moment as well) reminded me to think of what was great about childhood. One thing was getting lost in an activity for hours and hours and hours. I'd like to get back to being able to do that - to train my brain that it's *okay* to get lost for hours.

I also am no longer sure I know with any degree of certainty what the actual fuck I want out of life. I spent last week thinking I definitely wanted to build some tiny houses and "settle down" a bit. Then I was reminiscing about being a roaming dirtbag. I suspect a lot of my desires and plans over the past few years have been more about getting *away from* the stress of my life, rather than *towards* what I actually want. So I feel like until I can really, truly come down from my stress addiction and burnout, making permanent plans/intentions is a fools errand.

--

I signed up for health insurance through the ACA. I already made too much money this year, so I don't qualify for any subsidies. $277/mo. Next year I ought to be able to qualify for <$100 coverage, assuming I don't blow my income on freelance projects. Like I said above, though, I don't/can't know what I'm going to want to do in 2021 yet. Maybe I'll be perfectly happy keeping my income that low (+401k deferrals etc), or I'll get involved in something cool that will make paying more for coverage worth it because I'll make well more than the subsidy cliff penalizes me. Hakunah matata either way.

RoamingFrancis
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by RoamingFrancis »

I think it's interesting that you find yourself capable of manufacturing your own stress.

Maybe try choosing a handful of projects that you find most important, and focusing on them exclusively for a month or so. Maybe a morning/evening routine + 1 project.

Just my two cents, take with a large grain of salt.

AxelHeyst
Posts: 262
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Location: The Mountains, USA

Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by AxelHeyst »

Nah, that’s pretty much exactly what I just tried. It seems I need to channel my inner six year old for a spell.

That sounds like a fine approach... in a little bit. I’m too fried right now.

PS it doesn’t *feel* like I’m manufacturing my own stress, in the moment. There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all the stuff I find myself doing/thinking about. Maybe it’s the overall volume that’s the problem, I’m incapable of keeping my demands on myself within the boundaries of my current life-energy limits. So it feels like I need to overcompensate and do way *under* my limits, and build back up. Because I don’t even remember what it’s like to be doing less than what I’m capable of.

Frita
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by Frita »

Rooting for you, @AH! Decompression can take some time. I notice that many people, myself included, have an unrealistic view of the freedom of FI. It’s not a panacea, rather it creates the need to be more creative than ever. Despite being married to a dude who has it figured out, I still struggle to find my footing.

Enjoy the cheap ACA without subsidies. Of course, each state has different rates and ours is the most expensive in the nation. $2200/month for two 50-somethings and a teen, the crapiest plan. Just south of us, it would be just south of $500/month. Costs do increase with age and are geographically dependent. This is one of those things we’ve learned after the fact.

Two tiny house builds, cool. What is your long-term plan with those?

RoamingFrancis
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Re: Axel Heyst's Journal

Post by RoamingFrancis »

Understandable. Wishing you the best in your journey :)

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