7Wannabe5- Take 6

Where are you and where are you going?
7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Alphaville;

No worries about rushing into any hook-ups. I am not exposing myself to anybody else's germ space until I am well vaccinated. Also, I came of age in the late bareback 70s, so no need to waste money or fossil fuels on toys.

@Miss Lonelyhearts:

Good insight. My mother is a highly skilled manipulator and also the sort of person who spends whatever money she can get on a new sofa and then arranges her daughters in dresses to match it. Also, because my father with whom she was in constant conflict was frugal, she sees any rejection of money on my part as evidence of still taking my father's side. I truly should budget some money to spend on therapy to answer the question of why I ever talk to her about anything.

The Cowboy is much more a rough manipulator. The irony is that although his professed strong aesthetic preference is for quite slender humans, he was constantly feeding me treats. I think it was a subconscious desire to have me fill the role of his father who was a jolly extremely fat man. Or maybe just shared vice. We are both foodies and very good cooks. The Cowboy could also eat a lot more than me, because he is like 6'2" and broad-shouldered muscular and kind of hyper-active. You would never guess that he was so into MMF by his looks or social behavior. My obvious bad is that this kind of led me to believe that I could maybe kind of cure him of being somebody who voted for Trump. I always forget how men are so well able to put everything into separate sealed boxes.

Anyways, IMO, his "proposal" was more about him wanting to save ego by positioning himself as dumper rather than dumpee. In his professional life he is always making contracts, so that is his comfort zone. My response included some rather scathing remarks such as noting that I would never be able to fulfill his preference for non-existent tits. The whole thing is really just ridiculous. I don't even know how I wound up so far and so long up this serious detour of a life loop.

Alphaville
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by Alphaville »

i have a few things to extrapolate about your ex but might violate forum rules by psychoanalizing an absent person

so i’ll just say walk away with your fine voluptuous volumes to where they might actually be appreciated

i can’t even... lolololol

Miss Lonelyhearts
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by Miss Lonelyhearts »

Well, it sounds like at his best the cowboy is a rather curmudgeonly libertine, and at his worst an anti-intellectual scold. You've written about appreciating the assertive, focus-on-task energy that he provided, but if it's too easy for him to slip into rigid contract-enforcing mode, it's hard to imagine you being able to make good use of him as anchor. (Partying together is another story, but it seems like that time has passed.) The end of LTRs is never clean or easy IME, but it does sound to me like you've made positive steps forward recently! And perhaps exploration of that "how did I wind up HERE?" feeling is potential item #2 to address in as-yet-unbudgeted therapy sessions.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Alphaville wrote: walk away with your fine voluptuous volumes to where they might actually be appreciated
I did hit it with my Iranian-American "ex" a couple times during my last attempt to end things with The Cowboy. I think maybe I do need the margin of sexual security provided by having a partner who naturally defaults to something like "big bottom" in his internet porn searches. Definitely doesn't mean that we will be compatible in all other things, but it might fall into the category of necessary if not sufficient. The Diplomat (my most polyamorous partner) was also really into MMF, but for him, I was the center of the triad, my pleasure was the top priority, and that's not how it is with The Cowboy. I thought that maybe I could help him, but that was just a form of hubris. I need to focus on helping myself.



@Miss Lonelyhearts:

Yeah, that about sums it up. I think the reason why I wound up stuck so far out on an auxiliary trail is that I am a gentle generalist with cyclothymic tendency to sometimes lapse into rut of functional depression. Lately, I've actually been visualizing myself with machete in hand, hacking my way back through the wilds to previous junction. I'm rereading "The Renaissance Soul" and "Scanners" and that is proving helpful. Sadly, I discovered that both Margaret Lobenstine and Barbara Sher have died since I last read their books. Valuing my generalist tendencies, not dismissing myself as dilettante, is how I can best avoid being steam-rolled or hustled off of my preference for multiple looping tracks by determined energetic singular goal oriented specialists. I also need to make sure that no matter what my current circumstances, I get at least an hour of exercise outdoors 6 days/week so that I don't lapse into SAD. I might also need some post-menopause HRT.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Here’s another weird thing about men. You might encounter one with hard eyes, his only interest in you exhibited by narrowed focus on your cleavage or ass. You might also encounter another one who seemingly has very little interest in objectifying your secondary sexual characteristics. He may claim to value your “great mind” or your “gentle nature.” Believe it or not, there is no correlation, no clues offered by these differences, that will aid in predicting which man is more likely to behave like a complete ogre if you spill bright yellow mango kombucha on his living room carpet.

Luckily, the stain came out, so I do not owe The Cowboy some portion of his security deposit to cover it. Our relationship now seems to be unknitting nicely via text. I recommended that he engage the services of a sexual therapist and join a rage management group. It is my belief that every individual is a unique sexual being, but I think The Cowboy has a difficult to negotiate chasm between the sort of human he finds romantically attractive and the sort of human he finds sexually attractive. At best, I could only be the sort of human he finds romantically attractive, and only if I lost approximately 40 lbs. This is because he is an ESTJ, like Margaret Houlihan on M.A.S.H., so primarily romantically attracted to overt status symbols, such as visible rank on military uniform.

Of course, I do not claim to be any better. I like handsome men with broad shoulders, developed arm musculature, and demonstrated competency in some realm, particularly the arts. Photographer who attended college on a football scholarship would be rough median example of my typical type. I joke about dating affluent men for free Thai food, but money is much less of a turn on for me than muscles combined with artistic talent. For instance, I was crazy infatuated with the drummer for a Detroit scene garage band who could effortlessly flip me around in bed. I drove over an hour to meet up with him, and he couldn’t even afford to buy me dinner.

Anyways, my breakup with The Cowboy combined with staying safe from Covid is costing me way too much money. I am pretty bone-deep die-hard low-spender style frugal freak, so I can only allow myself to throw money at a problem for about the same length of time some nutrition and fitness freak could lounge about eating pancakes and cheese puffs with hot rum and eggnog chasers. But the problem is I am too invalid/ high risk to want to tramp about shopping for cheaper long-term accommodations, and I also don’t want to temporarily relocate too far from decent hospital system. So, it seems like I am stuck for the time being shelling out 4X!!! the amount I would prefer to spend for housing. I guess I could just chalk it all off to medical. One of the reasons I am in this situation is that I have probably spent too little on health care for at least the last 5 years. I should have gotten back on preventative treatment for my asthma sooner. Perils of walking the edge between frugal and cheap.

Alphaville
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by Alphaville »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Nov 24, 2020 6:53 am
Perils of walking the edge between frugal and cheap.
yes. bit of a razor’s edge at times.

so hm since money is pointless without health... may i suggest patience + focus in looking for an affordable sublet (or better yet a house sit) in a favorable location near a good hospital?

then you can focus your dialectical processes and explorations on creative endeavors like adding some covid-free income via the interwebs.

seems like your social brain needs a bit of zooming with friends and family also. too much isolation can do your head in, no?

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Okay, maybe I will give myself just one more week to rest and recover. Then I will try to figure out how to be very safe while meeting people to look at properties. I am already making progress on my new business idea. I am watching tutorials, tinkering around with my new high tech tool, and reviewing my archive of lists of publishing possibilities. My medium term goal is approximately $300 month semi-passive income with maybe 25 half-days/year reasonably enjoyable work after approximately 4 months @ 20 hrs/week and approximately $2000 devoted to start-up. Give or take for writing off some portion of my new living quarters as office space and/or similar ambiguous overhead.

ETA: I am group texting with my sisters all the time. I would have to rejoin Facebook in order to get back in touch with GFs who mostly live at distance. I do have another book group where I babble and I was thinking about joining one for Renaissance Souls or Scanners, but both authors have died. I’m mostly okay with just a pile of books and journaling. I know I am way more like Bridget Jones than most members of this forum, but posting here is oddly satisfying kind of like thwacking a tennis ball against a cinder block wall for me. I am also reading a virtual pile of very interesting books on the upcoming collapse of civilization, so maybe I could join one of those book groups, although I hardly think that would be an appropriate forum in which to complain about trouble with men and weight gain. Kind of petty compared to the 6th great extinction event, etc.

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Dream of Freedom
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by Dream of Freedom »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Nov 24, 2020 6:53 am
Here’s another weird thing about men. You might encounter one with hard eyes, his only interest in you exhibited by narrowed focus on your cleavage or ass. You might also encounter another one who seemingly has very little interest in objectifying your secondary sexual characteristics. He may claim to value your “great mind” or your “gentle nature.” Believe it or not, there is no correlation, no clues offered by these differences, that will aid in predicting which man is more likely to behave like a complete ogre if you spill bright yellow mango kombucha on his living room carpet.

I think most men would be shocked by this. There is no inverse correlation? You mean these "gentle nature" guys aren't just telling you what you want to hear to deceive you? From a male point of view a man can grow fond of a woman over time and grow to appreciate such things, but sexual attraction is what initiates interest.

Alphaville
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by Alphaville »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Nov 24, 2020 7:44 am
Then I will try to figure out how to be very safe while meeting people to look at properties.
but aren’t the properties you can buy all far from hospital?

what are your time horizons? im assuming vaccines by march or so... for me particularly i’m conservatively estimating by summer as i’m not high risk anything except concussion :lol:

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Dream of Freedom:

Well, I have a very benign pleasant manner IRL, so some men want to talk to me about their problems over a dinner they pay for even if they aren’t particularly interested in me sexually. I try very hard not to make the first move sexually, because that always confuses the matter. But older men sometimes have a multitude of other issues which make interactions even more confusing. For instance, if somebody invites me to his house for steak and drinks and asks me to change into his old football jersey, I might assume that I have been given the green light to crawl up on his lap, but I was wrong on that occasion.

So, I should know better, but I made the same sort of mistake with The Cowboy, because I was already seeing two other men who were into me sexually, so I could kind of afford the risk, but then I somehow ended up being stuck with him.

Anyways, you are correct in your surmise that I generally don’t like guys who talk mush to me on short acquaintance, although I do cut a bit of slack if it seems like he might be a bit infatuated. Like if he asks permission to touch my hair, that sort of thing. Because I’m sure I sometimes do stuff like that except female version when I’m infatuated too.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Alphaville:

I meant sublets or other rental properties. I am sitting on my hands until summer for buying anything, because chipping in with my sisters is still a possibility, and I don’t want to deal with clean out or repairs during winter months.

I hope to get vaccinated ASAP now that I have been deemed high risk. It is my intention to keep pestering my doctor until it happens. Still February is conservative estimate.

Alphaville
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Location: Quarantined

Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by Alphaville »

aaaah yah i hope you find a nice one!

Ama
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Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by Ama »

Is there anyone you could ask to visit properties for you, and facetime so you could see what's happening? Hopefully that would weed out the worst places, and lower the amount of actual viewings you'd have to go to. Some landlords would probably be happy to do this too considering the circumstances

7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: 7Wannabe5- Take 6

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Ama:

That’s a thought. Maybe my daughter could do it.

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