7Wannabe5- Take 6

[ertyu]

buttfuck nowhere eastern europe is a technical term. it refers to where i'm from

[7Wannabe5]

@ertyu:

I am now shopping for similar in rural Michigan. It’s not as inexpensive as your region, but I should be able to scrounge up something.

[7Wannabe5]

So, I took a scenic drive and went to look at a rural property within my budget. The property was about on par with online dating in terms of not looking as appealing in person as in photos. However, I still might have deemed it as maybe worthy of second date, if it weren’t for the fact that I was also reminded of all the reasons why I chose to move from rural area back to city after my divorce/kids-leaving-for-college. Small towns can be nice places to raise kids, but gawd awful boring places to spend all the rest of years of adulthood our increased lifespans now afford us.

Also, as I was forced to contemplate the likelihood of maybe 3 men I could possibly date in entire rural county, I started to wonder if maybe I am evading dealing with relationship issues or personal lack of relationship skills by running off solo. The ENTP is basically a boyish Tom Sawyer like personality type and I am also first born in a family of all girls and my primary parent was my father who was also a fairly easy-going P. So, the problem I have experienced in many significant relationships is that I feel like I am a hen-pecked husband. I attract men, like The Cowboy, who literally describes his own behavior as “bitchy.”

If it weren’t for this feeling of gender bend, if , for instance, I felt more like classic oppressed/abused female OR I felt like I was a man and therefore I should just man-up, my reaction/response path would be more clear. I wish there were more female ENTP models I could study.

[Alphaville]

i like where you’re going here, with the introspection of motivation for action. you’re seeing stuff. good moves.

my reader responses to it:

-i remember barbara corcoran saying somewhere to buy the block not the house. meaning not purchase entire block (lol one percenters) but that your block, not just the house you buy, is your surroundings. this is a very sharp observation from a smart woman who made it big in real estate so... i tend to believe her. and it’s better than the traditional “location location location,” which just sounds dumb.

-one of the things we’d often laugh about with my wife when living in our rural cabin was that if we were single living there we’d be utterly fucked and we pitied our single acquaintances and wondered why they wouldn’t flee sooner. so, if good dates are your prime directive, then hell yeah cities ftw. i’d say same thing for a general social life in a city: more choices of more interesting people. so i’m sure you can hack an urban living arrangement. it’s also better for your smartcar. i hope you find a block you like.

-you sound like a ton of fun, and i’m not sure this is why you might “attract” bitchy men, but who says you have to accept them? just reject the pests...

-and myers-briggs overuse is straight-up platonizing, and bad praxis. burn it momentarily, and maybe try a different approach to self-diagnosis? just... think outside the four-letter box? not everything is “types.” this shit drives me up the wall. yes, it’s useful, no, it’s not everything. don’t let it blind you. *the box is the trap*

-same thing with gender fundamentalism. this is why the kids are protesting: 2 sizes do not fit all. jung is often embraced by fascists and primitivists because archetypes can mislead to stereotypes, which are “simple” and make them feel safe from gender panics in a false certainty. certainty is for stupids. so, embrace uncertainty and fluidity and... woman up!

-i was gonna say something else but forgot lol. but i enjoy reading your stuff and wish you much fun, free from oppressors.

eta: oh yes! here’s some music for you: https://youtu.be/bH2UUUN19Ao enjoy

[7Wannabe5]

@Alphaville:

Lol-I was going to mention that before my last major break-up, I often found myself hiding out in my car listening to “Cherry Bomb” full blast. Also, as my first marriage ended, I went from Beth Orton to Liz Phair to L7.

Obviously, I’m never really thinking about dating again when I am in “trapped” mode. Right now my prime directive is something much more like “private workshop space” and/or “solo free-style road trip.” However, I know myself well enough to know that it is highly unlikely I will never date again, so best not to lock myself into locale with poor potential. Truth be told, I might like dating more than being in a relationship. However, I am not a huge fan of hook-ups. Maybe truly solo-style polyamory is what I want.

But, first, I need to (re)establish “private workshop” and “solo road trip” freedom, and figure out how to not make the mistake(s) of losing them ever again. After my last major break-up, I thought buying vacant lots, a camper, and practicing polyamory would constitute enough “boundary” for the level of freedom I desire, but it didn’t last. I don’t believe in dwelling on the past, but I don’t feel confident that I can make it last this time if I can’t learn from my mistakes. It’s possible that I just need even more money, but I think there may be something internal going on too.

[Alphaville]

ha ha ha i love l7.

so what im reading is that you need psychic boundaries before social needs, yes? a kind of maslow-like hierarchy (let's not get hung up on maslow, let's just stick to the fuzzy metaphor that you need to breathe before you can eat, and move on from there?).

i get the idea of a solo road trip, but without a home base to return to that can be difficult in my opinion. you just went from hotel stay to back to cohabitation with bitchy dude--must be a reason.

so the "private workshop space" also needs a bedroom and a kitchen, no? everyone needs a "safe cocoon" for rest and recovery and nourishment, and a tent in my opinion is not sufficient. an rv maybe, if you have a place for mail delivery. problem with rv is often needs rental space above costs, and they tend to be outside cities.

bedroom and kitchen are easy finds in urban settings (i just looked at detroit craigslist there's plenty. and what about ann arbor?). theoretically you don't even need a kitchen, because one can cook easily with a microwave and a hotplate or an instant pot. and a small fridge is just $100. so just a room is the basic essential-- with no judges or supervisors.

trickier in urban space with small money is workshop, which i assume for you being some kind of garden type setting. or what are we talking?

wondering if that might be available to you in a community garden setting or some sort of urban/civic space? e.g. "this is my raised bed". and go from there. no need to get everything today or tomorrow.

so hm... perhaps first step would be just a temporary bedroom? emergency shelter (for henpecked women, lol).

in an emergency i'd prioritize bedroom over workshop btw. breathe before eating...

meanwhile, your play space can be virtual during the pandemic. no? everyone is in space station mode these days anyway. if you don't have good crew mates... orbiting solo for a while might be best, just so you can breathe. once the air clears you could look begin to look for "more."

this virtual thing could also place you in suburbia for the time, provided you have good connectivity. rural and isolated and bad internet... is too rough and lonely imo.

anyway, survive the winter first, figure out the rest later maybe? rome wasn't built in a day...

eta: https://annarbor.craigslist.org/d/suble ... search/sub --> https://annarbor.craigslist.org/sub/d/a ... 57825.html

[7Wannabe5]

Ann Arbor is closest thing to a hometown I have, so kind of a boring choice. Also relatively expensive. Plus would be being near my adult kids. Minus would be being near my aging bipolar mother. I also don’t want to rent a room in a house full of college age kids, especially now with COVID. Deleting fake ads, $600 for a studio in outlying area is as cheap as it gets, which would be 75% of my budget just for housing. (Oops, I am doing pro/con list which is not advised by “Decisive.”) I could maybe justify it if I ran a business out of the room, but I was hoping to put off my next micro hustle until mid next year. I could also maybe justify it if I had good options for near free housing lined up for next chunk of time.

I enjoyed my time alone in the motel room except for the fact that mildew in the heating system tweaked my asthma. It was also too close to the area where The Cowboy owns acreage, so he took a long weekend and invaded my solitude. I didn’t organize my escape very well, so I had to come back to vote and check in with my doctor etc. I am actually pretty tough. I was going to live in a camper on a vacant lot in the hood and I have lived in warehouse office space.

[ertyu]

Why not take off for thailand

[Alphaville]

oh, that $400 2br sublet i linked was fake?

i only suggested it as a winter survival camp, since sublets are not forever.

i think you have 2 separate issues here:

1) a psychological emergency of living under oppression

2) long term plans to figure out your life

i think first you just need a short-term fix for the emergency, and then you can make your long-term plans in peace.

trying to kill 2 birds with one stone is often... difficult. individual solutions might even be incompatible.

[7Wannabe5]

Yeah, I guess I could just write off one time expense under mental health.

Thanks for being sounding board. Positive thought I am having now is that it is okay to iterate towards more ideal solution.

[Alphaville]

yeah, anytime—my pleasure.

and of course, good mental health is essential for good decisions.

if you think about it, @ertyu did similar: first moved out of stressful environment to a rental, now with more calm he’s getting a long-term housing solution.

best wishes finding shelter!

[Clarice]

I wish there were more female ENTP models I could study.

Consider Catherine the Great - Empress of Russia in the 18th century, very ENTP by all accounts

[ertyu]

Suggested pass times include starting a huge ornate badass museum to house your art collection and making yourself a shag room decorated with dicks.

I have a lot of respect for Catherine the great. Woman lived her best life

[7Wannabe5]

At first I was like, c’mon you guys. But then I read a few short Internet biographies and I can see some similarities. She was a great advocate/admirer of the Enlightenment, just like fellow ENTP Benjamin Franklin, and that is definitely historical period I would program in my time machine. She voraciously read and collected books in wide variety of genres. She was often described as voluptuous in her habits and appearance. She decided that creating and maintaining her own domain was a good idea after experiencing marriage with man described as boorish, impotent, and inclined towards running entire household through early morning military drills (shudder.)

In marginally related news, I am tapping out this post left-handed, because I have an IV in my right hand. I am in a hospital jam packed with covid patients(lined up in wheelchairs in lobby, lying on cots in ER hallways), luckily isolated in my own small room, because my asthma became so severe it didn’t respond to oral steroids. I am breathing okay now, but I am totally jacked up on whatever they are giving me. It is also possible that I have walking pneumonia and/or covid, but less likely. Good news is they have run a bajillion tests on me and apparently I am in great shape otherwise. IOW, at age 55 my health sich isn’t much different than when I was 3; wheezy, chubby, bouncy.

Odd coincidence is that two of my exes chose to try and get in touch with me again while I was waiting to be admitted. One of them even inquired about my asthma. I’m thinking it is likely that I will have sex with at least one of them after I get sprung from here. Also highly likely I am going to throw down some cash to afford quick escape from The Cowboy sexless grouchy pajama buddy situation, because Catherine even went so far as to pension off her lovers. One reason I remain in good stead with most of my exes is that at least I never try to take any of their stuff when I leave. Of course, hard to tell whether this is decision made in high functioning female ENTP WWCTGD mode and/or super high dose steroids talking. I am actually more on the XNTP side.

[disk_poet]

She really was great.

Really sorry to hear about the hospital. I hope you're doing ok. Best wishes from over here!

[7Wannabe5]

I am probably going to be fine, but I already had more than fair share of fun, and I gave both of my kids a copy of “The Knowledge “, so okay if I check out.

Reflections on How Being Trapped in Small Very Busy Hospital Isolation Room Is and Isn’t Like Camping:

IS LIKE

1) Difficulty in procuring first cup of coffee in morning.
2) Difficulties, potential dangers on path to bathroom facilities.
3) Only have my level 1 and level 2 modular day and overnight packs with me.
4) Likelihood of getting poked with sharp object
5) Other humans just outside my domain having difficulty sleeping on narrow cots
6) I have little difficulty sleeping on narrow cot and also okay with breakfast that is cold by the time I eat it.
7) I try to be cheerful, tidy, brave, and self-reliant. The nurses and rangers like me.


ISN’T LIKE

1) Good cell signal/internet
2) No nature
3) Lots of noisy machines.
4) I can’t hike or swim.

UPDATE:

Yay! I don’t have Covid-19. They are moving me to non Covid Ward. Bad news is this means it is likely that menopause is kicking me back into childhood asthma mode. I just read that “asthmatics are notoriously good oxygen conservers” which is kind of the opposite of situation with Covid victims. Even when I am really struggling to breath my blood oxygen level is around 94 %.

[Alphaville]

wow! wha.... o... damn!

i don’t if to say sorry or congratulations. i guess it’s good to focus on the positive? so i’ll focus on: i toldja you didn’t sound like an unhealthy person!

hey, another reason to be in a city is good medical care at close hand. rural healthcare often requires air ambulance

take care of yourself and enjoy the speed or.... what is it they’re giving you?

ps when i was a kid i used to swim with another kid that had asthma, and another than had bronchial problems not sure which kind.

a bit paradoxical since i’d assume nowadays chlorine would trigger inflammation, but it seemed to work for them. have you ever?

[7Wannabe5]

Yes, I learned to swim before I learned to read. Was highly recommended by the allergist I went to for weekly shots throughout my childhood. Obvious difficulty is lack of convenience as regular form of exercise in climate where it is too cold to go outside with wet hair at least 6 months of the year. Chlorine and other pool chemicals don’t trigger me. Moldy changing rooms might.

This is one of the reasons why I am strongly considering tourist areas, as opposed to agricultural areas, as my rural location option. Tend to also have better healthcare options due to lots of residents of conventional retirement age. Also more cultural activities in season. Would also make better sense for cross zip code dating opportunities.

[Alphaville]

luckeeeee. i’m rashid-al-chlorid... developed chronic skin reactions to that water. used to train for houuuuuurs, which killed my love of swimming. anyway that’s the past.

so— what are you doing today for entertainment?

and are you a “pranks” sort of person?

[7Wannabe5]

Well, they are jacking me up on IV steroids, so that makes everything a bit more entertaining. I was even almost liking the Hallmark Holiday Romance Movie Marathon I put in to block out the noise of coughing in the hallway. I decided that they are oddly doing a very good job of promoting improved racial relationships in the U.S. by portraying every possible variety of interracial relationship within the context of very conventional, romantic, committed monogamy. They also do reasonably good job at featuring less than ultimately attractive characters. For instance, maybe every other actress is a little bit chubby.

Also on the schedule for today is continued text and email correspondence with two former lovers, attempts to order tasty treats from hospital food service, and a new DeLillo novel.

I am not much of a pranks person because I hate being startled.