2019-10-28:
Weight: 70,0 kg (Goal 62 kg)
Money: 8,8 % saved - 91,2 % to go
Done: 3,8 Pomodoros
Tomatoe's tomatoes
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
I meet a friend today, and we talked for about 5,5 hours. (We then had to leave to get the public transport options, otherwise we might still be sitting and chatting 
). That was nice. Work was bla. Nutrition was 3/5 - 2 points gone as I had too many sweets and caffeine (I don't tolerate caffeine very well).
Money spent: 12,89 €
Done: 4 Pomodoros
Sweets: 4 cookies, 1/2 piece of chocolate cake (of a 1100 kcal monster!), 1/2 l green ice tea
Books: finished a cookbook. I'm seriously tempted to start making ginger beer, kimchi and chickpea sprouts.
Prep: 5:23 hours (The goal would be around 1 hour)
Sports: None. (Maybe 20 minutes of slow walking)
). That was nice. Work was bla. Nutrition was 3/5 - 2 points gone as I had too many sweets and caffeine (I don't tolerate caffeine very well).Money spent: 12,89 €
Done: 4 Pomodoros
Sweets: 4 cookies, 1/2 piece of chocolate cake (of a 1100 kcal monster!), 1/2 l green ice tea
Books: finished a cookbook. I'm seriously tempted to start making ginger beer, kimchi and chickpea sprouts.
Prep: 5:23 hours (The goal would be around 1 hour)
Sports: None. (Maybe 20 minutes of slow walking)
Last edited by Tomatoe on Thu Oct 31, 2019 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Money spent: 10,19 € (drug store), 15,18 € (bar)
Prep: 3:36
Done: 2 Pomodoros (meh)
Sleep: 5:45 hours (too little)
Sweets: 2 cookies, 3 soft drinks
Sports: 6,5 km by bicycle
I didn't feel to well today. I had quite some to-dos planned for today, and as often when there is a lot on my plate, I do basically nothing. Maybe it's fear, that if I do all that today, then tomorrow I have to do even more. That I always have to get better and faster and whatever.
And that I have to work like a battery bunny - without emotions, without problems, without mistakes, without failure, without indispositions.
And well, in the afternoon guilt was creeping in. Because I could have done more, but I didn't - and so the results are lacking what could have been.
Went for drinks with my colleagues after work, that was quite a funny evening. I had three drinks, but only soft drinks, so I had the lowest bill. Still more expensive then yesterday
.
I also went to the drug store, as I need new shampoo and other stuff. And hair, well, my hair is long, heavy and very dry, so it is rather complicated. And too top it, I got a perm in January. So goodbye cheapo-shampoo... Only three more years till the perm has grown out
Prep: 3:36
Done: 2 Pomodoros (meh)
Sleep: 5:45 hours (too little)
Sweets: 2 cookies, 3 soft drinks
Sports: 6,5 km by bicycle
I didn't feel to well today. I had quite some to-dos planned for today, and as often when there is a lot on my plate, I do basically nothing. Maybe it's fear, that if I do all that today, then tomorrow I have to do even more. That I always have to get better and faster and whatever.
And that I have to work like a battery bunny - without emotions, without problems, without mistakes, without failure, without indispositions.
And well, in the afternoon guilt was creeping in. Because I could have done more, but I didn't - and so the results are lacking what could have been.
Went for drinks with my colleagues after work, that was quite a funny evening. I had three drinks, but only soft drinks, so I had the lowest bill. Still more expensive then yesterday
.I also went to the drug store, as I need new shampoo and other stuff. And hair, well, my hair is long, heavy and very dry, so it is rather complicated. And too top it, I got a perm in January. So goodbye cheapo-shampoo... Only three more years till the perm has grown out
Last edited by Tomatoe on Thu Oct 31, 2019 5:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Hi Tomatoe!
You are being very mysterious, I’m eager to guess what are you measuring in Pomodoros ...so far the only clue is that it’s something that can be measured in decimals...
You are being very mysterious, I’m eager to guess what are you measuring in Pomodoros
...so far the only clue is that it’s something that can be measured in decimals...Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Hi Alice,
Oh, a pomodoro is nothing special, it's just a time amount, in my case it's 25 minutes followed by a 5-minute-break. After 4 pomodoros there's a longer break, e.g. 20 minutes. For some people it helps with being more productive and less stressed.
The technique was invented in the 80s by a guy with a kitchen timer shaped like a tomato (italian: pomodoro), hence the name.
Btw: nice profile pic! I still want to watch her Jane Eyre, as the youtube clips are great!
Made some minimal edits to the post before, as I'm totally afraid of doxing.
So today:
Money spent: 1,62 €
Prep: 3 h 19 min
Weight: 70,5 kg
Done: 6 pomodoros = 2 h 30
Sweets: 3 cookies, pack of soft candy
Sport: 6,5 km bicycle, short walk
Well, well, today was a mixture of fear, guilt, reluctance and fatigue. And whenever I feel bad, I criticise myself for being unprepared. Because if only I was better, I would feel better, right?
But I realised that it's okay to be afraid, to feel guilty.
Oh, a pomodoro is nothing special, it's just a time amount, in my case it's 25 minutes followed by a 5-minute-break. After 4 pomodoros there's a longer break, e.g. 20 minutes. For some people it helps with being more productive and less stressed.
The technique was invented in the 80s by a guy with a kitchen timer shaped like a tomato (italian: pomodoro), hence the name.
Btw: nice profile pic! I still want to watch her Jane Eyre, as the youtube clips are great!
Made some minimal edits to the post before, as I'm totally afraid of doxing.
So today:
Money spent: 1,62 €
Prep: 3 h 19 min
Weight: 70,5 kg
Done: 6 pomodoros = 2 h 30
Sweets: 3 cookies, pack of soft candy
Sport: 6,5 km bicycle, short walk
Well, well, today was a mixture of fear, guilt, reluctance and fatigue. And whenever I feel bad, I criticise myself for being unprepared. Because if only I was better, I would feel better, right?
But I realised that it's okay to be afraid, to feel guilty.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Today:
Money spent 45,84 €
Weight 70,4 kg
Sleep 7,75 h + 2,5 h
Done 4 pomodorors? But might be more
Books finished the last 2 days: one audiobook, one ebook, one tree-book (3 re-reads)
I think my proclivity to re-read or re-watch media might be a means of escape, I'm escaping from reality, from the feelings of dreads, to a world without these or with other feelings. And witch a re-read/re-watch I know exactly what kind of feeling the book/movie will bring.
I spent quite some money (mostly on food) today and felt somewhat "guilty" afterwards. Here I am, writing in the ERE forum, and spending so much money!
Maybe my dread is not a "Fear of Failure", but a "Feel of Failure"; I feel like a failure and feel like nothing in the world will improve my situation.
And this dread prevents me from just starting.
Money spent 45,84 €
Weight 70,4 kg
Sleep 7,75 h + 2,5 h
Done 4 pomodorors? But might be more
Books finished the last 2 days: one audiobook, one ebook, one tree-book (3 re-reads)
I think my proclivity to re-read or re-watch media might be a means of escape, I'm escaping from reality, from the feelings of dreads, to a world without these or with other feelings. And witch a re-read/re-watch I know exactly what kind of feeling the book/movie will bring.
I spent quite some money (mostly on food) today and felt somewhat "guilty" afterwards. Here I am, writing in the ERE forum, and spending so much money!
Maybe my dread is not a "Fear of Failure", but a "Feel of Failure"; I feel like a failure and feel like nothing in the world will improve my situation.
And this dread prevents me from just starting.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
What books did you read?
Although I don't feel "guilty" after spending some money, I sometimes knew, that I could have avoided that spending. Most of the times it occurred when I spent some money for "wants" (not needs). I had those feelings in the beginning of my journey. And I became aware of them. It triggered my thinking process, that spending money is a deeply psychological topic. I reflected my feelings and thoughts about money, cost, "needs" / "wants", my values, etc. Digging deeper (within my mindset) helped me to understand the thing called money and my personal relationship towards it.
And as you said also, that re-reading or re-watching might be a means of escape, I felt similar (and still feel the same sometimes).
I don't think those feelings happen only to you. I guess it's part of the process for quite a few people, who change their mindset about money (and all other things) significantly/completely (from consumerism towards FI/ERE)
Although I don't feel "guilty" after spending some money, I sometimes knew, that I could have avoided that spending. Most of the times it occurred when I spent some money for "wants" (not needs). I had those feelings in the beginning of my journey. And I became aware of them. It triggered my thinking process, that spending money is a deeply psychological topic. I reflected my feelings and thoughts about money, cost, "needs" / "wants", my values, etc. Digging deeper (within my mindset) helped me to understand the thing called money and my personal relationship towards it.
And as you said also, that re-reading or re-watching might be a means of escape, I felt similar (and still feel the same sometimes).
I don't think those feelings happen only to you. I guess it's part of the process for quite a few people, who change their mindset about money (and all other things) significantly/completely (from consumerism towards FI/ERE)
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Hi Wolf,
I'm hugely afraid of doxing; I'm listing the books I read at a social network for readers, and I don't want anybody to make the connection between the two accounts. Let's just say, that I listened to a book about productivity and and read two whodunits. I'd say, I read about 1/4 non-fiction and about 2/4 fiction, and I think that fiction really helps me understand other people better.
Stats: Weight 70,1 kg; Sleep ~ 8; Done 11 p = 4 h 35; Spent 30 €; Sports none; Books none (finished a movie); Sweets marmelade, figs
30 €: I'm learning two languages at the moment and I'm really like using the website/app clozemaster for learning. (If I find time, I'm also using the books from Assimil, but time, well...) It's like a game from the 80s and I feel like a rat that's pressing the dopamine lever when playing it, so for me it's great. And the creator of clozemaster launched a new similar website for translating into languages, so in a whim I decided to join. Well, we will see how it turns out.
I spent quite some time today being productive, but actually I feel worse now than when procrastinating. . I did some things, yes, but there is still so much left undone. Which should be done, which should have been done long ago! And I don't know how i could possibly catch up! But I should, right, I should catch up?
I think procrastination somehow keeps me like wrapped in cotton wool, away from this frustration, from really seeing the things. So when I procrastinate, I know that there are things to do, but they are not really visible, sort of away. But now (after being productive) I see those things, and I see that I could not do everything to day, and I will not be able to do everything tomorrow. And it pains me.
I'm hugely afraid of doxing; I'm listing the books I read at a social network for readers, and I don't want anybody to make the connection between the two accounts. Let's just say, that I listened to a book about productivity and and read two whodunits. I'd say, I read about 1/4 non-fiction and about 2/4 fiction, and I think that fiction really helps me understand other people better.
Stats: Weight 70,1 kg; Sleep ~ 8; Done 11 p = 4 h 35; Spent 30 €; Sports none; Books none (finished a movie); Sweets marmelade, figs
30 €: I'm learning two languages at the moment and I'm really like using the website/app clozemaster for learning. (If I find time, I'm also using the books from Assimil, but time, well...) It's like a game from the 80s and I feel like a rat that's pressing the dopamine lever when playing it, so for me it's great. And the creator of clozemaster launched a new similar website for translating into languages, so in a whim I decided to join. Well, we will see how it turns out.
I spent quite some time today being productive, but actually I feel worse now than when procrastinating. . I did some things, yes, but there is still so much left undone. Which should be done, which should have been done long ago! And I don't know how i could possibly catch up! But I should, right, I should catch up?
I think procrastination somehow keeps me like wrapped in cotton wool, away from this frustration, from really seeing the things. So when I procrastinate, I know that there are things to do, but they are not really visible, sort of away. But now (after being productive) I see those things, and I see that I could not do everything to day, and I will not be able to do everything tomorrow. And it pains me.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Stats; Weight 69,9 kg; Sleep 6 h 55; Done 5 pom = 2 h 05; Prep 3 h 11 
; Spent nada ; Sports ~ 14 km cycling, 6 min of yoga ; Sweets - loads of chocolate
I took yesterday's mood to today. Felt really gloomy and low-spirited today. As I really tried to work yesterday, and even after so much work there was only more to be left undone. And no possibility to change that.
I then spent the evening chatting with friends, and feel way better now. The situation is still the same (still so much left undone), but somehoy it doesn't bug me anymore.
; Spent nada ; Sports ~ 14 km cycling, 6 min of yoga ; Sweets - loads of chocolateI took yesterday's mood to today. Felt really gloomy and low-spirited today. As I really tried to work yesterday, and even after so much work there was only more to be left undone. And no possibility to change that.
I then spent the evening chatting with friends, and feel way better now. The situation is still the same (still so much left undone), but somehoy it doesn't bug me anymore.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Stats: Weight 70,6 kg; Sleep 6:20; Done 5 pom = 2 h 05; Prep 3:45 ; Spend ~ 5 €; Sports 14 km cycling, ~ 40 min stretching and gymnastics
Whew, tuesday way a bad day. Felt like shit the whole day. I guess it had something to do with the food I ate on monday evening (food intolerance ), but it was horrible.
Everytime I weigh myself, I get a pang of guilt/sadness/anger/shame, as I see the high number on the scale that should be way less. My mind then starts racing, to find solutions, to leave this situation of discomfort. But I cannot change the situation *right now*. *Today* my weight was 70,6 kg and there is no (reasonable) solution to bring this weight down *today*.
I want to flee this discomfort.
There is still so much left on the to-do-list, and I can't seem to get on. I'm behind in every possible aspect. And I don't have time to catch up.
; Spend ~ 5 €; Sports 14 km cycling, ~ 40 min stretching and gymnasticsWhew, tuesday way a bad day. Felt like shit the whole day. I guess it had something to do with the food I ate on monday evening (food intolerance
), but it was horrible.Everytime I weigh myself, I get a pang of guilt/sadness/anger/shame, as I see the high number on the scale that should be way less. My mind then starts racing, to find solutions, to leave this situation of discomfort. But I cannot change the situation *right now*. *Today* my weight was 70,6 kg and there is no (reasonable) solution to bring this weight down *today*.
I want to flee this discomfort.
There is still so much left on the to-do-list, and I can't seem to get on. I'm behind in every possible aspect. And I don't have time to catch up.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Whew, thursday evening and friday morning were horrible. I would even call them a breakdown.
The thought " I cannot do it" defined everything. There were dished to do, but the thought was so overpowering that I could not do them. There was an essay to write, but the tought was so overpowering that I could not do it. Etc etc.
Friday morning I simply didn't have the energy to get up, I just stayed in bed and read a book.
I then started to phrased my thoughts out loud, and so after a while could see the falsity in " I cannot do it". While it is true, that "I cannot do everthing" (e.g. I cannot live on 6000 € a year at the moment), "I cannot do anything" is an absolute falsity. "I can do something", and may even "I can do a lot"!
So, what are my goals for today?
First and foremost I want to focus on the essay.
Second place are the domestic chores, maybe 20% of the productive time?
In general, I would also like to spend some time on healthy cooking(&eating ) and sports, but I don't know if I have time and energy for that today.
I'll probably go grocery shopping, but probably just a small trip for refilling my grains and pulses. Should be ere-friendly
And, if I feel alright enough, I might go to a vigil tonight; to find a calm place for my soul after these days of dread.
The thought " I cannot do it" defined everything. There were dished to do, but the thought was so overpowering that I could not do them. There was an essay to write, but the tought was so overpowering that I could not do it. Etc etc.
Friday morning I simply didn't have the energy to get up, I just stayed in bed and read a book.
I then started to phrased my thoughts out loud, and so after a while could see the falsity in " I cannot do it". While it is true, that "I cannot do everthing" (e.g. I cannot live on 6000 € a year at the moment), "I cannot do anything" is an absolute falsity. "I can do something", and may even "I can do a lot"!
So, what are my goals for today?
First and foremost I want to focus on the essay.
Second place are the domestic chores, maybe 20% of the productive time?
In general, I would also like to spend some time on healthy cooking(&eating
) and sports, but I don't know if I have time and energy for that today. I'll probably go grocery shopping, but probably just a small trip for refilling my grains and pulses. Should be ere-friendly
And, if I feel alright enough, I might go to a vigil tonight; to find a calm place for my soul after these days of dread.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Oh boy, was I wrong.
Let's just say, just thinking (different thoughts) didn't work at all.
Writing also (usually) doesn't help, as usually I get so fixated on grammar, style, handwriting, the pen, etc. the real problem get's lost in all the noise.
Talking seems to help.
I now have an audio recorder app on my phone.
Let's just say, just thinking (different thoughts) didn't work at all.
Writing also (usually) doesn't help, as usually I get so fixated on grammar, style, handwriting, the pen, etc. the real problem get's lost in all the noise.
Talking seems to help.
I now have an audio recorder app on my phone.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Hi Tomatoe, sorry to hear about your weight struggles. I can totally relate, I’m around 70kg mark with 168cm hight myself and been desperately trying to shift it for years with no success. The last attempt involved eating strictly 1200 kcal a day, every day no exceptions or cheating, for three months. Did I loose any weight? No, none at all! But I started to loose hair instead so given up.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Oh no, that's annoying! What macro split did you use?
I read somewhere that hair is mostly protein, so I try to eat a lot of pulses to get healthy hair. (I read somewhere else that people who consume a lot of animal protein die earlier, therefore pulses ) In three year I might tell if it worked (that horrendous perm...)
By the way: if you're reading this, congrats on your ere hairdresser visit! I usually cut my own hair at the moment, that gives an even faster haircut Basically I'm using the elastic micro trimming method, which takes about 3 minutes - I do have wavy hair though, I guess that's easier.
Stats: Weight 70,5 kg (thought it was worse, therefore yay!); Sleep 5 (nay); Prep 2:22 (hm-yay); Productive: 2:20 (hm)
Well, I did at least something today.
Monday night was bad. I planned two pomodoros for chores, but when I wanted to start it was already to late to keep my bedtime. So instead of just doing 20 minutes or whatever I spent 4 hours alternating between sulking that life is unfair and reading a (admittely great) book.
Like "I can't do what I planned" -> "how shall I go on? *panic*" -> doing nothing at all
I read somewhere that hair is mostly protein, so I try to eat a lot of pulses to get healthy hair. (I read somewhere else that people who consume a lot of animal protein die earlier, therefore pulses
) In three year I might tell if it worked (that horrendous perm...)By the way: if you're reading this, congrats on your ere hairdresser visit! I usually cut my own hair at the moment, that gives an even faster haircut
Basically I'm using the elastic micro trimming method, which takes about 3 minutes - I do have wavy hair though, I guess that's easier.Stats: Weight 70,5 kg (thought it was worse, therefore yay!); Sleep 5 (nay); Prep 2:22 (hm-yay); Productive: 2:20 (hm)
Well, I did at least something today.
Monday night was bad. I planned two pomodoros for chores, but when I wanted to start it was already to late to keep my bedtime. So instead of just doing 20 minutes or whatever I spent 4 hours alternating between sulking that life is unfair and reading a (admittely great) book.
Like "I can't do what I planned" -> "how shall I go on? *panic*" -> doing nothing at all
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Macro split? I just made sure there's enough calories left in my 1200 allowance to squeeze in some cake after dinner. Guess this is where I've gone wrong 
. Never mind, I shouldn't be talking about myself in your journal anyway. Actually wanted to ask you which languages are you learning?
. Never mind, I shouldn't be talking about myself in your journal anyway. Actually wanted to ask you which languages are you learning?Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Let's just say, I once tried one of thes 80's diet with probably also 1.2000 calories and around 5 gram protein a day. Didn't turn out to well
Last week I had a day without sweets *yeah*, but I still had homemade granola bars then. Will try for another sweets free day this week, but I think I can only do it, if I buy more food from a bakery.
I'm rather afraid of doxing, and with the knowledge of me using clozemaster and knowing my two languages, it could easily be done. Let's just say, one is the language of the country where I spent some vacations, and one is the language of the country where my boyfriend is moving to soon. (Nay for long-distance relationships )
Today was a shite day. It started quite well (did quite well doing chores and cooking), but at some point I realised that I simply could not fit everything that I planned today in my schedule. And then I simply stopped.
Last week I had a day without sweets *yeah*, but I still had homemade granola bars then. Will try for another sweets free day this week, but I think I can only do it, if I buy more food from a bakery.
I'm rather afraid of doxing, and with the knowledge of me using clozemaster and knowing my two languages, it could easily be done. Let's just say, one is the language of the country where I spent some vacations, and one is the language of the country where my boyfriend is moving to soon. (Nay for long-distance relationships
)Today was a shite day. It started quite well (did quite well doing chores and cooking), but at some point I realised that I simply could not fit everything that I planned today in my schedule. And then I simply stopped.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Stats: Weight 70,0, Done 1 h 40
I'm not happy with how much I have done today, but I am happy that I finished something for work today.
Wanted to do some cleaning tonight, but well, 1,5 hours aren't much. I made some food, ate, bought train tickets for the LDR, and bam, the day is over again.
Bought a book about adult add, maybe it will help with my "starting" issues.
Have some weird feeling in my upper adominal region, now again afraid of (non-alcoholic) fatty-liver disease (I have problems digesting fructose which can lead to fatty-liver disease).
I'm not happy with how much I have done today, but I am happy that I finished something for work today.
Wanted to do some cleaning tonight, but well, 1,5 hours aren't much. I made some food, ate, bought train tickets for the LDR, and bam, the day is over again.
Bought a book about adult add, maybe it will help with my "starting" issues.
Have some weird feeling in my upper adominal region, now again afraid of (non-alcoholic) fatty-liver disease (I have problems digesting fructose which can lead to fatty-liver disease).
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Yeah, definitely.
Woke up, just feeling bad. I've been up for around 10 minutes, and I already now that today I'll be failing again.
There is just not enough time to do all the stuff I should be doing.
I already feel like giving up, because I know that I can't win.
And I should be a good girl, right? And a good girl does her work properly. And keeps her place clean. And cooks something nice. And and and.
And everyday the pile of tasks just gets bigger.
Woke up, just feeling bad. I've been up for around 10 minutes, and I already now that today I'll be failing again.
There is just not enough time to do all the stuff I should be doing.
I already feel like giving up, because I know that I can't win.
And I should be a good girl, right? And a good girl does her work properly. And keeps her place clean. And cooks something nice. And and and.
And everyday the pile of tasks just gets bigger.
Re: Tomatoe's tomatoes
Had my essay presentation and I got quite good feedback, hurray. It was still a horrible feeling, but at least way better than last year.
I did like the add book, it gave me some hours without self-hate. I also like my pomodoro app, I have the feeling I get more done now.
Daylens post about cooking level gave me serious self-hate again though. I "should" be a good girl and do some level 5 cooking. In reality I'm probably at level 2.9 .
Spent the week-end doing some chores, but there is still so much more left to do. And the thought of spending a whole day cleaning is horrible to me. I don't know why exactly.
Is is just the unwillingness because it's boring and lot of work?
Or is there more?
Is it because I compare it to other stuff that I'm doing, and cleaning is just way more difficult(time-consuming) for me? And shouldn't it be easy(fast), as even an idiot can clean?
Is it because I compare myself to other people, and they get their weekends of, and I am too dumb/stupid/lazy/lousy/degenerate to finish all my chores within the week? How dare I even think of kids, when I can't even clean our two-people-flat?
I did like the add book, it gave me some hours without self-hate. I also like my pomodoro app, I have the feeling I get more done now.
Daylens post about cooking level gave me serious self-hate again though. I "should" be a good girl and do some level 5 cooking. In reality I'm probably at level 2.9 .
Spent the week-end doing some chores, but there is still so much more left to do. And the thought of spending a whole day cleaning is horrible to me. I don't know why exactly.
Is is just the unwillingness because it's boring and lot of work?
Or is there more?
Is it because I compare it to other stuff that I'm doing, and cleaning is just way more difficult(time-consuming) for me? And shouldn't it be easy(fast), as even an idiot can clean?
Is it because I compare myself to other people, and they get their weekends of, and I am too dumb/stupid/lazy/lousy/degenerate to finish all my chores within the week? How dare I even think of kids, when I can't even clean our two-people-flat?