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Frita’s journal

Posted: Fri May 31, 2019 3:55 pm
by Frita
Today is quit attempt #5. What can I say, I’m a slow learner. I have not figured out what I’m going to be doing but am allergic dysfunctional work situations. My goal for June is to decompress and to quote The Shawshank Redemption “get busy living.”

Edit: Journal name change
Second edit: It didn’t work.
Third edit: Trying again.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:42 am
by classical_Liberal
Glad you got out of that crappy teaching situation. Fifth time is the charm!

Re: Take 5

Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:14 am
by Frita
Decompressing took a week. Before that, I found myself mentally reviewing my last traumatic meeting with my boss. It was crazy and may never make sense. Then I was able to relax and enjoy my vacation more.

Now that I have a couple days teaching in Guatemala, I feel simultaneously happy and sad. I really enjoy being with the students. (The school here loves me. I am treated really well. After my experience back home, it is odd.) But my choices back home are limited to working in a drama-filled place, being a square peg trying to fit in a round hole, or not teaching. This year I gave up even applying for the local district openings. I was just the equal opportunity old person to interview, box checked. My boss badmouthed me to the point that my chances are zero, but that environment is equally dysfunctunctional. Truth be told, I wouldn’t enjoy it there either. Working through the awkward space between acceptance and taking the next action...

Re: Take 5

Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2019 12:55 pm
by Frita
A week of lovely travel in Guatemala before heading to the language school to teach ESL, five great days teaching, and then the shit hit the proverbial fan! The director’s uncle was murdered in a home invasion (Drugs? Sex crime? Robbery gone bad? Unsure as the family seemed very ashamed on top of grief...). Anyway, we left early and are filling that time with more travel to redecompress. He was really mean to me, just lashing out with repeated verbal abuse. So this is no longer something I care do do during my ER. Better to have found out earlier...

Anyway, I feel quite sad as we got along so well before and he was rude to my family, who was also helping in the school. Why do I attract these assholes in bosses?!! Perhaps teaching just isn’t for me anymore.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2019 2:19 pm
by Lemur
Consider teaching language online? Look into VIPKids? I hear the pay is pretty decent....and you don't have to deal with bosses.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2019 6:49 pm
by Frita
@Lemur
Thanks, I’ll check it out.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:11 am
by Frita
@bigato
Thanks, I will check it out.

@cimorene12
Thanks for the +1.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:54 am
by Frita
Back from a month of backpacking in Guatemala and Belize! It was a decent trip overall, and I learned some things:
• Having to fill an extra 10 days with travel instead of teaching was a challenge. I really like having something meaningful to do. The beach is awesome for a couple days here and there, just not for long stretches.
• I missed doing almost all of my own cooking and baking. Eating out with food allergies (lime and shellfish) is tricky, only one incident though. My cooking style is also healthier (less oil, more non-starchy veg and whole grains). I gained a few pounds and my middle looks a bit doughy.
• DH and DS14 can only handle about two weeks in the Third World. They struggle going with the flow. I can’t take the 24/7 whining and anxiety. If I am ever single again or find some travel buddies, it’s an option for me. (Traveling with three makes a room cost-effective. Dorms can be a crap shoot!)
• Wearing the same 10 pieces of clothing for a month was awesome. I think I’ll try 7 or 8 next time. Heck, I am going to do another purge this weekend.
• I am a kind, accepting, trusting person. If I learn that someone is abusive of that, it’s time to part ways permanently.
• There were power outages for about a third of our trip. No biggie, I even liked it.
• I dropped my cell plan this spring and am on WiFi exclusively. The US has better access but it was fine without T-Mobile this time. I will continue.
• We were without TV two-thirds of our trip. I don’t watch it, but my family does and went through withdrawals. Here at home it’s a good way to free up some time to myself.
• No hot water for most of our trip was interesting! Even in hot weather, I like a long hot shower. If it’s cold, I save a lot of water and time. Perhaps I will experiment with this in the future.
• We were flying, walking, and riding public transport. I didn’t miss having a vehicle but did miss my bike at times.
• We had air con for four days which the fam loved. I am fine with a fan. Neither work in a power outage.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:56 pm
by Frita
I find myself being more quiet while reflecting on life, before and after my current run at ERE.

1) Two weeks in the van with my family demonstrated that:
• It’s a short-term accommodation, unless it was just DS and myself.
• There is a steep learning curve, and we don’t have the skillset yet.
• Traveling in a van still requires some planning.

2) As school is about to start, I have felt physical anxiety (sweating, tension, sleeping changes, desire to stress eat) about my douchbag ex-boss attacking me and my lifestyle change. I am not quite sure what I am going to do. For now, I am taking it easy and not pressuring myself to have all (or any) answers. Perhaps a summer of travel postponed the decompression that needs to occur at home.

3) I have been pondering why Sisyphus kept pushing the rock up the mountain and why did/do I? I can leave it there. Deselecting sooner when things/people/activities no longer serve me is something I am trying to keep in my awareness.

4) Things I am enjoying include spending time with my guys, cooking and baking, walking and riding my bike, doing visual puzzles, gardening, and reading. I can’t seem to get interested in TV, though I did binge watch the second season of “Derry Girls” on Netflix. I am still doing my community activities though I cringe when people ask about the upcoming school year.

5) Things I want to do more of include learning home and bike maintenance, increasing yoga practice to daily from weekly class, and regaining my mental/emotional/physical mojo, and developing more non-education acquaintances and friends.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 9:37 am
by Frita
So, this is the time in the education world where positions are posted last-minute for the start of the school year. These are typically not functional work environments. Some people were able to secure different employment, take the career risk of the last-minute quit, and jump ship. Schools can hire on a one-year only contract which offers more stress and less protection for the employee. I wonder if some supervisors purposely postpone hiring until this time of year to shift the power dynamic. So, I do still look despite knowing that these employers are toxic. I don’t apply but a little part of me wants to. This is actually progress!

Yesterday I was so anxious that I ended up with a migraine. It actually started the evening before but I ignored it, ascribing feeling off to alternate causality. I have decided to make some changes by limiting stressors and see if that helps.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2019 10:29 am
by Frita
Well, I am still in decompression phase and can feel quite impatient with the whole thing. Overall, my physical anxiety has decreased and some days are downright enjoyable. My wanderlust is flaring, though with DC14 in high school, I am more placebound. I like solo travel but that stresses the guys out.

Things I am still enjoying include spending time with my guys, cooking and baking, walking and riding my bike, doing visual puzzles, gardening, and reading. It is amazing how much time one can kill with these activities. After “Derry Girls,” my TV fix was complete. DS50 got a Sling subscription to watch football, so the TV isn’t getting lonely.

Progress on things I want to do more of:
• learning home and bike maintenance—I am actively observing what DS50 does, asking questions, and helping in a 5 year old-sort of way.
* increasing yoga practice to daily from weekly class—I have added a short practice a few times per week at home. I enjoy doing it in a tight space and pretending that I am living on a sailboat.
* regaining my mental/emotional/physical mojo—slight improvement, I found Labor Day depressing. Work sucks, so why the celebration? I went out of my way to buy nothing and boycott any place requiring people to work.
* developing more non-education acquaintances and friends—I continue to meet lots of people. Transitioning from acquaintance to friendship is a challenge. I understand that Americans have less friends now, which may be part of it. Wyoming is super introverted. I notice that saying “Let’s get together” with no follow through is the norm. I am thinking that being an ENTP is making me miserable in this regard and it’s time to embrace introversion more.

EDIT: I do notice that I am setting better boundaries sooner with people and situations. It saves wasting my time and energy and is getting easier.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 3:59 am
by horsewoman
Can you please clarify for me who "DC14" and DS50" are?
I know the abbreviations DH, DD, DS and SO but cannot make out who is meant in your post - I assume a child aged 14 and and a significant other aged 50?

Re: Take 5

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 6:21 am
by Bankai
Exactly my reaction! Could it be dear sister 50?

Re: Take 5

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:38 am
by 2Birds1Stone
Dear Spouse 50?

Re: Take 5

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:19 pm
by Frita
Oh, sorry for the confusion. I am really trying to go gender neutral:

DS50 = spouse
DC14 = kid

Are there other terms I should use instead?

Re: Take 5

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2019 11:15 am
by Frita
This month has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Perhaps my expectation of decompressing is unrealistic. It seems like I am actually feeling worse, though quitting my job was the right thing and I think is was harder on me than I realized. Has anyone else struggled with this? What would you do if you have to do it again? What would you do differently?

Re: Take 5

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2019 12:14 pm
by Scott 2
I'm not sure how I missed your new journal. Glad to see updates.

Have you read the book "Your Money or Your Life"? I found their take on benefits offered by work, beyond money, to be eye opening. I've come to recognize a person who lives intensely enough to achieve early retirement, isn't really capable of downshifting into an idle life. It's more typical that after a pause, they re-engage with society in new adventures.

The problem that raises, is without a balanced exchange of energy, people don't show up. Money is by far the easiest mechanism to ensure the exchange. If you remain interested in doing significant things, especially with people who can peer with you, new work offers a very tempting path.

In real life, I have not seen many examples of people satisfying this need in other ways. A few who have done volunteer work, but they encounter other trade offs. It's easy to end up under used, or frustrated with the quality of free volunteer labor. When they really care about the cause, it can quickly become as demanding as work once was.

I don't have a great answer. I think it's something many early retirees struggle with. I'd say in my choice to continue working, the social peering problem weighs equal or higher than any financial concerns.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2019 12:35 pm
by classical_Liberal
I haven't experienced the need to move on yet, but it's still really fresh for me. I know it'll happen though, because I kind-of did a short term retirement/sabbatical for about two years when I left banking, before I started to retrain for nursing. Although it wasn't planned well from a money perspective, I did start to feel the need to do something productive after about a year.

I think your problem is that leaving work on a really bad note a)left a bad taste in your mouth for work in general, and b)you probably blame yourself (you shouldn't!!) to some degree for it going down the way it did. So now you're stuck. You do not want to have to go through that again (ie work, because of the bad taste) while at the same time feel like you need to move on. Not an enviable situation.

When I left banking, it was on a pretty bad note. I'm guessing it took at least six months to a year to really get over it. After that though I was ready to move on to something else, and my situation really force me to make some moves based on financial need. If you still find yourself sitting around feeling bad about the situation last spring, I would venture to guess you're not ready to teach again, particularly if you have very few options nearby and can't craft an ideal position. Still, you need something to move on to. Is there anything else that might suit your fancy, no matter how it pays, just part time? Something else to focus on that can help convince yourself not all bosses are douche-bag pricks and make you "feel" more productive.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 10:07 am
by Frita
@Scott2
Thank you for the suggestion. I read that book when it came out in 1992, and despite having something to offer me at this juncture, it hadn’t been on my radar. Since my income/work/job were the same at the time, I glossed over that. At your suggestion, I have been reading the Your Money or Your Life and Vicki Robin’s websites. She doesn’t offer any easy fixes, encourages one to navigate rudderless soul searching, and offers some questions as guidance.

Because of putting us over the ACA cliff, low charter school pay, part-time gig, and limited benefits; it was actually costing us money for me to work in that stressful and unethical environment. When I figured out that I could not improve the situation, it was time to go and I actually should have left sooner. Perhaps the lesson is that my work and job are no longer the same.

You bring up another interesting thing about work or a job yielding social relationships. I have read that Americans are more socially isolated with few, if any, real friends. Actually, I question if my work/job has diminished my relationships with my son, spouse, and myself.

@classical_Liberal
Yes, this experience has left a bad taste in my mouth for employment and teaching. I feel like I chose badly and am really lost. Thank you for sharing that it took you 6 to 12 months to get over it. Four months out and I need to believe it will improve. Transitions can be really awkward, painful, messy. Perhaps I am just wanting to move on so badly, to avoid working through the transition, when there is no way around it.

We did decide as a family that I would accept a month-long ESL position in Honduras, leaving tomorrow. (This came together a couple weeks ago.) I can easily pitch in until the long-term person arrives, regroup, and give my family a break. All I pay is my airfare and incidentals so it is actually less expensive than my former part-time gig. And at the end of the month, I walk away.

Re: Take 5

Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 11:03 am
by Scott 2
Honduras qualifies as a new adventure! It's great your family is supportive of the trip.