My spouse taught our teen and me to replace a table lamp switch today. We did a tour de hardware stores (all two) to get in a 13k step walk.
I am feeling more at peace with my unsettled state. We’re just doing a stay-cation for Christmas. Plans include skiing, going to see the new Star Wars movie during the matinee, hanging out, perhaps going out to eat once or twice. (People come here to vacation so why not?). I also want to attempt making English muffins as we find them to be overpriced even when on sale for $1.99 for six.
Frita’s journal
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George the original one
- Posts: 5406
- Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 am
- Location: Wettest corner of Orygun
Re: Take 5
@George the original one
When we are somewhere with a Kroger, I will have to load up. Thanks for the tip!
Until then, I shall expand my baking skills. This afternoon I made some granola (almond-coconut-chocolate chip, a formula recipe with mix-ins, less healthy since it’s holiday season).
When we are somewhere with a Kroger, I will have to load up. Thanks for the tip!
Until then, I shall expand my baking skills. This afternoon I made some granola (almond-coconut-chocolate chip, a formula recipe with mix-ins, less healthy since it’s holiday season).
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George the original one
- Posts: 5406
- Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 am
- Location: Wettest corner of Orygun
Re: Take 5
Well, leave it to Kroger to make a liar out of me. Found on my recent visit to the store that the price has gone up to $2.15 or so for 12 English muffins.
Re: Take 5
@George The original one
$2.15 for 12 English muffins still sounds inexpensive. I have just to make homemade ones. My spouse bought a 60 count box of frozen waffles while I had the flu. He and my son are eating them the normal way and also to make breakfast sandwiches, much like the English muffins.
My existential crisis has resolved. I think being laid out with the flu for a couple weeks hit the reset. Here are some thoughts from the other end:
•Being healthy is really important. My immune system needs some work. The increase in food allergies and having the flu for the first time in 51 years coincided with the BS of my former job.
•Cooking healthy food is something I enjoy. Otherwise, they eat takeout and chemically-ladden processed food from the store.
•I really loved teaching, doing case management, and working as a diagnostician (not as an administrator) and was fortunate to merge meaning with employment for so long. I cannot be part of the system as it is and just pretend all is well. While sad in many ways, it was time to go.
•Volunteering can be just as hard as paid employment, if not more so.I will do short stints from which I can be done until I know that the organization operates in line with my values. (Talk is cheap.)
•Spending time in nature is really important to me. I’ve missed the daily walking and skiing while ill. Although I haven’t gained weight, my body composition has changed. My bodyfat shot up.
•My family is important to me. Not being stressed and sick allows for more time to enjoy each other.
•One of my closest friends from the past six years and I parted ways. She’s a retired clinal psychologist who now spends most of her days watching impeachment hearing. We kept in touch through emails that became increasing long and frequent (as in daily) on her end. It was too much. When I was firm about my boundary of once a week (+/-) after an ultimatum on her end, she decided that wouldn’t work. So, I wished her well and let out friendship go.
•No goals, I have been taking things as they come.
$2.15 for 12 English muffins still sounds inexpensive. I have just to make homemade ones. My spouse bought a 60 count box of frozen waffles while I had the flu. He and my son are eating them the normal way and also to make breakfast sandwiches, much like the English muffins.
My existential crisis has resolved. I think being laid out with the flu for a couple weeks hit the reset. Here are some thoughts from the other end:
•Being healthy is really important. My immune system needs some work. The increase in food allergies and having the flu for the first time in 51 years coincided with the BS of my former job.
•Cooking healthy food is something I enjoy. Otherwise, they eat takeout and chemically-ladden processed food from the store.
•I really loved teaching, doing case management, and working as a diagnostician (not as an administrator) and was fortunate to merge meaning with employment for so long. I cannot be part of the system as it is and just pretend all is well. While sad in many ways, it was time to go.
•Volunteering can be just as hard as paid employment, if not more so.I will do short stints from which I can be done until I know that the organization operates in line with my values. (Talk is cheap.)
•Spending time in nature is really important to me. I’ve missed the daily walking and skiing while ill. Although I haven’t gained weight, my body composition has changed. My bodyfat shot up.
•My family is important to me. Not being stressed and sick allows for more time to enjoy each other.
•One of my closest friends from the past six years and I parted ways. She’s a retired clinal psychologist who now spends most of her days watching impeachment hearing. We kept in touch through emails that became increasing long and frequent (as in daily) on her end. It was too much. When I was firm about my boundary of once a week (+/-) after an ultimatum on her end, she decided that wouldn’t work. So, I wished her well and let out friendship go.
•No goals, I have been taking things as they come.
Re: Take 5
Thanks for the reading recs - unfortunately nothing by r subby I can access from where I am, but oh well. I can tell the general patterns well enough...
Something in your latest update made me curious - what was the system like when you used to be able to find meaning in your job vs. how it is now? How would you say things have changed?
Something in your latest update made me curious - what was the system like when you used to be able to find meaning in your job vs. how it is now? How would you say things have changed?
Re: Take 5
@ertyu
Sorry that you couldn’t find any Subby books. If you have interlibrary loan or access to a university library, you could most likely get one. Another interesting aspect of a more generalized view of codependency patterns is that organizations or systems can develop them.
Nice segue to answer your question about what has changed in the US educational system. In 1999 the federally mandated state testing high stakes testing began. (Note we did have yearly tests that were nationally normed instead of writing random assessments for each state that wanted fed dollars. Also note that states, not the federal government, are in charge of education.)
So districts, schools, and teachers begin teaching to the test, cheating on said tests to look good, buying new materials to pass the latest version of the state assessment. Suddenly public education is a business. There is no time for electives, lifeskills, or to offer alternative paths in high school (i.e., welding, CNA, accounting basics, etc.) for those desiring a trade. Crazy things like once identified as qualifying for Special Education services, students are not allowed to exit if/when they increase their skills (This helps with state testing scores.)
Historically, good schools hire young teachers who are relatively inexperienced, who become tenured and and spend their careers in one place. There is now more of a hire and fire culture as it saves money (Personnel is the largest expense.). Struggling, innercity schools will hire alternatively certified and Teacher for America recruits, both of which lack training, to save money. Another trick is hiring long term subs instead of filling positions. There are exceptions; however, most of these folks I have witnessed and/or supervised are marginal at best.). All very shady...
And none of this is helping produce more knowledgeable or prepared students. The best teachers I have worked with all retired early, citing the system. I have scratched the surface with my pinkie fingernail here but don’t want to bore you.
——————————————————————————
I am getting back into my old ways of exercising and eating. Wow, it feels great to not be in bed day after day with the flu. Last night we even ate out with no allergic reaction. The restaurant was busy and does serve shellfish.
Our bank has a Keurig machine that one can use for free. Every week or so we have some business there. I really enjoy getting a coffee (Green Mountain Dark Magic) or an apple cider. On Fridays they even have cookies. It’s like going to a coffee shop, which we never do, and quite the treat. Both branches are within a 10-15 minute walking distance.
After a frugal 22K spend last year, we are going to Europe this summer. Our 15 year old son really wants to go see the big European cities. Anyway this will be shorter (18 days) and more touristy with four flight legs and a Western Mediterranean cruise. The plan is London, Barcelona, cruise (Naples, Rome, Florence, Nice, and Marseille), and Paris.
Of these places have only been to Paris about 30 years ago. The sad part is my most salient memory was how darn expensive ordering a sandwich was at a restaurant, a whopping $18. We prefer DIY sightseeing, museums, and walking everywhere. If anyone has some tips or suggestions, I would appreciate if you’d share.
Sorry that you couldn’t find any Subby books. If you have interlibrary loan or access to a university library, you could most likely get one. Another interesting aspect of a more generalized view of codependency patterns is that organizations or systems can develop them.
Nice segue to answer your question about what has changed in the US educational system. In 1999 the federally mandated state testing high stakes testing began. (Note we did have yearly tests that were nationally normed instead of writing random assessments for each state that wanted fed dollars. Also note that states, not the federal government, are in charge of education.)
So districts, schools, and teachers begin teaching to the test, cheating on said tests to look good, buying new materials to pass the latest version of the state assessment. Suddenly public education is a business. There is no time for electives, lifeskills, or to offer alternative paths in high school (i.e., welding, CNA, accounting basics, etc.) for those desiring a trade. Crazy things like once identified as qualifying for Special Education services, students are not allowed to exit if/when they increase their skills (This helps with state testing scores.)
Historically, good schools hire young teachers who are relatively inexperienced, who become tenured and and spend their careers in one place. There is now more of a hire and fire culture as it saves money (Personnel is the largest expense.). Struggling, innercity schools will hire alternatively certified and Teacher for America recruits, both of which lack training, to save money. Another trick is hiring long term subs instead of filling positions. There are exceptions; however, most of these folks I have witnessed and/or supervised are marginal at best.). All very shady...
And none of this is helping produce more knowledgeable or prepared students. The best teachers I have worked with all retired early, citing the system. I have scratched the surface with my pinkie fingernail here but don’t want to bore you.
——————————————————————————
I am getting back into my old ways of exercising and eating. Wow, it feels great to not be in bed day after day with the flu. Last night we even ate out with no allergic reaction. The restaurant was busy and does serve shellfish.
Our bank has a Keurig machine that one can use for free. Every week or so we have some business there. I really enjoy getting a coffee (Green Mountain Dark Magic) or an apple cider. On Fridays they even have cookies. It’s like going to a coffee shop, which we never do, and quite the treat. Both branches are within a 10-15 minute walking distance.
After a frugal 22K spend last year, we are going to Europe this summer. Our 15 year old son really wants to go see the big European cities. Anyway this will be shorter (18 days) and more touristy with four flight legs and a Western Mediterranean cruise. The plan is London, Barcelona, cruise (Naples, Rome, Florence, Nice, and Marseille), and Paris.
Of these places have only been to Paris about 30 years ago. The sad part is my most salient memory was how darn expensive ordering a sandwich was at a restaurant, a whopping $18. We prefer DIY sightseeing, museums, and walking everywhere. If anyone has some tips or suggestions, I would appreciate if you’d share.
Re: Take 5
Last week I finally made English muffins. I only have a 2 3/4” biscuit cutter so they turned out small. I am going to use and save a 3 1/4” waterchestnut can for future use. They did taste really good and the whole process took around 2 1/2 hours with about 15 minutes of active work. I was inpatient with waiting for the sponge to really bubble so my airholes were smaller. It’s a toss up if I would buy them when on sale ($1.99 for 6) or make on my own. (At the Aldi in Tulsa, they sold a 6 count bag for 79 cents.).
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mooretrees
- Posts: 764
- Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2019 1:21 pm
Re: Take 5
I use jars for biscuit cutters nowadays, so perhaps you can find a large mouth mason jar as a bigger biscuit cutter.
Re: Take 5
@mooretrees
Thanks, I will measure mine. I do have a 30 ounce can of tomatoes that is 3 7/8” but then I’d have to keep that around for no reason.
I skied (cross-country) five days this past week. Awesome snow! It is pretty sweet to literally drive 10 minutes each way. There is one hardcore dude who rides his fattire bike up there while packing his gear (often both classic and skate ski equipment).
Thanks, I will measure mine. I do have a 30 ounce can of tomatoes that is 3 7/8” but then I’d have to keep that around for no reason.
I skied (cross-country) five days this past week. Awesome snow! It is pretty sweet to literally drive 10 minutes each way. There is one hardcore dude who rides his fattire bike up there while packing his gear (often both classic and skate ski equipment).
Re: Take 5
Well, I am posting an update instead of just thinking about it. Okay, I have a stomach bug and didn’t go out skiing with my spouse. I will also skip volunteering at the soup kitchen and attending a city council meeting for a board I’m on today for obvious reasons. Taking a sick day when ERed is so easy, no calling in to Captain Control, no sub plans. Enjoyed that!
Still feeling unsettled. I am unsure if I have really bad cabin fever (colder winter, less sun than usual) or it is the time of year (daughter’s death anniversary) or I am still decompressing from my shitty career, perhaps a combination. It seems that I just don’t have quite enough going on and/or am missing something more fulfilling. Feeling sick and being housebound probably doesn’t help either. Some day I will be dead and it won’t matter; that brings me some peace.
So instead of viewing finding an educational job here that doesn’t suck as the problem to solve I have shifted my focus to what to do with my time. There sure is a lot of it! At least that is solvable. Right now I am out of ideas.
Being home with my spouse I realize that this isn’t his dream ER situation either. This town is different from the outside, different when visiting to spend tourist dollars, different when summering or going to college. One doesn’t see the churn of desperate academics who think it would be a great place to work and live, the nepotism and other insular behaviors, etc. Until actually living here. Our son is doing well in school, has friends, etc. so it doesn’t affect him. We agree that if we didn’t have a kid in school, we’d try something different.
Still feeling unsettled. I am unsure if I have really bad cabin fever (colder winter, less sun than usual) or it is the time of year (daughter’s death anniversary) or I am still decompressing from my shitty career, perhaps a combination. It seems that I just don’t have quite enough going on and/or am missing something more fulfilling. Feeling sick and being housebound probably doesn’t help either. Some day I will be dead and it won’t matter; that brings me some peace.
So instead of viewing finding an educational job here that doesn’t suck as the problem to solve I have shifted my focus to what to do with my time. There sure is a lot of it! At least that is solvable. Right now I am out of ideas.
Being home with my spouse I realize that this isn’t his dream ER situation either. This town is different from the outside, different when visiting to spend tourist dollars, different when summering or going to college. One doesn’t see the churn of desperate academics who think it would be a great place to work and live, the nepotism and other insular behaviors, etc. Until actually living here. Our son is doing well in school, has friends, etc. so it doesn’t affect him. We agree that if we didn’t have a kid in school, we’d try something different.
Re: Take 5
Warning: I have been feeling down the last few days.
Well, since March 12th, we have all been at home which will continue until at least April 30th. For me, this might as well be solitary confinement or nursing home living. Nothing is happening, yet I still feel like I am missing out. My introverted family and others I know seem to be fairing better with this.
Our airline tickets to Europe were canceled by Norwegian today. We will have to check into the AirBnb stays, short airline hops, and cruise. I am super disappointed and dreading battling over refunds (or just losing deposits).
Our teen seems to be okay with online school. I don’t know that he’s learning much; however, he’s able to knock out his work in a couple hours a day. Part of me wishes I was still teaching just to have more to do.
I am officially counting down to the nearest half year when out teen graduates (3.5 years) so we can leave. The plan would be to just roam around until we discover a place that feels more comfortable socially.
Some of our investments took a hit, but we are still in good shape. Our monthly expenses are down to $700 for all three of us now that we are just at home. The social-emotional part is what is kicking my extroverted butt right now. Has anyone else struggled with this and came out the other side?
Well, since March 12th, we have all been at home which will continue until at least April 30th. For me, this might as well be solitary confinement or nursing home living. Nothing is happening, yet I still feel like I am missing out. My introverted family and others I know seem to be fairing better with this.
Our airline tickets to Europe were canceled by Norwegian today. We will have to check into the AirBnb stays, short airline hops, and cruise. I am super disappointed and dreading battling over refunds (or just losing deposits).
Our teen seems to be okay with online school. I don’t know that he’s learning much; however, he’s able to knock out his work in a couple hours a day. Part of me wishes I was still teaching just to have more to do.
I am officially counting down to the nearest half year when out teen graduates (3.5 years) so we can leave. The plan would be to just roam around until we discover a place that feels more comfortable socially.
Some of our investments took a hit, but we are still in good shape. Our monthly expenses are down to $700 for all three of us now that we are just at home. The social-emotional part is what is kicking my extroverted butt right now. Has anyone else struggled with this and came out the other side?
Re: Take 5
not extroverted, but also struggling - with being stuck inside with other people and not being able to have personal time and space, or any time and space which is "alone time" - even if other people are in the house, I can't really relax because I could be interrupted, judged, commented on, engaged with, etc. I am nervy and irritable, made a couple of bad trading decisions, felt even worse. Idk about coming out the other side, but I relate even though I come at this from an opposite angle.
Re: Take 5
Thanks, @ertyu, for sharing your perspective that being introverted doesn’t necessarily make it better, just different. My spouse has moved to the spare bedroom, probably for reasons you mention. Perhaps one just has to chalk this up to an anomaly without analyzing too much.
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mooretrees
- Posts: 764
- Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2019 1:21 pm
Re: Take 5
I'm struggling now too. Definitely an extrovert and this time is hard for me. I'm still working and I have one friend I really like at work, so that is helping. I've been working in the garden which is helping quite a lot. More talking and phone time, some zoom meetings with friends. But I'm not really on the other side yet. I've realized I need to do hard exercise to burn off some anxious energy and when I do that, I feel much better for the whole day.
DH is spending most of his evenings working on the school bus, and I think that is the equivalent of your spouse moving to the spare bedroom. He is an introvert and has expressed a day or so of struggle (pretty sure it passed already for him). His daily life has changed much, but I do think he's using the school bus to get some alone time. I get my alone time by waking up early before work....it's too short.
DH is spending most of his evenings working on the school bus, and I think that is the equivalent of your spouse moving to the spare bedroom. He is an introvert and has expressed a day or so of struggle (pretty sure it passed already for him). His daily life has changed much, but I do think he's using the school bus to get some alone time. I get my alone time by waking up early before work....it's too short.
Re: Take 5
If it helps, it's not personal. It's just being unable to do what one needs to do to get grounded and be able to engage - and it makes you an absolute piece of shit to deal with.
Strength
Re: Take 5
March 12 was the date things rolled up around here. Another month, minimum, to go. The days feel rather repetitive and dull. I still have not decompressed after 11 months of not working, actually backsliding during all of this. The money part was easy. I beat myself up for not enjoying this more. Perhaps some people shouldn’t retire early. Perhaps I am one of them.
A couple months ago our city stopped recycling plastics (#3 and greater). No more zero waste options are allowed at the grocery story due to COVID19. Wow, we are producing a lot of trash. Initially, I was trying to save bags to reuse but there were too many. Finally, I just started to throw them away. Reuse is only of benefit if things are actually reused. I have also considered that just because I put something in the recycling bin did not mean it was recycled. There is probably a life lesson in that.
A couple months ago our city stopped recycling plastics (#3 and greater). No more zero waste options are allowed at the grocery story due to COVID19. Wow, we are producing a lot of trash. Initially, I was trying to save bags to reuse but there were too many. Finally, I just started to throw them away. Reuse is only of benefit if things are actually reused. I have also considered that just because I put something in the recycling bin did not mean it was recycled. There is probably a life lesson in that.
Re: Take 5
The last week or so I have been continuing to contemplate some Buddhist concepts in a secular way. Using the translation of Dukkha as unsatisfaction rather than suffering created a shift for me. Physical pain and change are givens so acceptance makes sense. Having an aversion to whatever is happening is self-inflicted suffering and seems to make acceptance more challenging.
So, what does this mean to me and my lack of decompression from not working? I feel sad not to be teaching as just quitting was never my plan. Realistically, I am done. Due to geographical isolation (and having taught online and disliking that medium), being committed to staying here at least until our teen graduates from high school in 2023, and by then having such a gap that my only opinion would be to start at the bottom again in some inner-city hellhole (I have worked a couple inner-city jobs. Too hopelessly stressful, no, thanks!). I feel angry too. (That surfaced when my former boss from my BS job was finally fired. It feels like too little too late.) And I also feel rather embarrassed because I don’t need the money, have a lot of hobbies which I could expand, and could develop new and different interests instead of clinging. Anyway, not liking this just spreads some misery frosting on a misery cake that will eventually go in the trash or completely decompose.
Then I was contemplating ego, being more than a sum of individual parts, and ongoing impermanence/death meditation (The latter I find incredibly comforting.). I had a friend who died of melanoma about a decade ago. The cancer was in her foot and early on amputating a leg to the hip would have saved her life. She could not imagine being herself without that appendage. She left her husband with two young children.
So, how does this apply to my situation? While I respect her decision to choose, I would have had my leg chopped off. And if I could lop off a leg to live with some peace, perhaps I can let teaching go. My essence is still the same.
Perhaps some people are better about letting go of limbs, careers/jobs/callings, and things than others. I think of the “cup is already broken” story and how it relates to me as a being. When I am dead, it really will not matter. Nothing is permanent. Despite not being very attached to material things, I am attached to some people and my identity as an educator.
So, what does this mean to me? Perhaps I can shed the educator thing like a favorite, but worn out, mateless flipflop during a high attitude Rocky Mountain winter.
So, what does this mean to me and my lack of decompression from not working? I feel sad not to be teaching as just quitting was never my plan. Realistically, I am done. Due to geographical isolation (and having taught online and disliking that medium), being committed to staying here at least until our teen graduates from high school in 2023, and by then having such a gap that my only opinion would be to start at the bottom again in some inner-city hellhole (I have worked a couple inner-city jobs. Too hopelessly stressful, no, thanks!). I feel angry too. (That surfaced when my former boss from my BS job was finally fired. It feels like too little too late.) And I also feel rather embarrassed because I don’t need the money, have a lot of hobbies which I could expand, and could develop new and different interests instead of clinging. Anyway, not liking this just spreads some misery frosting on a misery cake that will eventually go in the trash or completely decompose.
Then I was contemplating ego, being more than a sum of individual parts, and ongoing impermanence/death meditation (The latter I find incredibly comforting.). I had a friend who died of melanoma about a decade ago. The cancer was in her foot and early on amputating a leg to the hip would have saved her life. She could not imagine being herself without that appendage. She left her husband with two young children.
So, how does this apply to my situation? While I respect her decision to choose, I would have had my leg chopped off. And if I could lop off a leg to live with some peace, perhaps I can let teaching go. My essence is still the same.
Perhaps some people are better about letting go of limbs, careers/jobs/callings, and things than others. I think of the “cup is already broken” story and how it relates to me as a being. When I am dead, it really will not matter. Nothing is permanent. Despite not being very attached to material things, I am attached to some people and my identity as an educator.
So, what does this mean to me? Perhaps I can shed the educator thing like a favorite, but worn out, mateless flipflop during a high attitude Rocky Mountain winter.
Re: Take 5
not necessarily. keep international schools at the back of your mind. down the line, once you decompress, a one or two year stint that funds related travel might become attractive.
of course, if your sense is that you *want* to be done with the educator and that it feels liberating to be done with the educator, then you should be done with the educator. after all that's why we aim for financial and skill-based independence, so we can be done in meatspace when we're done inside. from what you wrote, i couldn't sense whether you were done or whether you don't necessarily want to be done and circumstances like burnout and perceived lack of opportunities following a large cv gap mean you would be forced to be done regardless of whether you want it or not. In case it's the latter, you don't have to be done unless you want to.
Re: Take 5
Thanks, ertyu. I really don’t know about the future in international schools after our teen graduates. I appreciate the reminder that the future is an unknown and I was mindreading, one of the top ten cognitive thinking errors.
My perception is that lack of opportunities here mean not teaching and a large unemployment gap. I would prefer not to be done, yet that is not my reality. Being FI does not change that except I don’t have the financial pressure to scramble for an income. I am working on the skills of accepting things as they are and letting go.
I am continuing to work on my plumbing skills. Sometimes I wonder if it’s more of a replacement exercise in frustration tolerance and perseverance. Ah, the joys of a historic home!
My perception is that lack of opportunities here mean not teaching and a large unemployment gap. I would prefer not to be done, yet that is not my reality. Being FI does not change that except I don’t have the financial pressure to scramble for an income. I am working on the skills of accepting things as they are and letting go.
I am continuing to work on my plumbing skills. Sometimes I wonder if it’s more of a replacement exercise in frustration tolerance and perseverance. Ah, the joys of a historic home!