mooretrees journal

Where are you and where are you going?
Frita
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by Frita »

Thanks, Mooretrees, we’ll see how it turns out.

horsewoman
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Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2019 4:11 am

Re: mooretrees journal

Post by horsewoman »

Thank you for leaving a comment on my journal. We seem to be rather similar in a lot of aspects. I laughed out loud when I read this entry:
mooretrees wrote:
Fri Jul 05, 2019 9:41 am
DH is willing to be led and as long as I make sure he gets some of his dreams realized (Alaska motorcycle trip, build own house), he is flexible about the day to day life. I've long been fascinated with him, he is so different from me. He has very little agency, sorta just accepts where ever he is at, and in general, might be a happier, kinder person than me. He is exactly like his mother. I've heard them both say at separate occasions "we'll see what the day brings." I don't understand that on any level. I have plans, things to cross off, and I believe I can make it happen. So, knowing that he'll just accept where ever he is at, I realized I need to lead more with this journey. He is a much kinder person than me. More patient too.

I've been reading journals with married folks who struggle with their spouses spending or unwillingness to commit fully to ERE, and I don't have that problem. My problem has been that I was treating him like how I wanted to be treated, but it isn't how he wants to be treated. He doesn't want to talk about money or goals or investing. He wants to talk about motorcycles, building things, trees and our son. So, going forward, I need to act like the leader in the family. Also, I need to do the food shopping.
Apart from not being interested in motorcycles I could have written most of that - my husband even works part-time in a plant nursery!

In regards to grocery shopping - I do something very similar to this approach:
https://youtu.be/VCr-54OH7IY

I use cash only and divide the monthly food budget (300 a month in our case for two adults, one tween and two cats) into amounts of weeks the month has. The weekly amount goes into a different wallet, not my regular one. I take it along for food shopping. The rest of the money stays home!

The next step is crucial (and not included in the video above) - have a running tab on your shopping list and add the price of EACH item that goes into your shopping cart. I round to 50 Cents up to make calculating easier and to be on the safe side. You'd be amazed how easy it is to resist "impulse buys" when the column approaches your weekly amount. If you regularly shop twice a week, only take half of the weekly money with you and promise your self - no credit cards.

This trains you to grab essential things only. At this point I seldom need the running tab because I can estimate the amount in my cart very accurately. With this system I'm able to feed 3 people + 2 cats on a mostly organic, vegetarian diet for under 300 a month.
If you have left over money put it in an extra envelope to stock up when things go on sale. This way you can build up a stocked pantry.
I also try to keep DH out of shops, otherwise my budget is shot every time ;)

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

@horsewoman thanks so much for sharing your method, I watched her video and she is a bit of a goof, but in a good way. I need to try the envelope thing this week, and see how I go. And, I'll try doing a running total like you suggested.

Super funny that our menfolk are similar! I've always thought he was interested in anything with two wheels, and then he build a tricycle for our coffee cart. But, still, it mostly holds true. He doesn't seem too interested in cars, actually.

Well, we bought a 1980 Moto Guzzi LS 1000 motorcycle for $900. DH got a part time gig driving a combine for a local grass seed farm. The owner told him about the Guzzi and it was listed for $2k. But the guy was trying to sell it to the farmer for $900. It needs some work, but DH can do all of it.

I thought a lot about how to write about it here, which is interesting. I don't know you folks, but I do care if you think I'm a poser here or not. Strange. Anyway, it might push back our debt repayment back a smidge, but it means that our Alaska trip feels SO much closer! Our plan is that DH is going to build a sidecar for this motorcycle and I'll either quit or negotiate a leave of absence from work. We hope to take at least two months to travel up to Alaska. I want to extend the trip and go down to San Diego from Alaska. That would be bad ass.

We have to wait until our son is five to get him on a motorcycle and it will take some time for DH to get this one up to snuff and build the sidecar. So, while it sorta pushes the short time goal of being debt free back, it means we can start working on the next goal.

I thought a lot about if it was okay to buy it now. It was a screaming deal and fit the bill for the trip. And, I wanted to make sure DH knew it was important to me that we make progress on this dream of his. I am asking him to change a lot these days, so this motorcycle is sorta a carrot for him. It feels like that sounds like a bribe or a reward, and maybe it is. But it also feels a little different from those, I can't quite put my finger on it. Anyway, we bought a cool old Italian motorcycle and we're excited.

jacob
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by jacob »

In grad school the supermarket chain I shopped at introduced a system where you'd get points which could then be exchanged for gifts. However, they made a crucial mistake by introducing breakpoints, so that you'd get 10 points by spending between 10 and 20CHF, 20 points by spending between 20 and 30CHF, and so on. I became really really good at spending just over 10CHF to trigger the first 10 points and not spend any money that I wouldn't get my precious points for. (The finance department must have observed some peaks about the breakpoints, so eventually, you'd get 1 point for each CHF all the way up.)

After 4 years of that, I had accumulated enough points for a fountain pen set :-P

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

@Jacob, I hope you enjoyed the fountain pens as much as you seemed to enjoy the game of getting the right number of points!

I'm tired from a long weekend of solo parenting and a kids birthday party, lots of sun and early mornings. I'm rereading ERE, and I'm trying to go slowly. I'm focusing on the early part, especially Chapter 2, as it is the most uncomfortable to read. I'm playing with one of the variables I have for inducing change: "increasing dissatisfaction with present situation." Which is not fun!

I got an email today from an old roommate who was a student of my program, her boyfriend is looking for a place to live. We always thought he was gay, but they've been together for several years. I do remember her complaining that he wasn't as interested in sex as she was.....But, here they are two years later still together. Anyway, he's a goofy, really sweet, sorta annoying guy, but he might be a perfect roommate to help get us outta debt and into the accumulation phase. He's annoying in a harmless way. We'll see what DH says. We liked her a lot, so we'd see her too which is nice. If DH is cool with it.

Almost the end of the month and I'll post tomorrow how we did with our goals.

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

July goals:

<$400 on food at home: $337.37
<50 eating out: $64.50
three runs: four runs
Sell: sold our cloth diapers for $150
<100 in fuel: $147.56

So, some wins and some areas to still work on....The fuel is actually worse than the number. When I was visiting my sister, the gas station guy actually put gasoline in the tank, which is diesel. Thankfully he caught it. Also, thankfully, he siphoned out all of the gas/diesel out and then filled the tank. So, our actual usage of fuel was a lot higher and that's what a fuel-inefficient vehicle that you drive four hours one-way gets you. Still, no regrets getting rid of our fuel efficient car as it had a car loan. Going forward, I think we'll sell this car soonish but replace it with a truck. Likely no real gains for fuel, but it will be more useful for wood cutting and hauling stuff.

This was helpful, especially to track semi-weekly. I'll do this again.

This month should suck for any extra money going to debt. We bought a lot of green coffee, and we're getting ready to launch a new blend to try and make our wholesale business take off. We need to spend some money getting supplies to finish the basement room as we have a renter coming in mid-Sept.

On the plus side, DH has been doing some side work driving a combine and I've got the garden for fall seeds started. I have a newish friend that is a much better gardener than I and she is growing a bunch of starts I bought a few weeks ago and I helped her plant her fall seeds. We've dug out one large bed in our garden, lined it with a bunch of logs and will get some compost and mix it with the native soil. The summer garden has been pretty lackluster, largely due to not much organic material for the plants to use. My fault! Going forward, we need to get more logs from the woods and re-do the other three beds. Hopefully, we'll get the large one back in use and planted with beets and rutabagas next week.

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

I just finished one of the best weekends in recent memory. We had a fun farmers market and made some good money, got two yards of compost picked up and one large garden bed built up taller and full of compost/soil. Yesterday we cut some more wood for the wood stove, and it was the hardest physical effort I've put out since I was a tree climber. Holy cow! We were loading logs onto our shoulders and hauling them up a steep hill. It was exhausting and super fun. We think we have enough wood for the winter so any more wood we collect will be for the following years.

We have two loans left, and DH's last loan is under $600! I think we'll pay it off next month and I've had to restrain myself from pulling money out of savings to just wipe it out. Probably safer to hold off one more month.

Besides getting really close to paying off the last of his loans, I've had two 'ERE' successes recently. I have some older tennis shoes that aren't going to last too much longer, but they have some more life in them. However, they have the thinnest soles and I can feel every hard rock; it drives me crazy. I put off buying new shoes or insoles for them for a few weeks, and one day doing some yoga I figured out how to solve the problem. I cut off a section of my yoga mat and made myself some insoles. They work pretty well, and I don't feel the road as much.

The second problem was how to not run our A/C when the weather got hot. This summer has been a slow one to heat up but I wanted to avoid running it if we could. I remembered when DH was working nights, we moved our bed down into our basement (at a different house) so he could have darkness during the day. So I mentioned to him that we could move to our spare bed in the basement to avoid the heat. I made the bed and got it ready in case we did go down there. He was open to it, so one night we moved down their and slept pretty well. The bed is not as comfortable, but the temperature is much better. We gone up and down where we sleep as the days have been hot or cooler. And the ac unit has not been installed yet!

Both problems aren't completely solved, I'll need another pair of shoes soon, but I am really satisfied with how I figured out these different non-monetary solutions. It's a step. The satisfaction of solving the problems is almost better than thinking about how much money we saved.

Tonight after work I'll plant my fall greens in two beds. And spread compost to the other beds so that come spring they will be ready to go gangbusters.

Frita
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by Frita »

Kudos, Moore tees, in paying off loans and finding creative work arounds!

@bigato
The Tarahumara of Copper Canyonin the state of Chihuahua, Mexico, make sandals out of old tires. I haven’t been in that area for 35 years, so I am unsure if it is still the norm. As a people, they are amazing runners and accustomed to the heat. Here is a link:

https://www.earthrunners.com/pages/tara ... t-footwear

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

Web of goals 'n stuff update.

I've been slowly (really, so so slowly) learning a few more birds. Usually I think every small brownish bird is a sparrow, and then I look at them some more and conclude, yep it really is a sparrow. They are everywhere. But, while I'm not making HUGE progress on identifying more birds, I hear and notice them more than I have ever before. I had previously dismissed birding because they are so damn hard to see, unlike plants which conveniently hold still while you study their cones, or leaves. But, now I'm tuning into birds more and it is so pleasant to get a little jolt of excitement when I see one (usually a sparrow), and try and really listen to their call and notice how soft they are and how herky-jerky their movements are. We were sitting under our big ponderosa in the front yard yesterday with our coffee and two chickadees came to check out the empty bird feeder. I filled up right away! But no sign of them since.

The fall/winter garden is 90 % planted, I have one bed left of mesclun to plant. Beets, kale and tatsoi are all sprouting. I spread two yards of bark chips around the flowering plants and some of the rest of the yard. We could use another 2-4 yards of chips to make this yard look half way decent. Adding the bark chips has really helped with water retention for the ornamental plants.

So, those are the two areas that I've been busy with respect to my web o' goals. Fairly tame stuff, but it is adding some quality to my life, and all of the shoveling has got to be good for my upper body.

DH spent three days working on our old truck. He replaced the motor mounts and the rear main seal. I think I have that right. It's back to driving and hopefully the bad oil leak problem is solved. It was no big deal to be without the truck for three days, so that's good.

I bought a phone. I have been without one for at least 6 weeks and it was starting to get the tiniest bit annoying. I read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport and that helped me solidify that I would get a dumb phone. I missed my morning walk to work and chat with my sister and some of the ease of arranging meetings by text. I didn't miss most of the smart phone reality of mindlessly browsing and checking instagram. I think having the dumb phone will be relaxing, though I still think that most text messages are confusing in the when is the conversation over kinda way. Still not sure how to deal with that, maybe really saying good bye via texting? Seems weird but maybe that would address some of my anxiety with texting. I'm saving a little bit over the last phone plan, I got too overwhelmed with all of the options for super cheap phone plans and finally just went with consumer cellular. I might have been able to save more, but when I get overwhelmed with too many options I usually just stop thinking about the problem. Which is not always helpful......

We might be at a 50% "savings rate" now, in quotes as it is mostly going to debt so not really our money. With true savings and debt repayment we're close to a paycheck of mine and then adding in 401k/HSA savings I think we're at or over one paycheck. That's good, but I'll enjoy it more when the money is actually ours and not a bank or tucked away out of reach in the 401k/HSA. Likely October will be the first month with a true savings rate that is money staying in our hands. Maybe Sept but we have the basement remodel to finish before the tenant moves in so extra money is going to go to insulation and sheetrock. Anyway, thanks for reading.

7Wannabe5
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I think it is difficult to learn to identify birds (or plants, minerals, insects...) when you are over the age of 6 for the same reason it is more difficult to learn a language after that age, but that is what makes it a highly beneficial brain exercise. What often happens to me is I will look at a plant, a name will pop into my brain, as if from nowhere, but I will only have maybe 10% certainty that it is a match. Fortunately, some common names are so apt that they are unforgettable. For instance, unfortunately, it is highly likely that I will remember the name "scrotum flower" the next time I spy a Cypripedium Acaule.

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

I'm seriously contemplating how to reduce my working hours. My job is ok, sometimes boring and over the last year or two the hospital has only been hiring full-time workers. I'm tired. I'm short with my kid. The house is a mess and I am bored a good deal of the time at work. Next paycheck the last of DH's loans will be paid off and we'll have a renter bringing in $400 a month. Why do I need to work full time then?

I remember this similar predicament when I was a tree climber. I had $8 k in the bank and really low expenses. I was bored and started thinking about why I had to keep coming to the job day in and day out. I don't have FU money now, but I don't really think I want to wait for that. When I was a tree climber with $8k I quit. I hate being bored at work. I think I have a good position to request to go 0.8, I'm a lead of a section and get along well with my manager. I work in all areas of the lab, one of five micro techs and I'm generally liked. The lab is overstaffed currently. Maybe I could try it? I'm thinking about other things I could do. I've done all of these things in the past, so I know I can do it again. I've cleaned houses, nannied, and worked in a plant nursery. I would consider restaurant work, but I haven't done that in a long time. I guess I don't see why I should keep working and dealing with the full time work consequences. Mainly I am so tired of being tired. I have a 'cushy' job that doesn't require overtime, in fact discourages it. I have friends at work, I sometimes do really important things to help patients. But, I'm not sleeping enough, my temper is short and I can't seem to recover enough over a three day weekend to make up for the tiredness. I'm going to get some blood work done and see if it is anemia or my thyroid, not just the stupid job.

Anyway, I'm thinking about it. I will let the thinking go on for a little bit before I make any noise to my manager. I'm not sure the hospital really wants any part time workers, so there might not be much my manager could do. These things don't happen quickly. And, it shouldn't happen quickly, as it changes things. But I want a break and some light at the end of this tunnel of full time work. I know that I am not going to be a person who works until I have $500k saved up, I just don't have that in me.

I looked up the scrotum flower, that is fairly accurate. Interesting.

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

I'm brainstorming how to solve two problems: how to maintain a home/yard without spending too much time/energy doing it and how to reduce our housing costs. We've day dreamed about renovating a school bus, but while that is super cool and could still happen, it isn't as likely to last long term. I could be wrong about this, but I assume a teenager will not want to live in such close proximity to his parents, and vice versa. Seeing as our son is only two, we have time to figure this out.

I see three options for sorta solving the above two problems.
1. Sell this 3 bedroom, 2 bath and move to a smaller home with cheaper property taxes. Our town is experiencing a little housing boom and our home has bumped around $190-214 k in price on Zillow. I would meet with a realtor before I got too excited about the higher numbers. But, we could sell this house likely for more than we bought it and much more than we owe. A smaller home would help solve the maintenance problem and we would roll any money from the sale into the next home. While we wouldn't be mortgage free, a conservative estimate would drop the mortgage down to close to $100k. It wouldn't be a gigantic drop in debt, we owe about $125 on this house, but it would be easier to pay it off faster.

2. Go the school bus route and rent this house and have someone else pay the mortgage while getting significantly reduced maintenance costs in terms of energy and much less in housing too. I'm assuming we would be paying rent to someone but we would be off grid so much lower monthly costs than this house. By renting it, we would keep an exit strategy for if/when life in the bus didn't work out.

3. Keep this house but turn the basement into a full apartment rental. It wouldn't truly solve the reducing maintenance time/energy, but it would help with reducing housing costs. I've lived with other people for many years and I've noticed that both DH and I are cleaner naturally when there are other people around. Not a guarantee, but a possibility.

I love the idea of a school bus, and it fits with DH's dream of building his own home, but it is quite a gigantic project to take on. I work full time, have a small child and we have a very part time coffee business. I don't know if we really can do it all and not suffer some relationship problems/strains. I've thought that if we did build the school bus, I would sign us up for couples counseling because I don't want this to cause more problems than it solves.

None of the three options solves either problem quickly, but they all give me hope. Thoughts?

Peanut
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by Peanut »

Enjoy your journal.

1. Frankly, it doesn't seem worth the hassle or risk to downsize to save 25k. Every place comes with its flaws that aren't immediately apparent, and can require time, energy, and/or money to address. Real estate transaction costs can also be significant.

2. I would do the bus if it was a shared dream but understanding that I was not primarily doing it for the money. It will take a long time, and a fair amount of investment before you can reap any savings from it. Avoiding relationship problems will require putting an extended deadline on it among other things if you are both working full time plus.

3. If you are comfortable living with a tenant it seems like a quick and easy solution. To answer an earlier question, I do think good appliances will attract the kind of tenants you would want, .i.e., those who notice details and appreciate nice things and will pay a bit more for them. Some people are really good at finding them massively discounted so it's definitely possible. Ideally you want them to match (all stainless, black, etc.).

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

@Peanut, thanks for your thoughtful response. We are actually doing number 3 as we have a college student moving in later this month. He wants to sign a year lease, so that could be a good income stream and possibly inspire us to be tidier? We'll see.

We stopped by a house that is 750 sqft and poked around it. It is pretty cute and small and in a quieter neighborhood than ours. It would mean a big change of commute for me, from 6 blocks to likely a 20 min bike ride. Not a game changer at all, but different.

I am concerned about the real estate transactions costs you mentioned, we are pretty low on cash right now. I agree that saving 25k isn't amazing, but long term lower property taxes does some like a good change. And a much smaller home to maintain is very attractive. But, as DH and I talked neither of the options is mutually exclusive. We can't do everything in life we want to do, but perhaps we can have a tenant while we're in the big house and work on the school bus, and then eventually downsize to a much smaller brick and mortar home. We'll see. I'm going to contact a real estate agent and talk with them Tuesday and see what he things our home is worth. Some of this talking is getting creative with our lives and getting less reliant on my job.

It is interesting to realize that neither of us is truly attached to this current home.

classical_Liberal
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

mooretrees wrote:
Sun Sep 01, 2019 4:28 pm
It is interesting to realize that neither of us is truly attached to this current home.
Flexibility to housing and location is my single, greatest ERE superpower. It can make a huge cashflow difference if you truly embrace it.

Maybe your exhaustion has to do with being bored at work? I mean, 40 hours a week of monotony would kill me. This is partially why I originally wanted to go part time with nursing, rather than the all-on, all-off I'm about to start. I get my a** handed to me at work! 40 hours of that is too much, but when I only work one day a in a seven day stretch, it actually gets me pretty energized.

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

I don't like being bored at work, but I also haven't been very proactive about creating projects. I do have a small project up ahead, drilling techs on handling a massive transfusion (handing out a bunch of red blood cells and plasma in a hurry). Those drills are fun and just enough stress to make everyone better. Anyway, I need to focus on other projects to fight off boredom.

I had some lab work done, and I am slightly anemic. I will feel more energetic in a week or so with daily doses of iron. I don't know what exactly is happening for me to be anemic. One of two options: not producing enough red cells or increased destruction. I've started taking iron and that will help. Getting older?

I went on an overnight backpacking trip, sorta an impromptu trip and I have a few more days off to recover. It was fun and beautiful and I slept terribly. But worth it! I have a big back of huckleberries for pancakes tomorrow.

I think as far as our housing is going, I'm leaning towards the school bus option. I will learn a ton during the project and it should be a big learning process as far as living in it goes. It seems ultimately more interesting/challenging to go that route than just buying a smaller house.

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

@bigato, I asked my provider to order an iron panel which is usually iron and ferritin, but she only ordered a CBC. I will try to get more tests ordered as I seem to cycling down in red cells and I'd like to not have to take iron constantly. I

I worked the weekend and Sunday was a terrible day. I won't say too much, but I know I could never work directly with sick children. Overall my coworker and I (there are only two lab people on the weekend) rocked getting the work ER needed fast and got blood to them really quickly. But, it is soul crushing to see a child in that situation. Thankfully the hospital is putting on an emotional debriefing so I am going to it. I've not been to one before, but it is supposed to help people recover from these terrible situations. I also have a week off to hang with my Dad. He's coming out here to be with me and my sister for my birthday. I'm feeling spent right now. Hopefully the debrief will help and then time with my family should help too. My sister and my Dad are the most relaxing people in my family, so it is a visit I am really looking forward to.

Also, I'm feeling some consumerist desires to buy clothes and boots and such, HELP!!!! We paid off DH's last federal loan so he is out of student debt. It was anti-climatic. People kept saying 'you should celebrate' and go out to eat! It seems contrary to what we just accomplished to go and spend money. Also, my best friend told me (very gently and lovingly) that I might consider seeing a therapist because of how much I think/talk about money related things. Thinking that is Wheaton levels colliding and I need to curb the money talk around her?

Hopefully with a week off I can crunch Aug spending and get a good idea where it went. Sept is not going to be good for savings as we are working to tidy up projects around the house and got some tires for the Suburban. It is listed for sale now, so we'll see.

Frita
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by Frita »

I am sorry about the traumatic experience at work and am rooting for you that the debriefing and gentle times will help. Personally, such things envolving other people’s kids was/is harder now that I am a parent.

Hm, I found paying off DS’s student loans to be anticlimactic as well. At the time, we had a car loan and were dreaming of buying a house. Once we paid everything off and decided that we’d always pay cash, there was some jubilation. Everyone is different though.

It sounds like you have a history of doing some external-oriented celebrating. Is there any way you can tone it down so that the focus is external without crossing into materialism? For example, wear your favorite outfit instead of buying something new or prepare something special at home.

mooretrees
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by mooretrees »

Frita wrote:
Tue Sep 10, 2019 12:33 pm

It sounds like you have a history of doing some external-oriented celebrating. Is there any way you can tone it down so that the focus is external without crossing into materialism? For example, wear your favorite outfit instead of buying something new or prepare something special at home.
I love that phrase, "external-oriented celebrating' it is too perfect. Of course I have that history! For my birthday, DH made beef ribs two ways, on the grill (charcoal) and in the Instant-pot. Both were delicious and we had a lovely dinner eating outside with my dad and son. Glad the birthday is over, it's too much focus on me.

Thanks for the responses to tone down the materialism, I think it is stemming from a little floundering with what is next for us. I've been pretty (not exclusively) focused on the debt, and now that the worst offenders are gone, there is a vacuum for my attention. Now the real story begins with tackling ERE; can we actually do it now that more of our money is actually ours?

I am taking to heart that I need an exit strategy with full-time work. I think in the coming months I want to try and detail a loose/flexible 3-5 year plan for work + family + semi-retirement. I don't think I want to work until I have a full retirement for both DH and I, but I think I am okay with working 2-3 days/week for a longer period. I reserve the right to change my mind!

I have not been making much progress with my 'parents helping parents' group. Maybe it is the name? I reached out to the parents to see if anyone could watch my son this evening, no response. Could be that email isn't the right media? Maybe I'll hear something after work. Also, it is just the first time anyone has asked for help, so I think it will take time for people to remember to check with other parents instead of getting a babysitter.

It is starting to really feel like fall. Time for Friday night pizzas! I'm going to try and have a standing invitation to friends to bring over pizza toppings and come over and eat with us every Friday. We'll provide the (homemade of course!) the pizza. We did this many times when I was growing up, huge parties for after a soccer season where my mom made the pizzas and everyone brought over a different topping. It was always so fun, and tons of pizza left over.

@Gravy Train, I realize the school bus + two year old sounds crazy, but realistically we have lived in three rooms with him for two years now. He is finally sleeping in his own bed now (most of the night anyway), but he's not a spazzy kid so I'm not too worried about the close quarters. Maybe that will change as he gets older? Anyway, don't give me any props until we actually buy a school bus, it's all hot air until then!

horsewoman
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Re: mooretrees journal

Post by horsewoman »

mooretrees wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:24 am
I have not been making much progress with my 'parents helping parents' group. Maybe it is the name? I reached out to the parents to see if anyone could watch my son this evening, no response. Could be that email isn't the right media? Maybe I'll hear something after work. Also, it is just the first time anyone has asked for help, so I think it will take time for people to remember to check with other parents instead of getting a babysitter.
How close are you to the people you reached out to? Do you know them well enough to leave your child with them? Personally I'd have not participated in such a group when my daughter was a toddler, maybe that's the case for other people as well. Maybe they liked the idea when you brought it up but got cold feet afterwards? My daughter would not have stayed with someone she did not know well, either. This exchange of childminding took up steam naturally when the kids got old enough to make friends, I'd say around 5. After a few playdates with mommy in tow, the kids started to stay without mom and this turned into overnight visits as well as the kids got older. These days I have 5 other moms I can call if I need a place to stay for my daughter, and they know that they can call me up for help anytime. But it took years to build up this network.
This is one of the things that sound great in theory but are very hard to build in reality. It might be easier if one has kids in the area where one grew up, this was not the case for me.

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