7Wannabe5-Take 5

[Riggerjack]

I do not seem to have success with Asian women. Maybe I am not thin enough to their liking. (Actually, I’m not really thin at all.) Neither do I do well with Hispanic women, who seem to put more of a premium on large muscles and designer clothes than any group of women out there- plus they are very clannish. All of the Indian women are married by the time they get off the boat. And while I cannot seem to ingratiate myself to African-American women without submitting to the whole white-people-have-to-hate-themselves-now zeitgeist, I am occasionally a big hit with Caribbean and African women, particularly those from the Commonwealth countries.

Not to derail, but this seems like a selection problem, as I have never observed those preferences from women of those ethnicities. (But I haven't dated in decades.) I would suggest your experience would be different, if you were in her community, rather than she in yours.

Stop and think about her comfort level at the time you are chatting her up.

Being a blue eyed pale white guy in Texas gave me no competitive advantage. Being the blue eyed pale white guy in a Korean community in Texas did, if you get my meaning. The same rule applied in the Mexican community in Texas. Though there's also the possibility that if one is a Korean in Texas, Texans are simply less attractive, and distancing myself from Texans was the trick. Either way, results were Very Different.

[Clarice]

My external vibe doesn't match up perfectly with my internal dialogue, so I often give the impression of being the patient, pleasant, polite older sister type who is good at calming down a colicky baby, irascible boy, angry drunk or grumpy old man. In fact, I am good at these tasks, but they do eventually wear me out, if I am unable to touch base with my own sources of replenishment.

I don't know much about siblings (never had one), but the situation you are describing fits perfectly into an ENTP dilemma. Extroverted Intuition (driver) is the fastest cognitive function out of all of them. It perceives and reacts immediately and adequately. That's why an ENTP is a quintessential con artist (think Frank Abagnale in Catch Me If You Can). However, the second adult in that "car", Introverted Thinking, is the slowest of all cognitive functions. It is a processor that ongoingly asks and answers, "Is THIS true or false? Is THAT true or false?" in a VERY slow manner. By the time mommy figures out the directions, daddy is so tired that he has run the car into a ditch.

[7Wannabe5]

@Clarice:

Sort of like I am handling my relationships in a manner analogous to being able to pull off a term paper the day before it's due? I am somewhat familiar with the car seats theory you are describing. In fact, I was having a discussion about it with my sisters at Xmas and when I said I was supposed to be suppressing my 6 year old child in the back seat, (Fe) Harmony and promoting my passenger seat adult by asking "Does this make sense?", my 3rd sister blurted out "But, that can't be right, because Harmony is who you are!" It is highly likely that due to social feminine training I come off as very ENFP rather than ENTP in loving relationships. I don't think of myself as being very feminine, but it seems like I am frequently viewed that way by others, and I think ENFP is supposed to be the most feminine type?

[Jin+Guice]

You guys are nerds.

[Clarice]

I think ENFP is supposed to be the most feminine type?

No. ENFPs introvert feeling ( you don't see their feelings being expressed) and extrovert thinking in a loud childish manner. If an ENFP bores you to tears with the discussion of her to do list (buy mom a bd gift, call a plumber, fold laundry) be kind - she is very proud of herself ("Look, mom, I called a plumber, all by myself!"). ENTPs (the ultimate feminine) introvert thinking (and keep their thought all to themselves like the girls "supposed to") and extrovert harmony in a loud and unsophisticated manner (just want to buy everybody balloons and candies).

[7Wannabe5]

@Jin+Guice:

Your first clue was...?

ENTPs (the ultimate feminine) introvert thinking (and keep their thought all to themselves like the girls "supposed to") and extrovert harmony in a loud and unsophisticated manner (just want to buy everybody balloons and candies).

Sounds about right. The covert relationship contract I usually offer is probably something along the lines of just leave me alone and let me read most of the time and I will make you a sandwich or have sex with you anytime you like. Takes some men years to clue in on it.

[7Wannabe5]

Spring at last!

At this juncture, I must admit that I have given up on attempt to practice the "Efficiency" program. I am just going to have to figure out how to succeed at my ultimate goals without short-term extreme focus on earning more income.

My permaculture partner and I are making excellent progress on the urban project. We finally managed to get the large trellis structure up, and more than half the total space is either planted or at least prepared for planting. I took some photos, but it's hard to imagine the planned overall effect based on current early spring appearance. I am pretty confident that we are now on target for approximately 1 lb. of produce per square ft. by Harvest 2022, given that replacements for some lost trees are planted by this fall, and we cycle proportion of inputs (lawn waste)/outputs (food) at community level.

My BF and I are getting along much better again now that we are no longer 24/7-ing.

My marathon (35 days!) of full-time substitute teaching towards funding my share of DD27s wedding is also going well. Working full-time towards specific short-term goal does not feel like being trapped for me. My book business is back in the black, but still at very low level relative to previous peak. When I am done with my teaching marathon, I am going to focus on getting it back up to solid 1 leg of financial stool level.

My hard deadline, which I have communicated very clearly, for being on hand to help my mother with her mobility issues is January 1st. I am accompanying her to appointments with all of her doctors, and either this problem is going to be solved to the extent that she can once again live independently or she will have to move into some sort of assisted living situation. I am also helping her do the paperwork necessary to help her afford this option.


So, pretty much same old, same old, with me, but feeling like I am on a bit of an upward wave lately

[classical_Liberal]

Upward waves are the best! I look forward to the summertime urban permaculture pictures (hint hint). I hope everything goes well for your mom, it's tough to get into the assisted living conversation, so her recovery will be in your best interest as well.

I'm pretty impressed you managed to do more than a month of full time work! Is it affecting you in any weird ways?

[1taskaday]

Best of luck on the marathon 35 days.
Not an easy thing to do when not used to it even for such a worth while cause.

There really isn't much we wouldn't do for our kids is there...

[7Wannabe5]

I look forward to the summertime urban permaculture pictures (hint hint).

Successful permaculture can be kind of hard to convey in pictures, because it is meant to mimic/magnify the chaotic edible growth typically found at the edge of forest and field, which is like the edge of jungle and savanna where humans evolved. Hopefully, our project will result in something sort of in between these, but with own unique spin:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-A966tojhA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9ZukMyejLk

I hope everything goes well for your mom, it's tough to get into the assisted living conversation, so her recovery will be in your best interest as well.

Well, my mother's personality type is somewhere on the spectrum between Elizabeth Taylor and Genghis Khan, so not that tough to have conversation. I just straight-forwardly informed her of the obvious fact that her level of compliance with physical therapy will be directly correlated with the luxury level of her future accommodations, because personal care aid costs at least $20/hr.

I'm pretty impressed you managed to do more than a month of full time work! Is it affecting you in any weird ways?

I'm still in the midst of the marathon. I can't work every day, because I am also taking my mother to appointments. and the school schedule is irregular. The thing that really kills me working full-time is not having time to myself in the morning, so I am only taking assignments at elementary schools that don't start class until 9 am and are less than a 15 minute commute. I am also giving myself a break by only taking assignments in well-funded districts with smaller class sizes and more adults on hand. Still, I find that I can only maybe cross one more thing off my ToDo list on a day that I teach.

There really isn't much we wouldn't do for our kids is there...

True. I think just about the first words out of my DD27's mouth as a baby were "I can do it myself.", but I told her that she can't be the bride and the hostess, so she needs to relax and allow me to take on some of the responsibility for the event. I was a bit thrown at first by the conglomeration of new wedding traditions the Millennials have invented for themselves (engagement announcement photo shoot?) and the fact that the groom's parents are from the wealthy, Southern realm where my DD and half her bridesmaids (daughters of debutantes) attended very expensive private college. Luckily, something like unto very artsy/nerdy take on autumn in Michigan theme seems to be acceptable to all parties, so local bridesmaids will be crafting giant origami flowers, and I will be greeting guests at an Arboretum with cider and donuts. If I can slim down enough to fit into my good gray wool dress, $3500 should cover my share.

[1taskaday]

Go carb free except fruit and vegetables.

Try intermittent fasting just 7 pm to 11 am next morning once a week.(16hrs).
Get satiated by increasing your fat in take; full fat cheese,eggs,yogurt,butter and meat.

This works for middle age women and is not a hardship.

You can do it!

[7Wannabe5]

@1taskaday:

Thanks for the encouragement I am already on similar plan which is only 1 lb of prepared weight food per day besides fruits and vegetables.

My mother is now scheduled for bilateral hip replacement surgery in a couple months, and I saw the bone on bone x-rays. So, current me is motivated to avoid this fate for future me. I am not as heavy as my mother, but I am much more active which might actually grind mine out earlier. Kardashian wannabes take note.

[1taskaday]

Osteoporosis is the one thing about ageing that scares the crap out of me.

The new book Oestrogen Matters makes a good argument for HRT for osteoporosis alone...I just can't bear taking any synthetic crap so won't be changing now.

Peter Attia had a good podcast with it's authors if you don't want to read the book.

Pretty eye opening about the lies that are out there about everything to do with health (particularly women's health).

My knee issues lately have brought it home to me that I am just a normal ageing female decaying away as time goes on.

I intend to fight it all the way but just can't make myself take synthetic substances.

[7Wannabe5]

Well, I seem to have inherited my mother's tendencies* towards relatively large strong bones,very late menopause, large posterior fat deposits, and cartilage that is not up to the task of carrying/cushioning large posterior fat deposits for decades. So, for me, osteoarthritis looming large risk, osteoporosis not so much. My mother has no indications of diabetes, heart disease, or cancer at 79, but I also inherited my severe asthma, and my mild cyclothymia from her. So win some, lose some on the genetic lottery, I guess.

Based on what I have read so far, I might even choose to get my joints replaced at earlier age if it seems like the cartilage will inevitably totally disintegrate, because my full recovery will likely be better and modern replacements are likely to last for decades.

*As I escort her around to all her various appointments, people feel compelled to comment on how much we look alike, which doesn't necessarily correlate to innards, but the older we both get, the more it seems like this is the case.

[Clarice]

Osteoporosis is the one thing about ageing that scares the crap out of me.

@1taskaday:
Please don't be scared. Osteoporosis (literary means porous bone) is a way nature protects us from breaking our bones as we age. With time, all things (including our bones) dry and, therefore, become more brittle. To lessen the consequences of this process your bones become net-like (porous). Imagine throwing a hard physical object from a second-floor balcony. Now, imagine the same object being made of net-like material. Will a net-like quality increase or decrease the chances of this object getting broken? If you answered, "Decrease" you are correct. Same holds true for our bones. Osteoporosis is a coping mechanism, which changes your test results if you compare them to what is considered normal when you are 20. It's very easy to make your test results to be the same as in your 20s. Unfortunately, it increases (not decreases) your chances of breaking your bones.

@7wb5:
Sorry for side-tracking. I know you've said osteoporosis is not your problem. Thank you for your update - always fascinating.

[7Wannabe5]

Well, it took a semi-Herculean mostly solo effort, but I finally managed to get my mother moved out off her apartment and installed in a senior living facility with a la carte aides on site. My mother has bi-polar disease and one of the particular manifestations in her case is overwhelming NEED to spend money on new furniture and other household decorations. So, terrible tragic-comic moment last month involved my mother attempting to exert her very domineering manic temperament in spite of being almost unable to walk due to hip failure. She insisted that she needed one exact style of automatic lift-chair to be purchased, demanded that one of her daughters provide the $1500 necessary to purchase it, and even threatened my youngest sister with "done with you forever!" Then, she told the visiting nurse that because I told her not to wake me up in the middle of the night unless true emergency, she "took too many pain pills." So, my second sister and I called transportation ambulance and had her hauled back to the hospital for further evaluation and treatment.

But, that's done for now. I passed the baton to my sisters, even though one of them is not completely mentally stable herself and the other two live at distance. I even considered call-blocking my mother, but I decided it would be easier to just take her calls and re-direct every request. I have to admit that she still terrifies me a bit, even though I am an adult and she is quite infirm, because I know that she is somebody who will stop at nothing to get her way. My childhood was almost like a compare/contrast practicum of Rule of Law (my father) and Rule of Jungle (my mother.) My father was also my affectionate, nurturing parent, so it's kind of like he fulfilled both of the moral roles that the Left and the Right want from government, but my mother represented some other aspect of reality to which nobody wants to give consideration.

In better news, my finances took a significant hit, but I fully funded my share of DD28's upcoming wedding, finished up my last substitute teaching assignment, and I am now pretty much free for the summer! My rough plan is to spend most of my mornings either gardening or taking species identification/foraging nature walks, and my afternoons reading, writing, processing harvest/forage, studying for online tech/ecology courses, and/or working on the Kickstarter campaign for my VERY EXCITING new business idea.

This week the most interesting species I identified (didn't have time to get photo) was a chubby, young Ursus Americanus sited at approximately 44.5 N latitude in Michigan. The most interesting species I ate this week was Borago officinalis.

[classical_Liberal]

working on the Kickstarter campaign for my VERY EXCITING new business idea.

Ohhh, I can't wait to find out what you've come up with! You are gonna tell us... right?

[7Wannabe5]

@classical_Liberal:

I will offer oblique hint that the word "turgor" will very likely be found on promotional materials.

I am also back to being very busy studying data science AKA known as "the sexiest career choice for the 21st century." The first couple courses I did were pretty dry, but the one I am doing now is fun.

In breaking news I finally broke up with The Cowboy, so I am pretty much homeless, but happy, at the moment.

[Jason]

I will offer oblique hint that the word "turgor" will very likely be found on promotional materials.

I got a great idea. "Tony The Turgor."

[7Wannabe5]

@Jason:

Your guess was very close to being exactly half wrong.