Fly baby, fly!

Where are you and where are you going?
basuragomi
Posts: 149
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2019 3:13 pm

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by basuragomi »

The naivete is definitely frustrating if you have a chronic condition. Maybe a more nihilistic/charitable way to look at it - our health is constantly degrading and nobody is "healthy" enough to stay there. Blood sugar is decreasing whenever we're not eating, sleep pressure constantly increases, muscles get microtears and cancers grow. At any given moment, we can't "stay healthy" through force of will alone, but we can act to improve our health.

Maybe that's what people mean by staying healthy - not somehow choosing to abstain from disease, but choosing to do what you can to help yourself. That may mean adapting your habits and plans to the disease, but even that is a positive action to improve health. I've had to deal with fainting as well, and ended up wearing a full-face helmet to use the washroom safely when at risk. Not smashing your face is staying healthy!

@Matt3121's journal touches on strategies to adapt to chronic disease, though not MFS (presumably) specifically.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

I like this perspective. And this is also hard to do sometimes, for various reasons. I do best when I rest a lot and sleep a lot and I sometimes have to fight the feelings of inadequacy and laziness. ERE thinking helps though. But then I lack the energy to do some of the things I could and should do for ERE, and I feel bad about that :P
I just found out that I have a small aortic aneurysm now. Some of the medications that help me otherwise, can have adverse effect on that, so I have to reduce taking those to rare occasions.
Now daughter is unwell too and I'm trying to get to the bottom of it, which has turned out difficult. Which doesn't surprise me. I'm sorry I gave her shitty genes :(
At least I am there for her so she doesn't have to be alone much. And we can provide financial support for her too when she grows up so that if she doesn't have great health she won't have to be kicked around and humiliated by people who don't get living with chronic illness.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

So, it happens that I just pulled my daughter (she is almost 12 yo) from school and she has started homeschool / unschooling.
She has been ill and I don't want to deal with the hassle that being absent from school causes. I want her to be able to rest and recover on her own time. She immediately started a blog as a portfolio and has been doing foreign language studies all day today. So I have no worries about her not learning! This is actually a huge weight off my shoulders.

This week we close the sale of the apartment.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

So the apartment is sold and the mortgage is paid off. The rest of the money goes to the purchase of the little house, probably next week. I'm sick now but should recover by then..
I already have the roof renovation planned and it will cost 16500. I'm trying to make calculations on how much I can afford for other renovating.
I'm removing the plastic flooring and hoping the wood planks are in decent condition underneath. When I remove it from the kitchen, I'll have to rip out the 70's cabinets as the flooring goes underneath them. I have a hazy plan for the kitchen which does not include new appliances, but a few solid wood cabinets and open shelving, and possibly a wood burning stove.

The costs:
House and land: 165000
Tax: 6600
New roof with better ventilation: 16500
=188100

If I budget 11900 for the renovation, the whole thing would come to 200K. The thing about the renovation is that it will be do much easier to do before moving in, at least the floors. So I'm reluctant to put that off. And I really want to see how it is underneath!! Perhaps it'll be a nice surprise and I won't need to do anything, or just paint them. I can do that myself for the cost of paint. The kitchen will cost a few thousand as I can not make wooden cabinetry :/ Woodworking is not one of my many skills :D
I need to write down a budget for the reno - we will have a fenced outdoor area for our cats and I'm trying to figure out how to make it cheaply.

My other assets are worth about 100K or a little more. The woodland does not generate any income and the plan is to sell it as two lots at some point after it gets split by the county. It is my personal carbon sink now :lol:

I could have sold the apartment for substantially more (at least 20-40K) but I wanted to sell it to my husband.
Selling off my business' inventory will make a nice sum, it should be at least 40K after taxes. That should be invested (not spent on renovations!)

Things I can do to raise cash if needed is sell half of the lot my house is on, as it has something like 350 square meters of building permit left. If I sold half of it it would make about 45-50K in today's prices. Or I can build another, even smaller house and rent it. That would be pretty good as an income generating investment as the location is nice and I think a lot of people would enjoy living in small house with a garden instead of an apartment.

Given that my husband pays for our daughter's expenses, and we will move in the little house in a few months and our housing related expenses will be about 200 e/month living in it, and I will need to drive much less thus reducing gas costs - I'll be really fine. In the future I will get some revenue from my business with minimal effort and it will be enough for my own expenses and perhaps I can grow my investments a little.

I think my goal is to have a NW of 150K (plus the house) by the end of 2021. Hopefully having sold the woodland lots by then.
I would really just keep that invested for at least 6 years, by which it would hopefully be 200K (at 5% compounding growth rate) and from that I could easily live off at 4% WR. My husband has money and will inherit money, so he is in a position to help our daughter financially when she is grown, if needed. I would of course help her too if needed. And she can live with me as long as she wants. Right now I'm giving her my time by taking care of her during illness and home schooling her (though she is very self-directing and inquisitive and quick to learn so my job is not that hard, just encourage her and give her ideas to widen her perception of learning beyond text books! And provide resources).
I would do anything for her.

I never ever have had a problem with "what would I do if I didn't need to work?" The best part is being able to be there for my daughter.
If I get side tracked by other's opinions of what life should look like, I just think about how I would want to live if I knew I only had one year left.
And this is how I would live.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

I forgot, I also have an inheritance coming. My mom has passed away and when my dad sells their house, mom's half will go to me and my siblings. It will be another five years, give or take. It has more to do what his new wife wants, ha :D He would have already moved out but she likes living in the house and lovely garden.
Anyway, in today's value the inheritance will be around 60K.

I feel pretty secure. I'm happy to be able to make the second payment for my little house this week in cash. I'm leaning towards doing minimal renovations and moving in sooner. We could move in by the end of next month. I will have to pay a penalty equal to one month's rent for breaking my lease early, but I will save a bit more in not having to pay the rent anymore.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

Oh, I just found a solid wood 60's kitchen for 10 euros!
It has perfect paint job as well, white and sort of seafoam green or whatever. There are more parts actually than what I need, but maybe I can use the extra cabinets in some other room.
So no need to spend thousands on a new kitchen, eh. I may not get this one but I'm sure there will be others later.
I need to ask the seller of the little house if I could bring the cabinetry there a little early... The seller will probably not agree to hold it for three weeks if there are other takers.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

Aaaaand.. the kitchen goes to someone else. But of course.
Honestly it's not a big deal and I'll try to keep checking (obsessively :lol: ) at the local for sale-listings site.
I got an approximate quote from one carpenter for three 60 cm wide lower cabinets - he said 3500-4500 euros. Okay.. I'm waiting for more quotes. A local company that makes wooden furniture sells a set like that for around 1800 euros (and you'd have to do the painting /oiling yourself or pay extra for that) so based on that I'd think about 2500 euros would be acceptable. There is nothing fancy there, just basic joinery and flat surfaces!

Oh, how I hope that everything goes smoothly with the house, there are no ugly (and expensive) surprises, and we will feel right at home, yet excited about the change in scenery.
Me and DD, we are long due for some happiness. I may still be suffering from PTSD from husband's adultery and lies and all that shit. Realizing that he has a BPD, which he admits. My hope is that he claims Christian faith and having changed. We will see. I pray that's true but I don't trust him anymore. I love him, meaning I don't wish anything bad for him. I don't know what our relationship will be like in the future.

I read this somewhere:

I have cried from a place so deep
That my tears came out as screams

I know for certain that I have been broken badly. I am not the same person. My solace is in my faith, and finding beauty and joy in little everyday things. If it weren't for DD, I would be tempted to stop fighting my chronic illness and just give up already. My responsibility for her prohibits me from doing that.

Yes, I'm having a bad day. DD's long lasting illness is heartbreaking to me, I do my best to console her and keep up hope that she will soon get better, and seek help for her. It's just really exhausting and sometimes I feel so lonely.
Life as an abused*, chronically ill single mom of a chronically ill tween girl working as an entrepreneur during a global pandemic is no picnic, I tell ya.

But hey, maybe I will plan some renovation stuff. At this point I think I could just shell out the cash for any kitchen cabinets I want and call it therapy.

*ETA: He has never been violent, I mean other kinds of abuse

horsewoman
Posts: 527
Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2019 4:11 am

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by horsewoman »

I know just what kind of kitchen you meant - my cabinets are white and light blue :) I wouldn't be hasty with spending money, maybe you could post an add that you are looking for such an old kitchen! I got my cabinets for free when an elderly lady died and the kids did not want the furniture.

Whenever I feel down (there have been some serious curveballs in my/our life as well in the past) I'm doing a few weeks of gratitude journaling - just jotting three things down every morning that I'm grateful for. It really helps to start the day on a positive note - and there have been times when I had to repeat items because I could not think of three individual things each day. Works for me!

I hope you feel better soon, I'm sure puttering around in your little house is just what you need!

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

I posted an ad, but I think people don't really look so much at the wanted -ads.

So the house became mine yesterday! I need to get an insurance for it today.
And I need to pay the tax, 4% of the sale price, ugh.

Been working yesterday and today despite still having a cold. But I'm happy that I got a lot done and selling off the inventory is progressing.
I think I need a break now, and later I will send a couple of invoices.

I need to remember to give a notice about moving out before end of the month. It feels really strange that we really are going to have a drastic change in scenery.

ertyu
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by ertyu »

Gongrats!!

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

Thanks ertyu :)

I think we will move on October 26th so in exactly one month. It looks like hiring a moving company will be about 400 euros plus the moving box rental. Yes, this is something I will totally outsource.
I'm just glad that we don't have tons of stuff! I think 30 boxes will be plenty.

I organized my bank accounts so that out of one will go all the strictly necessary recurring expenses and out of another will go groceries, donations, doctors, meds, cat food, gas etc.
I also have a third account which should be for savings. Those would be either invested or used for renovations or any extra stuff that can be considered non-essential. This way it will be easier to see how much money goes into what.

I don't know all the recurring amounts yet. I got a full home owner's insurance for the house and it's 33 euros per month. Then there will be trash collection, tax, electricity and water. The 290 e I currently pay for the horse's upkeep ( we are sharing her between three families) is in this category too. When I have all the figures I'll make a budget. The first category should be around 600 euros, the second about the same I think. The third is the most difficult, eh. I think it was probably the best that I paid off the loan, otherwise I would have been tempted to use a lot of for renovations.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

Oh, so tomorrow is the day I get the keys to the little house! We will move in two weeks!
I have called the electric company, the water company and the trash collection company.
Of course I won't know the actual expenses until afterwards, so in a year I'll know for sure how much everything costs for us.
Well the trash collection is standard, it costs just under 15 euros for 4 weeks.
I used some calculators to estimate our water and energy usage and I think our water will be around 30 euros per month, and since I plan to heat the house with wood (which I currently get for free), our electricity usage should only be about 50 euros per month. If we get really cold winters again, it can triple for the cold months though because we might want to use electric heaters then.

So here is my current plan /estimate for monthly expenses for us two, me and DD:

Electricity 50 e
Water 30 e
Trash collection 15 e
Internet 15 e
Phone 27 e
Insurance 38 e
Total 175 e

Horse 290 e

Gas 60 e
Food 200 e
Cat food etc. 60 e

Daughter's game allowance 40 e
Daughter's training (when she is well enough to attend again) 120 e
Car maintenance, guesstimate 100 e
Car insurance, currently paid by husband but I think 50 e

Doctors, lab tests (DD has insurance so that helps) 100 e
Meds and vitamins 80 e

Clothing 30 e
Shoes 10 e
Gifts 30
Donations 100

Total 1445 e

Misc. spending: Seeds, garden stuff, pencils, school books, other books, surprise expenses 50 e
Total 1495 e

So I think I counted everything and I tried to be realistic. I have loads of fabric and yarn, so I can make most of our clothes. I do buy jeans (DD doesn't wear them, too uncomfy :D) and outerwear (though I have sewn myself a water resistant padded parka etc..) and shoes (though I have made myself a pair of leather combat boots..). As DD is still growing she needs new shoes more often, but that will soon change.

If I stick to this budget of under 1500 euros per month for everything - 18000 euros per year - I should be able to keep saving at least 500 euros per month.
But, here comes the but: I do want to do some renovations on the house. I will try to do them slowly and with a small budget.

I haven't made calculations for everything. I don't know what shape the floors are in, if they need sanding or not.

My current NW is about 160 000 euros plus the house.

WingsOnFire
Posts: 48
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:24 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Fly baby, fly!

Post by WingsOnFire »

I had a vagus nerve function analysis done yesterday, The index that measures the ability of my autonomous nervous system to function - or my chronic stress level - was 289. Over 200 means severe dysautonomy. I think under 50 or so is considered normal.
I have said before that I think I have PTSD on top of my physical illnesses.
I got an external vagus nerve stimulator. I just used it for a second time. I started to feel sleepy and a bit lightheaded and got some chest discomfort. Also had a near-fainting spell where everything went black but it cleared before I lost control of my limbs. I need to keep track of how I feel after using it and in general. But I think it will be better to use in the evening before bed, and not before I have to drive or do something immediately afterwards.
Now I need to drive to my new house. Right now I feel quite fatigued and not up to any physical work.

Stress causing things:

-Daughter's illness and getting her to do enough school work
- Worry that something might be wrong with the house after all (no real reason for this, just knowing that I and daughter are very sensitive to air quality issues)
-Selling off the inventory in time, shipping it all, clearing the apartment for husband during December, I think before Christmas..) Well I need to clear most of it by that time, I think I can keep one of the bedrooms for a while longer if necessary.
-Confusion about relationship with husband, not having the capacity to deal with all the issues, he is making no effort to deal with difficult stuff
-My own health and having to deal with all of the above

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