Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Where are you and where are you going?
Smashter
Posts: 281
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2016 8:05 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Smashter » Sun Apr 14, 2019 8:08 pm

Dang, that was so well said.

I remember a while back you saying something akin to 'some people, such as myself, are not meant for fatherhood.'

As you go through this transformation, do you still have those feelings?

classical_Liberal
Posts: 715
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:05 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by classical_Liberal » Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:33 pm

Excellent thoughts!

There will be times in the river of life where this contentment you describe becomes very self evident. A person will be happy... except for a few minor things. Our thought processes will begin to focus on those things, and we will be tempted to make changes to fulfill our magical thought of perfection. WRONG! When relatively content do not make any radical changes. Rather live those times for what they are, a great period of life. Otherwise we risk throwing off this amazing balance that decisions and circumstances has to provided us. Sit back and enjoy, smell the flowers if you will, and realize it is probably temporary. I've made this mistake several times and shortened what would have been natural, longer term periods of contentment. IMO, the time for great internal or external attempts at change is when life is at it's most disquieting. These times will come on their own, there is no need to create them.

suomalainen
Posts: 638
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen » Mon Apr 15, 2019 4:43 pm

@smashter yes, but perhaps I might suggest that I am a bit more empathetic to myself than I have been previously. My struggles with fatherhood were more ... disconcerting before, as I felt like I "shouldn't" be feeling the way I was feeling. But now, when I struggle with it, I can take a step back and say, "gee, S, looks like you're really having a hard time with this. That's ok. Feel the difficulty fully for a few minutes and then it's ok to let it go." More generally, the sense that I'm "not meant for fatherhood" is about my feelings about my feelings rather than my feelings about my actual performance. I try. I don't always do it well, but I try, so, by some measure, that means I'm a good dad (or as good as is possible for me). And anyway, I wouldn't want my kids to not have things to discuss with their shrinks. Don't want them to be the one weird kid that DIDN'T come from a dysfunctional family.

@cL yes absolutely agreed that premature agitation shortens the joy of life much like another premature -tion, but I think it's not only about smelling the roses when you have them. It's also tempering one's expectations when one is searching for roses (whether smartly leaving from a current shit-pit or prematurely agitating for leaving a current rose-field). It seems humans NEED to actually live certain experiences in order to learn the related lessons; some things just can't be learned vicariously, or at least it doesn't stick. To paraphrase a nifty line I read once, of far more profit is a hard-earned lesson than a spoon-fed lesson - the impression on the mind lasts longer. As a result, Eliot's explorations should be seen as a normal, necessary part of life (and not as immature folly), but I think it would be wise for a person (especially a young person) to intellectually know as they embark and to keep in the back of their minds that at the end of their explorations, they will most likely end up very near to where they started - just older and a little bit wiser. Such is the path of a human life.

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