Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

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TopHatFox
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Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by TopHatFox »

Just spent $60 on a date with a woman who showed up an hour late and proceeded to say that it's okay that 6 people own the majority of wealth, because they give people jobs. We all just need to work hard enough. She then went on about her plan to make it big in real estate and business and to not be "absurdly frugal." The kicker - she studied philosophy and psych on her parents dime, her parents bought her her SUV, and she tells people that they're not doing enough because she's out there volunteering helping poor people.

From now on I'm skype dating for the first date lmao

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Cost outlay:

$30 uber, $22 meal, $5 snacks. That e-bike conversion would be handy.

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Other random thoughts: dating men is 100x easier than women. Same with Trans women or even nonbinary people. Any of you find this?
Last edited by TopHatFox on Wed Dec 27, 2017 11:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

BRUTE
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by BRUTE »

TopHatFox wrote:
Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:58 pm
Just spent $60 on a date with a woman who showed up an hour late and proceeded to say how capitalists give people jobs, and that it's okay that 6 people own the majority of the wealth.
is TopHatFox implying that these things are not true?

TopHatFox
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by TopHatFox »

Yup, it's not okay IMO that wealth is so concentrated. And sure, we as capitalists give people jobs, but (some of us) don't need to work ourselves just because we have some bits on a screen. Surely that's bullshit for most of the people in this system. I'm an opportunist capitalist, but I'm not going to sit here and say that it's an equitable way to split resources.

BRUTE
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by BRUTE »

TopHatFox wrote:
Wed Dec 27, 2017 11:18 pm
And sure, we as capitalists give people jobs, but (some of us) don't need to work ourselves just because we have some bits on a screen. Surely that's bullshit for most of the people in this system.
brute thinks that's just fine

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C40
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by C40 »

Yeah, I'm cool with the 'capitalists' and 'numbers on screens' thing too. That's how my retirement income works. Yay, dividends! Work hard, people, C40 wants to build a house and buy a motorcycle.


What are you doing going out for a meal on a first date? And, snacks too?

Since becoming more focused on spending little, I've had two first dates in the last 8 years where I spent over $60. After both of them I felt a strong mix of stupidity, wastefulness, and remorse. I've found that coffee is nearly always a decent first date. Or a drink in a dive bar. When the weather is nicer, meeting in a park can work. If a potential date insists twice on something spendy, or are really put off by meeting in a park (unless for a reasonable safety concern), it's a sign of likely incompatibility.


What makes dating men or trans people easier? One of my friends once told me that he thought it would be easier to date men, and thought that being gay or bi would be more convenient for him.

thrifty++
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by thrifty++ »

TopHatFox wrote:
Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:58 pm
Other random thoughts: dating men is 100x easier than women. Same with Trans women or even nonbinary people. Any of you find this?
C40 wrote:
Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:13 am
What makes dating men or trans people easier? One of my friends once told me that he thought it would be easier to date men, and thought that being gay or bi would be more convenient for him.
No experience dating women or trans. Well when I was 18/19 I dated women but I dont think it's really comparable at that age.

I have generally enjoyed dating men. It seems to work pretty easy in the short term. Longer term stuff is more difficult, in my case anyway. I would NEVER wait an hour to meet someone. Fifteen minutes max. There doesnt seem to be any drama most of the time. I dont know if that is in contrast to male and female dating. I think the single biggest problem I find is embarrassment. I have anxiety over looking like a couple of phags. I think I have internalised homophobia. I dont date guys who are effeminate, but even so, if there is a disparity in looks/age/what one brings to the table - I think you dont look like peers and look like gays and that really freaks me out, even though it probably shouldnt.

One thing I think when dating men is that it can be financially easier. If you are younger than the person you are dating the general rule (I think) is that they pay the bill. Been my experience anyway. Although that rule is a bit grey I think and not set in stone. Or often you pay half each otherwise.

I was talking with a female friend the other day and she told me that the general rule is when a male and female go on a date the male always pays. I didnt realise that was still the case these days? Would be interested in thoughts on this.

finity
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by finity »

I was talking with a female friend the other day and she told me that the general rule is when a male and female go on a date the male always pays. I didnt realise that was still the case these days? Would be interested in thoughts on this.
For some people this may be true. For me it certainly isn't. First dates were always splits. If the girl would have wanted me to pay fully, we were incompatible to start with. As I'm in a LTR with a frugal person, it worked for me.
Last edited by finity on Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Lemon
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by Lemon »

On dating men. I find it simple but then I have never really date women properly and have been on a total of ...2? maybe 3 'first dates'. I am very picky Pre first date. All of your issues probably could have been found out with about 30 more minutes of texting on topic.

Why is this? probably a more equal footing. The baggage alluded to in the sexual misconduct thread isn't there.

@thrifty Interesting I never feel the lack of comfort. Subtle PDA don't bother me either even in non super liberal zones of london. But then I have never dates more than +6 / -2 years of my age and not obviously looked older/younger.
I disagree with who pays. Go dutch unless there is a stupendous wealth difference and wealthy partner has picked something out of the other persons reasonable price range. I amusingly have only once not done this which was with my current partner who was working while I was a student so felt he should pay, despite my protestations about it given my NW was almost certainly higher at the time.

The hour late is a power play. I would have left (unless obvious easy to verify public transport delays).


This isn't to say being gay isn't all sunshine rainbows. Yeah if you just want sex probably easier than being a straight man. But lots of gay men are not very good at the stable relationship thing (can't do monogamy but also can't do polyamory) from friends complaints.

vexed87
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by vexed87 »

+1 for coffee on the first date. Bonus points if your date is up for a walk in a park and you bring the flask! I knew DW was a keeper when I pulled that off, I suppose the puppy helped though. :lol:

EdithKeeler
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by EdithKeeler »

Other random thoughts: dating men is 100x easier than women. Same with Trans women or even nonbinary people. Any of you find this?
I think that a person should not extrapolate from one unsuccessful date to an entire gender.

Next time, just suggest you meet for coffee and go Dutch. If she balks, that’ll tell you something right there.

Just curious about the background of this person, what you already knew about her before you asked her out. Graduate of fancy schools? Work in finance or fashion? What conversations had you had before this date? If you already knew about the parents, SUV, etc. then what else about her made you think it would work?

I think people generally tell you who they are pretty quickly. Sometimes it doesn’t matter: for example, I don’t see myself spending my life with a muscle-bound, Republican, slightly racist football fan who trades up his Jag every year....but there was certainly a time when I wasn’t averse to spending some fun overnights with that guy, if you get my drift.... if you’re dating for more than just getting laid, then it’s probably worth it to invest a little more time getting to know her.

TopHatFox
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by TopHatFox »

I've probably gone on dates with more than 50 women by now. Just my findings~

wood
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by wood »

50, that's impressive. Some men struggle to even get 1.

TopHatFox
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by TopHatFox »

I'm counting college, but yup. Yeah, I think that's part of the problem. Too much favor in the womens' side of things. Any online dating app with a woman gender gets tons more messages than the equivalent male. I suppose it's like interviewing for a job - the employer has a larger share of the power typically. Unless if the employee is/develops high value (high "SMV") or doesn't need the employer. Dating different genders disrupts this power divide. Trans people don't get lots of attention because they're different/misunderstood/etc; men are socialized to do more of the reaching out/directing of a date. I've been on many dates with women where I as the man am supposed to decide where to go and what to do, with no input from the woman. It's annoying and uneven frankly. Same with pillow lovers.

Jason

Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by Jason »

TopHatFox wrote:
Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:58 pm
Just spent $60 on a date with a woman who showed up an hour late and proceeded to say that it's okay that 6 people own the majority of wealth, because they give people jobs. We all just need to work hard enough. She then went on about her plan to make it big in real estate and business and to not be "absurdly frugal." The kicker - she studied philosophy and psych on her parents dime, her parents bought her her SUV, and she tells people that they're not doing enough because she's out there volunteering helping poor people.
Where did you meet her? What were the circumstances that allowed you to be completely blind sided by her views and background? With the exception of the one hour thing, her viewpoints would be acceptable, even admired, by many men. It just seems like a basic incompatibility issue that even with the most cursory interaction or description of likes/dislikes would have informed each of you that dating would be ill advised. I am assuming that if it was love at first sight, $60 expenditure would not have been such an issue.

I had some money in the company that owned Tinder. I learned that in today's parlance, a "date" does not require physical propinquity for the very reasons that you just described.

I would have left at the 30 minute mark.

lightfruit55
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by lightfruit55 »

Is going dutch a western thing or a male-ERE thing?

I'm from Asia (Singapore) and in my experience, generally, guys pay for the first date and for dates in general. Also, generally, aspersions are not cast on women who expect men to pay for dates in Singapore.

finity
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by finity »

Some younger western people would consider it sexist not to go dutch - far from all, of course. In older generations the man pays, afaik.

wood
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by wood »

Out of curiosity I've read up on The Game and similar dating stuff.
Unless if the employee is/develops high value (high "SMV") or doesn't need the employer <-- this in particular is the attitude a guy needs to have to succeed in the market - to turn around the power dynamic that you describe. Increased feeling of self worth and a willingness to walk away easily. The psychology behind it is fascinating.

It is very annoying and online dating sucks. But the techniques work in my experience. I've learned the hard way, still not there yet.
I've been on many dates with women where I as the man am supposed to decide where to go and what to do, with no input from the woman.
I've had this experience too. Some women just don't have any... anything to say really. But as a man with masculine energy you have to be the one setting direction. If you don't like chicks who are too feminine or they don't have enough independence/personality/whatever for your liking, then just walk away. She's not good enough for you. With that attitude you will atleast have higher chances of getting laid with her or getting her to open up more, unless she walks away in which case you wasted less time.

What's a pillow lover?

TopHatFox
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by TopHatFox »

It's the people, usually women IME, who do nothing in bed but lay there, expecting you to do all of the foreplay and intercourse with no effort on their part. I <3 people with some spunk, at least to know they're conscious human beings or something (___(

Demosthenes
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by Demosthenes »

I have found dating men approximately 3 times easier than dating women. There seems to be fewer expectations when dating men, and it's easy to tell what goal they have in mind for the end of the night. Longer term though I've had more problem with men. It seems easier to have a long term relationship with a woman. I have a pretty small sample size though.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Spent $60 on an in-person date. Fuck that

Post by EdithKeeler »

As a woman who dates men, it’s not always a picnic for the women. If you suggest things, you might be seen as too pushy. If you suggest things that are too expensive, you’re often seen as either trying to wring money from the guy if he has it or “lording over” him because you have more money than he does. You can insult the guy for suggesting a cheap date (“you think I can’t afford to take you someplace nice?”). We’re hesitant to suggest an active date: it was 90 degrees when we went on that 10 mile bike ride, but the guy complains that she sweat and her hair was a mess. But we suggest we take a cab, and he complains she was too lazy to walk. We say “hey, let’s do a pizza at my place” and the guy often thinks that’s an obvious invitation for sex, and then if we do have sex we’re easy and if we don’t, we’re teasing.

Bottom line is: dating inherently sucks in a lot of ways, though it’s also fun. The sucky stuff is not, imho, limited to gender.

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