Combining ERE with masculine energy

[Jason]

I would suggest googling “Sean Connery wife beater” before discussing a permanent move to Scotland.

Also, although I’m sure he’s still a better catch than most of us, I’m assuming your dreams of Sam Shepherd pre-date July of this year. If not, I require no further explanation, as I’m assuming it has a pantheistic foundation.

[7Wannabe5]

@Eureka:

What if we mix it up:

Sam Shepherd lookalike: works part-time at chain hardware store.

Jimmy Smits lookalike- Head of emergency psychiatry at large inner city hospital.

Omari Hardwick lookalike- award-winning photo-journalist working on project for major museum.

Sean Connery lookalike- owns acreage in Montana where he is overseeing huge perma-culture archival ethno-botany project.

I mean, I agree that if I think about the fact that the last 3 are actors it kind of kills it for me too.

Or, maybe, you just like them a bit more on the younger, tawny, rangy side? How about these? If we assume that all of these men possess IQ over 135 and would rescue a kitten trapped in a tree, would you prefer Euro-jock, Cowboy or Preppy?

[7Wannabe5]

@Jason:

Well, Sean Connery was voted sexiest man of the 20th century, even though known fact that anybody who is born with red-hair that then turns black is likely to be evil-tempered spawn of Satan.

Okay, I'm not really a Pantheist, more like an Atheist who likes to go camping, so I agree that Sam Shepard is no longer a possibility.

[Jason]

Any poll with a 100 year time parameter is abysmally skewed as the voters are limited to those that happen to be alive at the time of voting. People like Rudolph Valentino, Nureyev, Clark Gable even James Dean are long forgotten and men like Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley are more remembered for their demise. Unfortunately not everyone is as courageous as you, willing to go on record and admitting to being attracted to a dead person.

I'll give Connery best James Bond. But sexiest man in the 20th century? As an objective heterosexual male, I just don't see how anyone doesn't pick Steve McQueen.

And people need to face the hard facts on Paul Newman. If James Dean hadn't crashed his Roadster, there would be no eponymous salad dressing.

[Eureka]

@7w5, you are really wrong in your guesses.

I would turn down all the guys you have introduced me to so far. Younger is better, but they all seem too metrosexual to me. Too styled up and too self concerned. And honestly, I don't care about cat-rescue abilities or above average IQ or their jobs.

In fact I prefer men with way more spare time and who have the guts to not follow a career (this is an ERE forum after all). Men who don't care what other people think about them. Neither regardig looks nor position in society. Men who are eager to make the most of their lives, living out passions and pursuing new knowledge and new skills again and again.

Thus, of your suggestions I'd definitely prefer the part-time guy at that chain hardware store.

Anyway, I think this supports my argument that people of the same gender (in this example you and me) vary more than than the average of all males versus the average of all females.

[7Wannabe5]

There are plenty of women who are better at recognizing a man's 'value'. They are impressed by wit, resourcefulness, creativity, intelligence, conversational skill, confidence, body language, financial security (ERE included), and lovemaking ability. None of these require spending money. These are more direct ways of measuring a man's value than just guessing much his car cost. Women who are better at judging a man look at these kind of things.

Aside from those kind of skills and charm, it is also beneficial to be doing something with your life that impresses women (SOME women. not all of them). You shouldn't be going this just for the purpose of impressing women - of course - you should be doing something with your life anyways.

Then, you need to fly your flag so the women who like your style can see you.

In fact I prefer men with way more spare time and who have the guts to not follow a career (this is an ERE forum after all). Men who don't care what other people think about them. Neither regardig looks nor position in society. Men who are eager to make the most of their lives, living out passions and pursuing new knowledge and new skills again and again.

Well, I definitely agree with the combined set of what you and C40 said here. However, I would note that on the real world under-age-70 dating market, it is somewhat easier to come across men who are currently passionately engaged in some pursuit which may or may not be something like unto a career, then men who are financially independent and working part-time in a chain hardware store. For instance, I had very interesting conversation over dinner with the guy who headed up the emergency psych dept at inner city hospital, and I didn't get the impression that his interest in his career had much to do with what other people thought of him.

Anyway, I think this supports my argument that people of the same gender (in this example you and me) vary more than than the average of all males versus the average of all females.

You may be right. I do believe that human sexuality is composed of so many factors each of the billions of humans on the planet could claim their own sexuality to be wholly unique. I sometimes wish I didn't have a bit of a thing for prima donna artsy hetero-flexible man-candy (my first ex is a ringer for Jim Carroll or Van Gogh), and I do sometimes go for men who are more like the Bill Murray or John Goodman type, but bottom line would be that I need some shoulders, and I tend towards semi-consciously thinking that men with sad puppy dog eyes have more feelings, which makes them seem more lovable to me. For instance, Rush Limbaugh seems wholly irredeemably repulsive to me, but Steve Bannon I think/feel might be reformed because he has the big eyes, floppy hair thing working. So, I assume other human beings are also sometimes similarly superficially impressionable.

@Jason:

For you, I will guess 1940s, and either Yvonne de Carlo or Sally Rand doing the Bubble Dance.

[Jason]

Damn. You got me down.

You just forgot this one. Help me with the science elective.

https://www.economist.com/blogs/prosper ... s-ceilings

[LookingInward]

Fun thread. Since I started going out more, I have met many different people and only now in my mid twenties have I started to try to improve on my socialization skills. Also, because I am around people more often, I now think more about I am being perceived and why I feel insecure about some things.

To some extent I am following the "fake it until you make it" advice. This means that I try doing things even though I may be embarrassed or insecure. For example, in most groups that I have been going out with, usually its the woman who want to go dancing. I had an internal debate whether the reason I didn't wanna go dancing was because I was scared or if I just didn't care enough about the music being played. I think it's a combination of both so I decided that I will soon try going to a club/bar that is playing music that I like and see how I feel there. Another thing I noticed about myself as I started going out more is that I tend to crave validation. I am now trying to do it less and focus more on me, but that is hard to do because I like to go out for the socialization aspect and not because I like going to loud bars.

I am quite insecure about my looks and I have above average anxiety with regards to feeling observed by others. However, as other people in this thread pointed out, It is more about your mindset than actual external changes. For me this means that I have to start saying "fuck you" to my insecure self and just be who I am. Yes, this will mean probably most girls won't be attracted to me (I tend to be less assertive than most man for example), but that is fine because I don't want an average partner.

By the way I want to take the chance to ask the forum for some book recommendations that includes the previously mentioned need for validation. I want to dig deeper on why I feel the way I feel and try to actively work on it. I would also like to leave a question that I have been struggling with: how do you know the limit between just being yourself and fighting your insecurities? For example, most people tend to behave less expressively when in public, but might talk out loud to themselves or dance like crazy to a song while alone. How do you know how far to go in the quest for breaking free of your insecurities in order to do what you want?

Thanks

[Jason]

How do you know how far to go in the quest for breaking free of your insecurities in order to do what you want?

Well, speaking from personal experience, if the quest leads to lectures/warnings from members of the law enforcement community, its probably a sign that you need to reassess behavioral patterns. Even if you think its unjustified, its informative as to what you can get away with, which is really the baseline concern. I recently learned that you can't call people "idiots" in public even if they drive straight into your parked car. That can be classified as a public disturbance. I honestly didn't know that. I disagree wholeheartedly, but I really don't have time to pretend I'm sorry for saying it in front of some douchebag judge, so I do my best not to do it anymore.

Other than that, who the fuck knows or cares. Really. People are too busy with their own insecurities to care about yours.

At your age, I would be more concerned with the potential Hamletting away of your own life. As the greatest hockey player of all time said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." You want to dance? Well, then fucking dance. And always remember to be nice to the handicapped and the elderly. Not just because its the right thing to do, but because an attractive woman might see you do it and they like that type of shit.

[thrifty++]

I think one of the best ways to minimise your own insecurities is to focus on other people more. Pay more attention to making them comfortable and providing them with an enjoyable experience. That will take you out of your own head and stop you focussing on yourself so much. It will also make other people like you more and be more attracted to you, be that only on a friendship level or more than that. You will receive more positive messaging in response which will in-turn make you more confident. An upwards cycle.

[LookingInward]

I think one of the best ways to minimise your own insecurities is to focus on other people more. Pay more attention to making them comfortable and providing them with an enjoyable experience. That will take you out of your own head and stop you focussing on yourself so much. It will also make other people like you more and be more attracted to you, be that only on a friendship level or more than that. You will receive more positive messaging in response which will in-turn make you more confident. An upwards cycle.

I have been reading the book "How to Make Friends and Influence People" and one of the things suggested with regards to conversation is to focus on the other person, just as you suggest. Now when I go out I am putting this into practice, as if I were playing a game. It's fun and I do notice the positive feedback I receive helps me be more confident.

[7Wannabe5]

@LookingInward:

I think you are doing a pretty good job of answering your own questions. Social skills are like any other skill set, and you will likely feel insecure until you have reached some level of competence. No different than learning to swim or overcome a fear of algebra as an adult. I test right on the cusp of introverted/extroverted, but I was shy when I was young. Age and experience will vaporize shyness, leaving just your natural level tendency towards introversion/extroversion. One way you might be able to gauge the difference is that an extrovert will semi-consciously seek out sociability the way a cookie-fiend goes rummaging through the cupboards, and an introvert will seek solitude like a drunk opening the fridge for a beer. This is because the extrovert is best distracted from thoughts of eventual death by engaging with others, and the introvert is best distracted from thoughts of eventual death by engaging with books or other solitary work.

So, once dancing becomes a fluid enough skill that you can distract yourself from thoughts of your eventual death while engaged in the process, you will enjoy it more. Until then, you will just have to face the fact of your mortality in every awkward interval. Sucks.

[FBeyer]

Side note: If one tries dancing as a means to gain more social skills and learn how to let loose, try social dancing.

Social dancing is characterized by switching partners and non-scripted dancing.

It's the follower's (woman) obligation to do as the leader (man) instructs. It's the leader's obligation that the follower is having fun and looks good on the dance floor.

I only know about Lindy Hop and Salsa as social dances, so I don't know if there are more. Salsa dancers seem to be of the mediterranean hotness kind of outgoing, Lindy hoppers seem to be of the have-fun-at-all-costs-on-the-dancefloor kind of people.

I have never heard of a lindy hop community that didn't welcome beginners with open arms, especially more men!

[Farm_or]

1) be funny
2) dance

Time tested ideas.
But, being funny while you dance?
Doesn't work so well.

[Jason]

Dancing - check
Being Funny - check

And throw in singing while you're at it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZYhVpdXbQ

[FBeyer]

...
But, being funny while you dance?
Doesn't work so well.

Obviously you know Jack Shit about Lindy Hop. You REALLY should check it out.

[FBeyer]

Just to elaborate on dancing and humour.

6 people making a crowd laugh with Lindy hop. This is unscripted.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_cont ... LYt4BxhfSY

[jennypenny]

Not to get too OT, but modern square dancing is also good for this. @FB -- I thought this video was funny when I first saw it ... a flash mob square dancing in Denmark to Ghostbusters.

[Farm_or]

@Fbeyer - I sense that my attempts to be funny need some polish.

My point being that I don't need to know Jack about looking funny dancing. It comes naturally.