Combining ERE with masculine energy

Simple living, extreme early retirement, being wealthy, ...
wood
Posts: 356
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by wood »

After having put behind me a few years of dating and 2 long term relationships I thought I had figured women out. Now that I'm single after 10 years I'm just realizing how clueless I have been. Looking back at some of the relationship drama I've had, a lot of it could have been avoided had I just been radiating more masculine energy, ie. not showing unnecessary signs of needyness or insecurity. I think we men sometimes show these signs completely unaware of ourselves.

And quite frankly, dating a high tempered Brazilian has twisted my brain and taught me a lot about women because she was so extremely emotional, and women are emotional beings.

Masculine energy is all about determination, accomplishment, purpose, confidence, assertiveness, solidity, reliability, resourcefulness, logic/reason, common sense etc. It's a vibe composed of body language (how you act) and words (what you say).

I think the biggest challenge when it comes to ERE is that of perceived status, which is linked to some of the above mentioned traits.
- Having no car
- Wearing 2nd hand clothes with or without regard to fashion
- Lacking ambition in current job or life in general
- Being skimpy with money

I think people in this forum share some of the above, yet many of you are successful with sexual/loving relationships. How do you do it? Is your life drama free? How is your dating life?

Correcting all of the above might work to some extent, but I don't think these issues need fixing and I'm not willing to empty my pockets fixing them. IOW you don't have to have lots of money, power or material possessions in order to exude masculine energy. But it goes without saying that some women judge, especially in the early stages of dating/relationships and I want to get past that in an efficient way. I think if I present myself correctly, the above won't be any problem.

I'm looking to reinvent myself a little. And what I want coming out in the other end is a man with plenty of masculine energy. I want to hear your thoughts on the matter.

FBeyer
Posts: 1078
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2015 3:25 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by FBeyer »

wood wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:13 pm
...
Masculine energy is all about determination, accomplishment, purpose, confidence, assertiveness, solidity, reliability, resourcefulness, logic/reason, common sense etc. It's a vibe composed of body language (how you act) and words (what you say).

I think the biggest challenge when it comes to ERE is that of perceived status, which is linked to some of the above mentioned traits.
- Having no car
- Wearing 2nd hand clothes with or without regard to fashion
- Lacking ambition in current job or life in general
- Being skimpy with money

...
First of all: You don't need to be admired by a million women, one good woman will do.

Second: The FASTER someone loses interest in you due to PERCEIVED weakness, the better; you're not willing to put up with their shit for a long time anyways.

Third: You're framing it wrong mentally.

- You're strong enough to move about by whatever means you feel like and you're not a complete weather wuss who needs shelter and AC as soon as it rains.
- You don't wear your personality on the outside, but on the inside (again, see the filter above). If you're really really worried about look figure out a way to put together a capsule wardrobe and check out some youtube videos on the minimum fashion requirements. You can look good in inexpensive clothes if you know what you're doing. Fashion is a tool just as much as verbal communication skills are; educate yourself on the topic.
- You have plenty of ambition AWAY from your job. Let that passion shine through. Live it and you won't HAVE to talk about your job.
- You're concious about how you spend your money.

If you don't live these ideas out perfectly, then you're not really living them, you're doing it because someone else told you to (in this case the ERE book). Once agency, intentional living, and vision becomes your life you're not going to have any problems with any of what you've mentioned so far. You'll know you're there when you stop caring.

If you think of yourself as a lesser man; you are.

User avatar
Bankai
Posts: 610
Joined: Fri Jul 25, 2014 5:28 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Bankai »

You consider changing your appearances to increase your perceived status. The purpose is to find a person (partner) attracted to those attributes (car, new clothes etc.). The problem is those are only fake external appearances which are not aligned with your philosophy (ERE). Even if you do find a partner this way (by pretending to be someone you aren't), how are you going to explain that this is not the 'real' you and that you'd rather not have a car or spend tons on those new clothes, if these are exactly the qualities your new partner found attractive?

This is similar to going to a pub to meet someone - you're likely to meet a person that likes going to pubs and drinking... but is this what you really want?

It's better/easier to find a partner who fits your existing lifestyle than to change another person so that she fits in it.

Also, as FBeyer said, you only need one woman. By appealing to the average 'taste' (car, high status etc.) you're likely to get an average result, i.e. a person attracted to these exact attributes and likely not open to alternative lifestyles. Now, if you want to find a compatible partner, the last thing you want to do is to hide your true self, which is exactly the persona the compatible partner would find interesting, and therefore reduce your chances of meeting someone really interesting.

As to showing neediness/insecurity, I can't say much, however, I'd probably look into possible reasons why you feel that way and try to eliminate those?

wood
Posts: 356
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by wood »

Third: You're framing it wrong mentally.

- You're strong enough to move about by whatever means you feel like and you're not a complete weather wuss who needs shelter and AC as soon as it rains.
- You don't wear your personality on the outside, but on the inside (again, see the filter above). If you're really really worried about look figure out a way to put together a capsule wardrobe and check out some youtube videos on the minimum fashion requirements. You can look good in inexpensive clothes if you know what you're doing. Fashion is a tool just as much as verbal communication skills are; educate yourself on the topic.
- You have plenty of ambition AWAY from your job. Let that passion shine through. Live it and you won't HAVE to talk about your job.
- You're concious about how you spend your money.
This is what I was looking for, how to frame this mentally and how to communicate it to someone instead of changing who I am.

Seppia
Posts: 1178
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:34 am
Location: Italy

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Seppia »

I think you may simply be looking at the wrong women.
If they are influenced by you having/not having a car, how expensive your clothes are etc, they're a bad match for you.

There are approximately other 286318236683252427862852 ways you can show your masculine side, you just need to find the woman that cares about the right things (right in this case meaning: what you consider important)

As FBeyer suggested, it's mostly mental.

wood
Posts: 356
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by wood »

Thanks for the input both.

I'm not looking to change my whole wardrobe and pretend to be someone who I'm not. To use Bankai's quote:
You consider changing your appearances to increase your perceived status
No, I want to increase my perceived status without necessarily changing my appearances. I want to increase my masculine energy with minimal change to external appearances like clothes, car etc. How do I do that? FBeyer listed some clever ways to frame it. I expect this to mostly be a mental exercise for me and not a complete makeover. Any other ideas or thoughts are also welcome.

FBeyer
Posts: 1078
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2015 3:25 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by FBeyer »

wood wrote:
Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:03 am
... I expect this to mostly be a mental exercise for me and not a complete makeover.
Ding ding ding!

Mental framing, as opposed to wishful positive thinking, is the foundation of changing yourself. It really is as simple[1] as finding a way to teach yourself to think differently about yourself. Once that is in place, you will automatically start acting differently too.

I can't say what helps you change your mentality. Meditation, diaries, mantras, a physical reminder, desktop wallpapers...
If it's silly but it works, then it's not silly.

[1] It's simple, but not fast.


Edit: Of course you're getting all this feedback from other men. Bias might abound.

EMJ
Posts: 342
Joined: Sat Nov 20, 2010 6:37 pm

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by EMJ »

As a woman I wouldn't be interested dating anyone who says
women are emotional beings.
While the following would all be perfectly fine with me.
- Having no car
- Wearing 2nd hand clothes with or without regard to fashion
- Lacking ambition in current job or life in general
- Being skimpy with money
signed,
one good woman (thanks FBeyer)

Farm_or
Posts: 412
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2016 8:57 am
Contact:

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Farm_or »

Repeat after me, "I'm a man. But I can change. If I have to. I guess?"

Hopefully, you can still apply some ERE ideas without concrete fanatical adhering? I would not be here if that was the case.

Maybe it's okay to fudge on your top four list of "non-masculinity"? I hope so. Just trying to be a little more liberal than absolute...

Tyler9000
Posts: 1595
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:45 pm
Location: Austin, TX

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Tyler9000 »

wood wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:13 pm
Masculine energy is all about determination, accomplishment, purpose, confidence, assertiveness, solidity, reliability, resourcefulness, logic/reason, common sense etc. It's a vibe composed of body language (how you act) and words (what you say).

I think the biggest challenge when it comes to ERE is that of perceived status, which is linked to some of the above mentioned traits.
- Having no car
- Wearing 2nd hand clothes with or without regard to fashion
- Lacking ambition in current job or life in general
- Being skimpy with money
Honestly, I see no overlap between the first list and the second. The only way I can see that argument is if one does not recognize ERE as an extremely ambitious accomplishment in its own right. Since most people never even consider it a possibility, I think you're selling yourself short.

In my experience, if you want to give off strong masculine signals try not to over-think it -- just keep it simple and focus on having your shit together. Keep your head up and be confident and laid back in your choices, and people will take notice. Don't worry about being out of the mainstream, as it actually works in your favor because most people are inherently insecure about the mainstream and know there's a facade involved. For example, at a certain point conspicuous consumption works against that goal and starts to look like you’re trying too hard.
Last edited by Tyler9000 on Mon Nov 20, 2017 7:39 pm, edited 5 times in total.

jacob
Site Admin
Posts: 11642
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:38 pm
Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 73
Contact:

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by jacob »

jacob wrote: My girlfriend was not as psyched about savings as I was, but one day we walked past a car dealership and I was talking about my saving plans and pointing out how I could buy that, that and that car, but not quite that car (it was a big Mercedes) IN CASH. After that she was hooked too and immediately cut down her expenses and starting saving a lot of money.
http://earlyretirementextreme.com/on-ho ... money.html

User avatar
C40
Posts: 2380
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:30 am
Location: PNW
Contact:

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by C40 »

The important thing here is that you find the right women.

Some percentage of women essentially have consumerism as their religion. They're focused so heavily on purses, brunches, weekend getaways, being pampered. They think "I deserve....". They do use a man's consumption as a measure of that man - his car, his clothes, and especially where he takes her out to eat and whether the earrings he bought her are from Tiffany or not (or whatever the expensive fad is now).

But. those are only like 10-20% of women. And you don't want them anyways. They're boring. Even the way they judge men is boring and overly simplistic - they're only skilled enough to judge a man by him spending money - because either their religion is consumerism, or they suck at recognizing a man's 'value'. Judging a man by his consumption is an indirect measure. A man can have a $70k car while also being a total awkward loser idiot savant who is good at one type of work and nothing else, including relationships.

Do you want a woman who sucks so bad at choosing a mate they can only do it by measuring his consumption? Or a woman who's religion is consumerism? Of course not.

There are plenty of women who are better at recognizing a man's 'value'. They are impressed by wit, resourcefulness, creativity, intelligence, conversational skill, confidence, body language, financial security (ERE included), and lovemaking ability. None of these require spending money. These are more direct ways of measuring a man's value than just guessing much his car cost. Women who are better at judging a man look at these kind of things.





Aside from those kind of skills and charm, it is also beneficial to be doing something with your life that impresses women (SOME women. not all of them). You shouldn't be going this just for the purpose of impressing women - of course - you should be doing something with your life anyways.

Then, you need to fly your flag so the women who like your style can see you.


An example: I've been traveling the country in a self-converted campervan for the last year and a half. On Bumble (a dating app) I explain this in the first sentence of my profile text, and I have pictures of me in my van and out in cool outdoors places. Today, the first message a woman sent me (women have to message first on Bumble before the man can send them any messages) says

"Hi C40 :) . You live in a van and travel!? You're already the coolest guy I've come across on Bumble [Emoji with hearts].

I'd love to hear about your adventures in person!"

Back when my Bumble profile looked more like I was just a normal plain guy, I didn't ever get opening messages asking to meet. Of course, the women who care about tiffany earings see my profile and think "eww, gross, there's no bathroom in there". But it's not a problem. In fact, it's useful for them to filter themselves out. Then I don't have to.





A couple books you may like:
- The way of the Superior Man (David Deida)
- Models (Mark Manson) [ I've only read ~10% of this book but it seems great]

It may even be useful to read some women's romance novels. I read most of Atlas Shrugged and it seemed like at least 50% women's romance novel to me, with Dagny moving from one guy to the next by being more impressed by the next one. They were super rich guys, but the way she described the guy she met (was that John Galt? I can't even remember) when she first got to Galt's Gulch was telling. She was impressed by extremely his simple and only functional cabin - because it was clear that he was focused on doing things rather than amassing things. She was impressed by the elegance and efficiency she saw in him while he was cooking breakfast. [well... I don't know - maybe she was just making excuses to distract herself from how much she was into his money/power]



A note about clothes - they don't need to be expensive, but they do need to fit you right, be clean, and not too far outside of current style trends. There are generally classic styles and fits that will pretty much never be out of style. Like these:

James dean 1
James dean 2
Elvis (an example more for his pants)
Clint eastwood


These are simple clothes. They just fit them well.

we don't need to bother with fads like these

User avatar
Sclass
Posts: 1729
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Sclass »

wood wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:13 pm

Masculine energy is all about determination, accomplishment, purpose, confidence, assertiveness, solidity, reliability, resourcefulness, logic/reason, common sense etc. It's a vibe composed of body language (how you act) and words (what you say).

I think the biggest challenge when it comes to ERE is that of perceived status, which is linked to some of the above mentioned traits.
- Having no car
- Wearing 2nd hand clothes with or without regard to fashion
- Lacking ambition in current job or life in general
- Being skimpy with money
So much wisdom in the replies here. I don’t have much to add. A lot of women have shown their disdain for me being this way. Some very close to me, like my mom, my sister and my godmother. They just don’t get it. And I’m not really in the mood to educate them.

“Ya know sclass you need to work on your sex appeal.”

“Sclass it is really hard to introduce you to my friends when you have such an uncertain future. “

“Sclass you are an embarrassment. Don’t drive me there in that...thing.”

“Sclass I have this really cute coworker I should introduce you to, but she wouldn’t be into you.”

:lol:

“Sclass, you’re the stingiest guy in the entire University!”

“Sclass why don’t you pursue me? What do you want anyway?”

“Sclass he’s insulting you! Aren’t you going to do something? Why aren’t you fighting back? Why do you always laugh when he does this? You make me sick!”

As I’ve grown up I’ve taken this rejection more lightly. As a young guy I’d feel insecure as the other males in my family remarked how I had so few women. It was true. I’d just find one who got it and we’d stay together a long time.

It’s so funny how we find out how important or unimportant something is after it is too late.

Oops reminds me I have to take my disparaging Mom to the doctor today. Too bad my sexy BIL isn’t there to advocate for her now. Fun times.

Eureka
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:03 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Eureka »

@EMJ +1

wood
Posts: 356
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by wood »

EMJ wrote:
Mon Nov 20, 2017 9:33 am
As a woman I wouldn't be interested dating anyone who says
women are emotional beings.
Generally speaking, women are all about emotions and emotional reactions (don't take that as a negative remark). Men are more straightforward. While men may deal from a place of emotions, they don't necessarily take time to look at the emotional side of the equation. They would rather have simple, non-emotionally clouded answers. One is not better than the other, we are just different.

Some great advice here, thanks for contributing.

Eureka
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:03 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Eureka »

Wood, I guess this is the core of your problem. That you want to generalize about how women and men are and use such conclusions to live your life.

Study after study show that the variation on basically anything within members of one gender is so much bigger than the difference between 'an average man' and 'an average woman' and that there is "consistent evidence that males and females are basically alike".

http://www.apa.org/research/action/difference.aspx

Lucky C
Posts: 378
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2016 6:09 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Lucky C »

Be funny.

This is a skill like anything else. I don't mean act funny, or *try* to be funny (which is the worse than not trying if you're not actually funny). I mean that if you can't already get the average person to genuinely laugh, cultivating that skill will make you more attractive in general.

Note: being funny in the eyes of a woman typically involves some differences in sense of humor compared to being funny around your male friends.

Farm_or
Posts: 412
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2016 8:57 am
Contact:

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Farm_or »

"Just be funny."

I sure wish that I would have known it was that easy.

All the stupid things I did thinking that the chicks dig it could have been avoided. Like hanging my mustang on a curb trying to do an impressive burn out. Breaking my leg during a motorcycle stunt. And other things I can't recall because of the concussions...

Jason
Posts: 2429
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by Jason »

Lucky C wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 7:38 pm
Be funny.
"If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything."

Marilyn Monroe

slowtraveler
Posts: 795
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: Combining ERE with masculine energy

Post by slowtraveler »

Women laugh more because they are having fun than because you are a comedian.

For that, be light rather than heavy. Don't take most things too seriously (in the sense of making a big deal of things, having your life handled is important). Learn how to have fun living.

As for op- bold honesty works well.

This is who I am and what I like- financially efficient can be very attractive, it just sounds like you're framing it from insecurity.

If you're too insecure or don't have other ideas for how to have fun that you're confident in, you'll have less success than if you can say: "I like you, let's have lunch" without awkwardness when you see her beaming at you.

Post Reply