Are you Happy?

[ertyu]

This is a great thread, thanks! A lot to think about there.

[AnalyticalEngine]

@ertyu - if you are worried about the caffeine, I suggest still going to the cafe but ordering herbal tea/decaf. Alternatively, if you're not going every day, it is okay to drink caffeine once in awhile. Like alcohol, it's just not something you want to drink everyday.

I do sometimes go to cafes and order a drink or a bagel. Yeah, it does cost $5, and being home 24/7 is technically cheaper, but I find the scenery and social interaction does wonders to keep me sane. I do think sometimes with FI/ERE, it's possible to become penny-wise/pound-foolish, and I've definitely fallen into that trap myself before.

[jennypenny]

I'm trying really hard to be happy right now. I should be ... we were prepared for something like a pandemic and we're financially secure enough to ride this out. And yet ...

I sense that on the forum lately too. We're all dealing with this fairly well, no one has gotten really sick, no one has been wiped out financially, and yet we're all on edge and people are hesitant to post. I know political and cultural issues are setting people off, and maybe making people afraid to post (or keep their posts up). I also think the pandemic has shown the limits of what a huge nest egg can do to protect you. And I'll admit that my need for people in my life is bigger than I realized (I guess before covid all introverts assumed that heaven = life without people).

I have that urge I remember from after my parents died when I wanted to make huge changes or cut out things that were important to me, and that was definitely grief. Maybe that's what I'm feeling -- grief? It would make sense since there's been a lot of loss, big and small ... Even though I'm fine, lots of people aren't. Some of my favorite watering holes and restaurants won't ever open back up. I'm sure that some of the annual/regular traditions in my life (with family, friends, or solo) won't resume after this because sometimes the only thing keeping them going is the momentum. A family member moved. One of my doctors retired. A friend for over 30 years died last week. My son's senior year is going to be stunted. This is the first summer of my life that I haven't gone to the beach.

Even if covid disappears, life will never be quite the same. I think I'm grieving for what was, even if things are ok now and will be better in the future. I'm going to start treating this as a grief period and follow all the 'rules' that go with that (don't make big decisions, allow myself to feel whatever I'm feeling, don't get mad when others aren't as emotional as me, etc). Maybe just acknowledging what it is will help.

[AnalyticalEngine]

Jennypenny, your insight on grief seems spot on. I do think there's a lot of genuine loss with everything that's been happening. It's the loss of the old normal, and old normal is never coming back. Maybe allowing space to grieve that is a good idea.

[mooretrees]

Even if covid disappears, life will never be quite the same. I think I'm grieving for what was, even if things are ok now and will be better in the future. I'm going to start treating this as a grief period and follow all the 'rules' that go with that (don't make big decisions, allow myself to feel whatever I'm feeling, don't get mad when others aren't as emotional as me, etc). Maybe just acknowledging what it is will help.

This resonates with me so much. I picked up some library books today for my son via curbside pickup and it was like a flash of our old life. But with restrictions and an undercurrent of fear. I miss some portions of my old life, and it's true, it's starting to feel like it won't come back. We're okay, money is fine, I've got a lot of security for my little family and still, there is that grief. For the times when hugs were a natural greeting, when casual gatherings happened spontaneously, for hanging at the library touching books without worry....I'll have to look up the stages of grief to see where I'm at.

[ertyu]

I guess being a professional gastarbeiter makes this easier. You get used to your circumstances perpetually changing, and to grieving what used to be and letting it go — and at the same time, perpetually being in the process of discover what’s new around you.