Does one owe it to their parents to take care of them in old age?

[Sclass]

Thanks RJ you are spot on.

It's getting stranger and stranger. My brother and his wife just flew down from SF to LA to meet me. I thought they were going to help. After I gave them a run down of how much money I had to work with and what I'd planned on doing (basically use it all over the next five years on top drawer care) my SIL told me that nothing would be left to put their kids through college.

"Sclass why are you using so much money? Why can't you use more time instead of money?"

And the evening just got worse and worse.

Edit - I guess what I'm saying is mom dying isn't going to end this.

[EdithKeeler]

Sclass, reading your posts makes me think about my situation. I hate my situation, with my mom having no money, and with no family members to help, but I wouldn't trade it for yours, where you have money, and family, but they're still unhelpful and second guess your decisions. Hang in there.

[Jason]

@Sclass

This is a heavy story, and it appears you were conditioned as a child to fill a gap that has grown into an abyss in adulthood. This is not unusual.

I have no answer. There is none. Life never ends well. But you have my empathy as a fellow scapegoat.

[fiby41]

Back to the question in the OP by SimpleLife:

The sacred thread worn across the shoulder when a pupil is sent off to a guru is made of three strands of strings, each signifying the three debts the pupil is inheriting:

Debt owed to the ancestor/(fore)father
Debt owed to the guru
Debt owed to the sages

(Pitr-rhun, gururhun, and rishi-rhun.)

[NPV]

Thanks RJ you are spot on.

It's getting stranger and stranger. My brother and his wife just flew down from SF to LA to meet me. I thought they were going to help. After I gave them a run down of how much money I had to work with and what I'd planned on doing (basically use it all over the next five years on top drawer care) my SIL told me that nothing would be left to put their kids through college.

"Sclass why are you using so much money? Why can't you use more time instead of money?"

To me it is not surprising that they are asking for this - people are simply responding to incentives. Money is the ultimate incentive - leftover cash for inheritance is cash in the bank for them, your work costs nothing to them. Hence of course their rational course of action is to guilt you into using more time and less money.

What is surprising to me is that you are so patient with them. I would just say: "If you would like to save this money by using more time, have a look at this list and tell me which activities you are going to take over".

[Sclass]

An update to this old thread.

I have some closure on this. My mom passed away last night.

More later.

[7Wannabe5]

Very sorry to hear of your loss. Always a serious shock to the system no matter how shortly expected. Take very good care of yourself.

[Mister Imperceptible]

Sorry for your loss sclass.

[Campitor]

@sclass

I"m sorry to hear about your loss and hope you find moments of peace during this difficult time.

[jennypenny]

Wishing you peace, sclass. I'm sure you're dragging a whole bag of emotions around with you right now.

{{hugs}}

[EMJ]

Sorry for your loss. I wish you peace.

[Clarice]

More later.

I am very sorry for your loss. Please follow up with updates on yourself. I am asking because I know I will be in your situation soon.

[EdithKeeler]

I'm so sorry.

[Lemon]

Sorry for your loss, I wish you peace.

[CS]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hang in there.

[IlliniDave]

Sorry to learn of your family's loss, Sclass. It's been about ten months since my mom passed, and even after a multi-year illness that signals "it's time" it's not an easy thing to endure. Please accept my condolences. Words don't mean much at a time like this, but that peace will emerge in the days ahead will be my hope for you.

[SavingWithBabies]

Wishing you the best Sclass.

[prognastat]

My condolences for your loss. Wishing you well as you go through this.

[CS]

Thinking of you Sclass and hope that your family is not driving you crazy in this time of grief.

[Jason]

I am sorry for your loss. Your struggles were both moving and informative. Hopefully she was cremated so there wasn't a fight over casket costs like when my grandmother died. My cheap-ass mother won and they buried my grandmother in this plain wooden box with no padding whatsoever. When the back-ho dumped it the ground, you could hear Nana rattling around in there like a big set of dice.