Am I a hermit
Hey Jennypenny
I've also stopped working and this has helped my come to my realisations. For some reason i used to always end up in jobs that require an extrovert. I'm pretty good at putting that mask (game face) on. But no wonder I was feeling burnt out and exhausted. I need time on my own and rest.
I want to work in the future (I like to feel needed) so I'm trying to work out what I want to do. The idea of tutoring appeals - dealing with one person at a time for limited hours.
@Hspencer
Absolutely agree privacy is a right.
I used to dream about a little cottage somewhere. So I choose everything in my home like a simple comfy cottage etc. My aim is for this home to be that country cottage by the lake, somewhere I can just tune out. After all why shouldn't we live that solitude everyday? Thanks for putting it so eloquently yet again.
I've also stopped working and this has helped my come to my realisations. For some reason i used to always end up in jobs that require an extrovert. I'm pretty good at putting that mask (game face) on. But no wonder I was feeling burnt out and exhausted. I need time on my own and rest.
I want to work in the future (I like to feel needed) so I'm trying to work out what I want to do. The idea of tutoring appeals - dealing with one person at a time for limited hours.
@Hspencer
Absolutely agree privacy is a right.
I used to dream about a little cottage somewhere. So I choose everything in my home like a simple comfy cottage etc. My aim is for this home to be that country cottage by the lake, somewhere I can just tune out. After all why shouldn't we live that solitude everyday? Thanks for putting it so eloquently yet again.
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> So we pretended we weren't there.
LOL... oh, man, that triggered an embarrassingly funny recollection!
Back about 1990, before the ubiquity of cellphones, I was boinking the new girlfriend (who could be rather vocal) when the old girlfriend (and still close friend) stopped by unannounced because she'd been in the neighborhood. I quietly swung the bedroom door shut and we pretended to not be there... whereupon the old girlfriend *opened* the unlocked front door! Fortunately she knew that I walked places, so she left after not getting answers to calling my name. And boy, redheads sure can blush!
The incident, of course, came up later in conversation, as in "I stopped by, but you weren't home and had left the front door unlocked." Old girlfriend was slightly taken aback when I told her we'd been in the bedroom and I promised that, in the future, the front door would be locked.
[The new girlfriend was shortlived and after several other girlfriends & many years, the old girlfriend is now my wife]
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I'm not sure where I'm going with the moral (or immorals) of this example, other than to say that undesireable & uninvited visitors can be politely turned away with "I'm-sorry-but-I-have-other-plans", but if, for whatever reason, you can't speak up, at least remember to lock the front door before pretending to not be home.
LOL... oh, man, that triggered an embarrassingly funny recollection!
Back about 1990, before the ubiquity of cellphones, I was boinking the new girlfriend (who could be rather vocal) when the old girlfriend (and still close friend) stopped by unannounced because she'd been in the neighborhood. I quietly swung the bedroom door shut and we pretended to not be there... whereupon the old girlfriend *opened* the unlocked front door! Fortunately she knew that I walked places, so she left after not getting answers to calling my name. And boy, redheads sure can blush!
The incident, of course, came up later in conversation, as in "I stopped by, but you weren't home and had left the front door unlocked." Old girlfriend was slightly taken aback when I told her we'd been in the bedroom and I promised that, in the future, the front door would be locked.
[The new girlfriend was shortlived and after several other girlfriends & many years, the old girlfriend is now my wife]
**********
I'm not sure where I'm going with the moral (or immorals) of this example, other than to say that undesireable & uninvited visitors can be politely turned away with "I'm-sorry-but-I-have-other-plans", but if, for whatever reason, you can't speak up, at least remember to lock the front door before pretending to not be home.
@George
The real problem is an overly nice or overly socially concious introvert. Being that it is your house and the guest is uninvited, it is your right to answer the door and tell the uninvited to go away. My problem comes in the phrasing of this. I tend to either not be forceful enough, as I try not to hurt the other persons feelings, or I go all INTJ and just lay all the blunt cards on the table and end up being a little too insulting. Just say you are busy and you don't have time to talk right now...tell the truth. It's not embarrasing to enjoy a good book or just time by yourself. If they don't understand then they aren't giving you the same level of friendship you are giving them.
Based on the details of one of your incidents this statement alone is enough to imply nicely that they can't stay:
"I arranged a special meal with a few very close family members before they left overseas."
If they can't understand that then that's their problem, as that makes it clear.
The real problem is an overly nice or overly socially concious introvert. Being that it is your house and the guest is uninvited, it is your right to answer the door and tell the uninvited to go away. My problem comes in the phrasing of this. I tend to either not be forceful enough, as I try not to hurt the other persons feelings, or I go all INTJ and just lay all the blunt cards on the table and end up being a little too insulting. Just say you are busy and you don't have time to talk right now...tell the truth. It's not embarrasing to enjoy a good book or just time by yourself. If they don't understand then they aren't giving you the same level of friendship you are giving them.
Based on the details of one of your incidents this statement alone is enough to imply nicely that they can't stay:
"I arranged a special meal with a few very close family members before they left overseas."
If they can't understand that then that's their problem, as that makes it clear.
I live 1.5 miles from my job. I like to go home for a quiet lunch break and sort of recharge before returning to work. I really don't prefer to go out to lunch w/ coworkers and sort of cringe when invited. If I go to lunch w/ coworkers, I return to work tired and too full; and, frankly, I can't stand pretty much all of them.
My administrative assistant is extroverted and in love with the sound of her own voice. No one can get a word in edge-wise. She'll even engage the waitstaff in overly long conversation. I think she thinks she's being a friendly person, but she's mostly annoying. And, oh ya, she's a "hugger".
My administrative assistant is extroverted and in love with the sound of her own voice. No one can get a word in edge-wise. She'll even engage the waitstaff in overly long conversation. I think she thinks she's being a friendly person, but she's mostly annoying. And, oh ya, she's a "hugger".
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Re: Am I a hermit
It's interesting to see this thread bumped. I feel my introversion has served me rather well over the four months of lockdown. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to a little schadenfreude at the difficulty extroverts have been having.
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Re: Am I a hermit
I'm glad this topic got revived as I hadn't seen it before. I can relate to everything in the thread, but my problem is that I'm an INTJ living with a SO who is polar opposite, and 2 young children. That's not a great situation for an introvert over the course of a 6 month lockdown (I say 6 months due to the school closures situation). At least the uninvited guests have stopped, or at least they can now legitimately be kept outside the house. Although it's not credible to pretend you're not in, and if you tried that the kids would give the game away. Btw, the uninvited visitors were always my SO's. Not only does she have 100 times as many friends as me, they all seem to be noisy extroverts who don't see the problem with just turning up unannounced.
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Re: Am I a hermit
And PS no schadenfreude in seeing my extrovert SO go stir crazy as I'm on the receiving end of the stir craziness.