How would you deal with losing a social group post ER?

[fiby41]

Would you miss any of your co-workers?
Would you still keep in touch with any of them?

[unemployable]

I've had people come and go throughout my life. ER has been no different. Lots of people I don't miss, such as everyone I hung out with in college. I've gained some new friends in the meantime. With age you learn nothing lasts.

[George the original one]

My coworkers didn't have much bond outside of work, so losing them was not significant. There are a few I still keep in touch with due to (small) shared interests.

Friends I've had for 40+ years are still there even though we're now a bit spread out geographically. Lost touch with one since I retired due to his insolvency... even though you might have seen someone regularly, when they stop using their computer & phone & don't tell you when they move, it is really difficult to share anything!

[Seppia]

I’ve stayed in touch with maybe 1-2 ex coworkers.
They become almost friends*, at about the same (very low) ratio as other people.
So while coworkers start with an embedded disadvantage for me (I try to keep work and private life separated), in the end it doesn’t make so much of a difference.
Things either happen or they don’t, it’s not much of a conscious decision

I would piggyback on unemployable’s statement by saying that, with age, you learn that almost nothing lasts, and the only things/people that matter are those few who do.

*i count maybe four Friends in life, and I consider myself very lucky.

[IlliniDave]

Well, I'm speculating about the future but I think the answers would be, "Yes" and "Yes". But only a small fraction of them. Most are good people but we don't have much in common other than wallowing up to the same hog trough.

[Frita]

Hm, what I notice is that we can misinterpret friendly work interactions for friendships. It makes doing time together more pleasant. Especially if you are able to bail earlier than your peers and/or having moved quite a bit, chances are they won’t want much to do with you either. The exceptions are keepers though.

[classical_Liberal]

Piggy-backing off of @Frita's comment. The vast majority of outside work social contact with coworkers ends up being shop talk about work. Sometimes complaining, sometimes gossip, sometimes strategizing. Next time you go out, just try to notice it. Once you're out of the environment, you'll find you have very little to talk about with most of your past coworkers. If there are any left that you do still enjoy time with, then your connection probably has the potential to go deeper.

[2Birds1Stone]

Depressingly true. I stopped reaching out to former coworkers because all they seem to talk about is work.

Definitely feel a void as work provided a good amount of my socializing on a regular basis. My job relied on it both with colleagues as well as clients (sales).

[enigmaT120]

My goal was to do stuff with them outside of work. My Portland friend is the only one I can really claim to have made that way. There's a guy from Corvallis who I've been backpacking with one time and hope to do more but he doesn't communicate that often.

[Sclass]

I tried to keep in touch for a couple of years. It didn’t work and relationships faded away.

I think it is something primitive. Most of my tribe was assembled to navigate employment with all of its assorted issues. Now I have nothing to contribute nor do I have anything to take from the tribe. Even my solutions to their problems (mostly financial) are irrelevant because they didn’t make the necessary sacrifices at the right times.

Bottom line we have nothing in common. Complaining about how little we are paid, how hard our work life balance is, how our kids need college tuition etc. just gets stupid when I’m joining the pow wow.

Then there are the guys who mentored me. They are still happy to hang out but they are old. Telling the same stories over and over. Sick and dying. Several are already dead. I hate visiting with them because they lean on me for everything from driving them someplace or pounding a nail into the wall. It gets depressing seeing a feeble lion.

[Stahlmann]

...guys who mentored me [/someody]. ...

did we have topic on this on forum?

[Frita]

These stories highlight the absurdity of putting all of one’s proverbial eggs in the work basket. Relationships often end up transactional or mutually reinforcing. Where can that go after one leaves?

So where does one find new friends post work? It seems that many people just have the work buddies, losing the ability or desire to develop relationships beyond superficial levels.

[Noedig]

I figure out if I'm friends with someone at work, after I leave there rather than at the time.

I have picked up some good friends that way, after the fact of chance association, and that way you know you have something other than work in common when it comes about.

For the last few years, I cultivated only superficial work friendships so when I finally left, it was slipping out tracelessly in the night. Plus a big evening at the pub, naturally.

I think the problem is not the work friendships, but in my life that work has consumed so much time that it has fed my introverted tendency not to put effort into my existing relationships - so while I have enough friends, I let other friendships go stale for lack of thought and I regret that.