How to build a community in an apartment complex?

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mathiverse
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How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by mathiverse » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:03 pm

I recently moved into an apartment complex. There maybe 40 or 50 units across four building surrounding a courtyard with a pool. Anyone have tactics on getting to know neighbors? How do I build relationships with them and start exchanging resources with them?

FBeyer
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by FBeyer » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:19 am

You're now in the process of selling yourself.
People like to make a good deal, with a person they like.

So: Why would anyone want to "befriend" you? What makes you likable, relatable, and trustworthy?
Answer that, and then answer how those qualities shine through in a non-intrusive manner.

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Ego
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by Ego » Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:14 am

When you see someone in the common area, ask them a question. Anything. Start with, "Hi, I'm new here. Would you mind if I ask if you know the trick for opening the back gate." Think of a few questions about the apartment building and have them ready for the next time you have an opportunity to speak with someone. Most people love to be helpful. After they answer, introduce yourself. If they give their name, remember it. If you decide that you'd like to get to know them, use their name the next time you see them along with a hint back to your original question.... "Hey Mary, I wanted to thank you. It took me a few tries but I can now get in by way of the back gate." You may need to remind her of your name with a little more info, "By the way, I'm Mathiverse in 4c."

The next step would be to connect people, "Mary have you met George? He's normally with fifi his poodle. George, Mary has that Yorkie."

Every building has several tenants that everyone tries to avoid. They are obvious and will probably be the first few people you encounter with your initial questions. Sad but true, being successful at meeting the interesting people in your building will involve not getting caught in long conversations with those who everyone wants to avoid.

J_
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by J_ » Mon Jul 01, 2019 9:54 am

@Ego: that surely works
@ OP: I live (and own one apartment) now for 11 years in a 40 units, two wings building for about 4 months each year. It helps to visit the yearly owners meeting and join it in a constructive way. It helps also to know the manager/janitor and speak so now and then with him/her about maintenance and how he copes with "difficult" people.

prognastat
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by prognastat » Mon Jul 01, 2019 10:25 am

Some apartment complexes also throw weekly/monthly/quarterly "block parties" if they do attend them. If they don't possibly convince them to do so.

7Wannabe5
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Jul 01, 2019 11:43 am

Given central location of swimming pool, I would suggest that it kind of depends on how good you look in your bathing suit. If I was single, and it was a year in which I didn't eat too many cookies and was not yet in my mid-50s, I would just lounge about and let some people come introduce themselves to me. Also, I would either ask questions, as Ego suggested, or offer small appropriate complimentary comment or simple observation, such as "What a cutie! It seems like he really likes the water. How old is he?" or "It's nice to be able to use the pool on a weekday, isn't it?"

bigato
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by bigato » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:04 pm

Consider the following: if get into a circle of friends located outside your apartment complex (let's say, a bicycle ride group) and at some point it becomes inconvenient to keep their friendship for any reason (you found out half of them is affiliated to kkk or something), it's quite easy to sever the ties with them. Now if you want to break the friendship with someone that knows what your apartment is *and* lives in the same complex, it may be very hard, inconvenient or impossible. On the bright side, nothing beats living near some great reliable people whom you can trust when you need one another.

My point being, off course you want to be nice to everybody but make sure you are much more selective when it comes to people living in the same apartment complex as you. Try to imagine what how it would be awful to have someone knocking desperately at your door at 3 am because they *really* needed to talk, and you having to let them in because they won't go away and the knocks are loud enough that you don't want to disturb your neighbors, because *you* are a nice neighbor yourself. I had something like that happen to me twice and once it was actually at 3am. The other time it was in the afternoon. Both unwanted and uninvited guests. Good thing that they didn't actually were my neighbors because then it was only a matter of warning the gatekeepers that they shouldn't be allowed in anymore. Yeah I know it is my fault that I got involved with them but stuff like this can happen when you are too nice.

chenda
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by chenda » Mon Jul 01, 2019 2:42 pm

@bigato +1

I once dated a guy who lived in the flat below me, after he left a note on my car windscreen, which was kinda sweet. Unfortunately he turned out to be a bit of a nutcase. And it was really awkward that I lived on top of him. Literally. Especially when his mum who also lived there with kept trying to not so subtly get us back together. It was all a bit icky and weird and I was glad to move out.

Strong fences make good neighbours.

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unemployable
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by unemployable » Mon Jul 01, 2019 4:22 pm

I live in a ~50 unit condo complex. Some of my recent tribulations have been discussed here.

Point is, it's like high school or work, you're not going to be friends with everyone and a few people you'll downright despise, but over the years I've gotten on good terms with some of the owners, one I've gone on a couple hiking trips with, another I'd consider a friend. Some people won't be like you or see the world the same way you do at all, and will consider you the asshole, but I'd give everyone the opportunity. Certainly the owners I'm close to don't like all the other owners or residents equally and I wouldn't use the word community to describe them collectively.

prognastat
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Re: How to build a community in an apartment complex?

Post by prognastat » Mon Jul 01, 2019 6:16 pm

bigato wrote:
Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:04 pm
I understand the risks with it, but I don't think avoiding tight couplings for loose couplings is conducive to building a long lasting community.

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