Do people just give up after 25?

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Jin+Guice
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Jin+Guice » Fri Apr 19, 2019 11:46 am

I know what THF is talking about. There is a certain drop off around 25 among professional people who went to college because that's when the first wave of "fuck, this is what being an adult really is?" sets in. From 22-25 you really appreciate the freedom and are kind of amazed that you were able to get a job. At 25 the dissatisfaction starts to set in. The responsibilities start piling up. You start paying for bad decisions. Flailing without a plan starts to look a lot worse. Your friends start getting married. And on and on. Obviously a generalization specific to a certain group, but I still think there is merit.

As noted by everyone else, there are tons of people who don't do this or who this inspires to figure out how to lead a better life.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by EdithKeeler » Fri Apr 19, 2019 11:56 am

Surely it's possible to recognise that some people are unenlightened/unintelligent/have given up/other negative qualities/etc. whilst also respecting them as an individual and showing them compassion if you happen to meet them?

I definitely know people who I consider to have "given up",
YOU may think they are unenlightened/stupid/given up.... but are they, really? My car repair guy probably thinks I’m a moron because I can’t change my own oil; I am super annoyed by people whose native language is English who can’t seem to write a coherent sentence. I AM a moron—and lazy—when it comes to auto repair. The guy with poor writing skills may be dyslexic but is a genius on the piano... or auto repair.

Really, you can think whatever you want about people, and associate with anyone you please. My only point I that a person may miss really interesting folks by writing them off as a label—“given up,” “unenlightened,” etc.

The OP has bemoaned meeting the right kind of people—people who fit within certain parameters he’s set. My only point is that people are much more than the boxes we put them in and he might be missing out on some interesting interactions by assuming someone’s given up.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Fri Apr 19, 2019 12:21 pm

I am a car moron too. I am also so anxious when dealing with cars, I sometimes behave even more moronic than I am. For instance, I did get an oil change this morning, and the very nice man who did it complimented me on my choice of reliable vehicle (1999 Honda Accord), but had to be very patient with me as I messed up his instructions to operate the controls on my own vehicle. For instance, there is some phrase that apparently means the position of your key when the dashboard lights comes on, but I had no clue. I also couldn't manage to pop my own hood.

BookLoverL
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by BookLoverL » Fri Apr 19, 2019 12:50 pm

I don't write them off, that was my point... Also, I'm happy to talk to anyone, and I don't assign any mental labels to them until I've already talked to them a lot. So I'm not going to miss out on interesting people. Certainly, you can't label them in advance.

People definitely have a broad array of different skills, some of which I don't have, and I value them for that. Still, some people are objectively stupid - they take longer to learn things, they pick up information more slowly, etc. A lot of these people are also perfectly nice, and great company. So I would never dismiss somebody who I thought was stupid as not worth talking to. However, me talking to them also won't suddenly make them not stupid.

I wouldn't count someone skilled at auto repair (or any other complex skill) as stupid, in any case. By learning a skill like that, they have, in fact, demonstrated that they are not stupid.

If someone has given up, to me, that doesn't mean "their life looks bad according to what I think is a good life" - that's just people with different goals. It means something more like "they keep saying they hate their life, but they make no effort whatsoever to change it". Of course, this is not a high proportion of the population, but that type of person does exist.

Campitor
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Campitor » Fri Apr 19, 2019 3:40 pm

TopHatFox wrote:
Thu Apr 18, 2019 2:40 pm
I don't know if I'm crazy here or not, but it seems like people kinda....give up after a certain age? Almost like they're dead inside or something...no longer curious, not taking care of their bodies, no longer interested in their own goals, etc. It's kinda sad!

Have you noticed this phenomenon?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

This reminds me of a story when I was 30 years old. A coworker who had just turned 20 started making fun of me because I was 30; he said I was "old". I started laughing hard at his comment so he proceeded to repeat it back to me even louder thinking I hadn't heard what he said. I laughed even harder the 2nd time. He was clearly annoyed that his insult didn't have the desired effect so he asked me, with a bit of anger, why I was laughing so hard. So I looked at him and said " You talk like your'e never going to age. One day you're going to be 30 and you're going to have some younger kid calling you old."

You THF are that 20 year old kid all over again. Good luck fighting time. We all will grow old and we're all going to die. Doesn't matter if you live the life of James Bond or Mr. 9-to-5. Death comes. As you get older the aspirations of youth start to get cleared away as you notice with more clarity that time isn't infinite and you have to pick and choose what you want to optimize. For some that means traveling the world as a gypsy and for other it means having a family and working to support a household. Life changes and not always as you want or plan. The secret is finding happiness in whatever you're doing instead of always looking to the horizon for something better. You haven't learned this lesson yet and who knows if you ever will - some people never do.

SustainableHappiness
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by SustainableHappiness » Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:00 pm

TopHatFox wrote:
Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:44 am
What about 30? Is that when srhtf?
Still to come, but I am looking forward to voluntarily tossing on Depends so I can more comfortably sit through Wheel of Fortune marathons.

Frita
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Frita » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:32 pm

@Platypus
From my experience, one has to give up principles to succeed in public school teaching. Doing what’s right and good for children is not a top consideration.

Prostitution is a job, an exchange for money. Then there is the negative connotation. At age 25, I realized that teaching was a job even if I saw/see it more as a calling. Teachers quickly sellout to keep the paycheck, quit and retrain...or a few of us battle it out.

@kriegsspiel

I have never worked at a Catholic school, nor have I ever spanked a kid (mine or other people’s kids).

The public school system is every bit as messed up as the university system.

@Jacob
Good point, here’s to becoming a better quitter.

Sclass
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Sclass » Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:04 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Fri Apr 19, 2019 11:56 am
YOU may think they are unenlightened/stupid/given up.... but are they, really? My car repair guy probably thinks I’m a moron because I can’t change my own oil;
:lol: I have a good friend at a famous scientific research lab. He is always trying to get me to come work for him. He says he cannot believe I shut down and chose to fix old cars rather than decode bioinformatics puzzles using GPUs in his lab. He says I’ve given up on my engineering career to be a mechanic. I keep refusing his invitations. “Sorry that sounds just too hard...I can recommend a guy I know if you want.” Just reminded me of that. I guess I have given up in some ways.

@Frita I was inspired by your post and I hit the ski slopes today with my wife. That was fun. Seemed pretty easy not to give up if that’s all it takes. ;)

@7w I had a 99 Accord. One of the most reliable cars I’ve owned. Once you deal with the power door locks & ignition switch they’re bullet proof. Lots of YouTube videos on how to swap those out. I sold it because it was boring not having anything to fix.

steelerfan
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by steelerfan » Sat Apr 20, 2019 1:48 am

I remember reading a quote attributed to Muhammad Ali saying “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.'” That pretty much sums it up.

You seem to like to create threads that validate some idea you want to believe and generally in ways that your idea is more correct or superior,. Why would you jump to the conclusion that people give up, “let themselves go” or are dead inside at a certain age LOL? The basic ignorance of that statement pisses me off a little . You won’t always be 24. A little kindness and humility goes a long way. As always the board is kinder and more patient than my nature permits. In particular @Jacob’s thoughtful response was spot on. Especially the fart sound analogy!

If you observe someone in the world, it may be instructive to strike up a conversation with them. If I recall, you identify as an extrovert. Everybody has a life and a story. That story constantly changes as they journey on. I am sure you don’t appreciate someone generalizing your personality from your statements as I am doing now. Like you, I historically haven’t concerned myself with my statements and to be honest it has held me back - even if I was sometimes right. These days I try real hard to keep quiet when it would be personally satisfying to let loose!. Hopefully your real life persona is more thoughtful than online. I wish you the best on your journey. Thankfully my 19 and 22 year old kids take after their mother and not me and have excellent filters LOL.

ZAFCorrection
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by ZAFCorrection » Sat Apr 20, 2019 1:55 am

TopHatFox wrote:
Thu Apr 18, 2019 3:52 pm
I think it's important to acknowledge the phenomena though, because then the question becomes how to find the still-curious & fit older people.
The larger point might be that there is not some algorithm you can execute to make all/most of the people around you be only [set of attributes you like]. The attitude is very Stepford Wives. I'm seeing a common theme of annoyance that you have to sift through people who don't meet your exacting criteria. Maybe you should focus on finding people who meet the criteria of "not the worst" and try to make some meaningful relationships. See what you can't handle in actual practice. I can guarantee you will find the list of acceptable people will go way up. That, or you might need to prepare yourself for being that guy who is mid-to-late 30s, perpetually a loner, and still confused why the world is full of idiots. I met a few women like that while dating. I was glad to leave them to their sad high horse.

bigato
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by bigato » Sat Apr 20, 2019 6:23 am

As a counterpoint, I am exactly that late 30’s loner that you describe, I love being a loner and yet I have plenty of highly interesting people to relate to, more than I can handle. Yet I find the world to be mostly full of idiots that make no sense. In some level I get why they act the way they do and yet I find it stupid. That also doesn’t mean I am not polite to people. But yeah I judge people in my head and I have no idea why someone would suggest I shouldn’t.

BookLoverL
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by BookLoverL » Sat Apr 20, 2019 6:56 am

Exactly - I am polite to all people, and I see all people as having the potential to be interesting. Interesting people are also distributed throughout all age groups. All people also have various character flaws. Sometimes these cause them to be less interesting to me personally, and sometimes the people are still interesting but you have to work around whatever the character flaw is to enjoy it. I continue to be polite to these people once I have discovered their character flaw, and if they are interesting, continue to meet up with them as a friend. I don't confront them with a laundry list of their flaws or anything. But I definitely mentally note that they behave a certain way. For instance, I wouldn't invite a perpetually late friend to something that had a hard starting point at a certain time, and I wouldn't talk to a friend who didn't care about politics (or one who perpetually hammered a one-sided political talking point) if I wanted to have a detailed and thoughtful political discussion.

jacob
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by jacob » Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:41 am

Sclass wrote:
Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:04 pm
I have a good friend at a famous scientific research lab. He is always trying to get me to come work for him. He says he cannot believe I shut down and chose to fix old cars rather than decode bioinformatics puzzles using GPUs in his lab. He says I’ve given up on my engineering career to be a mechanic.
https://www.amazon.com/Shop-Class-Soulc ... 0143117467 ... I'm sure many of you have read it, but here it is again just in case.

finity
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by finity » Sat Apr 20, 2019 8:44 am

steelerfan wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 1:48 am
You seem to like to create threads that validate some idea you want to believe and generally in ways that your idea is more correct or superior,. Why would you jump to the conclusion that people give up, “let themselves go” or are dead inside at a certain age LOL? The basic ignorance of that statement pisses me off a little . You won’t always be 24. A little kindness and humility goes a long way. As always the board is kinder and more patient than my nature permits. In particular @Jacob’s thoughtful response was spot on. Especially the fart sound analogy!
These threads do create interesting discussion though, which is nice 8-)
Quite a few interesting insights in this one already, I like it.

I especially like the idea that young people have not yet to suffer from their mistakes as much, because

a) they don't hit as hard (i.e. caloric surplus)
b) bad behavior tends to accumulate over years
c) expectations are low

They also have no idea about much of the shit that happens to people and can radically change lives. You need to take care of your parents 6 hours a day? You have a sick husband or wife? Your kids are disabled? You need to drive 3 hours a day to put food on the table? You took a few (one may be enough to wreck your life!) bad decisions like a big mortgage?

Many of these people would seem to engage in terrible actions when in reality life just hit them hard. The more time has passed (aging) the more of stuff like that accumulates in addition to a), b) and c).

From a young persons perspective people may have given up because everything is easy to them. In fact, they may be doing much better than the younger person considering the circumstances. Much of this may stem from taking responsibility for other people.

TopHatFox
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by TopHatFox » Sat Apr 20, 2019 8:54 am

bigato wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 6:23 am
As a counterpoint, I am exactly that late 30’s loner that you describe, I love being a loner and yet I have plenty of highly interesting people to relate to, more than I can handle. Yet I find the world to be mostly full of idiots that make no sense. In some level I get why they act the way they do and yet I find it stupid. That also doesn’t mean I am not polite to people. But yeah I judge people in my head and I have no idea why someone would suggest I shouldn’t.
ding ding ding. I have my top 10 people. They’re all just scattered across the US and relegated to Facetime. If I find someone I like that likes me back, I put them in the favorites. The rest is just politeness and maybe I can learn something from them or vice versa.

@finity, agreed, planning or avoiding those major mistakes seems to be the best way to be able to dedicate time to health, wealth, and relationships over the decades

EdithKeeler
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:19 am

. Yet I find the world to be mostly full of idiots that make no sense.
This reminds me of a poster I had in my office for years until I passed it along to a friend who got promoted:

“The only consistent feature in all your dissatisfying relationships is you.”

bigato
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by bigato » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:35 am

The same applies for the satisfying relationships or any relationship for that matter, thus making it just a useless punchline which provides no useful insight at all.

ZAFCorrection
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by ZAFCorrection » Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:05 am

You do you, bigato. My point to THF is if you are dying for intimate relationships, you are probably going to have to meet people where they are. They are not to be optimized like a budget. If one would rather just keep complaining the world is full of stupid pants, it seems a fruitless exercise, but keep on keeping on.

https://youtu.be/awhGI0_o90s

BookLoverL
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by BookLoverL » Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:20 am

If you generally get on better and become better friends with more eccentric types, a good way to meet them is probably to seek places where eccentric types tend to gather, i.e., places and hobbies that have a reputation in the mainstream as being unusual.

Now, I'm pretty weird, it's true, and I've had to work hard to possess even the meagre level of social skills I have now. Possibly related to that, I find that when I make a genuine effort to socialise with relatively normal people, I can do it for a bit, but unless it's a big group conversation, the conversation tends to fizzle out after a few minutes as I run out of good ideas for what to talk about. These people can make good acquaintances, but I haven't managed to turn any into friends yet. On the other hand, sometimes I talk with someone and I find conversation with them easy and not strained at all, and find it's half an hour later and we're still talking.

Strangely, when this happens and I become friends with that person, I often find out later that they're neuroatypical in some way - I'd say 80% of my close friends have Asperger's Syndrome, but completely coincidentally, I wasn't trying to plan it that way at all. And even though normal people have a lot of value, I find enjoy the time I spend with my fellow weird friends a lot more than I enjoy time spent with less weird people I know. So even though many people have value, some people are more compatible with each individual for developing close friendships, I'd say, and if you're the kind of lonely that's looking for a deep relationship, it's worth the effort to look for someone you're compatible with. Of course, you could find this type of person in a lot of different places.

bigato
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by bigato » Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:41 am

BookLoverL, here's one more aspie for your collection

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