Do people just give up after 25?

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Tyler9000
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Tyler9000 » Fri Apr 19, 2019 12:23 am

@TopHatFox -- Wait until you realize that older people are judging you just as harshly as you are them. ;)

Priorities change as you get older. What you see as people "giving up" may simply be a sign that they're maturing beyond your frame of reference. IMO, an important part of interpersonal growth is learning to give people the benefit of the doubt. We all need it at some point.

daylen
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by daylen » Fri Apr 19, 2019 12:39 am

Ego wrote:
Fri Apr 19, 2019 12:07 am
I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
How do you average five people? :? I am half serious, but I suppose the assertion is reasonable for the situation.

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Ego
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Ego » Fri Apr 19, 2019 1:14 am

daylen wrote:
Fri Apr 19, 2019 12:39 am
How do you average five people? :? I am half serious, but I suppose the assertion is reasonable for the situation.
Figure of speech.

viewtopic.php?f=13&t=4323

7Wannabe5
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:33 am

Well, when I was 25 I was married, expecting my second child, and studying for actuarial exams. When I happen upon random ToDo lists or plans from previous eras, I realize that my core interests haven't changed very much over the years, but my priorities at any given juncture have varied. Also, I am more of a boom/bust yo-yo juggling type whereas other people may tend more towards slow build/ slow decline along straight path. It is difficult and rather rare to find yourself in top form in all realms of existence at any age. For simple instance, I find that when I really focus on physical fitness, I tend to spend less time reading.

Kriegsspiel
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Kriegsspiel » Fri Apr 19, 2019 7:02 am

TopHatFox wrote:
Thu Apr 18, 2019 9:05 pm
What’s so bad about higher ed? Overwork & underpaid or something else? Got any recommendations for better public places to work?
You probably have your own reasons, I don't need to go into mine and put more bad juju in your head. Just review the many threads where you got job-related advice.

Some of the most pertinent was "pick something and execute!"

EdithKeeler
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by EdithKeeler » Fri Apr 19, 2019 7:40 am

You know.... I wrote a long ranty jeremiad yesterday in response to this, but the internet gods in their wisdom erased it and it didn’t get posted. Which is a good thing, because it probably would have pissed some people off.

So now I offer a shorter, more considered gentler response to the OP: Don’t judge people. Everyone has to walk their own path, everyone has different values, different interests, different motivations, different pressures in their lives. Not everyone thinks debt is awful, not everyone considers an extra 10 pounds a sin. Maybe that 25 year old is working two jobs with no time to work out, or taking care of a sick relative or is dealing with depression or a medical condition of their own.

I promise you that your life gets better when you look at people with kindness and empathy rather than judgement. There is a whole lot of judgement in “they seem to have given up,” and less in the thought “I wonder what burdens that person is carrying and I hope for the best for them.”

What looks like “giving up” to you may just be that person giving it everything they have.

TopHatFox
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by TopHatFox » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:00 am

Kriegsspiel wrote:
Fri Apr 19, 2019 7:02 am
You probably have your own reasons, I don't need to go into mine and put more bad juju in your head. Just review the many threads where you got job-related advice.

Some of the most pertinent was "pick something and execute!"
I'd like to know. I don't plan on doing higher ed forever, and it'd be good to know your experiences in higher ed, and where you went after that. If you want send me a pm. Thanks!

TopHatFox
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by TopHatFox » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:04 am

You all sure are compassionate/ positive

BookLoverL
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by BookLoverL » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:29 am

Surely it's possible to recognise that some people are unenlightened/unintelligent/have given up/other negative qualities/etc. whilst also respecting them as an individual and showing them compassion if you happen to meet them?

I definitely know people who I consider to have "given up", who are always complaining, who think that every situation will automatically go to the most negative outcome, and who create a self-fulfilling prophecy with this because if you always look for the negative, you always see the negative, and being so negative also makes a lot of your acquaintances decide they don't really want to invite you to stuff. But I don't judge these people - whether it's depression or life circumstances, I know something has probably happened to make them that way. I try to show them compassion, how to take pleasure in the small things in life, etc., with varying success. But showing someone compassion isn't the same as refusing to ascribe to them any negative qualities, and if said people get too energy draining, then I too make my excuses and back off for a bit.

Admittedly, this sort of thing is also not necessarily correlated with age as in the original OP. There are plenty of older people who haven't given up, too, and even some people as young as teenagers who have given up.

If the question is about how to find the people who haven't given up, I'd suggest more of them are probably located at places where people gather to actually do things that improve the world/make things/etc., as opposed to places where people gather to do escapist hobbies like gaming or discussing the latest TV shows.

SustainableHappiness
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by SustainableHappiness » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:31 am

No. But 26, wow, 26 is when I just couldn't get out of my track pants anymore and the dishes started piling up.

A silly question requires a silly answer.

SustainableHappiness
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by SustainableHappiness » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:34 am

Oh and 28 was when I decided to stop feeding my child...thank goodness DW is around.

TopHatFox
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by TopHatFox » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:44 am

What about 30? Is that when srhtf?

jacob
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by jacob » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:46 am

@THF - People change and abandon previous priorities at all ages.

From a naive perspective, this may look like they've given up but in reality it's simply that they've moved on, over, or up relative to where they were and you still are(+). For example, a 10 year old might wonder why a 16 year old has given up on making the most realistic fart sounds or abandoned all efforts to debate the greatest question in the universe: Can Batman beat Superman?(*) But in reality it's simply that they replaced these fascinating interests with a new focus on how to get laid, how to get better grades, and how to get in trouble after school. Similarly, maturing into their 30s, many 20somethings eventually move their focus from dating drama, pursuing amazing experiences, and being physically attractive towards #adulting concerns like jobs, mortgage rates, and their children.

(+) Am I detecting a Kuebler-Ross effect? Do you wish to bargain? 8-)
(*) I think there was even a movie about this.

That is not to say that one is destined to flow with the stream. My point is that most people don't see changing priorities as them have given up as much as they've gained (few are willing to go back). Likely, from an equally naive perspective, they might wonder why you haven't caught up yet. (Also see much advice given here about you picking something and sticking with it ;-) ). Also, the standard "lock-in" does not preclude one sticking with an interest that belongs to another age. For example, some adults seem capable of having much more interesting discussions about Marvel superheroes than do 10 year olds... and a few 35 year olds can certainly build vastly more intricate star destroyers out of Lego than can any 10 year old.

TopHatFox
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by TopHatFox » Fri Apr 19, 2019 9:02 am

@Jacob, that makes the most sense. I suppose the 40 YOs are like "OMG, why are those 20-somethings so vain and recklessly optimistic"

7Wannabe5
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Fri Apr 19, 2019 9:13 am

No, it is more like 20-somethings seem very empty slate. This isn't always true, of course, and it is also relative to your own experience in any given realm. I know some middle-aged people who spent a couple decades as alcoholics before becoming sober, and they seem similarly blank-slate to me, and also grouchier. The most interesting people to me are those who have lived multiple lives in their lifetime thus far. Very successful people who have always done the same thing aren't as interesting.

Gilberto de Piento
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by Gilberto de Piento » Fri Apr 19, 2019 9:58 am

I agree with Tyler and Jacob.

A lot of the people I know haven't given up but have accomplished most of their late 20s/early 30s goals and are now putting energy into their late 30s/early 40s goal of raising a family. You are right though, some people quit or get stuck. Or maybe they have done or are doing everything they want to. Not everyone needs to be that Navy SEAL + doctor + astronaut guy to be happy.
You all sure are compassionate/ positive
If I remember correctly you quit posting on this site because people weren't positive enough.
Those seem like the standard markers of success to society to meeeee
I'm ready for people of all ages to give up on the the repeated letter thing.

TopHatFox
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by TopHatFox » Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:07 am

I'm a bag of contradictions/phases ;)

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by 2Birds1Stone » Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:23 am

Not at all my experience in the real world.

You live in a tiny bubble, and you come to this tinier bubble for confirmation bias?

daylen
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by daylen » Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:27 am

I love bubble baths.

Just kidding, but I couldn't resist.

TopHatFox
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Re: Do people just give up after 25?

Post by TopHatFox » Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:30 am

Yes *bubble emoticon*

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