According to a book on attachment theory ("Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment"), roughly half of people are securely attached, 20% are anxious, and 25% are avoidant. The remaining 5% are mixed. The authors believe that the dating pool contains a disproportionate number of avoidants because they tend to cycle in and out of relationships, while those with secure attachments are likely to find happy relationships and remain in them because they value closeness. However, the authors approach dating and relationships from a monogamous viewpoint. I wonder what attachment styles look like among people who are polyamorous?
Interesting that you (BookLoverL and prognastat) already picked up on attachment theory and that you lean toward the avoidant end of the spectrum. If we took a poll of folks on the ERE forum, I wonder where everyone would land relative to the general population? In other words, does interest in ERE (which is extreme by definition) attract people with a certain attachment style, or is there no correlation?
On a more general level, my (unproven) theory is that while individual have certain attachment styles, there is fluctuation depending on the alchemy of particular relationships. For instance, my husband is pretty securely attached and I'd say we have a healthy and happy relationship. Same thing in my last relationship. In both of these relationships, my anxiety was pretty low; my love interests were able to comfort me and they were invested in communicating and working through issues. There weren't a lot of highs and lows. By contrast, my last lover was pretty far along the avoidant scale and I was pushed (or voluntarily moved) to a more extreme end of the anxiety end, resulting in volatility.
@7Wannabe5: Are you really too fat to date, or do you just feel that way? If you're not feeling good about yourself, I can completely understand not wanting to put yourself out there. This said, as a woman with curves, having a little extra padding hasn't exactly hurt my game.
I'm sorry your ex-husband did not fulfill his promises after you reached your goal. My reaction likely would have been to find a larger, stronger man to toss me around in bed.
Do you believe in reincarnation? If so, perhaps you will come back as a fly on the wall at the precise moment in time when your future descendants find documentary evidence of your interest in rope.