Polyamory Support Group

Simple living, extreme early retirement, becoming and being wealthy, wisdom, praxis, personal growth,...
7Wannabe5
Posts: 9372
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Jean:

I think jealousy is more like shyness in that it is a trait you can mature out of with practice, unlike introversion or the other MBTI traits. Actually one of the reasons I challenged myself to try to be polyamorous after being serial monogamous my entire life previous, was I suffered greatly from jealousy during my significant relationship with a man who preferred being polygynous, but gave it up because I insisted on monogamous contract. I read a very good book that suggested that the way to get over feelings of jealousy was to allow yourself the same freedom as your partner was exhibiting. I have found this method to be very effective. The feelings of jealousy still emerge, but almost instantly it's like my inner tiny model of myself swings head to alternate perspective and rationally recognizes the self-interest inherent in not engaging in behavior driven by this reaction. OTOH, I would say that there are different flavors or tones of jealousy, and this method might work best for the flavor from which I most suffered which was very intermixed with resentment.

slowtraveler
Posts: 722
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by slowtraveler »

@Jean &7W
I experience intense jealousy if a lover wants me to be monogamous while she's flirting with other men or doing more than she wants me to do. I feel more happy when it's equal. I can fuck others and so can she. It's easier with equality. Or, we're both monogamous with complete trust. So I agree.

@acrylic
Likely special massage or oral work.

Jason

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Jason »

I admire/appreciate J&G's transparency. I honestly do. But in all due respect, their relationship is a clusterfuck before you even introduce the idea of polyamory.

Jin+Guice
Posts: 1280
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 8:15 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Jin+Guice »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:04 am
But...the first time he saw me naked he said "You know not all men like large breasts." and at this point our sex life has pretty much declined to him chatting with other men about the possibility of a threesome while sharing a headless photo of me that very much displays my large breasts. So, since up until very recently when I moved all my stuff out of his place, he was also providing me with a good deal of financial support, this made me feel kind of like a very lazy virtual sex worker.
Alright, this guy is obviously light years ahead of me but I am taking notes. (1) Take or acquire headless photos of my girlfriend. (2) Identify and target bisexual women. (3) More threesomes than you can shake a ... at. (4) Make my girlfriend feel lazy so she moves all her stuff out of "our" (her) house.

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:04 am
I am still engaged in garden project with my former 3rd partner (who also helped me out taking care of the property during my family crisis), and he still intermittently hits me up for sex, but since I have seen him making his playah play with other women while we have been out and about as friends, I am like "blech" on hitting it with him myself anymore, and I don't want to complicate our business relationship. Though it could happen, because it was pretty slammin' and he is super buff and he always offers me alcohol when I visit him.
O.K., these are the guys I need to be interviewing. Actionable advice: Do not let women who claim to be poly see you with other women. Give women alcohol when they visit you.
7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:04 am
Anyways, I have been in kind of a cruddy mood/mode lately, so I am teetering on decision matrix between continuing as poly, going back to monogamous or serial monogamous, or just becoming a celibate Pumpkin Lady Division member of Old Women Going Their Own Way
Haha, I've been reading over the older polyamory threads and you make this threat in all of them.
7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:04 am
Next time I post I will try to offer suggestions for you based on problems my male partners have had in finding or handling multiple partners. Obviously, due to economics of overall dating market, it is more difficult for men.
Yes please, and thanks for your responses/ wisdom.
Jean wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:37 am
Why can't you just be friends? Do you want to have kids together?
We have been dating for almost 7 years and also lived together for 6 years, so becoming "just friends" isn't really a prospect. I don't want to have kids and I talked her out of wanting to get married and wanting to have kids. Spend enough time with me and I'll infect you with my weirdo hobo beliefs too. Well, everyone except Jean, who is slaying me with his weird hobo game.


@everyone_else: A lot of my first post is a detailed account about a pretty personal issue with my girlfriend. I included this information because I wanted to get it off of my chest and I also thought it would be disingenuous/ confusing to request polyamory advice without detailing fully the situation I'm in. If you took the time to read it you have every right to ask questions about, comment on, or criticize me for my relationship. I'm happy to keep answering questions and defending my decisions. However, I am not looking for advice on whether or not I should break up with my girlfriend and I'm a pretty stubborn bastard when I'm not looking for advice. I'm pretty happy with her and we have been together for a long time and I live with the decision to stay every day. As surprised as I am to say this, ultimately, sex is pretty far from the most important thing in our (or, extrapolating, any long-term) relationship. I stay with her because I like waking up next to her, I like not doing my own laundry, I enjoy talking to her everyday and making dinner with her is generally the best part of my day. If I left it would be more because I'm tired of hearing her complain about shit, we had a blow out about if we should DIY some inane chore or not, maybe she could solve one of her own goddamn crisis, or because I'm still kind of pissed she wasn't more empathetic when my grandmother died and I was in a really hard semester of grad school.

Would it make a difference if we were married? What if she had cancer instead of an auto-immune disease?

I am looking for advice on how to proceed with polyamory, given the current situation.

prognastat wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:36 am
I meaqn we are going off partial information her but girlfriend with traditional values, jealousy and no real agreement sound like they add up to a lot of trouble down the road.

It also sounds like you might be alright with that eventuality in which case there's not much we can add
We are down the road, and it is causing some problems, although I'm not sure what "no real agreement" means. I may have over emphasized the traditional values. Maybe traditional upbringing/ family is more accurate.
arcyallen wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:21 am
Alright, alright, I can't be the only person thinking this. What exactly is sex work with no sex?
From the Wikipeda article on sex work:

"Types of sex work include, but are not limited to, street prostitution, indoor prostitution (escort services, brothel work, massage parlor-related prostitution, bar or casino prostitution), phone sex operation, exotic dancing, lap dancing, webcam modeling, pornographic film performing, and nude peepshow performing. The list is sometimes expanded to include jobs in the sex industry that less directly involve the sexuality of the worker in the exchange of sexual performances, services, and products, such as the producers and directors of adult films, manufacturers and sellers of sex toys, managers in exotic dance clubs, escort agents, bouncers, etc."

I get that calling it sex work when you don't actually have sex is confusing, it confused me at first too.

arcyallen wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 6:21 am
On a side (primary) note, you don't sound very happy.
Why do you say this?
Jason wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 8:07 am
I admire/appreciate J&G's transparency. I honestly do.
A sincere compliment from Jason? I admire your wit, intelligence and your unflinching dedication to being a gigantic fucking asshole.

User avatar
Jean
Posts: 1891
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2013 8:49 am
Location: Switzterland

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Jean »

You situation realy reminds me of my relation were my ex-GF was abusive to me, with you in the role of my ex-GF. I won't go into details, but I was much less happy with the situation than my ex thought i was. Maybe she's fine, but giving her more opportunity to tell you how she feels could help. Or maybe I'm just projecting.

Jason

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Jason »

Jin+Guice wrote:
Fri Mar 22, 2019 2:11 pm
A sincere compliment from Jason? I admire your unflinching dedication to being a gigantic fucking asshole.
So where does your girlfriend work?

Clarice
Posts: 272
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 4:45 pm
Location: California

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Clarice »

Jin+Guice wrote:
Tue Mar 19, 2019 11:38 pm
Our sex life is also terrible. She has an auto-immune disease which makes it difficult for her to have sex most of the time (thought it waxes and wanes) and also drastically lowers her sex drive.
@Jin+Guice:
Thank you for sharing. Relationships struggles are an unavoidable part of life for most people. It looks like what you are upholding is not really a monogamy contract, but more like a forced celibacy contract on most days. What is monogamy, anyway? Traditionally, it used to be 2 things:
1. I promise you not to have/support children with anyone, but you;
2. I promise you all my stuff upon my death.
In the traditional/historical interpretation of monogamy, the main tension was around the question," Whose child is this?". This question became rare since the invention of contraception and paternity tests.

Now, particularly in the US, people have wildly unrealistic expectations of monogamy. They seem completely undeterred by the fact that 50% of the marriages fail. Probably, of the remaining 50%, half of the people are miserable and held hostage to their naive expectations. Would you buy a car that has a 50% chance of failing in the middle of your trip? I recently attended 2 American weddings. The wows that the newlyweds recited made me cringe, " I will always be with you.", "You will never feel lonely.", "I will always share your joys and your sorrows." I looked around - adult people were standing with straight and rather enchanted faces. I suppressed my urge to say, "Kiddos, you are overpromising. You will break your wows within a year."
Back to your situation... Are you looking for a polyamory situation or an exit affair?
she made me feel like I was a 50 year old fat guy who's wife hated him
That's your fault, not hers. Don't let her (or anyone else) own your sexuality. Your sexuality is yours only. Are you fat? Lose it. How's the muscle situation? Hit the gym. Get some nice shirts. You are in New Orleans... God... go heavy on deodorant. :lol: Start small - flirt with the cashier at your grocery store. Think of situations when you have felt sexy/desired. No one owes the inside of your head. Most people who profess monogamy just shy away from their own detours. It looks that you are more honest than most. Monogamy - polyamory is not a dichotomy. It is a continuum. Where you draw a line is nobody's business, but yours.

I am an INTJ, as nerdy as they come, so I am going to recommend you a book while you are pondering your situation. The book is Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel. It discusses many of the issues you've touched upon. Her other book is The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. It's also a good one. If books are not your thing, here is her TED talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q&t=20s

User avatar
C40
Posts: 2748
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:30 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by C40 »

I've been meaning to read some Esther Perel book(s). I've enjoyed some of her podcast episodes - where you basically listen in to her doing couples therapy sessions, along with some of her commentary. I've listened to a few and it seems like they may actually get quite repetitive. (The cycle of couples initially having great spark and chemistry, getting comfortable, losing it over time, poor communication, resentment, infidelity, unable to regain trust)

Clarice
Posts: 272
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 4:45 pm
Location: California

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Clarice »

@C40:
Read Mating in Captivity, then, hopefully, you won't need the second one. It is usually the case that the first book is the best one. The best book propels the author to fame, which makes her write a second book, also good, but not as good as the first one.

User avatar
C40
Posts: 2748
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:30 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by C40 »

Cool. Turns out I have TWO COPIES of Mating in Captivity for my Kindle. I'll read one of them :-D

prognastat
Posts: 991
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 8:30 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by prognastat »

Jin+Guice wrote:
Fri Mar 22, 2019 2:11 pm
We are down the road, and it is causing some problems, although I'm not sure what "no real agreement" means. I may have over emphasized the traditional values. Maybe traditional upbringing/ family is more accurate.
Well unless I'm reading more into it you've mentioned a few times that she has tried setting rules and rather than a discussion and agreement coming out of this it ending up more with you saying that it isn't going to happen that way.

Now I'm not trying to say you have to agree to the rules she would like to set, but if you don't have/are putting off a conversation regarding this and what is and isn't reasonable to expect then this will likely come to a boil at some point.

Jin+Guice
Posts: 1280
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 8:15 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Jin+Guice »

@Jason: She works mostly from home. ;)


@Clarice: Thanks for your response.
Clarice wrote:
Fri Mar 22, 2019 7:10 pm
Back to your situation... Are you looking for a polyamory situation or an exit affair?
Polyamory. I think I may have oversold our problems. For the most part our relationship is very stable/ enjoyable. As a non-monogamist/ someone who doesn't want to marry, I am not committed to commitment, but I am willing to work through problems that I might otherwise flee at the first sign of since our lives our so intertwined and we've had such a long/ great relationship. I also don't want to jump from this relationship to another one. If we broke up, ideally I'd spend time single and then casually dating before meeting someone I could see any sort of longer term relationship with.


The old fat guy thing was sort of a joke. What I was trying to get at is she thinks of sex work as work, so she failed to give me a sexy girlfriend lap dance and instead gave me an awkward I'm-trying-to-take-your-money lap dance. However, your general note about owning your own sexuality is a good/ important.

I will check out the book, thanks for the recommendation.

@prognastat:

I'm the one who typically initiates difficult/ relationship conversations, so I'm the one asking to talk about the rules when I feel there is a problem. Our initial set of rules was also rather weak and poorly thought out.

The conversation will usually go something like this:
Me: Hey, we should talk about the open relationship rules.
Her: Can't we do this later?
Me: You've said that for the past week.
Her: O.k. fine, what's the problem?
Me: Well we've never really addressed XYZ.
Her: XYZ is totally uncomfortable for me, you can't do it in any capacity.
Me: Why is it uncomfortable for you? Not being able to do XYZ in anyway will seriously hinder my ability to ever do anything with anyone else. Can we discuss what is bothering you? Can we make a rule based on that?
Her: When I try to make a rule you always reject it.


Typing this out, I think I need to apply a little more of C40's technique about clearly stating what I need rather than just reshaping current rules.

Freedom_2018
Posts: 479
Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:10 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Freedom_2018 »

@J+G

From somewhere on earlier in the thread: No, not trying to convince you of pros or cons of polyamory. People do what they want to do.

My $0.02

In just reading this thread I get the impression that you are intensely focused on what you want out of this relationship, rules, techniques and whatnot.

Have you ever given what thought to what maybe she really wants? Are you able to truly listen without having a need to drive the discussion in the direction you want? You can force people to a conversation but it seems best when you create the situation where they want to talk about it first.

I appreciate you want to explore polyamory and you probably can get there but will require going through 'amory' first.

Jin+Guice
Posts: 1280
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 8:15 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Jin+Guice »

@Freedom_2018:

Thanks for your input. Not asking for/ demanding what I wanted/ needed is what got me here in the first place. In general, she is much better at this than me, so the way we are living now is much more in alignment with what she wants than what I want, in areas where our wants/ needs differ. I have a tendancy to let things go until they cause an internal crisis, which I am trying to correct.

Freedom_2018
Posts: 479
Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:10 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Freedom_2018 »

@J+G

My bad.

I was responding based on what I read in this thread. I looked a bit more and found that you have a Journal which contains much more background and detail on your situation. Maybe I should have read that before commenting. Honestly looks like a multivariate issue and I am not conversant enough with your situation to offer anything useful at this point.

Cheers.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9372
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Jin+Guice wrote:Alright, this guy is obviously light years ahead of me but I am taking notes. (1) Take or acquire headless photos of my girlfriend. (2) Identify and target bisexual women. (3) More threesomes than you can shake a ... at. (4) Make my girlfriend feel lazy so she moves all her stuff out of "our" (her) house.
lol- Well, as I am sure you already may know, unattached bi or flexible females willing to engage in threesomes with an established couple are the unicorns of the polyamorous world. Bi or flexible men willing to engage in threesomes with an established couple are readily available, but in my experience, threesomes are for the most part better in fantasy than reality, but experimenting with this dynamic can reveal some human potentialities, as well as frailties, which are not conventionally accessible. For instance, the sexual context may actually deepen the sort of bonded feeling you might share with a partner when you catch each others eye and smile across the room of a crowded party, but you have to already share a bond that is strong enough that you could, for instance, attempt eyes-open-and-locked orgasm as a couple before you could briefly engage it within a threesome.

I don't have very much stuff, and I think my BF's preference was that I leave some of my stuff at his place as token that I would return. I really was on the verge of ending it with him. but he apologized repeatedly for his ill-tempered behavior and lured me back in with some interesting offers. He also auditioned for a band during the interval he thought it was likely I was dumping him which I thought was a pretty healthy sign of decent self-care towards upwardly functional relationship.
Do not let women who claim to be poly see you with other women.
He was flirting with a woman who dropped her cigarette butts on our garden. :x

You mentioned that you thought that you might have difficulty finding partners, because your females peers are at the age of wanting to settle down and form a family. I think there is a good deal of truth to this. One advantage you might have is that "art" falls into the category of "baby"="something vulnerable that must be supported" for a good many females. My sister's renowned musician ex-husband still had older females with money acting as patroness to him when he was in his late 50s! It is also true that if you are somebody who is respected for your artistic sensibilities, females who care about aesthetic matters will likely feel more validated being "chosen" by you. For instance, when I was in a pit of low self-esteem right after my divorce, I had a lovely summer fling with a semi-famous photographer which was quite healing for me.

However, my own internal "baby" is usually pretty self-resilient, so mostly I do look for men who will help me care for some external "baby." So, at this post-reproductive point in my life, I am paired up with 2 men on 2 different gardening projects. My third partner was paired up with me on an environmental issue campaign, and he wanted me to help him with his social justice foundation, but his wife was already doing that, and she did not seem to like me very much (understatement.)

IOW, it is important to recognize that polyamory does not exist as something outside of usual human proclivities such as pair-bonding. It only works if you recognize and honor these tendencies, and work with them to create a more complex relationship structure.

Gilberto de Piento
Posts: 1942
Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:23 pm

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

Jin+Guice wrote:
Sun Mar 24, 2019 1:13 pm
Not asking for/ demanding what I wanted/ needed is what got me here in the first place. In general, she is much better at this than me, so the way we are living now is much more in alignment with what she wants than what I want, in areas where our wants/ needs differ. I have a tendancy to let things go until they cause an internal crisis, which I am trying to correct.
This description makes it sound like you may have some boundary issues. Have you looked into this?

Note that I haven't read the entire thread so I may be way off base here.

Jin+Guice
Posts: 1280
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 8:15 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Jin+Guice »

Freedom_2018 wrote:
Sun Mar 24, 2019 2:08 pm
My bad.

I was responding based on what I read in this thread. I looked a bit more and found that you have a Journal which contains much more background and detail on your situation. Maybe I should have read that before commenting. Honestly looks like a multivariate issue and I am not conversant enough with your situation to offer anything useful at this point
Np, it's really hard to encapsulate a human relationship in writing anyway. Part of the reason I wanted to throw this particular part of this particular relationship into a relatively small corner of the internet was that I don't have a ton of people I can discuss it with IRL. Just writing it down was pretty cathartic. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read what I wrote and comment on it, especially since this is not the stated purpose of this forum, and even if my general response is "I think you're wrong" and "I'm not going to listen to you."
Gilberto de Piento wrote:
Mon Mar 25, 2019 10:22 am
This description makes it sound like you may have some boundary issues. Have you looked into this?
I have terrible boundary issues and it is currently fucking up my life on several fronts. In the context of my romantic relationship this has taken the form of me not enforcing boundaries which eroded slowly and that I didn't realize I cared about or necessarily needed to enforce. This is not being helped by the fact that I desperately need a work space/ any space to call my own and that my boss and one of my recording clients are pretty legendary boundary pushers/ disrespecters.


7Wannabe5 wrote:
Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:06 am
He was flirting with a woman who dropped her cigarette butts on our garden. :x
I would be flirting with her too.
7Wannabe5 wrote:
Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:06 am
One advantage you might have is that "art" falls into the category of "baby"="something vulnerable that must be supported" for a good many females. My sister's renowned musician ex-husband still had older females with money acting as patroness to him when he was in his late 50s! It is also true that if you are somebody who is respected for your artistic sensibilities, females who care about aesthetic matters will likely feel more validated being "chosen" by you. For instance, when I was in a pit of low self-esteem right after my divorce, I had a lovely summer fling with a semi-famous photographer which was quite healing for me
I'm not great at turning "art" into sex. I really hate being "taken care of" in the monetary sense because I believe it severely compromises autonomy; however, there should still be a way for me to take advantage of this in a non-monetary sense.
7Wannabe5 wrote:
Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:06 am
IOW, it is important to recognize that polyamory does not exist as something outside of usual human proclivities such as pair-bonding. It only works if you recognize and honor these tendencies, and work with them to create a more complex relationship structure
I've been slowly discovering this and am very happy about it. The dominate dating paradigm when you're a man is "get as much pussy as you possibly can." Much like the dominate economic paradigm of "get as much stuff as you can," this is usually buffered by some degree of nuance and disgust, but it is still the overall message that's projected and received. The countervailing paradigm is the "nice guy"/ neckbeard/ white knight paradigm, which was basically my starting point and which is equally harmful and useless if taken as a complete set of instructions. I'd never reflected on this until this new round of romantic availability. I realized that my previous heuristic had been something like "being a nice guy doesn't work, and is also shitty, so just try to get as much pussy as you can until you find someone worthwhile and then, uh, be kind of nice I guess." This is honestly still probably better than either existing paradigm, but it's not exactly optimal. All this is to say that after some reflection, reading and discussion, I've realized that it's possible to be simultaneously an attentive boyfriend, a fun date, a decent secondary/ fling partner and enjoy anonymous bathroom sex with people you would never otherwise tolerate.

Gilberto de Piento
Posts: 1942
Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:23 pm

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

I have terrible boundary issues and it is currently fucking up my life on several fronts.
The book Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life is supposed to be a classic in the area, though I have not read it. It is Christian so you will have to look past the biblical references (unless you are Christian too) but it is still supposed to be very useful. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804 Counseling can help a lot with this problem if you can get a good therapist.
In the context of my romantic relationship this has taken the form of me not enforcing boundaries which eroded slowly and that I didn't realize I cared about or necessarily needed to enforce.
I think this is a common problem. People want to make sure their partner is happy and so they give a little at a time until they find themselves in a position they can no longer live with. This can happen even when the partner is not intentionally eroding boundaries.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9372
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Polyamory Support Group

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Jin+Guice wrote: I realized that my previous heuristic had been something like "being a nice guy doesn't work, and is also shitty, so just try to get as much pussy as you can until you find someone worthwhile and then, uh, be kind of nice I guess."
lol- Having been the female version of a "nice" guy in a previous life (which is not at all the same thing as being a nice girl), I can somewhat relate.
I've realized that it's possible to be simultaneously an attentive boyfriend, a fun date, a decent secondary/ fling partner and enjoy anonymous bathroom sex with people you would never otherwise tolerate.
Right. It's really not all that different than being able to simultaneously work on a grad degree, learn how to scuba dive, hold down part-time job at a pizza parlor, and make some pocket change collecting scrap metal. Cognitively all it requires is the same ability to pick up a variety of chains as is needed if/when you are reading 3 or 4 books at the same time. After spending almost 4 decades as strict committed or serial monogamist, I was rather surprised at my ability to also pick up the threads of emotional engagement. So, to me, polyamory almost seems like doing serial monogamy with the occasional fling in a sci-fi time travel novel, because most people recognize that if/when their relationship with current beloved/SO ends (even due to death after very long relationship), it is more likely than not that they will form a new relationship, so it is often just the "at the same time" that forms the difficulty. In my experience, "in a different place" is enough like "in a different time." But, I really doubt I would be very good at long-term "in the same place AND at the same time" style polyamory. The fact that two of the men I was dating liked to take me to the same restaurant was enough to make me semi-anxious about managing things. My preference would be that I have my own solo realm or domain, and I visit men in realms where they are dominant, because that is where I find them most attractive.

Post Reply