Finding New Friends

[Frugalchicos]

Hi There,

How do you guys find new friends when you don't like spending money, attending events, clubbing, doing touristic stuff (going downtown to a rooftop with loud music and pay $8 for a beer)?

I have 22 months left for my ERE journey and I am debating to either becoming a hermit or give a second chance to society and try to meet new people.

Cheers,

Frugal Chico

[ZAFCorrection]

You need to leverage propinquity. Find something that you like to do regularly that has a social component and just make an effort to get to know the people in the vicinity. People will overlook a lot of weirdness if you prove yourself to be a decent person and are around all the time. Of course, I've always thought going out of my way to do underwater basket weaving* or whatever, even if it makes sense from a financial perspective, to be contrived and lame. If that is a stumbling block, there isn't much to say about it other than that you need to get over it.

*Still can't figure out if weaving underwater has any benefit.

[FruGal61]

How about a Meetup group that doesn't cost anything or is low cost, e.g. walking group, book discussion, etc?

I don't like attending costly events, eating at expensive restaurants or otherwise blowing money and it definitely affects my ability to socialize with my more consumerist friends/family...some of whom don't seem to worry about saving or prefer to be wage slaves.

I do things by myself - in the summer I swim outdoors, attend free outdoor events, the occasional art gallery opening reception - and I meet people this way, for instance I see the same people over and over at my swimming spots - they don't always become friends necessarily but I have nice conversations and feel like a functioning member of society. It's even easier than having friends because there is less of an obligatory component.

There is a local bar nearby that has free entertainment and by attending the same free event there over several months, I met a lot of people and started getting invited to parties, etc. I will often have a beer (close to $8.00 with tip) but could easily save money by drinking water or seltzer water.

[FBeyer]

So you're not willing to do anything unless it's absolutely free? As in gratis kind-of-free?
Or would you be willing to pay something for something? Are you willing to pay quite a lot now, in order to gain even more over the years? In other words: are you willing to invest some cash up front to improve your social life years down the road?

Are you only willing to delay gratification when it pertains to your portfolio, and not when it comes to contact with other people?

Things to do that are free: board game nights at a local game store, social dancing (salsa/lindy hop), events through meetup.com, online fora that deals with your preferred hobby shold be able to put you in contact with others.


Also: decide for yourself whether you're being frugal or cheap. Frugality is basically Pareto optimized money expenditure. That entails buying expensive stuff rather often and dishing out cash now, to get more later. Being cheap means always paying the least possible amount of money you could right now, usually at the expense of more of those expenses later.

[Frugalchicos]

I think I align more to what Zaf and Frugal61 say. I like enjoying the company of people that live relatively close to me and don't need to spend money to have "fun". People that are perfectly fine going for a walk and talk about our stuff or have a beer or a coffee in a terrace on a sunny evening. People who like playing tennis or any other sport that doesn't necessarily involves becoming a member of a team, buying gear and committing for a weekly game.

I am personally having difficulties to find friends that like the above. I don't consider myself cheap but wise with my money. It is true that lately, I find a little wasteful going to restaurants when I am able to cook just the same food in my kitchen.

I also have to mention I am planning in moving back to my hometown in 22 months. Therefore, I am more cautious and pick my friend dates more meticulously the closer I get to my ERE point (since I don't want to waste money).

As of today, I am learning to do more stuff by myself, like going for walks or to the gym (I talked to few people there about sports and why not and it is pleasant). Perhaps I need to expand more my horizons and invite people over or spend some cash with the hopes of some future friendship? We will see.

[jacob]

The problem is in combining rare (idiosyncratic ERE) standards and "relatively close". These are mostly independent variables and if you multiply them, you get unicorn probabilities. It's easy to find someone nearby you have a few epsilons in common with. And also easy, because internet, to find someone you have a lot in common with if global distance is not a problem.

You can always come to the ERE meetup next month. I forgot where you live exactly, but there are at least a few ERE people in Chicago. Fewer out here were we moved. A one hour drive is often too much to just hang out on a regular basis. I don't know. Wanna come out here for a visit?

[Frugalchicos]

@Jacob

Unicorn probabilities sounds about right

I live in the NE of Chicago. I will miss the 9/1 meet up since I have a trip to the Grand Canyon planned out (trying to see as much as I can of the US before I leave).

I would love to hang out some time! I can make an amazing paella or stew

[ZAFCorrection]

People don't come bespoke. Depending on how lonely you are, you might have to reschedule your trip or spend $8 on a beer. It doesn't mean you are weak or about to become a silly consumer. You're just allocating more resources to solve a problem that has apparently received little attention.

[prognastat]

I would say finding someone who is ERE or FIRE minded is pretty unlikely nearby, but depending on where you live you might find people frugal through necessity.

So if you move in to a middle class or higher neighbourhood you are very likely to not find people that live frugally. If you live in a lower middle class or working class neighbourhood you are just as unlikely to find ERE/FIRE minded people, but might find some that do frugal activities.

Problem with the latter is if you are already FIRE or are making much more money this could cause resentment for potential friends you meet if you are honest with them and you also want to be cautious as low income areas tend are more frequently higher crime areas.

[Frugalchicos]

@Zaf - You are right, I guess I will have to make an effort and be more flexible in regards to the spending.

@Prognastat - I live in a middle class neighborhood and all my friends live in an upper class neighborhood and behave somehow accordingly. I think another issue is that they are here for a short term (expats), and want to experience the city (spending more than usual and do some touristic stuff).

I appreciate the comments. I think I just need to reframe the situation, get the best out of every opportunity and get out of the comfort zone.