The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Simple living, extreme early retirement, being wealthy, ...
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7Wannabe5
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Re: The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:26 pm

@Jason: lol- I do it cuter in person.

Also, I am definitely not promoting a thoroughly mechanistic approach to such matters. I just get grouchy when I read theories based on surveys that are thrown out into such a social vat of misinformation. I agree that it is often the case that females will seek security and commitment in their sexual/romantic relationships, and likely even much more frequently than males, particularly young males. I do not agree that this is primarily due to the fact that it is "natural" for a woman to not be able to achieve orgasm when having sex with a man she has dated less than 5-7X. Like "the Goddess" punishes women for being slutty by not allowing them to orgasm in such a situation. It is true that anxiety blocks the orgasm center of the brain in females, but it is also true that any sort of excitement increases arousal.

slowtraveler
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Re: The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Post by slowtraveler » Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:02 pm

1) fallopian tube
2) ovary
3) bladder
4) pubic bone
5) skene's gland (yummy)
6) g spot
7) skin of clitoris
8) clitoris body
9) urethra
10) labia minora
11) labia majora
12) fimbrae
13) sigmoid colon
14) uterus
15) fornix
16) cervix
17) rectum
18) vagina
19) anus
20) bartholin's gland

@Jason, it get's easy with some study.

Jason
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Re: The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Post by Jason » Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:55 pm

I'll just make a crib sheet.

Skin Of Clitoris - sounds like a Sci-fi book

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BRUTE
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Re: The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Post by BRUTE » Thu Sep 07, 2017 11:10 pm

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Sep 07, 2017 9:54 am
I was trying to come up with a factor that remained consistent in sexual encounters I enjoyed and didn't subsequently regret, in any or all of my phases of life, and the best I can describe this factor is that the man's attributes and behavior within the context of the situation offered me or allowed me to create or maintain consistent high quality narrative.

.. females are less visual, and more tied into aural/language center in their sexual arousal...
narrative is definitely a huge factor (<- that's what she said!) in brute's arousal as well. he's not sure if other males are simply unaware of this or if they're different, but from brute's observation, it's the former. stories like "going in drunk and taking home The Hot Blonde (tm)", "nerdy library chick", "shy catholic girl"... that's all stories human males tell themselves to validate who they are. the risk taking party dude who gets laid. the cute nerd who talks his way into bed.

on the one hand brute finds this narrative factor positive, because it really means humans aren't nearly as superficial as they pretend to be. it seems that given enough circumstantial evidence, almost any 2 humans can talk themselves into being aroused by each other. or at least the chance seems quite high.

on the other hand, it's very demystifying. if brute had a penny for every time a human male found a "funny, intelligent" mate, brute would likely be able to exchange them for two bills displaying Harriet Tubman. same the other way around; it's stunning to brute how human females can go out and just select the next best human male that roughly fits their favorite narrative, and fall themselves in love within minutes.

brute has fallen himself in love a few times like that, but at this point it feels like high blood sugar or drinking too much coffee. somewhat predictable, very biological, certainly not mystifying.

NPV
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Re: The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Post by NPV » Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Sep 07, 2017 9:54 am
I really want to offer some insightful advice, but it is like trying to translate into another language that I will never fully master. An interesting study I once read revealed that high IQ is well correlated with high sex drive in females, and another study indicated that high sex drive in females is also well correlated with the practice of reading romance/erotica/bodice-rippers. I was trying to come up with a factor that remained consistent in sexual encounters I enjoyed and didn't subsequently regret, in any or all of my phases of life, and the best I can describe this factor is that the man's attributes and behavior within the context of the situation offered me or allowed me to create or maintain consistent high quality narrative. I know this inherently reeks of chicken/egg, but what I am trying to convey is something about the fact that females are less visual, and more tied into aural/language center in their sexual arousal. I think members of both genders are also subconsciously influenced by smell, but few humans have good ability to attach odor inputs to rational planning center, as one book I am reading* makes clear, this is why the voices on our smartphones don't say things like "turn left when you can no longer smell the forsythia.", but the map your brain is constantly creating to describe the condition of yourself to yourself is inclusive of "smell of forsythia."
BRUTE wrote:
Thu Sep 07, 2017 11:10 pm
7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Sep 07, 2017 9:54 am
I was trying to come up with a factor that remained consistent in sexual encounters I enjoyed and didn't subsequently regret, in any or all of my phases of life, and the best I can describe this factor is that the man's attributes and behavior within the context of the situation offered me or allowed me to create or maintain consistent high quality narrative.

.. females are less visual, and more tied into aural/language center in their sexual arousal...
narrative is definitely a huge factor (<- that's what she said!) in brute's arousal as well. he's not sure if other males are simply unaware of this or if they're different, but from brute's observation, it's the former. stories like "going in drunk and taking home The Hot Blonde (tm)", "nerdy library chick", "shy catholic girl"... that's all stories human males tell themselves to validate who they are. the risk taking party dude who gets laid. the cute nerd who talks his way into bed.

on the one hand brute finds this narrative factor positive, because it really means humans aren't nearly as superficial as they pretend to be. it seems that given enough circumstantial evidence, almost any 2 humans can talk themselves into being aroused by each other. or at least the chance seems quite high.

on the other hand, it's very demystifying. if brute had a penny for every time a human male found a "funny, intelligent" mate, brute would likely be able to exchange them for two bills displaying Harriet Tubman. same the other way around; it's stunning to brute how human females can go out and just select the next best human male that roughly fits their favorite narrative, and fall themselves in love within minutes.

brute has fallen himself in love a few times like that, but at this point it feels like high blood sugar or drinking too much coffee. somewhat predictable, very biological, certainly not mystifying.
Thank you both. This is actually really insightful and aligns well with my experiences which I have not synthesized that well before.

Jason
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Re: The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Post by Jason » Sat Sep 09, 2017 7:47 am

Really? I thought it was common knowledge to take a shower before talking a chick up.

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7Wannabe5
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Re: The fly in the ointment of ERE is women

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:06 pm

BRUTE wrote:on the one hand brute finds this narrative factor positive, because it really means humans aren't nearly as superficial as they pretend to be. it seems that given enough circumstantial evidence, almost any 2 humans can talk themselves into being aroused by each other. or at least the chance seems quite high.

on the other hand, it's very demystifying. if brute had a penny for every time a human male found a "funny, intelligent" mate, brute would likely be able to exchange them for two bills displaying Harriet Tubman. same the other way around; it's stunning to brute how human females can go out and just select the next best human male that roughly fits their favorite narrative, and fall themselves in love within minutes.
I am only ankle-deep into the book, but Anthony Giddens in "The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies", makes the argument that now that humans have managed to completely sever the tie between sexuality and reproduction, it has become more of an art form. So, it makes sense that some of us would prefer a more complex narrative, and whether that narrative is developed within the chosen context of monogamy, serial monogamy, diversely engaged multiple relationships, or random bumper-cars becomes a secondary matter.

Narrative is important not only in the sense of the story that we tell ourselves about any given relationship or encounter, but also how that "chapter" fits into the overall, ongoing narratives we tell ourselves about our lives, and where we are currently directing the plot. For instance, if I am spending the summer working in a beach town before leaving the country in the fall to start a graduate school program, what personal traits and what sort of relationship contract would I seek in a next new lover? What if I was 37, and I had always hoped to be a mother? What if I was 50, and my children were adults, and I had never, ever lived by myself?

Because I have done a good deal of internet blind dating in the decade since my divorce, I have on more than one occasion had the experience of a man falling for me "at first sight", BECAUSE he was already primed to fall for somebody at first sight, and I fit his bare criteria. At this juncture, I am as likely to feel jaded about being instantly pegged as a "good woman" as a "hot blonde, or big Polish girl-lol", maybe because I find the conventional narrative assigned to either role equally boring. I very much like men in general, and have and do very much love some men in particular, but I am almost at the point where I don't think there is a great deal of overlap between the qualities I value most in myself and the qualities I possess that men with whom I have been in relationship have literally informed me they most value, so I suppose vice-versa applies as well. Of course, this definitely doesn't preclude the possibility of still making very good hay at the margin ;)

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