How would you fix this bathroom door?

[ertyu]

i seem to need biologically clean. i need pleasant also, but as long as i can clean, i can also pleasantify, if that made any sense.

i'm not retired, i'm covided out of my job. technically, i can afford to rent a nicer place for more money for a year or two as long as i then return to work. i need to sort out how to invest my money, and i need to fix my health, both physical and mental. those are my priorities right now, and i thought that renting this place would be congruent with those priorities but it doesn't seem to be. expectation was, as i keep repairing shit, my fitness level would improve, building skill would make me enjoy a sense of mastery, and seeing my surroundings gradually improve would pull me out of depression. but that doesn't seem to be the reality. i appear to be derailing again because of the leaky bucket effect: the expected "improvement" isn't materializing, instead every day reveals something else that is irreparably stained, etc. at the same time, i am exhausted by apartment hunting. it took so much time to find this apartment, there really isn't anything that is ok and that i'm like, yeah this, this is exactly what fits my needs right now. the places for rent all seem to be utter crap. the expensive place i got turned down from was in good repair but wasn't nice in other ways. in the end, idek. i need to step back and reconsider.

[7Wannabe5]

@Alphaville:

I think your point is generally valid, but ertyu’s space is so small making and keeping it clean, functional And aesthetically pleasant shouldn’t be huge undertaking. In fact, I would suggest that size is much more important than initial conditions when it comes to making such calculations. For instance, the time he might spend squeegeeing his tiny bathroom each morning is nothing compared to vacuuming all the wall to wall carpeting in a brand new McMansion.

[ertyu]

yeah, small was one of my search criteria for exactly this reason. i expected that small would be comparatively easiest to repair and maintain, would discourage clutter accumulation, and would result in low bills. I probably need to step back and become more systematic about fixing the mess i'm in.

[7Wannabe5]

You need to develop a simple small routine for home care. This can easily be done in conjunction with developing a simple small routine for self-care, because what all of us living beings are essentially doing each day is engaging in cognition with environment.

Doing one thing very well is often more satisfying than general half-hearted approach. The FlyLady program for scattered household executives recommends shining the kitchen sink as ground zero daily touch point. You actually don’t have to fix that bathroom door right away. You can make something like Prepare a Salad Every Day a higher order priority. The purpose of home making is providing yourself with an environment in which you can best take care of yourself.

[Alphaville]

@7w5

yeah size matters, but i don’t think a big place is in the cards for @ertyu either way. the shitty place i moved from was small too, basically a studio apartment, but we had to get into the walls and ceilings to deal with infestations, the air flow and temperature were never right, electrical was poorly wired, filth and clutter was left from previous tenants, and the internet never did work. so after 2 months we GTFOed. it was a good decision because i had a business to run and i didn’t want to work as a full time handyman instead.

@ertyu

i get the idea of mastery etc but to me that’s a bit like keeping up with the ERE joneses, being a conspicuous non-consumer instead of a conspicuous consumer. so instead of taking a toll on your finances it takes a toll on your brain.

i hear you on many fronts, and i think you’re having a problem with competing priorities.

i think *health must come first*, because without it you have nothing. you can always make money if you’re healthy. if you’re sick- good luck.

the problem here is that you want to mind your health at the same time that you want to spend zero money and you want to impress the forum neighbors. something’s gotta give. i think spending a little money could be good for your health here. first things first.

let me suggest perhaps budgeting the difference between this apartment and the luxe one towards making this place work for a year? i know it’s just mental accounting but it helps to put things into context. could you invest the difference in rent to match the quality of the space?

also, trying to work things piecemeal would be maddening for me. “here’s a broken door. here’s a mold problem. here’s a shitty drain. here’s a bad toilet.” etc. etc.

me, i’d rather start with a big vision of what the place could be, then check if it’s feasible, then budget and start working towards it. from the big picture to the small details. it makes more sense to me and it’s more motivating that way. this is why i suggested an “industrial look.” but everyone is different.

me, i hate the small fucking details and repetitive work. on the other hand, my wife finds repeptitive work like cleaning quite soothing. so we have a convenient division of labor that works quite well for us: i perform “headache” work (troubleshooting/solving problems, designing systems, improvising) and she performs “boring” work (manual execution, detail work, repetition) which i’m not good at.

this is just to say that we can’t all do everything and be everything to everyone. you need some help and it’s ok to hire helpers or buy ready when things are unmanageable.

and maybe talk to the landlord about unacceptable things, and how you can work together to make it work. that would give you some social skills, the landlord would get free repairs.

...

the other thing is that when fixing a mess it’s easier when you have an island of order and beauty. i’d pick a corner of the apartment and fix that first. maybe by the window or something, where you can look outside. get a nice room divider that hides the mess, that can be your place of rest of recuperation while you work on the rest of things.

since you’re covided out of work then it’s cool that you work full time as a builder i guess, but figure the things you’re good at and delegate/trade for the rest. again you don’t have to impress other people with your renaissance skills. you just need to do what works for you and your good health and if someone tells you otherwise you can give them the finger hahahahaha.

...

but yeah it’s good also to take time to inventory problems and get a full picture before you plan a “vision.”

meanwhile then building a small nice “blanket fort” of sorts should be restorative. you don’t need to be looking at a ruin all day. so hang in there and be patient till you find the right formula? you do have time to work for this after all so nothing is lost while learning.

[Alphaville]

here’s a little inspiration ha ha ah

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nFu7zE9DnRA

check out the old brick texture btw

[ertyu]

Update: the weirdest thing fixed this. So I was sitting at the table, staring at a large oil stain on the wall from the previous tenant's cooking, and I realized that looking at the spot was bringing about a sense of squalor and the sense of squalor brought about a sense of hopelessness. Took the cupboards i inherited from the bedroom and placed them to cover the dirty wall in the kitchen area. The visual change immediately changed mental state. Following this, I went and sorted out the sink area bc @7w5 said so and i don't have anything to lose from trying that. Instant win. @Alphaville I might be with your gf here. The visual feedback from my area made an immense difference to my mental state. I think that was one of the things that was fucking me up so far - I was getting work done, but there was so much work to do that even if I did something the visual feedback of my environment having changed for the better was missing. Combined with what you said about dominant functions, this makes sense. My surroundings matter like whoa. In classical ERE ideology, matching furniture is for lame-o middle class losers because mismatched furniture serves the same function. I didn't realize, but I was beating myself up over not being able to be ok with any surroundings as long as they were cheap enough and functional enough. Thanks for talking about this, feedback from someone of a similar personality type helped.

I guess the take-home piece here is that I will re-orient home improvement projects around appearance. E.g. I will postpone the door because it can be hidden by a curtain, but will push forward recaulking because recaulking immediately changes the appearance of a space. I will also see if I can get some second hand piece of curtain which I can rig to cover up the particularly unsightly cabinets under the sink.

Thanks for engaging with me guys, this really helped to move past the overwhelm of having to do all the things and gave me a way to prioritize projects in a way which feels motivating rather than defeating.

[ertyu]

keeping up with the ERE joneses

exactly right. you nailed it.

have an island of order and beauty. i’d pick a corner of the apartment and fix that first

independently arrived at same idea. you nailed this too.

as for the "big vision" for the place I think I got it, kind of. Once I fix the benches into something one can actually sit on (salvaged some foam from an old mattress someone threw out that i will make into seat covers), I will also get some plants. I think that would improve things a lot.

[Alphaville]

glad to help, friend.