Singledom v coupledom

Move along, nothing to see here!
thrifty++
Posts: 1171
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 3:46 pm

Singledom v coupledom

Post by thrifty++ »

I am interested in thoughts around the economic pros and cons of being single vs being in a couple. I often have thought that being in a couple is superior economically because of the economies of scale, eg half the rent for the same sized space etc. Then I also think well there are also things which create more cost like wittingly or unwittingly procreating or paying for a marriage etc. What do people think pros and cons of either are and what do you think overall which is more economically beneficial?

Dragline
Posts: 4436
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:50 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by Dragline »

Think of it as equities (coupledom) versus bonds (singledom). The latter is more reliable, but the upside is restricted. The former is more volatile, but works better if you can hang on long term. But you have to invest in high quality -- low quality is likely to blow up or blow away and leave you bankrupt.

But the big caveat is that if you do not share the same values/outlook about finances as your partner, you are just setting yourself up for failure. This is why money issues are the #1 cause of divorce.

thrifty++
Posts: 1171
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 3:46 pm

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by thrifty++ »

@dragline - epic analogy!!

ThisDinosaur
Posts: 997
Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:31 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by ThisDinosaur »

Wittingly procreating creates more costs. But if you are planning on doing that anyway (i.e.,"wittingly"), it is way cheaper as a cohabitating couple. Unwittingly procreating is costly any way you measure it. Marriage is not necessary. Double so for expensive weddings.

Which is economically beneficial depends heavily on the specific goals of the individual. Some would consider dying alone and childless a "cost" of being free and single. Others would say the loss of freedom is a "cost" for companionship.

classical_Liberal
Posts: 2283
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:05 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by classical_Liberal »

...
Last edited by classical_Liberal on Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IlliniDave
Posts: 3845
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:46 pm

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by IlliniDave »

Having done both I'm not sure coupledom necessarily has the highest upside, although it may be true for a subset of coupledom arrangements. Being married for me was like having a financial anchor tied around my neck (and I'm not talking about having had kids and the associated expenses). In the nine years since I've been on my own my net worth has increased more than 7.5X.

That said, demographically in the US unmarried male and female headed households tend to be fare worse financially than households headed by a married person, although I don't know if it is by a factor of two or more. Since for most Americans most wealth comes in the form of home equity, I imagine that aside from dual incomes getting married tends to prompt a person to transition from renter to owner more quickly. It would be interesting to see data for single-headed households where the head of household has never been divorced.

A partnership has both advantages and disadvantages, and apparently for most people the advantages carry the day. That's not the case for me personally, but I'm sort of an oddball.

thrifty++
Posts: 1171
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 3:46 pm

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by thrifty++ »

classical_Liberal wrote:
Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:48 pm
Being single allows for agility in all things (if one is so inclined). This means housing situations, diet, transportation systems, etc can all be quickly and easily adapted to a changing economic environment. Coupled up all decisions are run through the committee. IOW, having a partner with will entail a second set of preferences and needs to be considered in system flows. It's also more difficult to take advantage of serendipitous opportunities you may jump at as an individual. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes time away from other endeavors.
So true. Certainly provides the opportunity to focus more heavily on the more extreme aspects of wealth creation, such as van living or throwing yourself into entrepreneurship or working lots in high paying job etc.
IlliniDave wrote:
Sun Jun 04, 2017 7:01 pm
That said, demographically in the US unmarried male and female headed households tend to be fare worse financially than households headed by a married person, although I don't know if it is by a factor of two or more. Since for most Americans most wealth comes in the form of home equity, I imagine that aside from dual incomes getting married tends to prompt a person to transition from renter to owner more quickly.
Good point. I have noticed it seems far easier to obtain mortgage finance for couples than a single, also less risk of not being able to service it.


I also wonder how much there is an element of discrimination against your topside earnings. Such as if you are never married you dont fit into the typical paradigm of discussion around marriages and kids and home ownership yada yada. I sense that there is and that people who maintain singledom are less likely to be promoted or hired into more senior positions. I dont get the sense this discrimination applies as much to divorced people though since that is fairly mainstream these days. And they can still be a part of those discussions, although potentially with less of a positive slant in some instances.

stand@desk
Posts: 398
Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:40 pm

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by stand@desk »

I agree it really depends on the financial habits of each participant in the relationship. If you are both frugal, it's definitely worth it to couple. Only couple up if you think your partner is that type of person. I think in the long run coupling up also leads to more stability in life. Being single might be fun when young but for most it changes as you get older.

Did
Posts: 693
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:50 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by Did »

It all depends on your preference and circumstance. I like hanging out with my wife. It would be much harder to drop out of the mainstream consumption circus if you are by yourself. In doing so, you risk being a weird, unattractive loner. With my (new) girlfriend, I was able to quit my massive career job, live in a van and travel for 8 months, move to the other side of the world and renovate a stone cottage in a rural setting while home brewing.

Financially, she brought something to the table. We have not earned much since. It is true that my own net worth would have been much higher if I had kept working. But as it turns out working in an office in my old life is not how I prefer to spend my time.

For some the adventure is better together.

vexed87
Posts: 1521
Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:02 am
Location: Yorkshire, UK

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by vexed87 »

This topic comes up regularly, not sure who quoted this last time but I liked it:
If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.
DW is my better half. Not sure where I would be without her. I might have more of my money to spend or save for "me", but I'd be a lot less happier for it. What's point is there in having "more" money if you're not happy? I remember pining for a relationship when I was single, but don't yearn to be single, so there's that too.

Anyway, while my savings rate has technically taken a hit, due to having to make some compromises in lifestyle, together we have two incomes so while savings rate not as high as it might be otherwise, our wealth actually increases faster, due to economies of scale, and savings in home economics, I think I'm actually better off being paired off. :roll:

SustainableHappiness
Posts: 266
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2016 6:39 pm

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by SustainableHappiness »

This one time I jumped over a fire in my bare feet and landed on top of a beer bottle. My GF (now DW) who was training to be a nurse at the time removed the glass from my foot and cleaned the wound out. Now, you could say that if I was single at the time somebody else would have likely taken it upon themselves to tweezer the glass out and clean the wound...But would they have done it with the same dash of love tossed in?

This is why I made a conscious decision to prefer coupledom vs singledom, as in one day a couple months after initiating and following through with a break-up to gain back all the freedom I once had I decided the umpth degree of freedom wasn't worth losing having a reliable partner to take glass out of my foot.

Oh, we also have taken an extensive period of time to make sure our values were aligned, including living together, before we tied our finances together.

Laura Ingalls
Posts: 668
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:13 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by Laura Ingalls »

ThisDinosaur wrote:
Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:07 pm
Wittingly procreating creates more costs. But if you are planning on doing that anyway (i.e.,"wittingly"), it is way cheaper as a cohabitating couple. Unwittingly procreating is costly any way you measure it. Marriage is not necessary. Double so for expensive weddings.

Which is economically beneficial depends heavily on the specific goals of the individual. Some would consider dying alone and childless a "cost" of being free and single. Others would say the loss of freedom is a "cost" for companionship.
I would argue that cohabitation vs marriage generally favors marriage especially if there are indeed children. I think Social Security is seriously biased to both the married and the people that divorce after a long term marriage.

ThisDinosaur
Posts: 997
Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:31 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by ThisDinosaur »

@Laura
Yes, there are definitely tax benefits to marriage as well. My point is that its not so simple to say which is better economically. You first have to consider what you want out of life before you consider the most economical way to achieve that.

I once had a live-in girlfriend who refused to move out when we broke up. So I had to move out instead. No problem, except my name was on the lease and she stopped paying rent. So I had to pay rent on both our places or it would affect my credit. In that instance, coupledom did not turn out to be cheaper for me.

Laura Ingalls
Posts: 668
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:13 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by Laura Ingalls »

I'm hardwired to have someone to snuggle with nightly.

I also am lucky that I found a one person to be my sexual partner, coparent, and co-CEO Team Ingalls. :D

I think in terms of financial strengths we are pretty complementary. I am better at requoting the car insurance and knowing what is a good deal at the grocery store. He is better at tax efficiency and investments. We both have more accountability for spending than we would separately.

George the original one
Posts: 5404
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 am
Location: Wettest corner of Orygun

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by George the original one »

If your current partner adds stress rather than removes it, then it's time to be single, regardless of the economics. Fortunately I chose the right partner and the economics are working out.

Riggerjack
Posts: 3182
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:09 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by Riggerjack »

This thread is all backwards. The cart before the horse.

If she isn't worth slaving away in a cube or on a ladder, 40 hours a week, for the rest of your life, dump her, and find the woman who is. This is better for both you and her. If she's not for you, then the reverse is also true, free her up to find her ideal mate.

If you aren't worth her dropping a career and living in a cave, van, or dumpster to be with, then you have a different set of issues to work on.

Finding the right partner is half the battle. The second half, that ends in victory and celebration. The first half of the battle is being the right partner, before you find her.

Economics is just a detail to work out, afterwards.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9370
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I agree with Riggerjack that if you are contemplating vow of lifetime commitment to being coupled with other, being head-over-heels is necessary even if not sufficient. I know of at least two marriages that failed in just the sort of way a frugal soul might most fear BECAUSE the man married a woman who was his safety pick. Maybe I am mistaken, but men often seem to be a bit clueless about the fact that most women loathe, despise and may react in hell hath no fury manner when they realize that they were safety pick.

OTOH, singled on vs coupledom seems like a bit of an archaic dichotomy. Whole lot of gray zone these-a-days. For instance, both my youngest sister and my daughter are in legal domestic partnerships with men, but they haven't had any kind of commitment ceremonies, so are they single or coupled?

James_0011
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:00 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by James_0011 »

ThisDinosaur wrote:
Tue Jun 06, 2017 11:46 am
@Laura
Yes, there are definitely tax benefits to marriage as well
Not in every case, see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_penalty

distracted_at_work
Posts: 202
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2017 11:51 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by distracted_at_work »

Serious question, how does anyone find time for partner hunting? I'm barely keeping it together working, cooking, exercising etc. Texting girls is exhausting and time-consuming. It doesn't help the few I want to pursue relationships with seem to be in other cities or on other continents.

James_0011
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:00 am

Re: Singledom v coupledom

Post by James_0011 »

@distracted

No I don't, it seems like way too much of an effort for me with very little return. I mean I use tinder, but actually going to a bar or coffee shop or something and asking a girl out or going on a bunch of dates that may not go anywhere sounds boring to me. Having very little interest in women beyond sex doesnt help either.

Post Reply