Making new friends

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Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Making new friends

Post by TheRedHare » Mon Apr 08, 2019 3:23 pm

So this may seem like a strange topic but it's one that I've been pondering on for a bit, and I've been wondering if ERE people have had similar experiences.

So I've been in the labor force for about 2 years now, and I must admit, my 'friend' group hasn't really grown at all. Lucky me, I now have a GF and we get along very well (she's not about ERE, but she likes a minimalist lifestyle which is good enough for me). However, I'd like to also gain some non-female friends that I can do stuff with (have cook-outs, go have a beer with, backpacking trips, etc.) Of course, the goal of wanting to be FI at an earlier than normal age is pretty rare to come across, but that's not too much of an issue..just as long as they aren't super spender types.

I have a very tight friend group of about 5, but we all live in different parts of the country yet text and play video games together on a very frequent basis. However it sucks when we'd like to see each other in person due to distance and the cost of travel.

I'd like to start building some new relationships among people that live close to me, but I'm unsure of where to look. I realize that it's unlikely to find friends that have all the same interests as you, but it would be ideal to find some that have similar temperaments or whatever. I like to believe in the common saying 'you are the average of your 5 closest friends', but now that my friends are all away I'm not sure how that applies.

I was thinking of joining a local (within walking distance) Crossfit gym, but I'm sure it'll cost at least $130/month or more. The benefit is a spoon fed workout routine, and getting to know more people within the area. My workplace has a gym which is free, but hardly anyone of my co-workers use it, and I'm pretty bad at staying committed to a consistent workout routine.

I wonder if there is a type of hierarchy of topics which can be used to categorize the likelihood of building life-long relationships.
I was thinking:
-Life Philosophy, life goals, interests/hobbies?

George the original one
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Re: Making new friends

Post by George the original one » Mon Apr 08, 2019 8:48 pm

Easiest way to make friends is on a transaction basis. "Show me how you do XYZ" or "If you like, I can show you to do ZXY" without actually making it transactional. Less transactional approach is "Let's go try PDQ".

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Location: England

Re: Making new friends

Post by BookLoverL » Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:07 am

I have struggled a lot in the past with making friends, but I think I've at least figured out how to make friendly acquaintances now (which can then be converted into friends through doing whatever is the part that I haven't quite figured out yet).

Joining local things is definitely a good idea. Rather than the more expensive Crossfit, are there any cheaper local exercise classes? Cheap local groups for your other hobbies? I don't know how it works in America, but I'm personally in a community singing group for £4 per week, and at one point I was doing archery for £5 per week.

Another thing might be local volunteer groups, political groups, or similar, depending on your preferences. If you don't have enough connections in your local area to find out about these sort of groups or the hobby groups, you can try googling something like "[your interest] [place where you live]" or similar. Going to these groups will guarantee that the people you meet have at least one interest in common with you, because otherwise they wouldn't be at the group.

Then the key with getting the people at these groups to talk to you is to actually talk to them first, and remember to use their names, to smile and use eye contact, and to ask them about how things they told you about when you talked to them last time were going.

If the people you meet this way turn out to not have great compatibility for you as a friend, then because you picked a cheap group in the first place, it's easy to move on to another group and try again.

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