Getting Divorced.

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IlliniDave
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by IlliniDave » Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:34 am

Mister Imperceptible wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 9:25 am
There must be a woman out there who is done with marriage, and she would like nothing better than to be holed up a remote northwoods cabin with mindful zen iDave, enjoying a freshly caught fish and a glass of wine while listening to the soft melodies of......Rush.
I always have an eye open for Ms. Unicorn. :lol:

Jason
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Jason » Sat Jan 12, 2019 9:58 am

I went to high school before it was fashionable to try to blow it up or shoot the shit out of the place. But my assumption is that those most likely thinking about it were listening to Rush who although Canadian, were the band du jour for white male dirtbag American suburban alienation. I don't think girls were allowed to like Rush, they could only like guys who liked Rush and I think that number had to be very small, like five or so. They tended to smoke and act like Joan Jett. I made out with one during a marching band trip. She was loose in the way you would expect someone with a catastrophically brained damaged brother would be which I did not know she had at the time. I have to think her home life was not so great. Even though my girlfriend went to another high school, it got back to her. Another, who was older and I admired from afar but didn't know I was alive, joined a biker gang after high school. I don't see them in middle age listening to Rush anymore probably because they are now divorced from the guys who liked them. It would probably be a source of embarrassment and possible contempt. I could see them watching you tube videos of the surviving members of the Allman brothers playing in small venues though.

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Kriegsspiel
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Kriegsspiel » Sat Jan 12, 2019 11:22 am

LOL. Jason just gave the whole plot to "Teenage Dirtbag"

Her name is Noel
I have a dream about her
She rings my bell

But she doesn't know who I am
And she doesn't give a damn about me

'Cause I'm just a teenage dirt bag, baby
Yeah I'm just a teenage dirt bag, baby
Listen to Iron Maiden, baby, with me

Her boyfriend's a dick
He brings a gun to school
And he'd simply kick my ass if he knew the truth

Jason
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Jason » Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:30 pm

Not to get too off the topic of Jeff Bezos pulling an MMM - but - over the last five years or so Lucia Berlin has (posthumously) been recognized as one of the great short story writers of the last half century. This led me to one of her students, Dave Cullen, who wrote "Columbine." I recently read the book and highly recommend it from a number of perspectives - topical interest, great story telling, how technology impacted life and media coverage at the dawn of internet age, and finally, nothing like a tale of high school dirt bag suburban alienation. Apparently what Rush was to 1983 dirtbags, Marilyn Manson was to 1999 dirtbags. I'm not sure who present day dirtbags are listening to. I guess I could google "What are present day dirtbags listening to? but I won't know the music so who cares.

IlliniDave
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by IlliniDave » Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:34 pm

nm

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TopHatFox
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by TopHatFox » Sun Jan 13, 2019 12:57 pm

Joshua Sheats did an episode on finding a good wife recently that seems pertinent:

https://player.fm/series/radical-person ... reparation

The gist is that if you want to avoid divorce, marry an “excellent” wife and be a strong/physically attractive, wealthy, man of integrity. He also made the argument that you should choose a woman with a low notch count and have a low notch count yourself, and honestly, I agree with the former part of that: the women with the highest body count have been the biggest pains in the....too much baggage and comparison to other ppl, ohhh, and especially referencing them often. Biggest turnoff.

He does suggest marrying young for that reason, but lol, trying to find a woman today who wants to get married or have a LTR at 24 is probably near impossible outside of the church or going abroad. Finally, he mentioned that while it’s hard to find a high quality woman at 35, it’s easy to sleep around then, so that’s at least a consolation prize.

————

It’s interesting though: does that mean that once you’re past your mid-twenties if you don’t find a quality girl to have a LTR with (not a fling), you’re fucked in the States? I suppose that’s better than settling for a low quality girl and going through hell for the next decade.

Jason
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Jason » Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:22 pm

Yeah, we all know how these personal finance gurus have impeccable track records when it comes to marriage.

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TopHatFox
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by TopHatFox » Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:56 pm

fair ‘nough, though I think RPF is more red pill influenced

Crazylemon
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Crazylemon » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:09 pm

Isn’t agreeing many former partners in a woman is a turn off but not also agree the same is true for the opposite sex a little bit of a double standard?

LTR at 24 is totally doable and what most of my female friends would have preferred. At least stating this if not being developmentally at that point. I was 23 and partner 21 and we have no intention of not continuing on a damn site longer

Jason
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Jason » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:30 pm

Joshua Sheats seems like a nice enough guy but now he's a relationship expert? And he's talking about being a strong physically attractive man? I mean he looks like the fat guy in all those Hollywood movies starring James Franco to make James Franco even better looking than he already is. What's with these guys? They get a podcast and all of sudden they think they are the fount of wisdom on every fucking topic under the sun? I don't know. He looks like a guy who didn't get laid until he got to college and was voted V.P. of Keg Transportation at some milk toast fraternity.

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TopHatFox
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by TopHatFox » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:32 pm

Maybe it is a double-standard, although I do know that for a young guy to get 20+ partners takes herculean effort, for an average young attractive woman, it's a lot easier (although it's harder to find a guy to have a relationship with). Maybe that's where that double-standard comes from. Maybe it's just relative: lots of partners for both is bad, but the absolute amount of partners to get to that 'bad' is different for each gender. Personally, I'd rather have lots of partners that way I know what's good and what's not; what qualities to look for and which ones aren't important. But I think I'm past that point, now I know what I like and I want to find that in one or two women and maintain a LTR. Although from this thread, perhaps not through marriage :P

Jason
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Jason » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:40 pm

Am I missing something or is there some new law against lying about this shit? I know we're like a couple hundred years past "it broke during horseback riding" but it's not like anyone's getting audited here.

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TopHatFox
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by TopHatFox » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:43 pm

lying about getting divorced, or about having 'such a good marriage'?

Jason
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Jason » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:56 pm

Lying about number of pre-marital partners. In the realm of verifiable numbers, it's on par with highest bowling score.

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Kriegsspiel
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Kriegsspiel » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:57 pm

I think the "it broke" part went right over your head :D :D :D

Jason meant lying about N count.

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TopHatFox
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by TopHatFox » Sun Jan 13, 2019 3:10 pm

I do think ppl tend to exaggerate or tone down their pre-marital partners; it's kind of like height and weight on a dating site. If you meant me, then I do have 20 names on a list, and the shit that went down in my journal lol. But that was mostly in college, and they actually were meaningful FWB-arrangements in-between stressful classes, only a few were LTRs. Was it worth it? Yeah, it was fun and even yes meaningful, but 2 years later and I only speak to 1 or 2. Perhaps a better way to say it is it ended up being just a way to pass the time in a memorable way. But maybe that's what a LTR in post-grad life is also like: just a meaningful way to pass the time and grow together. You may not speak to them after the separation, but you filled the time well for years (hopefully). I'd imagine it probably gets really hard to find quality partners after 40 or 50? I don't know, if my life were a book, I'd want a long and strong relationship in there, even at the risk of separation. To the point of the thread, good news is you don't need to get married to have that long and strong relationship in your "book of life."

jennypenny
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by jennypenny » Sun Jan 13, 2019 3:44 pm

Yes, it's a double standard. You're only interested in women who don't have too many miles on them but then get mad when women are choosy. Shouldn't they be choosy if they are socially penalized for having as many partners as men?

A quick read shows this thread throwing shade on women, catholics, recent divorcees, PF bloggers, and marriage in general. Did I miss anything? :roll:

Jason
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Jason » Sun Jan 13, 2019 3:53 pm

I think you have to look at college as the minor leagues. It's not necessarily indicative of what happens when you reach the show. And statistically speaking, it has no bearing on your Hall of Fame qualifications.

Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Mister Imperceptible » Sun Jan 13, 2019 4:20 pm

jennypenny wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 3:44 pm
Did I miss anything?
I thought my take was nuanced.

If divorce is so easy to obtain, and leads to (mostly) men getting raked over the coals in settlement, marriage no longer has any importance/finality. The man and woman both say “til death do us part” but it is really “until she doesn’t get what she wants and is ready to take half.” It is having your cake and eating it too. And that is nothing against women, just an observation that there are now some really distorted incentives and power dynamics.
IlliniDave wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 7:44 pm
I tried my best and after 16 years, poof.
Are we just supposed to ignore this very real (statistically 50% and probably increasing) possibility and pretend it does not exist?

I am all for marriage. Just abolish divorce or make it nearly impossible to obtain.

Honest take from lapsed Catholic existentialist who was the only one in his Sunday school to take voluntary confessions.

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Kriegsspiel
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Re: Getting Divorced.

Post by Kriegsspiel » Sun Jan 13, 2019 4:32 pm

Mister Imperceptible wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 4:20 pm
I thought my take was nuanced.

If divorce is so easy to obtain, and leads to (mostly) men getting raked over the coals in settlement, marriage no longer has any importance/finality. The man and woman both say “til death do us part” but it is really “until she doesn’t get what she wants and is ready to take half.” It is having your cake and eating it too. And that is nothing against women, just an observation that there are now some really distorted incentives and power dynamics.

Are we just supposed to ignore this very real (statistically 50% and probably increasing) possibility and pretend it does not exist?

I am all for marriage. Just abolish divorce or make it nearly impossible to obtain.

Honest take from lapsed Catholic existentialist who was the only one in his Sunday school to take voluntary confessions.
If it makes you feel any better, I thought you had the rightest take in this thread.

Except that you think females would like Rush.

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