The Ingenuity Gap of the U.S. Sexual Deficit

[BRUTE]

@BRUTE: I don't disagree that quality is more important than quantity, if one has to choose

brute's very verbose point was supposed to be: even if quality is there, higher quantity is not always better. thus the warrior diet example. even though there was already a certain quality in every meal, brute still reduced the quantity of meals from previous average. the same could be true for sexual encounters. maybe more is not always better, even if quality is already high. this is certainly the way brute feels about it, insofar as it's possible for brute to be capable of having feelings.

[7Wannabe5]

@BRUTE: Gotcha. It really is the case that it is almost impossible to list all the variables in human sexuality. One reference I read said that you might as well just consider each individual to be completely unique. That said, I think (may be wrong) it is possible that what you are expressing is a difference in temperament or preference having to do with control vs. spontaneity. I am an easy-going, impulsive P submissive, but I have dated quite a few male J dominants, and they always have these more or less rigid routines, rules, schedules or flow-charts that also apply in the realm of sex. That's why they want to date somebody like me, but they don't know that they want to date somebody like me until they do. I just relax in my feminine and remain curious about whether the rule is there will be no sex until the 3rd date or the 5th, or whether it will happen after the lawn is mowed and the door is locked, or will I have to wait until after the spreadsheet is complete and the clock is wound too? Kind of like this:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5diMImYIIA

[BRUTE]

brute has always liked The Dark Side of the Moon.

[enigmaT120]

"...there is no dark side of the moon...."

[George the original one]

I just relax in my feminine and remain curious about whether the rule is there will be no sex until the 3rd date or the 5th, or whether it will happen after the lawn is mowed and the door is locked, or will I have to wait until after the spreadsheet is complete and the clock is wound too?

LOL, I'm glad I had no rules about that... it was usually first date or second date or never. Doesn't matter much to me about where, though I nearly drew the line about a roll in the hay in the barn when the gal had hayfever... we were interrupted anyways before clothes came off.

[Jean]

Never above 40°F or bellow 8000 feet.
If it doesn't rain during the next week, never talk to this partner again.
Always play the Hochstwessellied before taking your shirt of.
Never face the highest point on the horizon.

[7Wannabe5]

@BRUTE: I'm sure you would agree that language is important. It might interest you to know that the most overtly dominant man I ever dated occasionally made use of the majestic plural.

@GTOO: I have learned that there is no limit to how literal-minded a man might be, so I no longer take anything for granted or by natural extension. For instance, "I would like to see what you would look like wearing nothing but my old football jersey." or exhibiting the behavior of biting me on the leg does not mean "I would like to have sex with you." It's like there are all these little cubby holes in their brains where all sorts of things are stored or catalogued, but they do not connect in any way I can predict. Whereas, my brain is like a web of tangled yarn and rubber balls, where everything is always like something else.

Jean said: Always play the Hochstwessellied before taking your shirt of.

lol- Wow, scary. That would be like a million times worse than putting on Yanni while pulling out the massage table. "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" is enough to send me running unless there are some serious biceps available for me to focus on. You guys really need to start sharing some remedial playlist advice at your drum circle meetings.

[7Wannabe5]

Picking up the original thread topic again:

jennypenny said: I also admit I know several women my age (50s) who've given up on sex, and themselves, and new experiences. If they are assuming that their partners have also given up, then they are foolish or willfully deluding themselves.

I think this is what I am mostly seeing one step removed. However, I don't know if I would say that these women are foolish. They may have some level of realization that the open market isn't likely to provide all that well for their partners either. If a woman no longer or never really wanted sex, and no longer is even willing to have sex for whatever else it may have previously afforded her, such as children or security or romance, then what's her downside? Lack of companionship in old age? That's likely to happen sooner or later anyways, given gender differences in age of partner and longevity. Of course, if her man isn't getting laid, he's likely to keel over even earlier. I mean, there is a level on which I know how these women feel. After my last break-up, I was ready to retire from the field myself and just become a pumpkin lady (gardening variation on cat lady.) The thing that puzzles me is that I believe that there is some sort of correlation between the desperate need for substitute teachers in my poor community and the desperate need for dates in the affluent community. Like they are both indicative of a shortage of free, relaxed feminine energy in our culture. I wasn't surprised that Japan was at the bottom of the list with the US, because of the article somebody previously posted about all the men in Japan literally dying from loneliness. I certainly don't want to return to pre-feminist conditions, but I think having a fairly high percentage of the adult population in a state of being healthy, relaxed and available for work that is at least not primarily monetarily rewarded might prove beneficial. I don't think rubber doll robots, however creatively programmed, are going to serve the purpose.

[7Wannabe5]

I was looking for Deida's list of ways to increase feminine energy, and happened upon this list which is similar, but even better, IMO. I had no clue that according to Ayurveda, women should and must eat sweets, but it's like everything in my life is suddenly making perfect sense to me. The short ring finger, the love of pastry, literature and plants, the dislike of burpees, restrictive clothing and engineering mechanics, etc. etc. etc. I don't even wanna be 5 anymore!

http://elevate-your-soul.com/how-to-inc ... ne-energy/

[Dragline]

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" is enough to send me running . . .

You know, now if I ever meet you in person, I'm going to sing this to you.

"The legend lives on, from the Chippewa on down, to the big lake they call Gitch-a-goomie . . ."

Followed by renditions of "Sundown" and "Brandi".

[7Wannabe5]

@Dragline: Well, "Sundown" and "Brandi" are not so bad. MIght make me reflect back to a time before the invention of bike helmets. I just can't seem to sync in with the erotic imagery of a large steely object slowly sinking into the cold, cold water. YMMV.

[BRUTE]

what if the large, steely object is roughly phallus-shaped?

[Toska2]

Does brute know Jason Aldean's song about water towers?

[7Wannabe5]

Exactly. I have some experience with dating older men, but I am not the sort of miracle worker who could bring the Edmund Fitzgerald back up to the surface. OTOH, I am now wondering if it would be copyright infringement to borrow title from Mr. Lightfoot, for one chapter of my soon (or never) to be released volume entitled "The GILF's Guide to Dating the Over 50 Man." Some of the chapters I've already mentally roughed out would be "His Back, Your Knees" ," Little Miss Direction", "Post-Mature Ejaculation" and "60 Going On 16." Perhaps "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" could be the one chapter that is lacking in optimistic outlook.

[BRUTE]

brute believes copyright expires 70 years after the author's death: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copyright ... ted_States

@toska2: brute has not heard that song

[enigmaT120]

I like Paranoid, by Black Sabbath. At least it helps me give a vigorous back rub. Just so my partner doesn't listen to the lyrics.

[7Wannabe5]

Not "Iron Man?" Respectable choice.

My current playlist includes "Post Blue" by Placebo, "Suga Suga" by Baby Bash, "Wolf Like Me" by TV On The Radio, "Curry Your Favor" by Green, "Mesmerizing" by Liz Phair, "Right On the Money" by Alan Jackson, "Can't Stop Thinking About It" by the Dirtbombs and "Western Movies" by the Olympics, but mostly I just dance to it.

[7Wannabe5]

Here is a grossly incomplete and oversimplified look at Deida's description of the growth and evolution of the different relationship modes of modern times:

Stage One, the 1950's Patriarchy: Men bring home the bacon, women are all, in the feminist perspective, dissatisfied housewives. everywhere, there is "dependence" on something outside yourself.
Stage Two, circa 1970's Matriarchy and Confusion: Everything gets scrambled, men are half-men, half-women, women are half-women, half-men, both are each, neither, both, and everything else. It's "independence," power-balance, or dependence on something inside yourself
Stage Three, 21st Century, Beyond Patriarchy and Matriarchy: Neither Stage One nor Stage Two, this is a stage of essentially real men being real men, and real women being real women; where both men and women become who they really are. From another, say, Covey-ian perspective, it's beyond dependence, beyond independence, to "interdependence" and beyond.

Of course, some folks are either "stuck" in 1950's mode of Stage One or the 1970's mode of Stage Two. Having a "Stage Three" relationship requires the proper work and effort.

Where are you in your strength and balance between masculine and feminine energy? Where do you want to be? How does your desired level of balance fit into your current relationship(s) or any you hope to have in the future?

[Ego]

Of course, some folks are either "stuck" in 1950's mode of Stage One or the 1970's mode of Stage Two. Having a "Stage Three" relationship requires the proper work and effort.

Where are you in your strength and balance between masculine and feminine energy? Where do you want to be? How does your desired level of balance fit into your current relationship(s) or any you hope to have in the future?

We lived in a van in Europe for the first 14 months of our marriage, allowing us to do the stage-three work without cultural or familial meddling. When we returned we were on pretty solid ground but still, to this day, it requires work to maintain the foundation.

I like the kind of interdependence where each person is helping the other to strengthen their weak areas rather than splitting the work by strengths. We are both very cognizant of the fact that one day a terrible thing could happen and one of us might not be here. Recognizing that possibility makes us appreciate this moment, right now, and encourages us to continue improving and growing as individuals as well as a couple.

That said, my penmanship is atrocious since I broke my thumb so Christmas cards and thank-you cards are out no matter what. Then again, I have no doubt that Mrs. Ego would find a way to haunt me until I learned to write with my left hand.

[EMJ]

Stage Two, circa 1970's Matriarchy

How was this "matriarchy" expressed?
Matriarchy ≠ feminism or women's rights.