Did anyone here have psychological hang-ups about fixing your diet, losing weight, and getting in shape?

[ertyu]

If yes, what were yours about and what did it take to work through them?

Edit: I might have been too brief here. What I meant to ask was, did anyone find themselves either self-sabotaging for psychological reasons or having an inner psychological block to becoming healthy and fit. Being healthy and fit is rationally desirable. The strategies and tactics to becoming healthy and fit are also well-known. Also well-known is that lizard brains would throw a fit when confronted with something which seems like immedicate pain for no immediate gain. Strategies and tactics for dealing with this are also well-known, or at least easily researchable.

However, in spite of the fact that health and fitness have such benefits + "the how" is known, not many people can achieve those goals. There is something else stopping you. When you read books about it, most therapists seem to write like once the person realizes what's stopping them, that's it, problem solved. So the true issue is then to introspect deeply enough for what's really going on. Some examples I remember from my reading: women who were sexually abused keeping fat on as "protection" from attracting sexual attention. A woman who didn't want to be fit because she was unhappy in her marriage and she was afraid if she looked better she might leave her husband. A painfully insecure guy keeping the gut because he thought that when he lost the weight, he'd have to start trying to approach women, which is what he truly wanted to avoid. Etcetera.

Again, in the books, the person has a revelation about what's truly driving their behavior, and this somehow is the magic switch that unlocks resistance and allows change to occur.

I am suspicious of this claim. It seems ridiculous to me that a dude would go, "oh, it was just because i was too scared to talk to chicks" and problem solved. Or that someone who has experienced trauma would simply go, "oh, now i realize i was just terrified of being vulnerable and exposed." Basically, this seems to assume that awareness of the resistance (or fear) removes the fear.

So, in the case of 7w5 and GK, what my question's trying to get at isn't, "oh, I somehow always end up eating too much when I live with guys" but what are the psychological reasons why one might end up doing that when health and fitness are clearly such prized states. Without going there, I don't think meaningful change would be sustainable. Different behavior might succeed for some time, but without dealing with the inner reasons, the person would go back to where they started. The reason why they were "like where they started" never went away, so they automatically revert there.

I hope this has made what the question is about a bit clearer.

[C40]

There are a variety of tricks. Like putting your workout clothes out before you go to bed and putting them on even if you feel like you're not going to work out (and then you do work out). One girl I knew slept in her workout clothes so she would wake up and exercise.

Set up your eating habits so you have to make the 'right choices' less frequently. (basically, don't eat out, and don't have crap food at home. Then, you only need to make the right choice when you're buying groceries)

Set specific (S.M.A.R.T.) goals. Write them down. Devise a plan of activities to achieve them. Track the completion of your activity - in a place that's visible to you like on a whiteboard in your kitchen. I like doing fitness tests (like running a mile in a certain time, or deadlifting a certain amount 20 times. If you really set a schedule of them and will be sure to do them when you plan, knowing that test/challenge is coming up helps you do the work and make the improvements needed for it to go well.


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But, really, the best trick is to find a way to want it more.

Expand in your mind the reasons that have made you want it. Find more reasons. Think about them more. Exaggerate the link between those motivations and your fitness/health.

When you really, really want it, it's easy.

[7Wannabe5]

I agree with C40, but would note that setting up your environment that way becomes increasingly difficult when you share meals with other people. So, one of my current psychological problems in this realm that needs solving is my tendency to always gain weight when I live alone with a man. If I don't stay constantly vigilant, I auto-magically drift up towards consuming calorie intake more appropriate for somebody taller and more muscular than me. This if further complicated by the fact that because I do like tasty food, a partner with intention to please me will tend towards offering me more rather than less. I do much better when I am living in a shared or group situation where food intake is more individualized. I used to think this effect was due to being relieved of the pressure of dating while significantly partnered, but I am free to date others in my current relationship and the domestic pudge effect remains apparent.

[GandK]

Seconded. My solo diet and exercise routine is an order of magnitude more healthy than that I practice with males in my orbit. And unfortunately (for me, fortunately for them), I bend to them.

And I have multiple males. At present, M51 and M9, both carb-loving Italian-Americans who eschew bitter and spicy foods, and will only run if chased.

[intellectualpersuit]

Rationalization, or making excuses for my actions. This cookie is going to give me a boost to help me get my homework done.
For my diet and exercise to be good, I must make the mental switch where it is the default state, not a decision.

find a way to want it more

In the ERE book this is one side of the triangle effecting its volume as motivation.

[7Wannabe5]

@GandK:

Yeah, picky kids are a problem too, but if/when I have only had kids to feed, I have been better at either taking charge or simply feeding them separately. As in, "Well, bitter and spicy is what I cooked tonight, so if you don't like it, as always, feel free to help yourself to yogurt, bread and fruit."

IME, living or sharing meals with other females has not been a problem, because they are usually more amenable to suggestions such as "How about we split a sushi roll and one Hershey's with almonds for dinner?" if in the mood to be indulgent, whereas with a male partner I am more often likely to find myself sharing indulgence in something like bacon cheeseburger with side of fries, which I don't even like nearly as much as sushi and a chocolate bar. So it's like half the fun for three times the cost in calories.

So, in the case of 7w5 and GK, what my question's trying to get at isn't, "oh, I somehow always end up eating too much when I live with guys" but what are the psychological reasons why one might end up doing that when health and fitness are clearly such prized states. Without going there, I don't think meaningful change would be sustainable. Different behavior might succeed for some time, but without dealing with the inner reasons, the person would go back to where they started. The reason why they were "like where they started" never went away, so they automatically revert there.

I've considered this theory and could make argument in favor of it based on my own experiences, but...I still think it is the case that even very painful psychological blocks fall within the scope of overall economic motivation, inclusive of such things as environmental cues. For instance, let's say you offered me $2000/month pay for losing 8 lbs/month, I would definitely take you up on the offer, because I could easily make it my first priority given that level of motivation. I have lost fairly large amounts of weight in the past and common denominator has always been motivation/ability to make it my top or at least tied-for-top priority. This, of course, also has to be followed by motivation to also make maintenance a near top level priority.

[Ego]

What I meant to ask was, did anyone find themselves either self-sabotaging for psychological reasons or having an inner psychological block to becoming healthy and fit. Being healthy and fit is rationally desirable. The strategies and tactics to becoming healthy and fit are also well-known.

Thriving societies need individuals willing to sacrifice everything. To that end, societies use culture to encourage sacrifice. A side-effect or glitch in the cultural machine caused by encouraging sacrifice is that self-destruction becomes virtuous. Jesus Christ.

viewtopic.php?t=5044&start=60#p72566

[TopHatFox]

Not really, but I think that’s because I have been eating healthfully and doing exercise since I ironically took an online PE course. I guess it’d be much harder if I had wanted to get healthy at 35 or 45

[7Wannabe5]

Thriving societies need individuals willing to sacrifice everything. To that end, societies use culture to encourage sacrifice. A side-effect or glitch in the cultural machine caused by encouraging sacrifice is that self-destruction becomes virtuous. Jesus Christ.

True, but it's even more complex than that because our society also strongly correlates health and fitness with "virtue." For example, it would be more acceptable to say that I wanted to lose weight and get in better shape because motivated by "concern about my health" rather than motivated by "desire to perform XXX tap dance number with Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron." However, since I am an ENTP, the second would definitely be more truly core motivational.

[ertyu]

Thriving societies need individuals willing to sacrifice everything. To that end, societies use culture to encourage sacrifice. A side-effect or glitch in the cultural machine caused by encouraging sacrifice is that self-destruction becomes virtuous. Jesus Christ.

viewtopic.php?t=5044&start=60#p72566

Hm, I definitely sense a side of ... protestant work ethic? in me around this. As in, "changing my eating now is a no-no because it might affect my job performance." Somehow, there's an imperative that all shall be subject and subjugated to my ability to do my job. Other excuses: "Some form of FI is just a year or two away, I will start working on it then."

The implicit culture at my company is that we should maintain good appearance because we are client-facing and our appearance represents the company. This creates kind of a double-bind: you must sacrifice your health to the company yet you must always appear fit joyful and healthy or else you must not like your job enough. Protestant work ethic is exactly what this is.

[iopsi]

I consider myself lucky, cause i started weight training thanks to a few friends, when i was 17.

Since i was a bit of a nerd, the objective then was to get the infamous beach body with 6 packs abs to get girls ofc (which wasn't nearly as successful as i though lol, i simply became a gym nerd instead of a computer one).

Then the habit simply sticked, a more fundamental passion started to develop, and now i'm 28, having trained relatively regularly for the past 11 years, and i hope to never be in a position where i can't lift weights anymore.

It's something i will try to do for life.

Regarding cardio, my habit is a little less strong and i don't have the same passion obviously, i see that only as something necessary to be healthy.
But i still manage to do it once or twice a week.


So the point i guess is: if you want that something becomes an habit or even a passion, start doing it as soon as you can and as much as you can, even if just for an hour or less per day (or whatever is the right amount of time that, for your current level of motivation/habit/passion, is neither too much nor too little).
Eventually the habit will stick.