May-December Relationships, In-Vitro Fertilization, Freezing Eggs, and Other Considerations

[Mister Imperceptible]

@Laura Ingalls

I think where you come from and who you are surrounded by is a big factor. The African-American community already is dealing with plenty of inertia as is, and the problem only compounds if you don’t know anyone who understands capital formation, and worse, the people around you make you feel guilty for being successful.

Most people are anchors. I’ve spent the last few years cutting a lot of people off.

[Mister Imperceptible]

@ffj

I am not so in earnest as my OP might have indicated. We are just talking. I’m interested in the viability of it. I didn’t say I was ready to make a move. I try to anticipate the possibilities far in advance. I posted this in the Health section for a reason, not the Friends and Family or Lifestyle or Community section. I was interested in the in vitro or eggs freezing aspects primarily and it spiraled into waxing philosophical.

I have no expectations whatsoever. I’ve been around the block, I’m by no means a noob or am clueless at dating. Again, I have the cynicism of a de Maupassant, but this morning when she sent me her retirement account passwords and broke into tears my heart melted. That hasn’t happened in a long time. But I do appreciate the concern.

[Peanut]

People have given you good advice. As for the health-related questions, understand that at 45 a woman's chances of naturally conceiving and giving birth to her first* child are really, really low. So low that you should treat it as pretty much guaranteed not to happen. This is because fertility falls off a cliff at a certain point. 43 is the last cliff for most women. And think about it, at 45 a woman is 30+ years away from the onset of her fertility and only 5-10 from the end of her fertility. Egg freezing is not done at that age. IVF is done, but the statistics are very discouraging. What does work is using a donor egg from a much younger woman. Many women of advanced maternal age (even 50+) can carry babies to term with little problem using donor eggs. If you and this woman are committed to having your kids, this would be the best biological option.

*This is important. Women who have already had a child have a much better chance of getting pregnant again at advanced maternal age (over 35). They don't seem to know why but it's a noted phenomenon. Think Sarah Palin (and remember that her last child has Down's Syndrome) who I think had her last child at about 45.

[Mister Imperceptible]

@Peanut

Alright, thank you.

She already fancies the idea of being my muse so it should be interesting anyway. No need to attempt to have Franco Harris catch a deflected pass on 4th down.

[Jason]

not only does thinking with your dick often result in your web of goals being pulled apart

Hopefully this doesn't turn out to be the case for either of you.

[Mister Imperceptible]

Basically, words can be a minefield. However, since words are what we use to communicate with, it is necessary to sometimes stretch our words if we want to stretch our thinking. Words are tremendously constraining on our thinking---especially if insisting that they can only ever mean whatever it says in the dictionary. I think this is why philosophy theses---especially those concerning ontology(**)---spend 90% of their page count essentially defining or redefining what certain words mean within the context of the thesis before rebuilding a new framework.

@cimorene

I might need to abandon my use of the word power because it seems clear that it was not understood as I intended it. I am not talking about the caricature of lordship. I won’t be taunting this woman that she needs to set herself to use when I come home in the evening.

I am talking about the mathematics of dating. I am off the chart. Very attractive in some ways. Very unattractive in others. This makes me hard to gauge.

[Jason]

Once you tell her that you have the same taste in women as Bill Cosby, she'll understand.

[Mister Imperceptible]

Therefore, individuals who are right around center of curve in all things will have an easier time finding other individuals with whom they can form successful multi-realm long-term contract. Individuals who are off the chart will have more difficulty, especially if they are objectively very attractive in some realms, and unattractive in others. Individuals who believe themselves to be in transition phase of status towards higher levels, will not want to lock in contract currently. Individuals who believe themselves to be in transition phase of status towards lower levels, will very much want to lock in contract currently.

Unless other party is otherwise in philosophical alignment due to generally valuing "conservation of resources" and/or "free use of time", your own frugal FI is a bit of a hard sell on the market, because in a way all you are offering is evidence that it is highly unlikely that you will ever be a financial burden on the other person.

I am nowhere near the center of the curve. The market is not efficient.

@Jason

Similar tastes but more savory methods.

[Jason]

Granted. Although, your views on eugenics may make it a wash.

[Mister Imperceptible]

your views on eugenics may make it a wash.

http://www.philosophy-index.com/nietzsc ... tra/xx.php

[Jason]

That's great. Just remember to say "It proves I'm pro-miscegenation!!!" if anyone raises an eyebrow on that, although that's highly doubtful considering her background.

[Mister Imperceptible]

Faith in the Earth

[Jason]

I have no doubt that the whole "God is Dead" thing will work out splendidly, especially with an African American woman working in the military.

So at what point are you going to move into phrenology discussion? I'm thinking that will cinch the deal.

[Mister Imperceptible]

At a certain point the Words of Affirmation cease and Touch takes over.

[wood]

She tells me everyday that she appreciates me and expresses gratitude that I appreciate her as well. I tell her everyday that she’s beautiful. I have asked her several times if she will get tired of me telling her how beautiful she is. She says it will never get old. She has her moments where she is feeling herself and boasts that she has tiaras at home. I asked that when she comes to visit me, that she bring one of her tiaras so that I might worship her properly. She said she would oblige.

You are validating this person so much that you are literally worshipping her, and you are asking for validation as well. In addition you are offering help and sympathy in areas of her life that is currently in distress. You are the white knight.

My guess is that if this dynamic continues the way you describe it above, the power dynamic you started off with will quickly fade and it will affect your sexual relationship. She will dry up, get disinterested, take you for granted and possibly cheat. You may f.kc her good and give her numerous reasons for appreciating you, but at some point age becomes less relevant as a function of the power dynamic between the two of you and you will both start wondering why she isn't as turned on by you anymore. She will subconsciously behave in ways requiring you to validate her even more to try to get back the original chemistry that no longer exists. You have White Knight-ed her. And undoing it later doesn't work well unless you really know what you're doing.

The upside is that you may still have a great relationship. It depends how much you value sex and attraction. And every relationship, at some level, has some push/pull and frustration in it.

I'm just here to make you aware and warn you and it's all based on how I interpret your posts. You seem to feel underappreciated by women in your life and I think the paragraph I've quoted is a key for you to understand why. There's a high chance I'm wrong but there's also a chance I'm right.

[Mister Imperceptible]

@wood

I appreciate the input. The paragraph you quoted I felt was necessary to write because people were quickly piling on with their principle of anti-charity, or, reading the OP with the worst possible interpretation. I can be very charming but for Dr. Fisker’s sake I will spare everyone the full transcript of my dialogue with this woman. We’re talking about musical tastes, the cinema, food and cooking, shooting firearms, the fact we each come from military families, our dating histories, how we came to be who we are now, what our individual goals are and how we plan to get there, and how it may or may not be possible to intertwine our web of goals (though she is not yet familiar with the term “web of goals”). It is I who broached the subject of her investments. She has stated she is fine without having children. She asked if being with her alone would make me happy. I said “No, though it might make me happier than I am now, only fulfilling my destiny can achieve that.” And she said she would be delighted to be my muse.

It is all only preliminary. The alternative to online dating is getting me-too’d at work, as work currently takes nearly all of my time. I play in a co-ed softball league and perform in improv troupes as well, the amount of time invested in these things compared to the number of actually datable women I meet there is very asymmetric and it is not in my favor.

[jacob]

I might need to abandon my use of the word power because it seems clear that it was not understood as I intended it. I am not talking about the caricature of lordship.

Dude, I'd recommend abandoning lots of words (such as alpha, attracting mates, fertilization, and also power) and giving up some of the letters that you're a man of in that first post of yours. At best much of it sounded like someone got their entire understanding of human relationships from the "sexual reproduction of primates" chapter in a vintage high school biology book; at worst it sounded like it came out of a bunch incel/redpill forums.

Those two look just about the same in the real world, that is to say radioactive and works about as well unless the person on the receiving end is either drunk or desperate. (Not saying that this proves the negative, but I've yet to see a PUA advancing to an actual relationship.)

The second one went over better. Stick to the "modern" vernacular if you want a long term relationship.

[Mister Imperceptible]

Fair enough Dr. Fisker.

[slowtraveler]

Jacob's first paragraph gave me the best laugh I've had all day. Almost choked on my sunflower seeds.

I agree with C40, Ego, Jacob, Wood, and probably a few others here.

Be present with her. You're thinking way too much as a result of this. Enjoy it. You haven't met her yet.

I think going somewhere your smv is higher would help remove the hunger I seem to read (but could be wrong about) in your initial post.

[JuliusFC]

This reads like a textbook confidence scam to me.

I hope it's not, but please be cautious. Being "very lonely" has perhaps dulled your spidey senses.