Inspire me please? Feeling down.

[SustainableHappiness]

THF, I hope by the time you read this you are already feeling a little better. All the advice here is great.

My only advice is, try your best not to place a certain X (lifestyle, goal, thing, person) on a pedestal beyond all other things. From the quote "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" the most important part is the steps, not the goal. Life is mundane and awe-inspiring all at once.

Call the helplines or your own helplines.

[TopHatFox]

I got a full-time job in finance recruiting. 40K base with 20K expected commission. Went to my first day today, but feeling really drained. Hours today were 8-6 with a 1-hour lunch in between. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. /: Why can't I emotionally/mentally do this thing called work that so many other people do? I'll try my best to stick it out and see if it improves. I may have to get hooked on 2-3 cups of coffee again, but maybe that's better than quitting.

I now have a date to start braces - Jan 8th, with a potential surgery date in late June. I'll likely try to stick around NY for now until that's done.

I did decide to ditch the Thai mattress I have been using for sleep and splurged on a Leesa mattress instead. Pretty bummed that my first foray into floor sleeping seems to have failed for now. The new mattress will arrive in a few days. Maybe that'll help with sleep, which will help with everything else. Time will tell. When I interned at a Chamber of Commerce one summer, I had a mattress then too and still felt like shit after week 10. Things aren't looking too good right now, might be worse.

I'll definitely drop it all and go hiking though if jumping from a high thing is the alternative. Same with just having to spend down a 1/3 of assets to complete surgery and do whatever I want for a year. I'll try and reach out to a therapist and see if that helps. I'm feeling super stuck. If I work any of the jobs I've worked thus far, I feel horribly depressed. If I don't work and I am actively looking for work, I feel depressed and anxious about making ends meet with my emergency fund. Finding jobs I actually want has been highly difficult or require more education. All of this means I can't seem to meet even short-term needs for happiness/pleasure. Lovely...

[P_K]

THF,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It’s easy to compare yourself to the people “succeeding” at the jobs you’ve recently been at because they are the people at those locations; but, what you don’t see are the multitudes of people who would go insane at a corporate office doing finance work, or sales, or recruiting, or whatever. It is NOT for everyone. Since this is another corporate job, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out. If sticking it out for a while gives you a sense of purpose or relief insofar as it generates an income, then it’s fine. But if it contributes nothing but stress and misery, it has to go. As others have said, your well being comes first. The money is irrelevant. Really it is. Hard to imagine when we spend as much time on a forum such as this, but it is. You are 23 years old. You have a lifetime to make money, and to find ways of making money that bring you happiness, and other people happiness.

Please see a therapist. There is only so much the people of this forum can do over an anonymous forum post. If it is community you crave then find some local groups where you can physically, regularly connect with people. But, please give a therapist a visit, or at least a doctor. A single visit is a minor commitment, easy to do, costs very little. And again, the money is of negligible importance. What matters is getting better. And if you haven’t already, then you’ve got to share these thoughts and feelings with your partner/family/a loved one. It’s hard to find the motivation to seek professional treatment when you feel this way, I know. It's so easy to blow it off as not a big deal. But it is. And having an external motivator – someone to push you and someone to get better for – can go a long way towards motivating treatment and getting better.

[phil]

This.

[Lemon]

I would echo as others have said seeing a therapist/someone qualified to get some help.

We can help but only so much here. Same for books if your mood is very low.

Feeling trapped either with money worries or job is horrible. But you are young intelligent and versatile you will be able to get through it. Try not to compare yourself just to the people on here with 6 figure salaries. You don’t *have* to work like that.

The first few months/year working can be tough. My journal here wasn’t exactly all joy. I actually ended up in tears at work a few times (not saying that should happen!). But over time you Adapt and get better at the job meaning less brain space is needed and can then be redeployed and what helps you flourish.

Best of luck

[slsdly]

I don't have much to add besides suggesting blood work. Low iron (not just hemoglobin!), folate, B12, etc all can cause anxiety and depression. While I've managed such mental issues for over 15 years, there have been times it was acute due to low levels of the above. You might think you eat enough of all the right things -- it doesn't matter, we all have different abilities to absorb things, and if you take the wrong things together (e.g. iron and calcium, vitamin C and B12), you may not be getting what you need.

[Kriegsspiel]

I got a full-time job in finance recruiting. 40K base with 20K expected commission. Went to my first day today, but feeling really drained. Hours today were 8-6 with a 1-hour lunch in between. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. /: Why can't I emotionally/mentally do this thing called work that so many other people do? I'll try my best to stick it out and see if it improves. I may have to get hooked on 2-3 cups of coffee again, but maybe that's better than quitting.

I'm feeling super stuck. If I work any of the jobs I've worked thus far, I feel horribly depressed. If I don't work and I am actively looking for work, I feel depressed and anxious about making ends meet with my emergency fund. Finding jobs I actually want has been highly difficult or require more education. All of this means I can't seem to meet even short-term needs for happiness/pleasure. Lovely...

Here's some advice from Ran Prieur's site:

"Where are these "low pay, low status, easy" jobs?

Well, when I say "low," I don't mean Wal-Mart low. I'm thinking of low-end "professional" jobs, where you have a cubicle or maybe even a tiny office, and you can get away with doing four hours of work in an eight hour day. Of course you'll never get promoted, but you don't want to be! Those jobs are out there. The problem is there's no way to ask for them. If your job is too stressful, look for another one. Repeat until you get lucky. And go for boring over cool. A job at a video game company is likely to work you to death. The best job I ever had was as the flunky office boy for a lease administration office.

Also, Robert comments:
...in 1998 I quit my bank analyst job with plans to start my business. I had about nine months of savings and time to play with before my expected opening date, so I got an $8.25/hour office job pulling faxes and routing calls. I worked about four hours a day at my "job" and four hours a day surfing the Internet, making calls, formulating strategies, in connection with starting up my import business. And those people in that office thought I was the most efficient and capable person ever to have that position.

And Patricia comments:
Colleges are good places to find those "four hours work / four hours net surfing" kinds of jobs. Anything with "administrative" in the title will usually qualify. If you have the right attitude ("I'm just here putting in time to get cash for a couple years") then they are also low-stress. People around you may be stressy, but you can learn to let that roll off your back.

And Jason comments:
Don't overlook security guards! The hardest thing about it is filling a twelve hour shift, and you learn a lot of stuff that helps you stay under the radar. The ideal job is where you sit in a shack with (monitored) internet access and check people in and out on the night shift. I also get a preview of what's coming for society, and get to test it now (tin foil does a great job of blocking an RFID badge). Before you apply know that your fingerprints will be put in the FBI files."

[Tyler9000]

But, please give a therapist a visit, or at least a doctor.

I'd recommend both. A therapist can definitely help you with your mental funk, and a simple blood panel can identify any potential deficiencies (vitamin D, thyroid, etc) that may be compounding the problem. Also, just the act of proactively seeking help is a good activity to help fight depression. You're not alone!

I got a full-time job in finance recruiting. 40K base with 20K expected commission. Went to my first day today, but feeling really drained. Hours today were 8-6 with a 1-hour lunch in between. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. /: Why can't I emotionally/mentally do this thing called work that so many other people do? I'll try my best to stick it out and see if it improves.

Congrats on the new job! I understand that you're not in a mental place to really appreciate it right now, but from the outside looking in you're clearly a really bright guy with a lot to offer. Give it time, as there's a decent chance your funk is not about the job itself or even work as a whole. I've found over time that work and happiness are on independent vectors, but it requires a lot of exercise to learn to work those mental muscles independently. It's normal to feel a little sore as you work your way up.

[TopHatFox]

Second day today: Today was a lot better. Found 32 potential candidates for a Senior Manager role at a bank. 2 are being suggested to the client. Thought that was cool. My supervisor is nice to me and gives me compliments when I do well, and patient feedback when I need to change something. I'm at least used to working all day and know what to expect from the previous job I had. I had my first cup of work coffee today.

Blood/Sleep Test: I got a blood test after all the free time I had when I got canned from my previous gig. Everything within normal range. In fact, I had slightly too much protein. I also had high levels of white blood cells, but that was because I was about to get sick at the time. Little did I know. I'm thinking this new mattress will be good. All the other stressors I'm experiencing could be compounded by sleep deprivation from trying to sleep on the Thai mattress for 5 months. I dunno, excited to give it a shot. I was scheduled for a sleep study yesterday night, but the clinic asked me and my doctor for paperwork the day of for something scheduled months in advance. Very professional of them.

Food Adaptation: I bought a $20 mountain-of-salad today at work. From now on, I'm carrying peanut butter and whole grain bread in my bag at all times. Plus some fruit and other food. Oo, and a 64 oz water bottle. I'm also completely going to quit eating out at restaurants, not to mention only shopping in bulk at Aldi or this local food stop I found. I've been carried 2 fold-up bags in my day-pack. They've been useful for improptu deal shopping. I work way too hard for NY to screw me on every purchase.

Community Work/Coaching: I reached out to the Habitat for Humanity near Aldi to volunteer over the weekends. I've also reached out to the food shelter to volunteer there too. It'll give me something to do while learning some skills. I still need to reach out to a therapist/coach to listen to my shit and help me apply my own logic to myself.

Surgery: It turns out my COBRA insurance doesn't have a deductible. So, all in, surgery will cost $300 plus monthly premiums of $757.86. I only need to keep it until the surgery, which is scheduled within 6 months from Jan. So that's 4.5K premiums + $300 OOP + $5.4K braces =10.2K

[BRUTE]

sleep deprivation from trying to sleep on the Thai mattress for 5 months.

interesting. brute is still sleeping on his. he did eventually get used to it after a few weeks or so, but sleep definitely still feels different. it is a different feeling of being rested, somehow. hard to describe.

[TopHatFox]

TopHat wakes up with bags under his eyes and sometimes intermittently at night : (

Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Feel free to share your suggestions. It'd be really cool to make it work, but it hasn't thus far. I could always try another piece of portable floor furniture, but at least I'll now have the Leesa mattress as a control.

[daylen]

I like to make PB&J's with whole wheat tortillas. These provide a good combination of protein/fat/carbs while also being convenient to pack.

Also, I have had success with a cheap Japanese futon (same basic idea with more padding).

[BRUTE]

TopHat wakes up with bags under his eyes and sometimes intermittently at night : (

Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Feel free to share your suggestions. It'd be really cool to make it work, but it hasn't thus far. I could always try another piece of portable floor furniture, but at least I'll now have the Leesa mattress as a control.

brute isn't 100% he's doing it right, either. sometimes he wakes up not fully rested, and sometimes he wakes up at night. but that's always been the case with any mattress. it doesn't seem too bad, but to be honest, it's pretty difficult to get accurate sleep data outside maybe a sleep lab.

one thing that seems more tricky with a thin mattress is the pillow - whereas before it didn't really seem to matter how the pillow was arranged, brute now requires a pretty significant pillow height or he will wake up with a sore neck.

on the positive side, brute used to wake up with a sore lower back when he used soft mattresses. that's all gone. even his legs feel less tense/tight than before. he's heard that sleeping on a hard surface is a little bit like getting a massage for 8 hours. has TopHatFox experienced anything in this regard?

[FBeyer]

THF: You're exhibiting some very typical behavioural, cognitive and emotionals sign of stress and/or depression. Trust me, real life manifestation of those illnesses are nothing like you think they are.

It's like looking at myself one year back when I was put on sick leave. I'm not going to type out everything I've learned in the past year but you can read through the last couple of pages of my journal. If you think anything sounds even remotely like how you're feeling PM me and I'll set up a skype call with you. Text won't do right about now, there are possibly too many odd ends and questions that should be answered sooner rather than later.