Inspire me please? Feeling down.

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TopHatFox
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Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by TopHatFox »

I've been feeling pretty depressed/suicidal lately. I've been stressing about expensive health insurance and surgery. I've been worried about job seeking, a slowly diminishing emergency fund, and the dim prospects of grad school. I've been caught off guard by the transition to the working world in now cold, lonely, and dark New York. I've become almost numb to the declining state of our biosphere and most of the people in it.

I could use some support. My partner and close friends over Skype are fine and all, but I'd like community. Statistically, I know I'm not alone. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the states, more acutely so for teens and people in their 20's. Depression has become a staple in the US, with millions of people medicated for it every year.

Feel free to share your own experiences or inspiritation if you like. I don't give a shit about the idea of taboo topics, so there's that.

CS
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by CS »

That sounds dreadful. Winters ARE the worst! The older I get, the more horrible it is to deal with, so I completely understand.

You are a the bottom of what seems to be an impossible mountain. But you'll get there. You have time to sign up for Obamacare if you need to, or the equivalent in your state. If you aren't employed, you can get financial help. Let some of the enrollment people help if you needed (deadline soon though if you need it, so get hopping - like tomorrow)

Work can be a slog, but your personal satisfaction with it will go up with time. Really. You haven't had enough time in it yet, so please just take my word on it.

As far as the whole ERE thing, take one thing at a time. Job or no, if you need health insurance, go and get it through the exchange.

Then worry about a job, since you can always drop the insurance if you get your own.

Then deal with the next step, such as living arrangements Then the next.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

People make a ton of mistakes and still generally end up okay (well, I know I did, and a lot of other people did too). You don't have to do this perfectly.

And find something you like to do, and make sure you get to do it. The accumulation phase doesn't mean 'never have any fun ever phase.'

I'm still working at my late age :D because I spent ten years as a drummer in various bands, sometimes as my only employment, got to be an award winning photographer, took time off to go to school for various things because I find it loads of fun... all things I probably spent way, way. wayyyyyyy too much money on. Regret it? Nope. Not one bit. I'm saving now (and luckily I saved some then thanks to mom's good influence). It's all gonna work out just fine.

So go make a mess and have some fun. Or just have some fun. I found drumming great for me as an INTP, because it was a social, without me having to be THAT social and I still got to work on a skill. See if you can find something like that... something that will pull people into your life. It will help. It's probably the loneliness that is making everything else seem harder (just a guess on my part). And don't even think you are too old for something like that... I started drumming, something I had always wanted to do, when I was twenty. I ended up making several CD's, touring in bands, and knowing most of the musicians in my town. So just go for something. You can do it.

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Jean
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by Jean »

Spend at least one hour outdoor everyday, whatever the weather. It really helps feeling happy.
Also, having something very dangerous but very usefull for the world if you are going to die anyway, is going to make the prospect of killing yourself easy to procastinate.
Those two advice should help you long enough to get back on your feet.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Rip up your To Do list. Turn your back on your mountain of "Should"s, and invite some adventure into your life. If I was you, I would pack up my minimalist pile, buy a megabus ticket, and camp and ride my bike on the white beaches of South Carolina for a month while researching how to start a small business, or join the Peace Corps or Americorps. Something like that.

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jennypenny
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by jennypenny »

You need something to do ... a reason to get up. If you really don't want to take an hourly-wage type job, then go help people. Winter is the hardest time on the indigent. Don't focus on their plight. Focus on the what you can do to help them in the moment. It's healthy to learn how to focus on the small wins.

Maybe you should find a local church to attend? I know you're an atheist, but churches offer a lot of community support and social interaction. Trust me, there are a lot of church members who are only there for the community. Most churches are very welcoming. It can be really helpful at the holidays -- churches offer a lot of fun/no pressure social events like concerts and such during a time when depression can be at its worst. I just wouldn't wear your polyamory on your sleeve. ;)

OTCW
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by OTCW »

A good doctor can help. Sad is one thing, but suicidal is a whole other. No shame in seeking professional help.

Did
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by Did »

Please do try and seek some professional help. Someone needs to be looking out for you. We can all give tips on improving things but since you've come out and said it I think you need to treat it as a number 1 priority.

That said, I was terribly unhappy for many years. I hated my job. Things at home weren't great. I didn't have a chemical imbalance in my brain, as it turns out, I just needed a change. I made massive changes, selling everything, getting out of town (hit the road). Removing all the crap. And you know what the next 12 months were the happiest of my life.

You'll get through this.

Gilberto de Piento
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

You need to see a therapist right away. Don't drink, don't do drugs right now. If there are negative people in your life, stop spending time with them. Make changes where you need to and let the things that do not matter truly slide. Get outside or use a sun lamp, the lack of light this time of year can be a downer.

Take the next job that you can get so that you have something to do and don't run out of money. Don't overthink it. But then keep looking and move on to something better as soon as you can.

Why are you still in New York looking at jobs you aren't interested in? You used to talk about adventure all the time. If you think this might be something you want get a van and move out west or whatever. Find an adventure job (whatever that means to you) working with like minded people that are in your same situation. (Warning: I'm basically giving you the advice I wish I would have gotten so take it with a grain of salt). ERE is a great idea but the world looks different at 20 or 25 than 30 or 35. Watching a sunrise while you help sail a boat is still great at 35 but some of the magic is gone. Don't wait too long.

Sometimes it seems like you are looking for approval to make sure you are doing "the right thing." It also seems like you are more focused on avoiding missteps than taking action. I get it, I'm like that too. Try something!

Good luck, don't give up.

Dave
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by Dave »

Hi THF,

Sorry to hear you are feeling down.

I recommend you read and seriously implement all the steps from the following book:

https://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure- ... 0738213888

Doing so helped pull me from a dark place, and when I slip back to that place I find the program always helps get me get back to normal. It has the added benefits of being very common sense, simple, and cheap to implement.

Farm_or
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by Farm_or »

Seasonal Associated Depression? Dark complexion? Vitamin D.

phil
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by phil »

From reading your posts I get the impression that you are overly ambitious on the short term. A nice job, a huge savings net, and many more things. You want it all, and you cannot wait. Slow down. Take it one step at a time. Focus on achieving such things on a longer time scale and accepting and enjoying life as it is for the moment.

In the meantime, have your vitamin D checked. And exercise! And go away on a holiday or something like that, even if it cuts into your savings. Nothing is more important than your well-being. The rest can wait.

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Seppia
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by Seppia »

Stay close to the people who love you, do something you like or that you feel is just (regardless of financial implications), and if it persists, seek professional help immediately.

I've always thought that part of being strong is knowing what you cannot do alone / when you need other people's help.
This is valid at work, in sports and in life.

theanimal
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by theanimal »

As someone who's drifted in and out of the same feeling somewhat often since graduating, I can only echo the advice of others.

I'm not sure if I read this here or elsewhere but this is applicable to both you and me. There once was a donkey who was equally thirsty and hungry. On one side was a trough filled with water. On the other was a bale of hay. The donkey kept looking back and forth unsure of which option was best. Unable to choose between the two, the donkey died. Don't be the donkey!!!!

The most important thing is to pick something and go with it. There will always be something else you could do but you can't necessarily do it all. You'll be worse off and in the same mindset if you just keep exploring options. Note that I should be taking my own advice here.

Worry about what's the right thing for you, not what's right in the minds of others. ERE isn't defined by making a large amount of money in a short period of time then never working again. In my opinion, the purest form of ERE are people like hunter-gatherers or Suelo, those who live without money but have lots of skills and social capital.

You HAVE money! How many people graduate with a positive net worth, let alone one in excess of 50k? That's extremely, extremely rare. You want to adventure? Go do it. You are in a better position financially than any other person in the adventure world I've met. You have assets and are not entirely reliant upon a job.

You've been talking about van living for a while. Get a van and move west. You want to help people. Look into wilderness therapy (You'll need a WFR). High paying job for the outdoor world, extremely rewarding and a full work load gives you half the year off.

You can do it!!

halfmoon
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by halfmoon »

A lot of great advice here about what to do with your life, but first you need to deal with the emergency of feeling suicidal. Call a crisis help line and get a doctor's appointment. Maybe you have a severe vitamin deficiency; maybe you need to be on medication for awhile; whatever it takes to stop drowning and crawl up on land. I know it's hard to take action when you're depressed, but please do it.

The Old Man
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by The Old Man »

Suicide Hotline (USA): +1-800-273-TALK (8255)

wood
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by wood »

If you're contemplating suicide, seek professional help.

I've been through 4 or 5 depressions this year which is very unusual for me. What helps me might not work for you but here are some ideas I remember off the bat:

- Mentally separate yourself (ego) from your trajectory (actions). Think of yourself as yourself (!) and your trajectory as a person you love and want to help. This helped me actually do positive stuff instead of being paralyzed, filled with apathy and cutting myself down too much.

- Think short term. Your problems right now are just temporary. Your biggest and most immediate concern are suicidal thoughts. So deal with that first by seeking professional help. Once you have made that step, make another step towards the next biggest/most immediate problem. This helped me to not feel overwhelmed. First things first.

- Start small, focus on small changes that will make today slightly better than if you didn't do it. What is one small thing you can do today that you will actually do? How much of an effort will that be? What will the effort lead to? Will the effort be worth it? Asking yourself these questions is a way of negotiating with yourself, and makes it easier to actually do stuff. At one point, I successfully negotiated getting out of the house for 10 minutes a day after work. 20 minutes was too much of an effort for me. After some time, being out all evening didn't feel like an effort. If you have this problem and 10 minutes seem too much, try 60 seconds. Start small and further improvements will come. Life works exponentially like that.

- Compare yourself with yesterday-you. Don't compare with others. It's unfair and irrelevant.

- Pay attention. If you notice a glimmer of joy, a small spark of anything good, cherish it. Be in that moment. When you leave the moment, think back at it. Pay attention to those things. Anything that makes you smile or laugh or feel good. Maybe the skies clear for a moment letting the sun shine through, maybe the clerk smiled at you or maybe you're lucky enough to feel joy when doing something like exersice. Pay attention to those moments. Fool yourself into thinking you will attract more of them if you do. Sometimes this works for some people.

- Eat mostly healthy, exercise a bit and don't do drugs.

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TheWanderingScholar
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by TheWanderingScholar »

Short-list:
-Get some Vitamin D then get professional help if you are truly suicidal
-Step out and get some fresh air.
-Focus on the daily steps instead of the path ahead.
-And for the long-term, maybe head out West to lesser known towns

I understand what you are going through; went through the same thing with the Finnish winter a couple years ago. This will pass you by; just need to weather the storm and just place one foot in front of the other.

slowtraveler
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by slowtraveler »

Let's see, the contrast of work and school caused a large amount of cognitive dissonance. Even the thought of working 5 years sounds unbearable to you and you believe you need a high paying job that you can't stand. I can see why you'd feel down.

I say you have to take a step. I'd vote to look up vans and start planning an adventure to get out for a while and heal up. Seasonal work is more than enough with your low level of needs.

SavingWithBabies
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by SavingWithBabies »

I wish I could sit down with you and talk about life. I'm 40. It didn't graduate from college until I was 30. I've sometimes felt like a complete loser. LIke life was passing me by. You know 9/11? I was sleeping on my parents couch. I woke up and turned on the TV and watched as the buildings collapsed. Something changed in me that day and spurred a long chain of taking action but it took a long time not to feel like I wasted 10 years.

Why do I tell you these things? Because at any point in your life you can turn it all around. At a certain point, you realize there is a whole lot of cultural conditioning and huge mental model you've made and none of it aligns with your reality anymore (if it ever did). That is okay. What is life after all? Does it really have any meaning at all?

I came out believing that life is really all about finding joy. That most of the time, we all take things way too seriously. In a way, this is somewhat aligned with stoicism. I began looking more closely at actions instead of words. Sometimes at feelings in relation to happiness over cultural conditioning logic and complex mental models. I started to believe in myself over what other people told me about who I was supposed to be and how my world was supposed to work. I also realized I didn't have it all figured out and nobody else did either.

You're young. You have a whole world ahead of you of experiences. I truly believe to experience the highs you have to experience the lows. Transitioning from college to life after college is difficult. But you can do it. I know you can. If you don't want to speak to the 800 numbers, go talk to a priest. I'm mostly an atheist but some of the wisest people I know have been priests. One would tell me stories of her time escaping Nazi Germany eating dried dog food and baked bread made partially from wood shavings. Some of them really have experienced life and will help you.

You can stop paying COBRA and do you surgery another time. It doesn't have to be now, right? I say go for adventure like some of the others. Go somewhere warmer and less bleak than NYC.

bryan
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Re: Inspire me please? Feeling down.

Post by bryan »

Have you been diagnosed w/ anything mental-related in the past? You've been a character here in the forums and I've been looking forward to meeting you some day! We really all should organize some sort of ERE annual meetup..like a RTR.

I have a playlist for inspiration, but not always dedicated to fixing mood.. anyway, here's a bunch of them: I hope you challenge, surprise yourself! I'm looking forward to hearing about your journey and life. Looking forward to the eventual ERE festival :lol:

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