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RightClawSouth
- Posts: 123
- Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:15 am
Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do!
This reminds me of one problem with raising kids under ERE. Yes, kids don't NEED a lot of money. But I've met a number of people who are horrible with money and lead an extremely consumption-based lifestyle because they have deep-seated psychological issues stemming from feeling poor as a child. When you grow up with "nothing" (e.g. not getting the same expensive presents as the other kids), often you compensate later in life by buying things you can't afford because your self-worth is tied up in the stuff you felt deprived of. There's probably a way to help your kids navigate the social pressures, although young children aren't as capable of rational thought. Maybe there's a good book on this somewhere...
This reminds me of one problem with raising kids under ERE. Yes, kids don't NEED a lot of money. But I've met a number of people who are horrible with money and lead an extremely consumption-based lifestyle because they have deep-seated psychological issues stemming from feeling poor as a child. When you grow up with "nothing" (e.g. not getting the same expensive presents as the other kids), often you compensate later in life by buying things you can't afford because your self-worth is tied up in the stuff you felt deprived of. There's probably a way to help your kids navigate the social pressures, although young children aren't as capable of rational thought. Maybe there's a good book on this somewhere...
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jacob
- Site Admin
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- Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 77
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There must be a name for that syndrome. It's not just money. It's very generalized. People have kids so they can be the loving parents they didn't have themselves. People giving their kids all the candy and sugary cereals they could eat because they didn't get to eat it themselves. Bedtimes, homework, etc.
Perhaps the excuse that they're buying things because they grew up poor is just that-- an excuse. I've heard people similarly say-- 'I grew up with money. We got everything we wanted. So, as an adult, I just expected that things would be that way." So, apparently, whether you grow up rich or poor, you can blame your parents for your spending patterns as an adult.
I accept these types of excuses only if someone is telling me this while explaining how they have significant psychological issues which they recognize are destructive and for which they seek professional help. The idea that one should do things as an adult without applying critical thought, simply because their parents did or didn't do something isn't a concept that seems valid. I think it's a bit of learned helplessness, or worse. Is it acceptable to be an alcoholic because your parents didn't drink? or because they did?
I accept these types of excuses only if someone is telling me this while explaining how they have significant psychological issues which they recognize are destructive and for which they seek professional help. The idea that one should do things as an adult without applying critical thought, simply because their parents did or didn't do something isn't a concept that seems valid. I think it's a bit of learned helplessness, or worse. Is it acceptable to be an alcoholic because your parents didn't drink? or because they did?
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FreeUrChains
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Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, we have to go thru the drive-thru.
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, I have to go to work.
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, you have to go to school.
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, the expenses to this 2,500 Sqft House kept me up late last night.
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, I only have 50% energy from working 10 hours today.
Mommy, you never really lived or ever played with me! Very funny Sugar!
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, I have to go to work.
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, you have to go to school.
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, the expenses to this 2,500 Sqft House kept me up late last night.
Mommy, I want to play with you! Sorry Sugar, I only have 50% energy from working 10 hours today.
Mommy, you never really lived or ever played with me! Very funny Sugar!
"There must be a name for that syndrome."
Living vicariously is what I always heard that sort of behaviour called. It's the same thing that drives people to push their kids to take on the carer the parent always wanted, marry the kind of spouse the parent wished they had, get the kind of grades they wish they'd gotten and major in what the parent really wanted to major in in university (or going to university at all costs because the parent never went and always regretted it, regardless of the kid's aptitude or desire).
Living vicariously is what I always heard that sort of behaviour called. It's the same thing that drives people to push their kids to take on the carer the parent always wanted, marry the kind of spouse the parent wished they had, get the kind of grades they wish they'd gotten and major in what the parent really wanted to major in in university (or going to university at all costs because the parent never went and always regretted it, regardless of the kid's aptitude or desire).