Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
MegaRigger
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2018 5:43 am

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by MegaRigger » Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:25 am

1. If they're really friends who are worth spending money on you rather spend on something else, then they're also friends who won't mind if you suggest a home cooked dinner next time or a cheaper restaurant. Or an occasional "no thanks, maybe next time".

2. If they're not just say no.

3. I personally enjoy a good dinner but I hate overpaying for food I could easily make myself better. Many (if not most) restaurants are overpriced. If you know the ones that are good value, convince your friends of going there.

4. Stick to restaurants that make things that are very hard to make yourself. For instance Neapolitan style pizza is "impossible" to make without a wood oven.

Jason
Posts: 1516
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by Jason » Wed Apr 11, 2018 6:25 pm

Friends don't make friends pay $75 for dinner.

FruGal61
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2018 8:06 am

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by FruGal61 » Thu Apr 19, 2018 5:05 pm

I will be going reluctantly on such an outing this weekend. One of my oldest friends has done quite well, huge house with ocean views, owns several properties, husband probably making 350K+, etc. She knows I am quite average, low income compared to them, so I hope she won't expect me to split the bill, yet it is uncomfortable to point out to a group of three or four that I only ordered one glass of $14.00 wine (naturally she has picked a quite pricey restaurant) and they all had two or three. Truthfully, I said "yes" to this outing to people-please when in reality, i really do not want to go. I would much rather spend the money on that pair of comfortable shoes I've been eyeing. I would much rather stay home with my partner, take his dog for a walk, drink a glass of wine from a $5.99 bottle and watch a movie.

As I look ahead and plan for my early retirement at age 62, 6 years away - isn't it sad that I consider that early retirement but my "full retirement" age is 67 - from here on out, no more people pleasing. Just say no! I am deciding now that I will say "thank you for thinking of me but sorry, I can't make it" more often when being faced with these invitations.

IlliniDave
Posts: 2208
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:46 pm

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by IlliniDave » Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:16 am

I don't encounter these situations very often but when I do I just roll with it. Once or twice a year really doesn't affect the bottom line all that much--and for me it is usually with family whom I don't see as much as I would like during this last phase of my work life. A few years back when I pulled some money out of my stash to buy a cabin it was a liberating experience, reinforcing that the stash is my servant, not the other way around.

The main thing is that you said you had a good time, and $75 by itself isn't a huge extravagance. But if it bothers you/gets to be too regular an occurrence, my approach would be to attend the "main event" (movie or whatever) and politely decline the afterward.

Being an introvert, I tend not to feel it necessary to pay a lot to have a social circle. And my grandfather used to tell me "If you can't run with the big dogs, you'd best stay on the porch." Meaning, of course, if these people live a life you can't afford, or are financially uncomfortable participating in, then ask yourself if you are running with the right crowd. An alternative is to try to steer the group to socialize in a way more suited to your sensibilities. The "just go spend some money" form of entertainment is sometimes just the safe default because no one has invested the energy (and taken the risk) to identify an alternative.

FruGal61
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2018 8:06 am

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by FruGal61 » Fri Apr 20, 2018 8:26 pm

Ahhh, the relief. I completely forgot about an obligation that precludes me from attending the potentially expensive dinner, etc. I notified my friend and all is well, I am off the hook. The weight has been lifted.

enigmaT120
Posts: 1047
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:14 pm
Location: Falls City, OR

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by enigmaT120 » Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:54 pm

I usually drink water at restaurants. Sounds like that place you were talking about would charge you for that too though.

Rossox
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:52 pm
Location: Annecy, France

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by Rossox » Wed Apr 25, 2018 2:39 am

I personnally go to restaurant only few times a year... To celebrate something, or a birthday when i don't have any other choices (for example a friend i did'nt see since a long time).
By the way, i don't like people, they annoy me.. i have only 3-4 real friends who are living their life far from where i live, so i make an effort and try to be social when they come in my city..

FruGal61
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2018 8:06 am

Re: Expensive dinners and drinks with friends

Post by FruGal61 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:32 pm

IlliniDave wrote:
Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:16 am
And my grandfather used to tell me "If you can't run with the big dogs, you'd best stay on the porch."
This is so great. I prefer the porch, quite frankly!

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